Starting Lineup: Worst At-Bat Song Choices

In an effort to find a suitable complement to the always humorous Milk Carton All-Star of the Week, Gabe and I have come up with a new weekly piece called "Starting Lineup". The concept behind Starting Lineup is that we will pick a topic each week, and then Gabe and I will list our top 9 choices for that particular topic.

This week, we've chosen to explore the world of baseball intro music and unveil our "Worst At-Bat Song Choices". Here goes:

Dave:

1. Anything by Miley Cyrus: The genesis of this idea was sprouted from the numerous reports that some Major League Baseball players have been using "Party In The USA" by Miley Cyrus as their at-bat music(Marlin center fielder Cameron Maybin being one of them). My advice? Don't. This is Major League Baseball, not a celebrity softball game sponsored by Disney. I don't care if you have more children than Antonio Cromartie, Miley Cyrus as your walk-up music is just plain wrong. AC/DC has an extensive enough catalog for you to find something to jam to on your way to the plate, you don't have to try to lure in kids with some annoying, cheesy pop tune. That's R.Kelly's job.

2. "Tears In Heaven" by Eric Clapton: After Miley Cyrus, songs 2-9 could have went in any order. They are all either drastically depressing(like this one) or overwhelmingly homoerotic. "Tears In Heaven" is definitely a beautiful song and there are definitely appropriate times for one to utilize this heartfelt melody: They're called funerals. The fact is, "Tears In Heaven" isn't a happy song. It's not overly riveting and it's certainly not something that is meant to motivate you to clobber a 92 mph fastball into center field. If I'm paying 40 bucks to sit in the nosebleeds and watch you play a kid's game, I don't want to feel like I'm sitting in the back row of an Irish wake.

3. "I Wanna Sex You Up" by Color Me Badd: Pretty much self-explanatory. No dude should want to trot out to this song. This song wasn't even sensual enough to impress the ladies back in the day, so you know it has no place on a baseball field with a bunch of dudes. Sure, maybe it works if you want to weird the pitcher out, but if I'm the mound and you're strutting out to this garbage, I'm playing some music of my own and it might involve a baseball rocking off your dome.

4. "Everybody Hurts" by R.E.M.: Again, like "Tears In Heaven", this song is slow and depressing. You don't want to play baseball to this song. You want to sit up in your attic, crying into your pillow while trying to knife your wrists to this song.

5. "Genie In A Bottle"/ "What A Girl Wants" by Christina Aguilera: It was a tough call to pick between either of these songs, so I went with both. No dude should come out to a chorus talking about wanting to be "rubbed the right way". As for "What A Girl Wants", unless you're Jennie Finch, you better tell the DJ to go play some 50 Cent.

6. "Wicked Game" by Chris Isaak: Besides the fact that this is meant to be a love song, it's also dramatically slow and really annoying to listen to. First of all, Chris Isaak sounds like he's fractured his fibula when he's bellowing during the chorus. Helen Keller would hear this song and tell you to turn it down. It makes "Yesterday" by the Beatles sound like "Let's Get It Started" by Black Eyed Peas.

7. "American Pie" by Don McLean: Again, the depressing theme strikes. Not only that, "American Pie" is pain-stakingly long, so trying to find the proper 10-15 seconds in this dreck is next to impossible. Sure, it's a nice song to sing at karaoke and, maybe in a sentimental time, it would be fun to sing on a road trip, but at a baseball game? No dice. You'd be better served playing "Cotton Eyed Joe".

8. "She's All I Ever Had" by Ricky Martin: Right about now, you probably don't want to be a masculine male athlete listening to Ricky Martin in your car, let alone sauntering out to home plate to this garbage. Besides, Ricky Martin singing "She's All I Ever Had" is about as big a pile of bullshit as Gabourey Sidibe singing "I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred. Look, I don't want to offend the two or three homosexuals who may read our website, but even gay dudes know the message you're sending when you choose a love song by a gay Latin pop singer as your entrance music: It means you have an interest in playing catcher in more ways than one.

9. "White Flag" by Dido: There were plenty of options for the final choice. "Drive" by The Cars got some consideration. So did "Touch Me, Tease Me" by Case and "Freak" by Adina Howard. To me, though, "White Flag" isn't just depressing, it almost lets out an admission of feeling defeated. "I will go down with this ship"....you really want that echoing through the stadium in the bottom of the 9th of a close game? Like I said, you can Google any depressing love song and slap it on this list here and you could have put any of these songs in any order because they are all morally deflating. You know when the right time to play "White Flag" is? If you just had a terrible break-up....and you're 16....and it's the night before prom. That's it. If you're an athlete, a well-trained physical machine, bumping Dido out of the PA system while you're heading out of the on deck circle will draw more suspect looks and childish giggles than crowd excitement and opposition intimidation.

Gabe:

I'm going to go in reverse order...

9. Any song from an Ipod/Iphone/Ipad commercial: Most of these songs are in the indie rock vein. There are a lot of bands from Brooklyn and bands of that ilk featured in these commercials. I'm not saying these songs are bad, in fact quit the opposite. I identify with that scene to a large degree. I like a lot of music coming out of Brooklyn, but.....they don't work for a baseball game. At bat music should be something loud, upbeat, and at minimum a little aggressive. This is professional sports we are talking about. The speaker systems are loud. The fans are in various states of inebriation. They aren't going to appreciate the subtleties of the latest TV on the Radio single. (Although Wolf Like Me is still bad-ass.)

8. "Swing Swing" by the All-American Rejects: This song is mild middle of the road....ok it's really because it says "swing swing swing" in the chorus. You don't want batters hearing that and swinging aimlessly. (Thank my wife for this entry.)

7. "Gasolina" by Daddy Yankee: Because reggaeton sucks out loud and this song is representative of the whole genre. It's the musical answer to a question nobody asked.

6. "Ruff Ryders Anthem" by DMX after 1999: Especially if you're white. Nuff said.

5. Anything by a former Mouseketeer: Dave talked about two Christina Aguilera songs earlier and I'm going to expand that to include any of their post-Disney work. Most of it sucks and none of it has a place at a ballpark...except for post-N'Sync Justin Timberlake. Don't act like you don't nod your head to "Rock Your Body." It's ok, we all do.

4. "Pick-up Man" by Joe Diffie: I'm using this song to represent all bad country music, something I'm surprised Dave didn't do. No down-home, twangy, bad metaphor country music has a place in America's...wait, maybe country music does fit. At least make it good though, like the Avett Brothers.

3. "Baby" by Justin Bieber: This should be self-explanatory but in case it isn't...he makes teenage girls squeel and cry, which is not exactly the kind of thing I want to be thinking about when I'm three beers deep at a ballgame.

2. "How To Save a Life" by The Fray: The band sucks. This song sucks. It leads off with a tinky piano line that isn't going to get anyone hyped.

1. Anything by Nickelback: Anyone who knows me for more than a day knows that I reserve a special, seething, white-hot hatred for this band and their shitty music. Any player who uses a Nickelback song should be taken off the field immediately, banned from baseball for life, and be subjected to random sustained sessions of Chinese Water Torture.

Milk Carton All-Star of the Week

The NFL Draft has came and went and, as expected, quarterbacks dominated the headlines in the aftermath. Whether it be Sam Bradford going #1 or Tebow unexpectedly going to Denver or the free falls of Jimmy Clausen and Colt McCoy, the quarterback position was the B.F.D. of this past weekend's festivities. That's why we thought we would give this week's Milk Carton All-Star of the Week to another signal caller of note: Former Lion/Raven/Cardinal QB Stoney Case.

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The name "Stoney Case" is actually Yiddish for "mediocre journeyman quarterback"(I may have made that up). Case was a third-round pick out of New Mexico in the 1995 NFL Draft by the Arizona Cardinals. He played in two games as a rookie, competing one of his two passes thrown(technically, he completed both, as the other was picked off). He resurfaced again with Arizona in 1998, subbing for injured starter and Gabe Rodriguez childhood hero Kent Graham. In the three games Case played that season, he started one which, much to the surprise of no one, he lost. His numbers that year? A breathtaking 29 of 55 for 316 yards and two interceptions(He did, however, rush for a touchdown). In 1999, Case signed with Baltimore, where he played in 10 games and started four. That season Case threw for a career-high 988 yards with 3 TDs and 8 INT's. As astounding as those stats are, Case's Ravens tenure will be best remembered for a game he played against the Kansas City Chiefs in October of '99. That day Case went 15 of 37 for 103 yards and 3 picks. The Chiefs returned two of those picks to the house and the total yardage gained by the Chiefs defense on all three interceptions was 108 yards, 5 more yards than Case threw for. In fact, Case allowed as many Chiefs touchdowns as the Ravens' pass defense(two).

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Case gave his NFL career one last hurrah when he signed with Detroit in 2000. He played five games with the Lions, filling in for Charlie Batch, and accrued 503 yards, 1 TD and 4 interceptions. Batch eventually came back and Case then scurried to the Arena League, playing with the Tampa Bay Storm and the San Jose SaberCats. In Case's NFL career, he finished with 1,826 yards, 4 TDs and 15 interceptions in 18 games.

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So let's give a round of applause for a NFL defense's best friend......walking turnover machine Stoney Case, ladies and gentlemen!

Thoughts On The 2010 NFL Draft

When doing a post-Draft analysis, some choose to hand out grades. Some choose to do "winners" and "losers". I've been guilty of doing such in past years. The problem with that is that you're assessing grades or wins and losses on things like name recognition, how do these players fit, where they were taken. It's never based on them actually playing football and, more often than not, the writer looks like an idiot when the team they gave an "F" or called a "loser" has the best rookie class of the bunch. So, I decided to lean away from those two formats and offer up some thoughts. Gabe will be weighing in at some point with his takes as well.

*The story of Day 1 was the Broncos moving back into the 1st round(after moving down for wide reciever Demaryius Thomas) to select Florida QB Tim Tebow, and rightfully so. I'll give Broncos coach Josh McDaniels credit for having the onions to roll the dice on the Draft's biggest enigma. However, two problems I have with the pick. One, McDaniels won't reap the benefits of the Tebow for two years, at the very least. Who's to say he'll still be employed with Denver by then? The Broncos are coming off an 8-8 season after starting 6-0 and McDaniels already is in the crosshairs of Bronco loyalists due to his jettisoning the team's two best players(QB Jay Cutler and WR Brandon Marshall) in back-to-back years. If McDaniels doesn't have instant success in a division in which everyone(even the Raiders) improved, McDaniels may be on the outside looking in when Tebow takes his first snap at Invesco.

Secondly, because this team was 8-8, it clearly isn't a complete enough team to roll the dice on a QB many thought wouldn't go higher than the 3rd round two months ago. The Broncos still need a slew of help on defense. A guy like safety Taylor Mays or LB Sergio Kindle or especially nose tackle Dan Williams would have help this team out immediately. The NFL is a "win now" league. Taking a gamble on a guy like Tebow would have been nice in the later rounds, but in the first round when you have needs elsewhere? Pretty risky. Tebow's not even a guarantee to be even a serviceable QB. He was more of an option QB at Florida and his mechanics will take an almost daily supervision to get him anywhere near NFL-ready.

It also makes you wonder why the team made a trade for QB Brady Quinn if it was intending on bringing in Tebow. What happens if Quinn bounces back from a bad start in Cleveland and becomes a Pro Bowl QB? What do you do with Tebow then? These are questions McDaniels will have to answer more often if the Broncos aren't an immediate contender in the time it takes Tebow to develop.

*If I had to pick teams that I thought did an admirable job, I'd go with New England, Baltimore, San Francisco, Pittsburgh and Seattle.

At the risk of being a homer, I liked New England's pick of Rutgers CB Devin McCourtey in Round 1. He's a speedy corner who can tackle. I did, however, think the Pats went to the Florida well too often. OLB Jermaine Cunningham is nice, but ILB Brandon Spikes got knocked for his lack of speed(something that might be necessary in the 3-4 scheme). Tight end Aaron Hernandez was a nice pickup for a team that's going to need someone to cover for Wes Welker on the short intermediate throws. Hernandez and 2nd rounder Rob Gronkowski improve a tight end position that has been lacking since Ben Coates left. Still, the best moves made by Belichick and company was securing picks for next year. They already had two first rounders in 2011(theirs and Oakland's, by way of the Richard Seymour trade) and now have two 2nd rounders in '11 as well. It remains to be seen whether next year's class will be as deep as this one but having four picks in the first two rounds is always nice to have.

Baltimore missed out on Dez Bryant but made up for by hauling in a pass-rushing complement to Terrell Suggs in Texas LB Sergio Kindle and got significantly more beefy up front with 380lb nose tackle Terrence Cody. Cody's had struggles with weight and that has led to a lack of stamina but if he can be Ted Washington for 15-20 plays a game, the Ravens will be even tougher to run on in the future. Baltimore also doubled up on tight ends, finding Todd Heap's replacements in Ed Dickson from Oregon and BYU's Dennis Pitta. Not going with a young wideout with Derrick Mason getting up in years and Donte Stallworth a uncertainty was kind of surprising, but a solid draft nonetheless.

Pittsburgh was the big story leading up the Draft as Ben Roethlisberger trade rumors ran rampant. Inevitably, the team kept its troubled franchise QB and went out and filled a couple holes. Maurkice Pouncey was considered the best interior lineman in this Draft and he will open holes for RB Rashard Mendenhall. Pitt also got some depth in their LB core with Va. Tech's Jason Worilds and Ohio St.'s Thaddeus Gibson. Gibson was considered a fringe 1st rounder by some scouts. Both will be sitting behind LaMarr Woodley and James Harrison for a while but it gives the Steelers some youth options. The Steelers also brought back CB Bryant McFadden, who signed with Arizona after the Super Bowl a year ago but was traded back on Day 3. McFadden fills the Steelers' biggest need, which was in the secondary. Another pick I liked? 6th rounder Jon Dwyer, RB out of Georgia Tech. At 6', 230lbs, Dwyer is the inside runner that Mendenhall isn't. He'll play the short-yardage role once handled by Jerome Bettis and has since been passed around from Najeh Davenport to Gary Russell to Carey Davis. Dwyer comes from a triple option scheme at Ga. Tech and there are issues about his lack of speed but if he makes this team, he can be the ideal goalline back.

Then, there's Seattle and San Francisco. San Francisco made the biggest statement in Round 1, passing up on QB Jimmy Clausen twice and instead deciding to help out current QB Alex Smith by getting some line help. The team traded up for Rutgers OT Anthony Davis. Davis can be an all-world tackle if he gets his head on straight and keeps his weight in check. Luckily, he'll have head coach Mike Singletary kicking his butt every week. Singletary managed to make a star out of the enigmatic Vernon Davis so we'll see what he does with his new right tackle. The Niners then used its second 1st rounder on road-grading Idaho guard Mike Iupati. Iupati was getting consideration in the top 10 because of his ability to eventually move to right tackle. Some scouts compare Iupati to former Steelers/Jets All-Pro guard Alan Faneca. Iupati is a bit raw in terms of pass blocking but he immediately makes the Niners a better running team. In the second round, the Niners stole USC safety Taylor Mays. Mays looked like a top 10 pick if he came out as a junior but got exposed for his lack of cover skills and open-tackling ability during his senior year at SC. Still, Mays is a 6'3 230lb headhunter with 4.3 speed. He instantly makes a terrible Niners secondary better AND a bit more intimidating. A couple other sleeper picks by the Niners? 3rd round LB Navarro Bowman from Penn St and 6th round RB Anthony Dixon from Mississippi State. Bowman is in an instinctive linebacker from a school that breeds instinctive linebackers. He helps out a linebacking core that didn't have much beyond ILB Patrick Willis. Dixon is a bruiser at 6' 233lb and gives the Niners yet another back to use in short yardage situations. The Niners also made a couple notable post-draft moves, signing troubled RB LaGarrette Blount and strong-armed WVU QB Jarrett Brown. Of the two, Brown has the best shot to make the team.

Seattle, meanwhile, stole the best left tackle in the draft in Okla. St.'s Russell Okung. He fills a HUGE need on the offensive line with Walter Jones finally calling it a career. With the second pick in the 1st round, they grabbed ball-hawking safety Earl Thomas, who looked like a top 10 pick but fell to the middle of the round. After flirting with Broncos WR Brandon Marshall most of the offseason, the Seahawks got a young WR that can start right away in Notre Dame's Golden Tate. Tate is a bit small and he doesn't get off the line great, but he's great after the catch. He reminds me of former FSU wideout Peter Warrick. The moves that got the most attention for the Seahawks were the trades for RBs LenDale White and Leon Washington on Day 3. White gets reunited with former college coach Pete Carroll, as does 6th round TE Anthony McCoy and undrafted free agents G Jeff Byers and S Josh Pinkard. White will probably enter camp as the lead back but will split carries with incumbent Justin Forsett and, inevitably, Washington when he returns from that gruesome broken leg he suffered last year. The Seahawks didn't address their need at defensive end, even with Jason Pierre-Paul and Derrick Morgan on the board when they took Thomas but some of the pass-rushing void left by the departures of Darryl Tapp, Patrick Kerney and Cory Redding will be picked up by last year's draft gem, Nick Reed.

*Usually, after the Draft, we kill the Raiders but, much to the surprise of many, they had a good draft. They shocked the world by opting for MLB Rolando McClain instead of an oddball pick like Iupati or OT Bruce Campbell(whom Oakland still managed to get in Round 4). They got some beef on the defensive line in Lamarr Houston. They got some OT prospects for that woeful offensive line in the massive Bruce Campbell and small-school wonder Edwin Veldheer. It will be a year or two before Campbell and Veldheer are ready to go but if the Raiders hit on both of them, they may have saved themselves quite a bit of money by not having to draft a tackle in the future. The biggest move for the silver and black? Acquiring Redskins QB Jason Campbell in a Day 3 trade. Campbell got a large share of criticism for things going south in Washington(some of it warrented, most of it not) but his numbers increased year after year even while the team was crumbling around him. Like with the two rookie OTs, Campbell's presence saves the Raiders from spending big money on a franchise QB. It also bids adieu to the failed JaMarcus Russell experiment. Campbell isn't a lock to be a hit in Oakland. He still has trouble holding the ball too long and the Raiders lack a proven go-to guy at wideout(although 4th round pick Jacoby Ford, the fastest guy at the Combine, might ail some of that). Campbell will still have to hope the offensive line improves rapidly and that the team can get a run game from disappointing 1st round RB Darren McFadden. Still, it's better than holding a clipboard in D.C. for the forseeable future.

*Trades of veteran players were aplenty in the Draft's final day. There was the aforementioned Campbell, White, Bryant McFadden and Washington. There was also the Raiders trading away LB Kirk Morrison to Jacksonville. There were also a number of guys who were believed to be available but weren't dealt. RB Marshawn Lynch seemed like a certain goner after the Bills took RB C.J. Spiller 9th overall. The same for stone-handed Cowboys wideout Roy Williams, whose days were believed to be numbered after the team drafted WR Dez Bryant. A couple other Cowboys that didn't go anywhere, surprisingly? RB Marion Barber, who was believed to be on the block, and LB Bobby Carpenter, who almost certainly looked like he'd be reunited with Bill Parcells in Miami. Ravens RB Willis McGahee also survived the weekend, as did Jags DT John Henderson and Darren McFadden. Of course, all are candidates to be cut or dealt before long, but in a final day with such rapid movement, it's amazing they are still standing.

*There is nobody who you can really slam this year. Most of the teams did well, and the teams that didn't, didn't exactly blow it completely. The biggest headscratchers were Tebow going to Denver at 25 and the Jags taking Cal DT Tyson Alualu #10, when many had Alualu as a 2nd round pick. In a deep draft, everyone pretty much came away with someone of note. The Panthers and Bears, who waited the longest to make their first picks, got some solid steals. The Panthers got the QB they've waited forever for in Jimmy Clausen. The Bears got a playmaking safety in Major Wright and another steal in hometown hero DE Corey Wootton from Northwestern. The Browns took their sweet time but still ended up with Texas QB Colt McCoy.

If there were a couple teams that didn't do as well as others, it would be the Jags(who couldn't secure the trade down they wanted and ended up reaching for Alualu, on top of a few other questionable picks), the Giants(never addressed their HUGE need at MLB), the Packers(nothing beyond short-armed OT Bryan Bulaga and failed to address needs for a return guy and depth at corner), and Houston(as predicted, didn't take a RB in the first round and opted for Ben Tate in Round 2. Texans also may have made a mistake in taking Kareem Jackson over Kyle Wilson at corner). The Eagles made some savvy moves, trading up for DE Brandon Graham(over taking a safety like Earl Thomas, which was the big rumor), drafting Nate Allen to finally replace Brian Dawkins at free safety and making some slick trades and late round steals such as Florida WR Riley Cooper and Clemson DE Ricky Sapp.

Ultimately, it was a solid night by all. If there's one underlying storyline it will be the Rams and Sam Bradford. With Jimmy Clausen slipping to Round 2, many will wonder if the smart move would have been taking the best player in this draft, Nebraska DT Ndamukong Suh, and then waiting for a QB like Clausen or McCoy in Round 2 instead of hitching its wagon to signal caller with as many red flags as Bradford.

That's the beauty of the Draft though: It gives us plenty to talk about, even after it's over.

Everybody Please Shut Up!

We'll get to my thoughts on the actual draft picks from this weekend's NFL Draft eventually, but I felt it was necessary to address a growing problem that I noticed while watching the Draft.

Time was, there was no better place to be during Draft weekend than ESPN. Mel Kiper Jr. would fire up NFL GMs with his biting criticism. Chris Berman would huck it up with the rest of the panel and play the role of the consummate guy's guy.

Then, something changed.

Whether it was because they were feeling pressure from the emergence of the NFL Network's coverage of the Draft or they were just plain gluttonous, ESPN decided to put everybody and their mother on the broadcast this past weekend. Instead of having the usual four guests on the panel(Berman, Kiper, Tom Jackson and a special guest like Denny Green or Jimmy Johnson), ESPN went five wide on the Draft's first night(Kiper, Berman, TJ, Jon Gruden and Steve Young).

That led to a slew of problems. The biggest one being the presence of Gruden who, besides being in love with the sound of his voice, continues on with his "I don't want to offend anyone" schtick by being the booth's Paula Abdul. Gruden's accentuating of the positives wouldn't be nearly as bad if it didn't come at the expense of the other guys on the desk. Numerous times Thursday night, Gruden would either interrupt another commentator's thoughts or he would shout over them to get his point across. Again, this wouldn't be nearly as big a problem if Gruden was being such a giant ass kiss. Scared to burn bridges while still trying to make himself enough of a focal point of the broadcast to grab attention, Gruden spent most of the first two nights of coverage being a walking cliche, spouting out things like "This guy is a football player" or "That's a heck of a pick! I want that guy on my team!". Other than the constant use of the chorus to Jay-Z's "Empire State of Mind", Gruden was the most annoying factor of the coverage.

Then, there's Berman. At one time, Berman was a lovable bloot with witty catchphrases and a certain charm with fans, fellow panelists and GMs alike. He seemed like the coolest guy at the bar, telling funny jokes and interesting stories(The gimmick where Berman would predict the pick of his beloved Buffalo Bills by claiming he got word from a cabbie was pretty entertaining, but he's apparently gone away from that now). Now, whether it's his inflated ego or an overwhelming sense of bulletproof seniority with the company, Berman has turned into a surly douche bag. Every now and then, we get glimpses of the old Boomer we grew up watching. For the most part, however, we get the new Boomer: a guy who, much like Gruden, tries to make himself the star of the show and continues on with the same corny jokes until someone sells it by overlaughing(The best example being Berman introducing Kiper on Thursday and Friday night with the same "Kiper's been here since Jay Berwanger in 1936" quip that wasn't funny the first time). We also accidently got to see the Boomer that had been exposed as an off-camera nightmare to producers(as shown by the numerous rants by Berman you can find on YouTube). When the producers mistakenly cued to the desk during a celebration for the armed forces, Berman was seen angrily gesturing to the camera to either cut or film elsewhere.

The other problem with the 5-man booth is that, with time between picks in the first round now five minutes shorter, everyone rushes to say their piece before the next pick is made. That leads to guys constantly talking over each other or, as was the case numerous times Thursday night, guys just having separate conversations with each other while one guy is talking. So rather than gleaming some interesting info from the panelists, the viewer is just watching five grown men scream at each other like an old married couple. Normally, Berman would just orchestrate who gets to talk by deferring to someone at random, be it Kiper or whomever, but Berman is so wound up with being a stand-up comedian that everyone just chips in at once. What also made the crowded group annoying was how ESPN felt, with so many high-profile QBs on display in this year's draft, that they had to have a Hall of Fame QB in Steve Young AND a self-proclaimed "QB Guru" in Gruden. Young occasionally has interesting insight, but too often sounds like a guy who took too many hits to the head. When he wasn't slurping Tim Tebow for being a lefty QB(which makes you wonder what Young would have said had he been around for Mike Vick in 2001 or Cade McNown in 1999), he would mispronounce names like calling Miles Austin "Austin Miles" numerous times. Steve Young, ladies and gentlemen, our generation's Frank Gifford.

As for Gruden, I fail to understand where the "QB Guru" moniker comes from. Sure, Gruden was a good assistant coach during his days under Mike Holmgren(if you don't believe me, just ask him, he'll surely tell you), but as a head coach? He transformed journeyman Rich Gannon from a adequate bridge-gap starter to an NFL MVP(although I defy you to find me a worse MVP winner in the last 20 years). Then, he went to Tampa Bay and won a Super Bowl, with a team mostly put into place by Tony Dungy, by simply making QB Brad Johnson serviceable. I suppose Brian Billick is a "QB guru" because he managed to win a title with Trent Dilfer at quarterback. Gruden, in a moment of irony, was caught off-guard by a live mic and, for a brief second, we got to see a rare "Chucky" moment when he called NFL coaches "dumbasses" to Kiper during a flashback montage. This from the guy who drafted Michael Clayton and Chris Simms, mind you.

So what's the solution? Well, ESPN seemed to get it right on Saturday for the final day of coverage. They subbed out Berman, Jackson and Gruden with Trey Wingo, Ron Jaworski and Todd McShay and dropped the fifth wheel. Wingo proved to be better at organizing the panel and giving everyone time to talk than Berman and McShay was a better fit with Kiper than Gruden because a. McShay isn't scared to oppose Kiper and b. McShay isn't trying to openly promote himself for a job in the NFL. The Kiper-McShay feud(which has been on display in debates leading up the Draft and came to a head about two hours before Thursday's night opening round when the two went at it for the 6,000th time over Notre Dame QB Jimmy Clausen. Jaworski is a guy who should always be in on the debate because he's a meticulous film rat who offers up detailed insight(even when at times it seems he contradicts himself). It's Jaws' presence, not Gruden's, that makes the Monday Night Football booth interesting. Still, at the end of the day, the Draft should be a couple of guys saying their piece and then shutting up so Kiper can talk. Kiper spends hours upon hours prepping for the NFL Draft. He's shown that he's the most knowledgeable of the Draft process and seems to be the guy least afraid of making a critique(especially when Gruden is on air). That's why next year's booth should be Berman(only because the network foolishly extended this blowhard and now can't get rid of him), Jackson(to sell Berman's jokes), Jaworski(to break down film) and Kiper(because he's Mel Kiper Jr and this is his night, damnit!).

In the old days, ESPN set up stations with other panelists, whether it be back in the studio in Bristol or in a isolated area at the venue. This year, that isolated area was manned by insiders Chris Mortenson and Adam Schefter(who did an admirable job of co-existing despite reports that Mort was a bit uneasy over the possibility of being replaced by Schefter). Mort and Schefter's only mistakes were, like so many others throughout the coverage, being unaware of when the mic was on and staring blankly into the camera at times during their cue(More so Mort than Schefter). That's something ESPN should re-visit next year as well. If you're going to incorporate your entire football staff, keep the four-man booth and then set up teams around the venue to go to to get another opinion. Put Mort and Schefter one place. Put McShay in another spot and put Gruden out to pasture.

The NFL Draft is about featuring the guys getting ready to make the transition from college to the pros. It's not about broadcasters putting forth their own agendas, or trying to turn the broadcast into ameteur night. ESPN, for a long time, got this right and it's why so many people still turn to them over the NFL Network's broadcast. That, however, may change. With ESPN's staff expanding so aggressively, there is, as the old cliche goes, too many cooks in the kitchen. The broadcast works when you everyone knows their role and doesn't spend the entire night like it's Around The Horn without the mute button. From a production standpoint, the network makes far too much money and has been doing this for far too long to make the brainfarts it made during the three-night extravaganza. NFL Network's broadcast isn't perfect but it manages to not be a shoutfest, and that's with the ultimate egomaniac in Deion Sanders. Right now, ESPN has the advantage of being a more known brand that is available on more providers but if this year's circus starts to become the norm, it won't be just Gruden campaigning for another job.

2010 NFL Mock Draft: Final Copy

Tomorrow, like the Black Eyed Peas would say, is going to be a good night. The 2010 NFL Draft will kick off in a little over 24 hours from now for the first time in primetime. All the rumors and speculation and smokescreens come down to this. I've finally come up with a mock draft I am somewhat content with(Look, if I nail 5 of these on the dot, I consider it a moral victory. So don't kill me if this thing goes down in flames by the first hour). Anyway, it's coming a day early because I won't have the time to squeeze it in tomorrow night and I know that leaves me susceptible to last-minute trades(especially that of a well-known, recently-suspended two-time Super Bowl champion quarterback) but, you know what? Screw it!

1. St. Louis Rams: Sam Bradford, QB, Oklahoma - I've had debates for months with people over whether the right thing for the Rams to do is to take the token QB to be the face of the franchise over perhaps the best player in this draft in Nebraska DT Ndomakong Suh. I keep getting the same response. "This is a quarterback league." "Defensive tackles taken this high don't have much success." Blah, blah, blah. How many successful QBs have been taken with the #1 pick this millenium? Is Mike Vick a success? How about Alex Smith and David Carr? For every Eli Manning and Carson Palmer, there are a ton of Jamarcus Russells. Eschewing a top talent like Suh because "you have to have a quarterback" seems like silly reasoning to me. On top of that, I don't Sam Bradford's a great QB. He's coming out of a spread offense with two shoulder surgeries to his name and you're going to put him out there behind the same offense line that threw Marc Bulger a beating. Like I said, we can do this forever. The fact is, Bradford is headed to Nellyville, barring something unforseen and three years from now, we'll either be calling me an idiot for dissing this pick or the Rams foolish for grabbing their franchise QB three years too late.

2. Detroit Lions: Ndomakong Suh, DT, Nebraska - Unless they swing a deal for Albert Haynesworth at the 11th hour, Suh is headed to Motown. You can try to talk me into Trent Williams or Russell Okung, both fill needs at left tackle but there is no reason to not draft Ndomakong Suh. Absolutely, positively, NO REASON!

3. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Gerald McCoy, DT, Oklahoma - Perhaps the biggest slam dunk in the draft(Yes, even bigger than Bradford going #1). McCoy fills a huge need inside for the Bucs and he's one of the three best players in this draft. It may be the best value pick in this entire draft.

4. Washington Redskins: Trent Williams, OT, Oklahoma - It could still be Oklahoma State's Russell Okung, regarded by many as the top offensive tackle in this draft. However, word on the street is Shanahan sees Ryan Clady in Williams and there's no denying that either Okung or Williams would fill a need at left tackle. Don't rule out a trade back. The Browns are staring lustily at Eric Berry and there's fear that he's going with the next pick to Kansas City. The Redskins are also believed to have interest in taking a QB, so a move down for Jimmy Clausen or a move up for Bradford could happen. (Previous pick: Russell Okung, OT, Oklahoma St.)

5. Kansas City Chiefs: Russell Okung, OT, Oklahoma State - I believe all of the speculation of the Chiefs taking Eric Berry, the playmaking safety from Tennessee, is just a smoke screen. Chiefs GM Scott Pioli isn't one for taking a safety that high and the Chiefs clearly have a need at left tackle. Russell Okung went from a guy who could potentially go #2 to someone falling down draft boards. Why? I don't know. The Chiefs would be ecstatic if Okung falls here, because Matt Cassell won't be their franchise QB for long if he continues to eat dirt. (Previous pick: Bryan Bulaga, OT, Iowa)

6. Seattle Seahawks: C.J. Spiller, RB, Clemson - Surprised? Don't be. Other than the Chargers, no team needs a potential game-changing running back more than the Seahawks and Spiller is the only back in this draft that fits that mold(maybe Cal's Jahvid Best, too, but that's iffy). Taking Spiller 6th is a bit early but Spiller's stock has risen to the point that he may not be there when the Seahawks go on the clock again at 14. The Jags like him at 10. The Raiders have been rumored to like him at 8. San Francisco would certianly love to keep him away from their division rival at 13. Even Miami at 12 is an option. Yes, the Seahawks need an heir apparent to Walter Jones at left tackle, but the chances of finding a quality tackle at 14(especially given the group available) is much greater than the chance of Spiller being there. Could the Seahawks take a tackle here and move up and take Spiller? Sure. Either way, I say Spiller's a Seahawk by Friday morning. (Previous pick: Trent Williams, OT, Oklahoma)

7. Cleveland Browns: Eric Berry, S, Tennessee - Berry was regarded by some as the best player in this draft(and I think he's a very close 2nd to Suh). He's been compared to All-Pro safety Ed Reed and he can play corner or either safety spot. Lucky for Cleveland, they need someone with that type of resume. With Jimmy Clausen still available, there will be talk about the Browns making a move for Clausen, but they are paying Jake Delhomme a lot of money and they have Seneca Wallace behind him. They need a playmaker on defense and Berry is exactly that.

8. Oakland Raiders: Mike Iupati, G/T, Idaho - Alot of names have been thrown around for this spot, mainly because nobody knows what the hell is going on in Al Davis' hollow head. I've heard Clausen. I've heard Spiller. I've heard Derrick Morgan. Anyone who could possibly go in the latter part of the Top 10 has been rumored to be a Raider. Ultimately, I think this comes down to Maryland OT Bruce Campbell(who has been mocked here by many people for months) or Iupati. Now, I know what you're thinking, "But Dave, Iupati's a guard, that's too high for him!". You're exactly right. Iupati makes the most sense here because he makes the least sense to logical human beings(Does that make sense?). Let me ask you: Did Darius Heyward-Bey make sense to you last year? Did JaMarcus Russell over Calvin Johnson make sense? How about Robert Gallery over Larry Fitzgerald and Phillip Rivers? Or the first round selection of kicker Sebastian Janikowski? The point of mock drafts is to predict what you think WILL happen, not what SHOULD happen. If you want me to make a logical prognostication for Al Davis then, I'm sorry, it cannot be done. I just know that Iupati has been getting a lot of Raiders buzz recently and he's exactly the type of oddball pick Davis would make. If you want my honest opinion, I think the Steelers are picking here anyway(and if you think about it enough, you'll know why). (Previous pick: Bruce Campbell, OT, Maryland)

9. Buffalo Bills: Bryan Bulaga, OT, Iowa - The Bills are Jimmy Clausen's last hope of avoiding a Brady Quinn-esque drop. Unfortunately, the Bills seem to be more enamored with Tim Tebow. Also, it would make very little sense to put someone like Clausen behind THIS offensive line. Hence, the selection of Bulaga here. Bulaga has been mocked anywhere from 5 to 14. Nobody seems to have a good read on him. Some say his short arms make him a better fit as a right tackle than a left tackle, but given the Bills' offensive line woes, can you really afford to bicker? Clausen can still be the pick here, but I think that's unlikely. Another guy who might go here is Tennessee's Dan Williams(whom I had here a month ago). With the Bills moving to the 3-4, they are in desperate need of a true nose tackle and Williams is one of a choice few who can man that spot. (Previous pick: Dan Williams, DT, Tennessee)

10. Jacksonville Jaguars: Derrick Morgan, DE, Georgia Tech - If Spiller is off the board, as I have it here, I expect the Jaguars to move out of this spot. Hell, they might move out of this spot if Spiller IS there. The Jags don't want to pay Top 10 money again after moving up for Derrick Harvey two years ago and using a Top 10 pick on Eugene Monroe last year. Also, they've had a hard-on for Tim Tebow pretty much since October. If that means trading down a few times to take Tebow in the late first and sell some tickets, so be it. If, for some odd reason, Jacksonville stays, I like Morgan the most of the guys available. The Jags need a pass rusher with Kampman coming off ACL surgery and Harvey being, well, Derrick Harvey. However, like I said, a team that's bleeding money like the Jags will do whatever it takes to not pay Top 10 money for a third straight year.

11. Denver Broncos: Dez Bryant, WR, Oklahoma State - There have been two sides when it comes to the Bryant-to-Denver concept: Those that believe the Broncos need a WR like Bryant to replace Brandon Marshall and those that think that the Broncos won't take a "headcase" like Bryant BECAUSE of Brandon Marshall. Personally, I think the stigma of Bryant's "baggage" is overblown. The kid was suspended 10 games for hanging out at Deion Sanders' house and lying about to get out of trouble. You've never lied to get out of trouble before? He's an immature kid who needs a kick in the ass, but you know what, so do alot of guys in the NFL. If the Broncos don't take Bryant here, who's catching passes for them next year? Eddie Royal? Jabar Gaffney? Bryant fills a huge need and I think Josh McDaniels will have more control over Bryant than he did over Marshall. Rolando McClain, the middle linebacker from Alabama, Dan Williams and Texas safety Earl Thomas could go here, too, because Lord knows the Broncos need some D but I like Bryant over them. (Previous pick: Rolando McClain, LB, Alabama)

12. Miami Dolphins: Sergio Kindle, LB, Texas - A number of options here for the 'Phins. Earl Thomas fills a need at safety. Dan Williams makes a ton of sense at nose tackle with Jason Ferguson suspended for part of the season. A trade down(probably with Philly) is the most likely scenario. However, the Dolphins lost Jason Taylor and Joey Porter on the outside. Who's rushing the passer for these guys now? You know Parcells loves taking linebackers and Kindle's stock has been on the rise. Some think he's a bit overrated and defensive ends who switch to linebacker are always a crap shoot but I think whether Miami stays or moves down, Kindle or someone of his ilk is the choice. (Previous pick: Jason Pierre-Paul, DE/LB, USF)

13. San Francisco 49ers: Joe Haden, CB, Florida - Here's where the Jimmy Clausen chatter picks up. Alex Smith is in the final year of his deal and he's hardly a world-beater. David Carr is nothing more than a backup and there's nobody behind those two. Ultimately, I don't think the Niners can pass on Haden here given the holes in the secondary. When you're having to bench overpaid CB Nate Clements, you need help out there. Clausen isn't really a threat to go between 13 and 17(unless someone moves up) and even if he's gone, QB is not as big a need as CB for the Niners.

14. Seattle Seahawks: Bruce Campbell, OT, Maryland - I can see Charles Brown, whom Seahawks coach Pete Carroll is familiar with from USC, being the pick here. One way or the other, the Seahawks need a left tackle. It may come at 6. It may come here, but it's going to come on Thursday night. Once the top tackles left, the second tier(Bulaga, Campbell, Iupati, Anthony Davis) all fall into the group of guys who will go around this time. That's why I had the Seahawks take Spiller early. You can gamble on one of these tackles being here. Spiller? Not so much. There's talk that the Seahawks would jump on Clausen here if available but after making the trade for Charlie Whitehurst(and costing themselves Donovan McNabb), that doesn't seem to make much sense. (Previous pick: C.J. Spiller, RB, Clemson)

15. New York Giants: Rolando McClain, LB, Alabama - If McClain makes it here, Radio City Music Hall will erupt either for McClain or if it's someone OTHER than McClain. Giants fans envision McClain as the middle linebacker they've been salivating over for years. I'm a bit skepitical of McClain with the Giants. He's a better fit in a 3-4(something McClain has admitted routinely) and Mizzou's Sean Weatherspoon may be a better fit for Perry Fewell's new scheme. So brace yourselves, Giants fans. Rolando McClain could be available when you go on the clock and could still be availble when your pick is in. (Previous pick: Sean Weatherspoon, LB, Missouri)

16. Tennessee Titans: Jason Pierre-Paul, DE, USF - The Titans are both one of the two teams in the Albert Haynesworth Sweepstakes(Detroit being the other) as well as in a prime position to nab one of the top DEs in this draft, making them the biggest team to watch over the next 72 hours. Jason Pierre-Paul went from being a high-riser because of his upside and potential to being dropped back down because of the "Vernon Gholston one year wonder" factor. JPP lit up the Combine, which got the attention of some scouts in a good and bad way. With no real tape on Pierre-Paul, many are left to speculate on what he can do with his tremendous athletic ability. The Titans have always been a team that drafts great athletes more so than great football players(Vince Young, Kenny Britt, Jevon Kearse) and Pierre-Paul would be no exception. If JPP falls to Tennessee and Haynesworth makes a Titans return, the Titans' gamble will either make them the scariest team this season or the most disappointing. (Previous pick: Everson Griffen, DE, USC)

17. San Francisco 49ers: Jimmy Clausen, QB, Notre Dame - I flip-flopped over this pick for days. I'll admit I'm not very high on Clausen. For all the "pro-ready" hype that's thrown around about him, people seem to forget he came from the same system that harbored Brady Quinn(though I wouldn't call Quinn a bust just yet). He's also someone who lacks leadership skills AND he's the brother of Casey Clausen. How far does the apple fall from the tree? Still, he may be too good of a talent for the Niners to pass up and eventhough Rutgers' OT Anthony Davis would make more sense, Clausen could be a steal if he ends up proving the critics wrong. (Previous pick: Anthony Davis, OT, Rutgers)

18. Pittsburgh Steelers: Anthony Davis, OT, Rutgers - Interesting subplot to watch: If Clausen is still on the board and Big Ben is either dealt or close to being dealt. Personally, I don't think the Steelers can pull a trade of that magnitude in such short time, but you never know. The way I have this shaking out now, Clausen is gone and Davis(once considered one of the 5 best players in this draft before bombing out at the Combine and Rutgers' Pro Day) is not. The Steelers have needed offensive line help for a long time and whether this Big Ben trade talk is just a scare tactic or not, they'll need someone to protect either statuesque Byron Leftwich or Roethlisberger. The knock on Davis is his fluctuating weight and his tendency to be lazy. When he's right though, he's as good as any tackle in this draft and I think Mike Tomlin will be hard-nosed enough to get the lead out of Davis' feet. (Previous pick: Mike Iupati, G, Idaho)

19. Atlanta Falcons: Brandon Graham, DE, Michigan - A toss-up between Graham and Sean Weatherspoon but defense starts on the line. The Falcons will get last year's 1st rounder Peria Jerry back after missing all of last season with a preseason knee injury and they need someone to replace Jamaal Anderson(who has been a bust). Graham was a terror for a horrible Wolverines team and some liken him to Dwight Freeney. Texas' Earl Thomas, if still available, could be the pick here, too, as could Weatherspoon.

20. Houston Texans: Earl Thomas, S, Texas - Many mocks have Fresno St. power back Ryan Matthews here, as did I last month, but look at the Texans' history when it comes to running backs. They passed on Beanie Wells last year. They famously passed on Reggie Bush. Every year, we keep thinking "This is the year the Texans address the running game" and every year, we look like idiots. Could Ryan Matthews be the pick here? Sure, it would make sense. He's a nice complement to Steve Slaton, but I'm not falling for it. I'll believe the Texans are taking a RB in the first round when I see it. As for Thomas, he's been rising up draft boards thanks to a solid Pro Day. The Eagles and Cowboys are interested and could move up and take him somewhere in the Top 15. If he's here for the Texans, he'll help out a secondary that has yet to figure out a way to stop Peyton Manning and the Colts. (Previous pick: Ryan Matthews, RB, Fresno State)

21. Cincinnati Bengals: Jermaine Gresham, TE, Oklahoma - The Bengals could go a number of ways here. Taylor Mays, the freakish safety from USC, would follow the Bengals trend of drafting Trojans. UCLA DT Brian Price would be right in the middle of that defensive line. Sean Weatherspoon could get some love. Ultimately, the team has needed a game-breaking tight end for awhile. Gresham missed all of last season with a knee injury and that's why he's down here instead of the top 10 pick many thought he would be last year, but he's dynamic when he's healthy. He moves like a wideout and he doesn't kill you when staying inside to block(though he isn't exactly Daniel Graham, either). The Bengals can use some more punch to their stagnant passing game and Gresham would be a nice fit. (Previous pick: Taylor Mays, S, USC)

22. New England Patriots: Jerry Hughes, DE/LB, TCU - Same rules apply here for New England as they did for Houston. Obviously, a RB is a big need after Laurence Maroney has fell off the face of the Earth and Ryan Matthews is still available here, but it's not going to happen. Bill Belichick believes in solidifying the front seven first and they are in desperate need for a pass rusher(especially when you look at that schedule. Yikes!). Hughes gets the call here but it could be any of the 'tweeners that drop here, be it Brandon Graham or Sergio Kindle. Regardless, it won't be Ryan Matthews. (Previous pick: Sergio Kindle, DE/LB, Texas)

23. Green Bay Packers: Charles Brown, OT, USC - Packers are rumored to be wanting to move up, but for what, I don't know. Maybe one of the better tackles like Anthony Davis or Trent Williams? Maybe a corner like Kyle Wilson or Joe Haden? Time will tell. One thing's for sure, they need to help out Aaron Rodgers by bringing in some talent on the offensive line. Rodgers took a thorough ass-whooping last season and with Ndomakong Suh and Julius Peppers coming into the division and Mark Tauscher and Chad Clifton getting old, they have to pounce on a offensive tackle NOW. Kyle Wilson, regarded by some as the best corner in the draft, could be entertained here, if available as well.

24. Philadelphia Eagles: Taylor Mays, S, USC - Eagles have virtually no shot of staying at 24 by this time tomorrow night. They have the ammo to move up and they want one of those two safeties(either Eric Berry or Earl Thomas). At 24, though, they'd have a shot at a safety like Taylor Mays. Mays has been picked apart because of his lack of coverage skills(among many things) but you can't teach 4.3 speed at 6'3, 230lbs. Mays has shown the ability to lay guys out(another knock on him, as people would prefer he try to wrap people up more instead of headhunting). Mays has been projected to go in the 2nd round but whether its there or late in the first, I think he'd be a steal for a team needing help in the defensive backfield. (Previous pick: Earl Thomas, S, Texas)

25. Baltimore Ravens: Kyle Wilson, CB, Boise St. - Some still think the Ravens will go wide receiver(be it Dez Bryant, if he's still here, Golden Tate or Demaryius Thomas) but the Ravens spent their offseason bringing in Anquan Boldin and Donte Stallworth so they could use this pick to address other needs. Namely, their horrid secondary. Gone are the days of Samari Rolle and Chris McAllister and with Ed Reed getting hurt more often than not, the team needs some youth back there. Wilson is on the rise and he could actually be the first corner taken. That could leave the Ravens looking at Joe Haden or Devin McCourtey of Rutgers. (Previous pick: Devin McCourtey, CB, Rutgers)

26. Arizona Cardinals: Dan Williams, DT, Tennessee - A hell of a drop for Williams from the previous mock(Williams was slated to go 9th to Buffalo a month ago), but the reason for the drop is simple: Williams is better suited as a 3-4 nose tackle and there are very few teams in first 20-25 picks that either a. don't already have a nose tackle or b. don't have bigger needs elsewhere. Williams' best hope of going early are Buffalo at 9(who need a QB and OT), Denver at 11(who suddenly need a WR), Miami at 12(a possibility, if they don't go LB) and SF at either 13 or 17. Other than that, he's going to drop. That would be great news for Arizona, who gave up nearly 100 points in their final two games. Any defender will benefit the Cardinals and with their division rivals loading up on offense, they can't afford to be picky. (Previous pick: Jerry Hughes, LB, TCU)

27. Dallas Cowboys: Maurkice Pouncey, G/C, Florida - Pouncey has projected as high as Denver at 11, mainly because of his ability to play guard, center and maybe even tackle. He's probably a good bet to go somewhere in the Top 15. Truth be told, the Cowboys would rather use this pick on a safety like hometown boy Earl Thomas. However, with Flozell Adams gone, the team can use some help on the offensive line. Sure, Pouncey probably can't fill in at left tackle, but he certianly would be an upgrade at guard(especially if Leonard Davis moves over to tackle). Ultimately, I think the Cowboys move up for a safety. If not, I can see them auctioning off this pick to a team interested in either Clausen(if still there), Tim Tebow or Colt McCoy. Then, I see them making a move for Ravens' OT Jared Gaither. Either way, I don't see Dallas at 27. (Previous pick: Dez Bryant, WR, Okla. St.)

28. San Diego Chargers: Ryan Matthews, RB, Fresno St. - Despite the good Combine, Matthews' stock suffers from the lack of value for running backs these days. After all, why are teams going to pay top money to a guy that they'll probably have splitting carries. Certianly, Matthews can carry the load by himself but more and more teams are shifting to a two-back system. Even San Diego, the most RB-desperate of any team in the league, would still be using Matthews to split with holdover Darren Sproles. With RBs dropping each year, Matthews is a good bet to be here when the Chargers go on the clock. If not, a nose tackle like Terrence Cody would be nice as would some help on the offensive line. (Previous pick: Terrence Cody, DT, Alabama)

29. New York Jets: Jared Odrick, DE, Penn State - The Jets have addressed most of their needs through trades and free agency. They got their 2nd wideout(Santonio Holmes), they got their 2nd corner(Antonio Cromartie), they got their 2nd RB(L.T.), and they got another pass rusher(Jason Taylor). What they didn't get was younger on the defensive line. That's why this pick will either be used on a blue-chipper like Odrick to help the line out or dealt to a team in the top part of Round 2 so that they can get Tebow or whomever and the Jets can recover some of the picks they've lost.

30. Minnesota Vikings: Colt McCoy, QB, Texas - I know Tim Tebow has been projected here because everyone thinks Favre is playing a few more years and that would minimize the chance of Tebow being rushed to action before he's ready, but seriously, Tebow? In Brad Childress' hands? Not a good combination. Colt McCoy is a more natural QB. He's alot like Drew Brees was back in 2001(Note: I'm not saying Colt McCoy is the next Drew Brees. Do NOT send me emails about this matter). Like Brees, he's a bit on the short side(around 6', 6'1). Like Brees, he's got some spring in his step, able to move out of the pocket and throw on the run. Like Brees, he's accurate. Like Brees, he's a leader(at least, much more so than Clausen, who will be taken ahead of McCoy). Is Colt McCoy the next Drew Brees? Again, I say no BUT he's similar to Brees and I'm pretty sure that if you ask all the GMs that passed on Brees in '01, they feel really stupid(they're also probably mostly unemployed). McCoy can learn from Favre and would be a much better backup option than Tarvaris Jackson. In fact, while I won't cop to McCoy as the next Drew Brees, I WILL say Colt McCoy is the best QB in this draft. There. I said it. Sue me. (Previous pick: Jimmy Clausen, QB, Notre Dame)

31. Indianapolis Colts: Brian Price, DT, UCLA - Colts GM Bill Polian called out the offensive line after the Super Bowl and, given how much Peyton Manning means to this team, don't be surprised if they do whatever it takes to bring in some help on the front line(pointing at you, Jared Gaither). With all the top tackles gone, Brian Price would be a nice consellation. Current DT Eric Foster is facing sexual assault charges and the team needs help inside even if Foster isn't reprimanded(though, after the Big Ben fiasco, that would be a stretch now). Price is a bit small, which gives him something in common with the other guys on this line, but he can get to the quarterback. Pass rusher isn't exactly a huge need but when you're picking down here, why not? (Previous pick: Maurkice Pouncey, G/C, Florida)

32. New Orleans Saints: Sean Weatherspoon, LB, Missouri - The Saints have needed linebacker help for quite some time and they've tried fixing that with a number of low-key signings(Scott Fujita, Jon Vilma, Brian Simmons, etc). That may have been enough to win the Super Bowl, but now Fujita is gone and some youth infusion is needed. Weatherspoon has the talent to be taken anywhere between the top 15 to 20 picks. The knock on Weatherspoon? His mouth. Scouts, opponents and the like have been turned away by Weatherspoon's ceaseless running yap. That could change around the right coaching staff and veteran leadership, but with so many teams steering clear of guys with anything resembling "baggage", don't be surprised if Weatherspoon's gift for gab drops him down a few spots. (Previous pick: Brian Price, DT, UCLA)

World Cup Group A

In an effort to take this little blog global I have decided to cover the 2010 FIFA World Cup, you know, the most watched sporting event on the planet.

I could launch into some diatribe about why Americans don't like soccer and the World Cup, but I won't. I'll give two basic reasons. First, Americans like their sports episodic. Soccer is subtle, smooth, and flowing. Second, Americans like champions and the best the Yanks have done in the World Cup is finishing 3rd...in 1930...when dinosaurs roamed the earth.

So let's get right to it and start at the top with Group A.

Group A
France
Mexico
Uruguay
South Africa

Bold Prediction
Mexico will win this group.

Team Without a Chance
South Africa

How They'll Finish (in order from last to first, with the top two moving on):

4. South Africa
South Africa is currently 88th is the FIFA world rankings. They are by far the worst ranked team in the tournament. But, they are the host country, so here they are. So do the Bafana Bafana (the team's nickname) have any shot at all? Well, they do have some things for them. First, they are the host country and the importance of that cannot be overlooked. The World Cup Final is an event built on trends. Teams tend to do better because of things like playing in their home country, or in stadiums they've played in before, or being one of the only seven teams to have previously won a World Cup (of which South Africa is not by the way.) They do have some talent, but only one player, Steven Pienaar of Everton of the EPL, who sees significant playing time in a major professional league. I think if the South Africans make it out of the group they will be incredibly lucky.

3. Uruguay
Los Charruas have a very young team in a tournament that is tending toward youth. They have two mid-fielders and a forward who are 23 years old or younger. They have also played better on the road during qualifying than they have at home and lucky for them, the Cup Final is halfway across the planet. So what is working against them? First, expectations. Uruguay won the first World Cup in 1930 and won again in 1950 and their fans still expect them to play well and advance every final. That is a lot of pressure for this team. Second, they limped into the tourney. They finished fifth in their region and had to win a two game playoff against Costa Rica to advance. If Los Charruas make it out of the group they, and their fans, should feel like they were successful.

2. France
The French have all the talent in the world and truly are among the best teams in the world. But this team has had some epic incidents of late and are prone to folding under the pressure. They are the ultimate Jekyll and Hyde team. After winning it all in 1998 they failed to earn a point in 2002. In 2006 Zinedine Zidane had his epic meltdown which essentially cost France the title. This year, in their qualifier against Ireland, Thierry Henry committed his now infamous handball which cost the Irish a spot in the final. This bad karma has followed them and they will be playing to packed stadiums wanting them to fail. To put it simply, the French are crazy talented athletically, and should win the group, but they are really fragile psychologically and that fragility will cost them.

1. Mexico
The Mexicans have all of the momentum and swagger coming into this group, and that is all thanks to new coach Javier Aguirre. Aguirre took over the team halfway through qualifying when Mexico was fourth in the CONCOCAF standings. After that they went 5-1-1, including a 3-0 win over Costa Rica, in a stadium in which the Costa Ricans had only lost once since 2000. The Mexicans are flying high and feeling good. They open the tournament against South Africa, a match they should win easily, and that will only add their confidence. Their match against France on June 17th will decide the finishing order of the group.

Milk Carton All-Star of the Week

Unless you were asleep throughout the weekend, you probably heard that Colorado pitcher Ubaldo Jiminez threw the first no-hitter in Rockies history. So what does that have to do with this week's Milk Carton All-Star of the Week? Well, not much, except that Jiminez's out-of-nowhere no-no brought back memories of another young, up-and-comer who went the distance without giving up a knock. The bright-eyed fellow you see above is former Cardinals pitcher Bud Smith.

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Bud Smith became the 18th rookie to throw a no-no since 1900, blanking the San Diego Padres on September 3, 2001. That day, he threw an astounding 134 pitches, far too high of a workload for a young pitcher. Smith finished 4th in the Rookie of the Year voting in '01, an award that inevitably went to some hoser named Albert Pujols. Smith went 6-3 with a 3.83 ERA that year, and then fell off the face of the Earth. In his sophomore year, Smith embodied the term "sophomore slump", going 1-5 with a 6.94 ERA. Frustrated with Smith's inability to maintain his rookie form, the Cards shipped Smith to Philadelphia along with Placido Polanco and ageless wonder Mike Timlin in exchange for Tony LaRussa's BFF Scott Rolen. Smith never pitched an inning for the Phillies and his major league career was over after just one season.

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Smith also finds himself on here for another reason. Smith made his debut with the St. Louis Cardinals, whom Gabe will be covering for ProSportsBlogging.com at some point this week. Also, the name "Bud" is the name of Russell Crowe's character in "L.A. Confidential". Why is that relevant? "L.A. Confidential" was filmed in Los Angeles(Duh!), where the Dodgers play...and the Dodgers will be covered on ProSportsBlogging.com by.....wait for it...wait for it...wait for it....THIS GUY(Boom! Shameless plugged!)! So check us out on ProSportsBlogging.com this week(though we won't hold it against you if you'd rather stick to following us on BoomRoastedSports).

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In the meantime, let's give a round of applause for this generation's Garrett Stephenson, Bud Smith, everybody!!

Extra Points

When it comes to this Big Ben fiasco, it seems that I always speak too soon. I write that the NFL should lower the boom on Roethlisberger after his second rape charge. The charge gets dropped. I write that Steelers fans should be relieved that Big Ben's name was cleared and that a lot of the hatred they have against their QB is unwarranted. The police report from the night's events comes out and further vilifies Big Ben. So, you had to excuse me if I decided to wait a little bit before reacting to the release of the victim's finally-sober re-telling of her incident with Big Ben, out of fear that something else will be revealed that may trump everything I'm about to say.

After reading the summarized version of the victim's story, two things came to mind. One, it's hard to stick to my "Look, I like Ben Roethlisberger" line from last week's piece. Two, the play-by-play is a bit too detailed to be made up, which is my natural reaction when sexual assault charges are brought against a high-profile celebrity. That, to me, was the biggest wrench thrown in the victim's cry for justice: the precedent of morally-inept girls looking to make a dollar off of a big name and some trumped up charges. In this scenario though, it appears the victim has a legitimate beef. The Milledgeville police department, at least from everything I've read, dropped the ball so hard that it deflated. For one, they didn't stop the club janitor from scrubbing the crime scene, which might make trying to find evidence of rape a wee bit difficult. There's also the actions of Officer Jerry Blash, who resigned this week amid controversy that he treated the victim's initial statements like the typical ramblings of an incoherent drunk as well as took time out to pose for pictures with Roethlisberger the night of the incident.

Blash's nonchalance is among the several sketchy elements in this case. There was the fact that any video evidence of the incident was dubbed over accidentally by the club's recording equipment. The victim's family legitimate mistrust of the Millegdeville PD and their subsequent refusal for a second interview. There was the lack of DNA from either Roethlisberger or the victim, which could be attributed to the fact the scene was scrubbed with Pine-Sol and Clorox before it was fully examined. These are all incidents that can be put off as accidental, but it's also something that can be feasted on by conspiracy theorists. After all, Big Ben's entourage was made up of mostly off-duty cops, and they allegedly were the ones who not only brought the victim to a private hallway for Big Ben to do his thing but also shielded the victim's friends from seeing what's going on. You don't think cops would protect other cops? It may be the best protection Roethlisberger has received in his entire football career. There's also the motives of the club. The victim in question was 20 years old, clearly under the drinking age. Why wouldn't you want evidence of underage drinking in your bar removed, especially if you know that a. cops already think the victim's allegations are bullshit and b. the tremendous amount of backlash that would occur if something like this got out in, say, a trial would inevitably force you to close up shop? If forced to choose between saving your business and helping out a young woman who may or may not have been assaulted on your property, who's side are you taking? There's no eyewitnesses and the only real testimony that sides with the victim's story is that of her friends, who weren't in that bathroom with their friend and Big Ben and obviously are going to side with the victim.

Look, do I think Big Ben raped that woman? I'm leaning toward yes. There's just far too many accidental hiccups on the part of the people who would benefit more from Roethlisberger's innocence than his conviction. When dealing with a high-profile case like this in a small podunk town, all it takes is paying off the right people to get things to lean your way. It's not what you know, it's what you can prove in court, as the cliche goes and there is no way Big Ben gets jail time if this went to trial.

Now, there's the issue of the backlash from the release of the police report. Message boards, blogs, and such are blowing up with the outrage of a nation feeling like a celebrity getting away with a crime. My response to them? What else is new? O.J. Simpson got away with double murder. Kobe Bryant may have gotten away with rape. Donte Stallworth did 30 days for running over someone with his car while drunk. Not everyone gets the book thrown at them like Plaxico Burress and Michael Vick. Since Roethlisberger was a young phenom going from the high school ranks, he was probably(like most star athletes) given preferential treatment. How many times do you think the man has heard the word "No" in his life? He, like many other rich and powerful men, are used to getting their way by any means necessary. If you're going to point daggers at anyone in this case or any other of its liking, point them at the ones who continue to allow this to happen. The coaches and teachers and other authorities who treated him with kid gloves. The cops who get bought out. The prosecutors, victims and witnesses who crack under the spotlight. The way this case was handled, the victim had two choices: go to trial and get embarrassed and villianized by a celebrity's high profile representation or bow out early and hope the public sides with you. So far, the victim is reaping the benefits of choosing the latter option(as well as a possible monetary gift from her assailant to not to go to trial). Public support has been the consolation prize for her injustice.

As for the justice that awaits Big Ben, I always found a two-game suspension to be apt. Many want four, or even eight, games after the release of these new reports but you can't tack on punishment for charges that were eventually dropped just because new details were presented after the fact. There was no additional flags on the play. The ref didn't blow a whistle for a foul. You don't get extra free throws on a missed call. Of course, that may not matter to the Rooney family, who haven't exactly thrown their backing behind their franchise quarterback. Ben Roethlisberger may have dodged this latest bullet on a technicality, but I don't think he's dodging the trading block. I've flip-flopped on this matter for a few days and the more I read about this case as well as the Steelers' statements in regard to a Roethlisberger trade, the more I think he's getting dealt. When you hear things like the Steelers would "listen intently" to trade offers, that means they've already come to grips with the idea of moving Roethlisberger. When you hear that the team believes assumed top overall pick Oklahoma QB Sam Bradford is a "sure thing", a week before the Draft, you start to think something could happen. The biggest obstacle, as I wrote last week, will be compensation and finding a team willing to take Big Ben's baggage. The Rams are about to be under new ownership, be it Shahid Khan or Stan Kroenke. Do you think these new owners want to start their new regime by acquiring a QB twice accused of rape within a year? You also have to look at it from the Steelers end. As bad as this police report makes Ben look, there's still the fact that the charges were dropped and he may have very well been innocent in this case as well as the beef in Las Vegas. You really want to trade away your two-time Super Bowl winning QB when it's possible that these charges could have been bullshit(again, I'm not saying they ARE bullshit, but as of right now, Ben Roethlisberger is 1-0 with one to go and he hasn't spent a second in jail)?

It will be the biggest question over the next four days leading up to the NFL Draft and certainly a huge story throughout this upcoming season and, if my timing on these matters are any indication, you should expect an answer sooner rather than later.

NBA Playoff Preview

The NBA Playoffs are underway with Game 1 of Cavs-Bulls tipping off about 20 minutes ago. With that in mind, here's a quick rundown of what to expect over the next few weeks. First, a recap of the regular season as well as a look at how my preseason picks stacked up to what actually happened.

Preseason Playoff Seedings:

East: 1. Boston 2. Cleveland 3. Orlando 4. Chicago 5. Miami 6. Washington 7. Atlanta 8. Indiana

How It Actually Turned Out: 1. Cleveland 2. Orlando 3. Atlanta 4. Boston 5. Miami 6. Milwaukee 7. Charlotte 8. Chicago

What Went Wrong: I, like many people in the preseason, drank the Flip Saunders-Wizards Kool-Aid and it didn't take long for it leave a sour taste. First, Gilbert Arenas gets suspended, then Antawn Jamison and Caron Butler get dealt in ridiculously one-sided deals. I slept a little on Atlanta(although Gabe didn't, which is something he'll be glad to tell you) and I really didn't expect Milwaukee to get so much out of rookie Brandon Jennings, former top pick Andrew Bogut and journeymen John Salmons and Carlos Delfino. The Bogut injury probably spells doom for them in the first round, but if they aren't the story of the East, I don't know what is. The Indiana collapse should have been expected and the Stephen Jackson to Charlotte traded happened AFTER I made my picks and I obviously didn't think a knucklehead like Capt. Jack was going to turn around a Larry Brown-led team. All in all, 6 of 8 isn't too bad.

What To Expect: Dwayne Wade is going to put on the greatest performance by a player both in his prime and in his contract year and I'd be shocked if the Heat don't send Boston packing in Round 1. The Celtics went from looking old in the first half to just looking pathetic after Christmas. The team has no heart and Doc Rivers' eventual resignation isn't going to cure that. Other than that, it's going to be The LeBron James Show. Miami and Orlando are the only teams with legit shots of dethroning the King and his Knights of the Roundball. Orlando, as Bill Simmons has said most of the season and I mentioned in my preseason piece, made a huge mistake by swapping out Hedo Turkoglu for Vince Carter. Hedo, when paired with Rashard Lewis, gave them two bigs who could stretch the floor with their shooting and Hedo was particularly valuable with his ability to bring the ball up as a point forward. With Vinsanity now, they have one of the all-time playoff choke artists and Vince was particularly dreadful during the regular season with a career-low 16 points per game. With so many midseason advancements to the Cavs and LeBron plotting revenge from last season, I can't see Orlando putting up much of a fight this time around. As for Miami, LeBron vs. Flash will be exciting and if the Heat can play beyond themselves to give Wade a reason to stay over the summer, they can make things tough for Miami. The problem with the Heat is they don't have much inside. Jermaine O'Neal is just as washed up and decaying as the other O'Neal in this series won't be able to hold up inside and there's nobody on the Heat that can guard LeBron consistently(D-Wade's a bit too small).

West: 1. San Antonio 2. L.A. Lakers 3. Dallas 4. Phoenix 5. New Orleans 6. Portland 7. Denver 8. Oklahoma City

How It Actually Turned Out: 1. Lakers 2. Dallas 3. Phoenix 4. Denver 5. Utah 6. Portland 7. San Antonio 8. Oklahoma City

What Went Wrong: New Orleans seem to quit almost immediately after the Spurs trounced them on Opening Night. Former Coach of the Year Byron Scott was canned. CP3 missed most of the season and the team. Emeka Okafor turned out to be a disappointing acquisition and the team just flat out bricked all season. The one bright spot for the Hornets was finding Marcus Thornton and Darren Collison in the draft. The only problem being finding minutes for DC next season with Paul fully healthy. I had a complete brain fart with Utah. They've been a playoff fixture since I wore Osh Kosh, so I can't believe I screwed up there. San Antonio, much like Boston, showed their age quickly. Richard Jefferson never manifested into the 3rd option they were hoping to be. Manu Ginobli and Tony Parker got hurt and all the sleeper buzz behind 2nd round steal DaJuan Blair faded after about two months. Still, the Spurs are a dangerous team and if they can find a sudden fountain of youth, they may be the Lakers biggest competition. In the end though, I managed to hit 7 of 8 and nailed the exact seeding on Portland and Oklahoma City.

What To Expect: I was always skeptical of this Lakers team and nothing's really changed. Kobe is still Kobe but you can tell all those games on his career odometer are starting to slow him down a little. Ron Artest wasn't the brilliant find many in Lakerland were championing in October. That being said, fate has given L.A. all the breaks. The Spurs have shown their age. The Blazers lost Roy and Oden to injury. The Nuggets have been a train wreck since coach George Karl was diagnosed with cancer and took a leave. The Mavs have to prove they can get it done in the playoffs. Otherwise, we're looking at the Finals we should have gotten last year: Lakers-Cavs. Kobe vs. LeBron.

Preseason Eastern Conference Finals Pick: Cavs over Celtics

Current Pick: Cavs over Magic - Again, Vince Carter has been what some experts expected and what some Magic loyalists refuse to accept: an utter disappointment. Much like his cousin Tracy McGrady, he's never been a postseason savant and now that the Cavs have a forward who can stretch the floor and the combo of Big Z and Shaq's corpses inside, this rematch of last year is going to have a different result. As great as Dwight Howard is inside, he's not someone who takes over a close game and you have to think all of Stan Van Gundy's screaming is bound to fall on deaf ears. Cavs in 5.

Preseason Western Conference Finals Pick: Spurs over Lakers

Current Pick: Lakers over Mavericks - Tim Duncan has gotten old fast and even with a rejuvenated Manu, they can't match up with Dallas' newfound depth thanks to the Caron Butler trade. Brandon Haywood, while not the greatest of centers, is an adequate big in a contract year. What better time for him to show up than these next two months? Jason Kidd will probably be a turnstile for quicker point guards throughout these playoffs but that will be offset by a big postseason from Dirk Nowitzki. As for a Conference Finals matchup with L.A., the question for Dallas will be the same for anyone facing the Lakers out West: Who's stopping Kobe? Caron Butler is an adequate defender, but not the Bruce Bowen/Raja Bell-type to frustrate The Black Mamba. I think Dallas gives the Lakers a series(also, keep in mind, L.A. getting by Denver in Round 2 isn't exactly a gimme, unless the Nuggets don't make it that far), stretch it to 7 games but pro-Lakers officiating led by the referee pied piper Phil Jackson gives the Lakers their 3rd straight NBA Finals appearence.

Preseason Finals: Cavs over Spurs

Current Pick: Cavs over Lakers - It's the dream scenario of the networks, NBA suits, endorsements and most importantly, fans. Kobe vs. LeBron. Shaq vs. L.A. Obviously, I'd love to see 'Melo vs LeBron more because Carmelo will actually guard LeBron, but this is the marquee matchup everyone's been salivating over for nearly two years now. So what happens? Well, if Andrew Bynum can hold up for this long, there will be at least one game where Shaq shows his old form and dominates his young replacement. LeBron is going to destroy Artest and Kobe is going to destroy Mo Williams which will lead to the inevitable LeBron guarding Kobe and vice versa by at least Game 3. Antawn Jamison will have to drain 15 footers to keep Pau Gasol from patrolling the paint and allowing both LeBron to get to the hoop and Shaq to impose his 600-lb physique on Bynum. The Derek Fisher/Jordan Farmar combo will continue to be exposed defensively and if Shaq has his way with Bynum more than once, the "Should the Lakers have made a deal for Chris Bosh?" question will come into play for the rest of the series. Ultimately, this has been the Year of LeBron and the only way to build suspense for his upcoming free agency this summer will be to end this season with a ring. If the Cavs can't pull through and Mike Brown gets completely outcoached by Phil Jackson and the Lakers deny the Cavs, then I expect LeBron to do the right thing and get the hell out of Cleveland. Regardless, I like the Cavs in 7 with LeBron and Kobe trading career nights at least once.

Preseason MVP Pick: LeBron James

Current Pick: LeBron James - If I have to explain this one to you, you probably shouldn't be reading this.

Preseason Def. Player of the Year : LeBron James

Current Pick: Josh Smith - LeBron put on a decent defensive showing, averaging a block and nearly two steals a game, but Josh Smith averaged close to 3 blocks a game and nearly 2 steals. Dwayne Wade could get some action here and defending champ and NBA blocks leader Dwight Howard will get votes, too, but I think this one goes to Smith.

Preseason Rookie of the Year: Stephen Curry, Warriors

Current Pick: Tyreke Evans, Kings - This award can go between either Curry or Evans. Brandon Jennings deserves some credit for actually being in the playoffs and Darren Collison was stellar in Chris Paul's absence but, in the end, Evans going 20-5-5 and joining MJ, The Big O and The Akron Hammer to do so gives him the nod. Curry brought his shooting acumen that he showed at Davidson and he may turn out to be the better pro long term if the W's get their act together but right now, I'd say it's Evans.

Preseason Coach of the Year: Stan Van Gundy, Magic

Current Pick: Scott Skiles, Bucks - What Skiles did with a Bucks team that many thought was lottery-bound was nothing short of amazing. He made a star out of a rookie who never played a dribble of college ball. He turned Andrew Bogut into a legit Top 5 center prior to his elbow injury. He brought out the best in midseason acquisition John Salmons and he put together a team so menacing that Celtics decided they rather tank and play Miami in Round 1 instead. SVG did an admirable job as well, but bringing a Magic team that was in the Finals last year back into the playoffs isn't nearly as impressive of a feat.



Some other Playoff predictions:

Biggest X-Factor in the Playoffs: Kevin Durant, F, Thunder - The NBA's youngest-ever scoring champ has all the tools to lead his Thunder to a huge upset over the Lakers. On talent alone, the Thunder can match up with L.A., but experience is what is going to kill them. Still, Kid Dynamite and his inevitable dismantling of the once-defensively-great Ron Artest will be the story of Round 1 and if the Thunder can do what the Warriors did to the Mavs a couple years ago, they'll have one hell of a magical run. That's a big IF though. Jackson has already started his mind games with the refs and eventhough Durant vs. LeBron would be a great NBA Finals, I can't see anything standing in the way of Commisioner Stern's dream ratings bonanza.

The Playoffs Biggest Disappointment Will Be(team) : Denver - Boston would be the easy answer, but I think more people expect them to end their season early. Denver was considered the biggest threat to L.A. in the West and a legit Finals contender. I even wrote a few months ago after the epic Nuggets-Cavs showdown that came down to the buzzer that more people should be rooting for 'Melo vs LeBron in the Finals. However, George Karl got cancer and a team that was already a powder keg mentally looks ready to blow. When your star forward is ready to sit out the playoffs because someone filled his car with popcorn, you're clearly a team that lacks discipline and I don't think Karl will have the strength to right this ship. In fact, I think their Round 1 series with Utah goes 7 and it wouldn't surprise me if the Jazz send 'Melo and company home early.

The Playoffs Biggest Disappointment Will Be(player) : Vince Carter - Magic fans want to talk themselves into Vince Carter saving his best for late in the season but, trust me, it's not coming. Vince has proven to be a guy who wants no part of contact in the paint and he's not that great of a shooter to rely on his jumper. Defensively, he's nothing to write home about either. In fact, it wouldn't surprise me if he gets taken to school routinely in Round 1 by Capt. Jack and Gerald Wallace. There's a reason there's no ring on Carter's finger and it has alot to do with the self-inflicted malfunctions to the thing beating in his chest as well as the absence of anything between his legs.

The Biggest Story During These Playoffs Will Be: Poor Officiating - It's been dreadful in the NBA for decades and with Stern smelling Kobe vs LeBron once again, he's not about to let anything stand in his way. Look, do I think the NBA is fixed? No, but we saw during the Jordan years that big time stars get the preferential treatment in big spots and with LeBron's potential exit from Cleveland being the overwhelming story throughout the season and even more so during the playoffs, you can bet that there will be some dubious calls to keep that storyline strong.

Playoffs' Surprise Star Will Be: J.J. Redick, Magic - It disgusts me to even put that in print but, really, most of your breakout stars are household names. I think Durant and Wade will be make a run at Kobe's standing as the NBA's 2nd best player. If Bogut and Roy were healthy, I think they would be the catalysts behind their team's upsets. Derrick Rose would be in the running if his 2nd straight taste at the postseason wasn't coming against a Cavs team on a mission. However, this has been the year for Duke and Redick has finally shown his trademark stroke, hitting 40% from 3 and 43% from the field. With teams focusing in on VC, Lewis and Howard, Redick will get a lot of open looks and Redick is one of best pure shooters in this tournament.

Cut His Mic Off

"Bill's not worth a shit. I love him.....but I wanted - they were on my ass so bad. J's gotta have a yes man. So to get this fuckin' stadium, I need to bring his ass in."

-- Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, about former head coach Bill Parcells in a video originally posted by Deadspin.




I get a lot of flack for being harsh against the Cowboys and many of the people who read this website think I have it out for "America's Team." That may be half-true. After all, I grew up a Packers fan and the Cowboys, during the early to mid-90's, were the Texas-sized wall that Brett Favre and company couldn't seem to barrel their way through. As a child, that tends to piss you off. Comments like this don't help, either. Now, again, maybe I'm blowing this drunken conversation that Jones had with a fellow bar patron out of proportion and a lot of my dislike over what was said may stem from my general dislike of Jones as well as my unconditional respect for Parcells(I mean, we're both Jersey Italians. You have to stick with your paisans, capice?)

Maybe Jones' comments were a mixture of a half-hearted attempt at a joke and a large amount of Jack Daniels. That doesn't take away from the fact that it's a really fucking stupid comment. Forgetting Parcells' pre-Cowboys resume and ignoring what he's done so far with Miami(including today's deal for Broncos WR Brandon Marshall, which I will explain the significance of shortly), Parcells is largely responsible for putting together the perennial playoff contender that Facelift Jerry reaps the benefits from while sitting in the press box of his new billion-dollar cathedral that he needed Parcells to build.

Quarterback Tony Romo, whom Jones called a "miracle" in this interview, came to town in 2003. Who had the instinct to cast his glims on a skinny, no-name kid out of Eastern Illinois and tab him as his QB of the future? Bill Parcells. Who went to the undrafted well once again and found a tall, speedy kid out of Monmouth named Miles Austin, who would eventually become the team's top receiver? Bill Parcells. Who shocked some by taking a pass-rusher out of Troy named DeMarcus Ware over the more heralded Shawne Merriman? Bill Parcells. Who took a chance on a slow-footed tight end out of the University of Tennessee named Jason Witten? Bill Parcells. CB Terrence Newman, WR Patrick Crayton, DE Marcus Spears, C Andre Gurode, LB Jason Witten NT Jay Ratliff, do you know what they have in common? They are current Cowboy lynchpins who were brought in by Bill Parcells.

Look, I don't know what goes on behind close doors in that Cowboys' locker room. Maybe Parcells is a prick of Flozell Adams proportions. Sure, Jones had somewhat of a say in Parcells' gems, but look at Jones post-Tuna moves. There was complete homer moment when he took fellow Razorback alum Felix Jones(who can't seem to stay on the field but is still somehow pegged to start over Marion Barber this upcoming season) over emerging Steelers RB Rashard Mendenhall. "The Cat" was taken by the first rounder the Cowboys pilfered from Cleveland in the previous year's Brady Quinn trade. Facelift Jerry also managed to con the division-rival Eagles to move out of the first round so they could select Anthony Spencer(the Eagles would end up with current QB Kevin Kolb). In theory, that would be considered a sly move except that the recent maneuvers by the Eagles have shown that they've been operating while asleep at the wheel and, while Kolb's sample size is small, it's more promising than that of Spencer's(who has 10.5 sacks in 3 years, 6 of which coming last season while Ware was taking up double teams on the other side).

The move that takes the cake, however, was Jerry's ridiculously stupid trade for current disenfranchised wide receiver Roy Williams. In desperate need for another weapon for his "miracle" quarterback, Jerry got taken to the cleaners by the Lions as Jerry traded a 1st, 3rd and a 5th to Detroit in exchange for Williams and a 7th round pick (Those picks, in case you care, turned out to be TE Brandon Pettigrew, WR Derrick Williams and RB Aaron Brown for Detroit, while Dallas got DT Vance Walker with their 7th rounder from the Lions). Jerry then gave Williams a 6-year, $54 million deal with $26 million of it guaranteed. How did Williams repay Jones? By catching all of 19 passes for 198 yards and a touchdown in 10 games in his first season, then following that up with 38 catches for 596 yards and 7 TDs in his first full season last year. Meanwhile, Austin surpassed Williams on the depth chart and, in between griping about his lack of touches, Williams routinely showed off his hands that were dipped in wet cement. Compare that to Parcells acquiring Marshall(who, while mercurial, has had 100+ catches in three straight seasons) for a 2nd round pick in 2010 and 2011. Can you really say someone isn't worth shit when he's just stole a better receiver for about half of what you paid for a guy who can't catch a cold?

So, sure, Cowboys fans will say I'm being hard on their boys again, but with bullshit like this, what choice do I have? I ignored the comments about Tim Tebow that Jones made because it's not like half of the league aren't doubting Tebow's ability to transition to the pros as well and I'm not sure whether "J needs a yes man" is Jones referring to himself in the third person or not, so I avoided that, too. Jerry Jones deserves to have some choice words for Bill Parcells, but it should be a "thank you", instead of a "fuck you".