Week 7 Picks

Last Week: 9-5

Season: 49-42-3

Cardinals (-2.5) over Saints 

The Cardinals finally get DeAndre Hopkins back after a six-game suspension. They’re still terrible but this makes them a little more fun to watch and should be enough to take down a short-handed Saints squad. 

Packers (-4.5) over Commanders

This is the worst Packers team since Green Bay went 6-9-1 in 2018 and a strong contender for the worst since Aaron Rodgers took over in 2008. The offense isn't producing any big plays because the O-line can't keep Rodgers upright and the defense, which the franchise has invested a ton of draft capital in over the years much to the chagrin of their Hall of Fame QB, is on the field too long to fully realize its potential. With all that said, a clash with the dysfunctional Commanders is a smash spot for a Packers team in need of a confidence boost.

Falcons (+6.5) over Bengals 

The Falcons are quietly playing .500 football and are coming off a 14-point win over the Niners. The Bengals are back from the dead but Atlanta will be competitive enough to keep it close. 

Cowboys (-6.5) over Lions

All eyes will be on the return of Dak Prescott after backup Cooper Rush went 4-1 as a starter in Dak’s absence. If Dallas’ $160 million man can’t shake off the rush and put away Detroit, you can expect talking heads to come out the woodwork on Monday trying to stir up a QB controversy. 

Colts (+2.5) over Titans

A textbook example of my “Regular Season Doesn’t Matter” theory: both of these teams are suddenly above .500 but still terrible. Someone has to win this game (or in Indy’s case, at least the), so I might as well take the points. 

Buccaneers (-13) over Panthers

I’m skittish about taking the Bucs as double-digit favorites again after they shit the bed against Pittsburgh last week but Carolina is a rotting corpse already being picked through by vultures. If Tampa Bay can’t win convincingly here, Tom Brady should just go ahead and retire after the game. 

Giants (+3) over Jaguars 

Oddsmakers don’t seem to believe in a 5-1 Giants team coming off back-to-back victories over the Ravens and Packers. Meanwhile, the Jaguars have lost three straight, making this spread pretty egregious. It’ll be a low-scoring affair but Big Blue takes the “upset”.

Browns (+6.5) over Ravens 

The Ravens have followed every loss this season with a win and vice versa. Based on that trend, they should win here but injuries on the offensive end make it hard to like that by more than a field goal against a Browns team that can control the clock with a solid run game. 

Jets (-1.5) over Broncos

There’s Cooper Rush potential here with Brett Rypien taking over at QB for the injured and overrated Russell Wilson but the Jets have a ton of momentum after winning four of their last five and their defense is disgusting. 

Texans (+7) over Raiders

I might be getting too cute here but the Raiders have been a colossal disappointment this year and will be playing without Pro Bowl tight end Darren Waller. On the flip side, Texans RB Dameon Pierce is making his ROTY case and Houston only has one bad loss on their record. Houston doesn’t just cover. They pull off the upset. 

Chargers (-5.5) over Seahawks 

The Chargers are short-handed on offense but Darrell Brooks is mounting a better defense in a Wisconsin courtroom than the Seahawks have fielded this season (410.8 yards and 27.7 points allowed per game, both bottom-five in the league). As promised, last week was the debut of The Kenneth Walker Show but, unfortunately,  the impressive rookie runner can’t stop Justin Herbert and the Bolts. 

Chiefs (-1.5) over Niners

It’s understandable for people to freak out over the Niners’ acquisition of Christian McCaffrey, but CMC hasn’t played a full season since 2019 and now shares the backfield with the equally fragile Jimmy Garoppolo at QB. A showdown with the high-octane Chiefs isn’t a proper litmus test for this new-look San Fran offense but there’s enough on both sides of the ball to keep this competitive. KC still rolls though.  

Steelers (+7.5) over Dolphins 

The Dolphins as 7.5-point favorites is generous, even against the lowly Steelers. It may be Tua Time once again, but the former Bama star hasn’t played in nearly a month and is no sure bet to make it through this game. Speaking of concussions, Steelers QB Kenny Pickett gets the nod after getting knocked out last week because 50 percent of the rookie is still better than 100 percent of Mitch Trubisky. This has the makings of a shitshow, one Miami will inevitably win but not cover. 

Patriots (-8) over Bears

After mindlessly giving the world Russell Wilson on Monday night twice in six weeks, the NFL will now subject the world to Mac Jones vs Justin Fields. I guess when you know you’re going to lose some of your audience to the NBA and a suddenly resurgent “Monday Night Raw”, you don’t care as much about what you’re putting on primetime. Patriots should cover against one of the worst teams in football but the real winners will be whoever chooses to not watch this game.

Week 7 Picks

Last week, the dynamic duo's picks were much like Rajon Rondo's game: We nailed the easy lay-ups(Ravens over Texans, Jets over Dolphins), and missed some we should have made(Redskins-Eagles, Falcons-Panthers) and clanked on shots with any degree of difficulty(Lions-Niners). This season has also seen more ties than Digger Phelps' closet, as last week's two brings the total to seven on the season. We had six all of last season. Week 6 was pretty dreadful for both of the guys, but Dave managed to increase his lead by one.

Anyway, we're scrapping the avatar this week because it's difficult to find any picture of Dave that doesn't look like a mugshot or a picture of Gabe that doesn't look like an adult picture of Elian Gonzalez expressing his jubilation with being in America. Here's our best attempt at Week 7's games.

LAST WEEK

Dave: 4-7-2

Gabe: 3-8-2

SEASON

Dave: 43-40-7

Gabe: 33-50-7

Seahawks (+2.5) at Browns

Dave: Browns - Here's a real stinkbomb to lead off with. Peyton Hillis is sitting this one out with a bad hammy as The Madden Curse continues it's DiMaggio-like streak of biting cover boys in the ass. My money is on Monterio Hardesty, Hillis' backup, Wally Pipp-ing this generation's Mike Alstott as GM Mike Holmgren will do everything in his power to squash his old mates. Chaz Whitehurst is getting the start for Seattle so, by halftime, you should be able to hear the sound of tiny children in Malaysia stitching together a Matt Barkley Seahawks jersey. Browns by 10.

Gabe: Cleveland – I think Seattle’s big win against the Giants was an anomaly. I think they stink. Cleveland has a better than decent offense. Also, I have to start Colt McCoy in my fantasy league today because Tom Brady is on a bye, so I need them to play well. Cleveland by 4.

Falcons (+4.5) at Lions

Dave: Lions - The Lions' streak of drafting RBs who can't stay healthy continues as the team has went from Kevin Jones to Kevin Smith to Jahvid Best in the span of the last half decade. Best is out for this one with his third concussion and journeyman Maurice Morris gets the nod. That might not make too much of a difference since Detroit's strategy on offense is pretty much have Matt Stafford chuck it up to "Megatron", Calvin Johnson. Atlanta's secondary isn't going to be able to handle that and the Falcons' swiss-cheese offensive line isn't going to be able to hold off Ndomukong Suh and company. I think Detroit's fired up after last week's L and they take it out on the Dirty Birds. Lions by 13.

Gabe: Detroit – Last week the Lions suffered their first loss of the season, but that story was overshadowed by the coach’s handshake sissy fight at the end of the game. If nothing else, players like seeing that kind of fire. These players will play their asses off for Jim Schwartz now. I feel bad for Atlanta, but I think Detroit wins by at least a touchdown.

Texans (+3.5) at Titans

Dave: Texans - I'm rolling the dice here because something tells me the perennially-soft Texans saw Andre Johnson and Mario Williams go down and immediately decided to go in the tank. Still, the Titans are banged up as well and we're still hoping to locate Chris Johnson's body after the Brinks truck was backed up on it. I think this game comes down to a field goal in the final seconds and, given Houston's nature of choking late in games, I'll say the Titans win by 3.

Gabe: Tennessee – Houston is reeling and swooning as they do every season. They were embarrassed by The Ravens last week and I think they’ll be suffering a hangover from that game. The Titans can do a few things on offense and I think they’ll do just enough to win. Tennessee by 6.

Broncos (-1) at Dolphins

Dave: Broncos - A tale of two quarterbacks here. For Denver, Timmy Touchdown gets his first start of 2011 in the state where he became the second coming: Florida. For Miami, why would you possibly put up a fight here when you're the favorites in the Andrew Luck Sweepstakes right now? The Dolphins' D is better than you think, so any ideas of Tebow going nuts in his homecoming need to squashed right about now, but the Dolphins are slightly more dreadful than the Broncos, so I'll give the nod to Denver by 6.

Gabe:Denver – Of all of the teams in the ‘Suck for Luck’ sweepstakes, Miami is the team that should keep losing to make sure they get luck. Outside of his normal playing for Jesus,Tim Tebow is going to have an extra bit of motivation because he is returning to Florida. I’ll take the Broncos to win by a field goal.

Chargers (+1) at Jets

Dave: Jets - What are the chances that the Jets are force-feeding LaDainian Tomlinson steroids like the Russians did to Drago in Rocky IV to get L.T. amped up to destroy his old team today? I'm saying 50-50. On a more important note, I love a bombastic personality as much as anyone because, Lord knows, I'm no stranger to running my mouth, but Rex Ryan needs to agree to shut the hell up until he gets a Super Bowl ring. Enough's enough already. You guaranteed two Super Bowls already. You failed. You tried to goat Bill Belichick into a back-and-forth a couple weeks ago and he whooped you on the field where it matters. Now, you're arguing with Norv Turner, who should have been fired 100 times over? Please, Rex, fall back. Go sniff your wife's shoes or something or try to find some other way to get this group over the hump. This may be the worst Jets team in the Ryan era, but I'm giving them the edge because this might also be the worst Chargers team of the Turner era and L.T. is gonna come out spitting fire. Jets by 7.

Gabe: San Diego – San Diego has somehow avoided their typical slow start. Also, teams from the West Coast aren’t losing East Coast games at nearly the same rate as they usually do. The Jets somehow still don’t have an identity and the Chargers simply have too many weapons on offense. I’ll take SD for the outright in a minor upset.

Bears (-1) vs. Bucs (in London)

Dave: Bucs - I'm going with Tampa here because I think they'll lose. Huh, you say? When I expect the Bucs to win, they get blown out by San Francisco. When I expect them to lose, they beat New Orleans and break their coach's leg. I can't figure out these Bucs so I'm playing reverse psychology with myself here. As for the Bears, their new adjustments to the blocking scheme worked last week against piddly Minnesota and will work this week against a Bucs team with no pass rush, but Jay Cutler will still find a way to throw a pick or two Aqib Talib's way. So I'll take Tampa in yet another ugly game overseas.

Gabe: Tampa Bay – I think this is going to be a great game between two teams with tons of potential. Perhaps Raheem Morris will know not to kick to Devin Hester. If Hester gets his hands on the ball it will make a difference in the result of the game. But I think Morris will pistol-whip his kicker and punter if they kick to Hester. Tampa Bay wins a close one at home, by 4.

Redskins (+1) at Panthers

Dave: Panthers - Rex Grossman deserved to be benched after single-handedly taking Washington out of that Philly game last week but I refuse to believe John Beck is the answer for the 'Skins. Given the shuffling of RBs and QBs, I think Mike Shanahan is still trying to figure out what he has after a year and a half. Meanwhile, Cam Newton is due for a win and I think it comes here against a slipping Redskins team. Panthers by 6.

Gabe: Carolina – I would like to take this opportunity to remind everyone of an answer to an interview question once given by Cam Newton. Basically, he was asked why he thought he would be successful in the NFL he said, and I’m paraphrasing, “I’m 6’5”, 245 pounds, and I run the 40 in 4.7 seconds. They don’t build players like me.” Greatest answer ever. What does that have to do with the game? Not a fucking thing other than he is backing up his words. Carolina gets a one touchdown win and Redskins fans get to see what having a good young QB under center is like.

Packers (-9.5) at Vikings

Dave: Packers - The Christian Ponder era has finally started. It's only about two weeks overdue, but at least it happened. The problem is, it starts against the defending Super Bowl champs who are firing on all cylinders right now. If Jay Cutler picked this Vikings team apart last week, I can only imagine what Aaron Rodgers will do here. I'm still not convinced just yet my boys repeat because I'd like to see more of a pass rush beyond Clay Matthews but they have more than enough to stomp Minny on the road. Packers by 14.

Gabe: Green Bay – Christian Ponder, meet Mr. Clay “Mama There Go That Man Again” Matthews. Enough said. The champs win going away, by at least 14.

Chiefs (+3.5) at Raiders

Dave: Chiefs - A couple things to consider here before turning your nose up at this pick. 1. The Chiefs are coming off a bye having won two straight and narrowly winning a third a month ago against San Diego. 2. The Raiders will be trotting out Kyle Boller and maybe even Terrelle Pryor at QB. 3. Sebastian Janikowski is out. Yes, Oakland hasn't lost a division game in nearly two years. Yes, they are playing with the spirit of Al Davis. Yes, they have the NFL's leading rusher in Run DMC against one of the worst run D's in the NFL. No, I'm not worried about any of that. Boller is dreadful enough to keep this game close or even lose it for the Raiders, so I'll take KC for the upset.

Gabe: Oakland – Kansas City sucks. This is a rivalry game in Oakland and I took the Raiders in my Eliminator challenges. Done and done. Raiders by a touchdown.

Steelers (-3.5) at Cardinals

Dave: Steelers - Pittsburgh proved last week why I'm not buying all the "The Steelers are back!" talk that the hype machine is trying to spit out. They should have crushed a shitty Jags team and instead let them come back and keep it close in the second half. This week, in a week of Super Bowl rematches, they get Arizona's horrid defense. On paper, you'd like to think that this will be a 48-7 blowout but I'm betting on this being more along the lines of 28-20 Pittsburgh. Steelers still cover against a bad Cardinals team though.

Gabe: Arizona – I’m making this pick on a hunch. Pittsburgh has gotten a couple of big wins recently, but now they have to travel and take this old team all the way across the country. Also, Cardinals Head Coach Ken Whisenhunt is more than somewhat familiar with the Steelers’ personnel. The Cards have some nice weapons on offense and I think they pull out the straight up win. Upset Special? Eh, why not.

Rams (+13.5) at Cowboys

Dave: Cowboys - Same rules apply for Dallas as in the Steelers-Cardinals game. There's no reason Dallas shouldn't blow out a Rams team starting A.J. Feeley at QB, but the Cowboys are dreadful enough on defense to make new acquisition Brandon Lloyd look like Randy Moss. I still think Dallas covers the two touchdown spread but what should be a complete curb-stomping will probably be another exhibit in Tony Romo's file as to why he's not an elite QB. Cowboys by 17. Romo throws two picks.

Gabe:St. Louis – This is simple…it’s too many points. The Cowboys should roll in this game, but they won’t. They’ll win, but it will be closer than it needs to be. Boys by 10 or less.

Colts (+14.5) at Saints

Dave: Colts - The spread might be a bit too high for me. The Saints' D isn't as good as I thought they'd be by now and, eventhough Curtis Painter notoriously folds under pressure and is facing a D that blitzes almost every down, I think Indy keeps it just under two touchdowns here. New Orleans doesn't have the run game to kill clock late in games and Painter might exploit one of those blitzes and hit Pierre Garcon deep. I'll go New Orleans by 13 in a game I won't bother watching.

Gabe: New Orleans – The Colts play with a lot of pride. Unfortunately, pride don’t score touchdowns. The New Orleans offense will go off at home. Saints by 17.

Ravens (-9.5) at Jaguars

Dave: Ravens - Baltimore might be the best team you're not talking about right now. Go ahead and build up Green Bay. Go ahead and continue to slurp New England and Pittsburgh. Keep freaking out over San Francisco and Detroit. As a Packers fan, Baltimore is the only team that scares me in the NFL and they'll show you why Monday night. Unlike Pittsburgh, Baltimore isn't afraid to keep the boot over an opponent's neck. They are going to jam Ray Rice down Jacksonville's throat and Ray Lewis and company are going to make Blaine Gabbert's national TV debut a living nightmare. If you're looking for the blueprint of smashmouth football, tune in Monday night.....but put it on mute since Jon Gruden isn't going anywhere for the next five years. Ravens by 20.

Gabe: Baltimore – This line could be Baltimore minus 20. Jacksonville is going to be absolutely embarrassed. This Baltimore defense humbled the Texans’ (albeit Andre Johnson-less) offense. They are going to eat the Jags alive. Ravens by 21.

Week 7 Picks

Despite improving two wins from last week, I still lost Week 6 to El Duquecito and dropped another two games on the season.



On to Week 7.....



Last Week: Dave (6-7-1) Gabe (8-5-1)



Season: Dave (37-46-3) Gabe (41-42-3)



Steelers (-3) at Dolphins



Dave: Steelers - Steelers are the best team in the NFL right now. Big Ben's back and Miami, for some reason, plays better on the road than they do in South Beach. I see Phins QB Chad Henne getting formally introduced to Troy Polamalu, James Harrison testing the league's limits on devastating hits and Rashard Mendenhall runs over a soft Miami run D. Steelers by 10.



Bengals (+3.5) at Falcons



Dave: Falcons - Last week's stomp-out by Philly aside, I still think Atlanta is one of the best, if not the best, teams in the NFC. Cincy has been a unmitigated disaster. Carson Palmer's taken a few steps back. The Bengals D can't rush the passer, even with my personal man-crush Micheal Johnson. Matt Ryan goes nuts on the Bengals as Atlanta experiences the most excitement in the ATL since Da Brat dropped "Funkdafied".



Jaguars (+9) at Chiefs



Dave: Chiefs - Dwayne Bowe's stone hands two weeks ago and a horseshit pass interference call against Houston last week are the only things keeping the Chiefs from being the league's sole undefeated team. Don't think they don't know that as they get the crap-tastic Jags and third string QB Todd Bouman in the friendly confines of Arrowhead. I see KC anger-bangs Jacksonville, led by a big night by Jamaal Charles. KC by 13.



Eagles (+3) at Titans



Dave: Titans - Jeff Fisher has always owned Philly. I'm a little more sold on Kevin Kolb than I was, maybe two weeks ago, but he's still above-average at best. We'll see how he does against a decent Tennessee defense. On the flip side, who on this Eagles D is slowing down Chris Johnson? Nate Allen? Gabe's man-crush Akeem Jordan? Maybe they'll sign Jeremiah Trotter by kickoff. Also, Kenny Britt is slowly moving into Beast Mode. I'll take the sneaky-good Titans by 6.



Redskins (+3) at Bears



Dave: Redskins - The Bears aren't good. There isn't a W in that win column that they legitimately earned. Washington's frisky and that D is going to have a field day on that high school offensive line of Chicago's. The Sulking Jay Cutler Face makes a cameo by halftime after Brian Orakpo puts him in the dirt a few times. Donovan McNabb puts on a show for his hometown and Ryan "Blame It On" Torain breaks the century mark. Skins by 7.



Browns (+13.5) at Saints



Dave: Saints - I'd like Cleveland's chances of covering better if they weren't trotting out Colt McCoy once again. Gregg Williams is going to blitz McCoy to death and Drew Brees will temporarily shake off the Madden Curse and spreads the ball around against a young Browns D. Reggie Bush could make an appearance as well, and that only makes Cleveland's chances of putting up a fight that much more grim. Saints by 17.



Bills (+13) at Ravens



Dave: Ravens - If the Ravens are the elite team that their press clippings suggest, then this game is over by the end of the first quarter. Ryan Fitzpatrick has played ok, as of late, but this Ravens defense is going to pound him into the floor. Ray Rice goes for 200 combined yards, Flacco throws for a couple scores and Baltimore's D makes a house call or two for the home crowd. Ravens by 21.



49ers (-3) at Panthers



Dave: Panthers - Niners are better than their record but, having to travel cross country for an early game after just barely beating Oakland last week? That's a tough co-sign. Matt Moore is a bit more competent than Jimmy Clausen, even with the concussed dome, and Steve Smith is going to torch this San Fran secondary. Panthers get their first win and pull off a mild upset against the league's biggest disappointment this season. Panthers by 6.



Rams (+3) at Bucs



Dave: Rams - Not sure if last week's win against San Diego counts as an "upset" given how bad San Diego has been all year, but the Rams are still decent enough to take care of business against the Bucs. Now, Tampa Bay isn't terrible either. Josh Freeman has shown the ability to make plays, even without a wideout of note, but the running game is a bit beat up. So, I'll give the slight edge to Steven Jackson, Sam Bradford and the Rams of Nellyville.



Cardinals (+6) at Seahawks



Dave: Seahawks - How well do you like the chances of an undrafted rookie QB with a weak running game going on the road in one of the league's loudest stadiums against a team that's pulled off a couple solid wins thus far? The Cards get Steve Breaston back, but unless they can get Beanie Wells going, this offense will continue to sputter. 'Hawks by 10.



Patriots (+2.5) at Chargers



Dave: Patriots - The Pats, coming off a big win against Baltimore, are underdogs to a Chargers team that's now lost to Oakland and St. Louis? Really? The chance to save Norv Turner's job ended last week against the Rams. Shawne Merriman, currently awaiting his exile, will rejuvenate his career in Baltimore. The mishandling of the Vincent Jackson(a Redskin next year) and Marcus McNeill's contracts should spell doom for cheapskate moron GM A.J. Smith and the Patriots should run the Chargers over as Brady spreads the wealth. Pats by 14.



Raiders (+8.5) at Broncos



Dave: Broncos - Umm......the Raiders are trotting out Kyle Boller at QB. Nothing to see here. Broncos by 17.



Vikings (+2.5) at Packers



Dave: Vikings - This isn't just me picking against my boys in hopes of a jinx. The Packers can't rush the passer without Clay Matthews(although "The Ultimate Warrior" looks like a go for Sunday night, albeit hobbled). The run game is non-existant. Favre, for as bad as his arm hurts, won't let that get in the way of him sticking it to his old mates yet again(lest we forget, the Vikes swept Green Bay last year). Moss returns to scene of his infamous mooning. At the risk of being made fun of by Gabe for a wrestling reference, this one should be a (Jim Ross voice) "slobberknocker", but I have no faith in my boys to pull this one out. Vikings by 9.



Giants (+3) at Cowboys



Dave: Giants - I knew San Diego and Dallas were going to be bad this year, but if you would have told me Wade Phillips and Norv Turner would be more likely to get canned than Eric Mangini and Raheem Morris, I would't have believed you. Look, I told you Dallas' offensive line was terrible, and now they go up against a devastating Giants pass rush. Over/under on sacks Romo takes should be around 4, and Romo picks about 2, and I'd take the over on both. Giants put the nail in Wade's coffin and Gabe nearly chokes on his Goya juice. Big Blue by 9.