BoomRoastedSports Hall of Fame Inductee: Kate Upton

I've never been a fan of anointing someone great before they've achieved something....well, great. Generations are littered with the tragic "What Could Have Been..." stories of child prodigies who never lived up to their lofty expectations. Reggie Bush was supposed to be the next Gale Sayers. Now, he looks like the next Travis Minor. Jay Williams was supposed to revolutionize the point guard position. Instead, he runs point behind a desk at ESPN.

With all that said, this is a website run by two men(married men, but I digress) and, every now and then, a man's rules can be taken asunder by the presence of a hot chick(I call this "The Ronnie and Sammie Logic"). In this case, I am talking about "Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model Rookie of the Year" Kate Upton. Now, I've always scoffed at what mainstream publications have thrown in our face as the women we should view as the hottest chicks on the planet. I wasn't that impressed with Elle MacPherson and Christie Brinkley as a child growing up. I always thought Tyra Banks' "five-head" kept from being as hot as people made her out to be. In large part, the SI Swimsuit Issue forced upon us a lot of dubious "10"s. It wasn't until Brooklyn Decker came along that we had an attractive swimsuit model worthy of a vigorous co-sign. Now, we have two. If Decker is Stephen Strausburg, Kate Upton is Bryce Harper in terms of potential.

Now, I know what you're thinking..."Dave, so what? She's a supermodel. She's supposed to be attractive." Duely noted. For me, the reason I'm pushing my chips to the middle of the table and going all-in on Kate Upton and giving her a early pass to the BRS Hall of Fame is this:

She's 18.

Now, when I was a young and dumb teenager walking the streets of New Jersey and taking in everything the suburban public school system had to offer me, NO 18-year old girl looked an eighth as good as Kate Upton. I've even asked all my male friends, many of which grew up in various different cities, if they could think of a girl in their late 'teens that they went to school with that was comparable to Ms. Upton. All answers came back the same: None. In my less than three decades on this planet, only two girls come to mind who wowed the masses with their beauty at such a young age:

Britney Spears in the late '90's when "Hit Me Baby One More Time" came out and people went nuts over the Rolling Stone pictures that followed.

And pre-crack/rehab/anorexia Lindsay Lohan right after the movie "Mean Girls" hit theaters.

Upton blows both of them out of the water as of right now, a month shy of her 19th birthday. Before she was able to buy her first shot of tequila, she's become the face of Guess, lit up the vaunted Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, and signed on to be a Victoria's Secret model. Now, I know, models get discovered at a young age and we shouldn't lose our heads over the modeling world's "Next Big Thing" so quickly but 18-year old girls aren't supposed to be significantly more attractive than women 10 years their senior. Girls barely out of high school shouldn't be "the hottest chick on the planet"(Granted, I may be the only classifying Upton as that, but it's my website so you're getting my opinion and if you find someone hotter than Kate Upton, hit me up.). Teenagers aren't supposed to be YouTube sensations off of one-minute clips of them doing a stupid dance at a basketball game. Upton is so mind-bogglingly hot that I'm willing to forgive her for doing "The Dougie", a song and dance that I have grown to despise with every fiber of my being.

So mark this day down....May 19, 2011. BoomRoastedSports offers up it's official co-sign of Kate Upton before she tarnishes her career by doing shitty movies, dating Kanye West and becoming a bigger phenomenon thanks to some strategically-released sex tapes.

Ladies and gentlemen(or, just gentlemen, since I'm sure I've revolted all the female fans of this site with my public swooning), I give to you the BoomRoastedSports Hall of Fame Inductee for the month of May: The LeBron James of supermodels, Kate Upton.