Let's move on....
30. Lea Michelle ("Glee", "New Year's Eve"). I've made it no secret that I despise the show "Glee". There's just something about shows that a cross between "Fame" and "Saved By The Bell" with a little mix of "Queer As Folk" that doesn't garner much of my interest. However, "Glee" has managed to produce at least one thing for the heterosexual masses to be thankful for: Lea Michele. Now, besides the fact that she's buried on a show no straight man would watch, Lea also has the same tragic flaw that Erin Andrews does: her nose ruins what is an astounding overall product. Sure, it's nit-picking to dock points from world-class beauties like Andrews and Michele for having a larger-than-normal nose but when talking about the 100 hottest women on the planet, it's important not to sugar-coat flaws. Look, Michele's body is excellent. It's not waif thin and it's not Trina thick. She's good from the front and the back and, in the right pictures, her big nose isn't even that glaring(at least in comparison to Andrews' honker, which is unavoidable). That's why she's in the Top 30. Would I like to see her on a show that is more likely to grab my attention? Absolutely. Could she do movies besides shitty ensemble cast flicks like "New Year's Eve" or the forthcoming "Dorothy of Oz" so that we can enjoy her more on the big screen? Definitely, but she's a hottie that came out of nowhere on a show many expected to flop(and even more hoped that it would) and has managed to become a rising star, huge beak be damned.
29. Megan Fox ("The Transformers", "Jennifer's Body") Like Lea Michele, Megan Fox is another who fell down this list because of a glaring flaw(and it's not just because she's a shitty actress). Unlike Michele, Fox's malformity can't be fixed with some fancy plastic surgery. In fate's never-ending quest to deny the world of the perfect woman, Megan Fox has been cursed with toe thumbs. "Oh, but Dave, who cares? Nobody's looking at her hands anyway!", you say. Duly noted, except tell me that when you heard about Fox's toe thumbs that you weren't immediately drawn to looking at her hands like it was Cindy Crawford's mole. "Well, if her hands are that grotesque, why is she this high on the list?", you ask. Because if Megan Fox wore boxing gloves in public for the rest of her life, she'd still be one of the five hottest women alive. Physically, she has EVERYTHING with the exception of normal hands. Her body? Phenomenal. Her face? Beautiful. Those icy blue eyes? Magnetic. She's as much a reason for the success of the first two "Transformers" movies as the fancy CGI and battle scenes. "So, you're telling me you dropped a potential top 5 hottie to 29th because of messed up thumbs!?"......Well, yes and no. The thumbs are a heartbreaker but so is Fox's penchant for starring in shitty movies. Her attitude got her kicked out of the third "Transformers" film, which some have called the best of the three. You take away the first two in the trilogy and what's left of Fox's career? "Jonah Hex"? God-awful. "Jennifer's Body"? Terrible, even by horror movie standards. "Friends With Kids"? Nobody saw it. Her attitude and horrid acting skills have, for lack of a better term, transformed Fox into a much hotter version of Shannen Doherty. It's hard to rate someone even with Fox's world-class beauty when the fact that studios are afraid to cast her might ruin her career in a couple years. Fox has two movies in the works. Two....and they both come out this year. Have you ever seen a under-30 siren coming off starring in two summer blockbusters have just two movies on tap in the near future? She has less work on her plate than Kristen Stewart, and Stewart's not even on this list. At the end of the day, we'll always have Fox's glistening belly in the opening hour of the first "Transformers" movie and her bikini-clad appearances on "Two And A Half Men". At least we'll have this to remember her by when she's out of the Hollywood scene by time she's 30. Well, that, and her toe thumbs.
28. Stacy Keibler (Former WWE Diva/Current George Clooney main squeeze). Her long legs are as famous a body part as any single entity on a man or woman, living or otherwise. Her beautiful face was almost destined to get her out of cheerleading for the Ravens and into the Hollywood spotlight. When she first came to our TV sets via WCW and then eventually WWE, it was impossible to keep our eyes off of her. With her wrestling days over, Stacy Keibler is now an "actress" by default. She's made a few cameos on shows like "How I Met Your Mother", "Psych" and "Chuck" but, right now, she's best known as being the latest in a long stable of women who held the title of "George Clooney's girlfriend". The good news is Clooney isn't going anywhere and he'll be an A-lister until he's no longer breathing. The bad news is Clooney is the King of No Commitment, which means Keibler's days are numbered unless she can manage to finally tie the former Bruce Wayne down. Perhaps she can use Clooney's star power to grab some good roles so that the world can continue to be impressed by those 42'' legs and that astounding smile. Until then, she'll have to stick to lighting up the red carpet at award shows with The Cloons and we'll have to hope that her career doesn't fade to black when he gives her her walking papers.
27. Beyonce (Singer/Actress, "Dreamgirls"). Some will say this is a little low for Mrs. Carter, but keep in mind that Maxim didn't even have Beyonce on their list. There is no questioning Beyonce is one of the hottest women alive. Her spot here is a bit tenuous. For one, I need to see how that legendary body responds to just having a baby. I know, superstars like Beyonce have kids, get world-class trainers and come back looking better than ever. Britney Spears did it. Jessica Alba did it, but I need to see it first. Second, because she was carrying Jigga's seed, there obviously haven't been the usual slew of Beyonce videos where she's dropping it down and making change. That time away from the limelight has allowed others to leapfrog her a bit. Will she make a brilliant comeback? Of course, she will. Will she be higher on this list when it happens? Damn straight. It's just hard to put a woman on maternity leave ahead of her more active competitors. She's only 31 and there's a reason Men's Health named her one of "100 Hottest Woman of All-Time". Beyonce or Sasha Fierce or whatever stupid alias she wants to use will be back. Until then, this is her spot. Not bad for a woman who just had a baby.
26. Katharine McPhee ("Smash", "The House Bunny"). She's ahead of Beyonce because, while Mrs. Carter was away on baby business, McPhee made a comeback from "American Idol" runner up to star-of-a-hit-NBC-show-destined-to-be-cancelled. "Smash" might not be much of a show and it's window might be closing but it's short-lived popularity made Katharine McPhee a household name for at least a couple weeks. We'll all agree that, when Beyonce comes back, she'll be higher on this list so spare me the "How is Kat McPhee hotter than Beyonce" hate mail. She's come a long way from cameos in bad movies like "Shark Night 3D" and "The House Bunny" and her new found relevance has allowed us to enjoy what caught our eye in the first place: her amazing boobs. Yes, Katharine McPhee's rack was such a thing of legend that she had to confirm they were real on the now-defunct(thankfully) "Tyra Banks Show" by having Tyra feel them up(or as I call it, one of the greatest moments in TV history). McPhee isn't much of a singer or an actress but she's just enough of both to keep her career breathing and give us the opportunity to enjoy her presence. My only career advice for McPhee(beyond finding someone better to approve your scripts): Stay away from the bleach blond look. You're hotter as a brunette. We don't when NBC will eventually pull the plug on "Smash". After all, they let "Friends" run for 10 years and that show was as funny as "Schindler's List". We do know that McPhee does have a role in the "Carrie" re-make coming next year so she'll be in your line of sight for at least another year. After that, she can continue to go on ill-fated talk shows and get groped by the host for the rest of her life and I'll be a happy man. 
25. Sofia Vergara ("Modern Family", "Four Brothers") The final five of this portion of the list was so difficult to put in order that I had to take a time-out and send a mass text to get a better perspective. That only made matters worse as there was no real consensus on any of these five women. With that said, this is my disclaimer: I concede that you could make the case for any of these five women to be at #21. Let's all agree though that, regardless of the order you put them in, this is right about where we expected them to go, ok? For many, Sofia Vergara didn't show up on their radar until "Modern Family" blew up back in 2009. If you're like me, you've been keeping a close watch on Sofia since 2002's "Big Trouble" with Tim Allen. It was that movie plus "Chasing Papi", which came right after it, that got her noticed by FHM, which quickly did a spread on the then-30 Vergara. Now, she's everywhere. Pepsi commercials, award show red carpets, big movies......so why is she fifth out of the final five? For one, the rest of the list is pretty stacked and, while Sofia has most of them beat in the body department, the other four a tad bit prettier in the face. Again, you can make the case for Sofia to be higher, but when push came to shove, nobody could make a convincing argument to move her up. Of the the people we surveyed, one had her at the top, the majority had her in the bottom two. Blame democracy, people. Here's what Sofia has going for her: arguably the best body of anyone on this list, which is impressive at a month short of her 40th birthday. Second, she's snatched away Shakira's crown as the hottest woman from Columbia. Third, the success of "Modern Family" assures that her career will last longer than at least half of the four girls listed ahead of her in this group. The problem is, as I mentioned in the bottom 10 of this Hot 100, hot chick lists are a young woman's game. Sofia's hot at damn near 40. That's without question, but in a tiebreaker, a hot 26-year old beats a hot 40-year old any day of the week. We're glad she emerged from the crappy slate of movies she cut her teeth on to become a cable television darling, but it was tough making a convincing argument for the Latin Dolly Parton. 
24. Jessica Biel ("The A-Team" "Valentine's Day"). It feels like we've been putting Jessica Biel on these lists forever. Ever since she became the only reason to watch "7th Heaven" during the late 90's and early parts of the new millenium, we've had our on eye on Jessica. The show came to a close in 2006 but, during the latter part of that time, Jessica kept herself busy by doing a slew of terrible movies. "Summer Catch", "Blade: Trinity", "The Rules of Attraction"......it was like she was trying to see how many movies she can do with guys on the cover of Teen Beat. "7th Heaven" eventually ended but, unfortunately, Jessica's bad taste in scripts didn't. "Home of the Brave", "Next".....ugh. "The Illusionist" was liked by a few people. I wasn't one of them. Then came "I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry", an Adam Sandler comedy where Biel is LITERALLY the only reason to watch the movie. 2007 wasn't all bad for Biel fans though. After years of being teased with Biel in low cut shirts and bikinis, Jessica finally bared all in "Powder Blue", where she plays a stripper. The movie, in typical Biel fashion, is terrible but her scenes make it worth a watch(another typical Biel staple). After that, Biel got into the trend of doing movies with large ensemble casts. As if "Valentine's Day" wasn't bad enough, someone green-lighted "New Year's Eve" not too long after. Both movies featured nearly every notable actor and actress known to man(at least those who weren't really big on respectability) and both movies were tough to watch. Fortunately, Biel's string of bad movies came to an end with "The A-Team", a surprisingly good modernized take on the classic TV show. There are rumors of an inevitable sequel but, in the meantime, Biel will join another large cast of attractive women in the "Total Recall" remake, one of six movies Biel has on tap(taking notes, Megan Fox?). Sure, Biel's responsible for some terrible films and her shitty acting is probably the cause of the most of that but at least she makes up for it by being a top-notch beauty. Biel's become a veteran of these lists for a little over a decade and she just turned 30. Her engagement to Justin Timberlake and the fact that she continues to keep herself busy means we're looking at another decade of dominance from her on these lists. Here's hoping those 10 years provide us more movies like "A-Team" and less movies like "Stealth".
23. Kate Beckinsale ("Underworld", "Contraband") Kate Beckinsale running around in a tight black leather outfit is perhaps the only reason to watch those silly "Underworld" movies. Beckinsale has proven throughout her career to be the total package with her slender frame, her sexy smile and the fact that she can put on 20 pounds for the movie "The Aviator" and still be the hottest chick on the screen. However, "Underworld" hipped us all to something that has become the world's least kept secret: Kate Beckinsale has a booty on her! Yes, Beckinsale's badonk has become a fixture on nearly every "Hottest Asses In Hollywood" list that's been comprised. Kate's rear is just the highlight of what is an amazing package and the popularity of the "Underworld" movies means Beckinsale is going to be around a while. Her next big project is the re-make of "Total Recall" due out later this year. Chances are, the movie will suck but, much like she's done throughout her career, Kate will use her beauty to turn a crappy movie into something watchable. Like with Sofia Vergara, Beckinsale is in for a fight to keep this spot as someone nearing 40 in a world that keeps getting hit with an influx of hot youth, but Beckinsale's feisty, so we know her and her amazing tush will be around for a while to heat up this list.
22. Arianny Celeste (UFC ring girl/model) She's only really famous for being the hottest woman for one of the most popular sports in the world. Arianny Celeste doesn't act. She doesn't sing. She doesn't dance. She struts across the ring in between rounds holding up a large sign with a number on it and occassionally doing some hosting for UFC. Oh, and getting arrested for battery domestic abuse. Did we mention she's really really hot? Her recent run-in with the law won't hurt her standing with UFC, according to boss Dana White, and it only helps with her street cred. That means the world gets more of the hottest ring girl to ever live. She's done Maxim. She's done FHM. Most importantly, she's done Playboy. Does it matter that that is the gyst of her career? Of course not. Society has proven that, when you're extremely hot, the world finds a way to make room for you. Obviously, we'd like to see more of Arianny in things other than mugshots and a couple waltzes during MMA pay-per-views, so here's hoping the battery charge doesn't mar her career and that she avoids spending her free time throwing glass vases at her estranged boyfriends. We all like a fiery type, but not when they are the second coming of Tawny Kitaen. 
21. Kaley Cuoco ("Big Bang Theory"). She's emerged as every comic book geek and science nerd's dream woman, thanks to her role as Penny on the insanely funny "Big Bang Theory". Before she was the hottest thing to hit CBS, she was the cute girl on "8 Simple Rules..." before the death of John Ritter submarined the show. It's been seven years since "8 Simple Rules..." went off the air but, thankfully, Kaley is back on television. At first, a show about a hot chick who befriends her geeky neighbors seemed destined for failure but the show has been a huge hit and Kaley has made her mark as one of young Hollywood's rising stars. At 27, Cuoco has blossomed since the last time she was on a hit show from a pretty young girl to a sexy young woman and now she's become a hot commodity. "Big Bang Theory" highlights everything there is to love about Cuoco: her quick wit, her charming smile, her pretty green eyes and, of course, her outstanding body. Kaley's body has become such an obsession these days that Google images is swamped with photoshopped nude pics of her(Granted, you can probably make that case for a lot of actresses.). "Big Bang Theory" seems to be all that's in the works for Cuoco, with last year's "Hop" being the only other diversion from television. That's just fine by us as the success of the show means more chances to see Cuoco and the more acclaim it gets, the higher she'll climb on these lists.
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