Week 7 Picks

Last week, the dynamic duo's picks were much like Rajon Rondo's game: We nailed the easy lay-ups(Ravens over Texans, Jets over Dolphins), and missed some we should have made(Redskins-Eagles, Falcons-Panthers) and clanked on shots with any degree of difficulty(Lions-Niners). This season has also seen more ties than Digger Phelps' closet, as last week's two brings the total to seven on the season. We had six all of last season. Week 6 was pretty dreadful for both of the guys, but Dave managed to increase his lead by one.

Anyway, we're scrapping the avatar this week because it's difficult to find any picture of Dave that doesn't look like a mugshot or a picture of Gabe that doesn't look like an adult picture of Elian Gonzalez expressing his jubilation with being in America. Here's our best attempt at Week 7's games.

LAST WEEK

Dave: 4-7-2

Gabe: 3-8-2

SEASON

Dave: 43-40-7

Gabe: 33-50-7

Seahawks (+2.5) at Browns

Dave: Browns - Here's a real stinkbomb to lead off with. Peyton Hillis is sitting this one out with a bad hammy as The Madden Curse continues it's DiMaggio-like streak of biting cover boys in the ass. My money is on Monterio Hardesty, Hillis' backup, Wally Pipp-ing this generation's Mike Alstott as GM Mike Holmgren will do everything in his power to squash his old mates. Chaz Whitehurst is getting the start for Seattle so, by halftime, you should be able to hear the sound of tiny children in Malaysia stitching together a Matt Barkley Seahawks jersey. Browns by 10.

Gabe: Cleveland – I think Seattle’s big win against the Giants was an anomaly. I think they stink. Cleveland has a better than decent offense. Also, I have to start Colt McCoy in my fantasy league today because Tom Brady is on a bye, so I need them to play well. Cleveland by 4.

Falcons (+4.5) at Lions

Dave: Lions - The Lions' streak of drafting RBs who can't stay healthy continues as the team has went from Kevin Jones to Kevin Smith to Jahvid Best in the span of the last half decade. Best is out for this one with his third concussion and journeyman Maurice Morris gets the nod. That might not make too much of a difference since Detroit's strategy on offense is pretty much have Matt Stafford chuck it up to "Megatron", Calvin Johnson. Atlanta's secondary isn't going to be able to handle that and the Falcons' swiss-cheese offensive line isn't going to be able to hold off Ndomukong Suh and company. I think Detroit's fired up after last week's L and they take it out on the Dirty Birds. Lions by 13.

Gabe: Detroit – Last week the Lions suffered their first loss of the season, but that story was overshadowed by the coach’s handshake sissy fight at the end of the game. If nothing else, players like seeing that kind of fire. These players will play their asses off for Jim Schwartz now. I feel bad for Atlanta, but I think Detroit wins by at least a touchdown.

Texans (+3.5) at Titans

Dave: Texans - I'm rolling the dice here because something tells me the perennially-soft Texans saw Andre Johnson and Mario Williams go down and immediately decided to go in the tank. Still, the Titans are banged up as well and we're still hoping to locate Chris Johnson's body after the Brinks truck was backed up on it. I think this game comes down to a field goal in the final seconds and, given Houston's nature of choking late in games, I'll say the Titans win by 3.

Gabe: Tennessee – Houston is reeling and swooning as they do every season. They were embarrassed by The Ravens last week and I think they’ll be suffering a hangover from that game. The Titans can do a few things on offense and I think they’ll do just enough to win. Tennessee by 6.

Broncos (-1) at Dolphins

Dave: Broncos - A tale of two quarterbacks here. For Denver, Timmy Touchdown gets his first start of 2011 in the state where he became the second coming: Florida. For Miami, why would you possibly put up a fight here when you're the favorites in the Andrew Luck Sweepstakes right now? The Dolphins' D is better than you think, so any ideas of Tebow going nuts in his homecoming need to squashed right about now, but the Dolphins are slightly more dreadful than the Broncos, so I'll give the nod to Denver by 6.

Gabe:Denver – Of all of the teams in the ‘Suck for Luck’ sweepstakes, Miami is the team that should keep losing to make sure they get luck. Outside of his normal playing for Jesus,Tim Tebow is going to have an extra bit of motivation because he is returning to Florida. I’ll take the Broncos to win by a field goal.

Chargers (+1) at Jets

Dave: Jets - What are the chances that the Jets are force-feeding LaDainian Tomlinson steroids like the Russians did to Drago in Rocky IV to get L.T. amped up to destroy his old team today? I'm saying 50-50. On a more important note, I love a bombastic personality as much as anyone because, Lord knows, I'm no stranger to running my mouth, but Rex Ryan needs to agree to shut the hell up until he gets a Super Bowl ring. Enough's enough already. You guaranteed two Super Bowls already. You failed. You tried to goat Bill Belichick into a back-and-forth a couple weeks ago and he whooped you on the field where it matters. Now, you're arguing with Norv Turner, who should have been fired 100 times over? Please, Rex, fall back. Go sniff your wife's shoes or something or try to find some other way to get this group over the hump. This may be the worst Jets team in the Ryan era, but I'm giving them the edge because this might also be the worst Chargers team of the Turner era and L.T. is gonna come out spitting fire. Jets by 7.

Gabe: San Diego – San Diego has somehow avoided their typical slow start. Also, teams from the West Coast aren’t losing East Coast games at nearly the same rate as they usually do. The Jets somehow still don’t have an identity and the Chargers simply have too many weapons on offense. I’ll take SD for the outright in a minor upset.

Bears (-1) vs. Bucs (in London)

Dave: Bucs - I'm going with Tampa here because I think they'll lose. Huh, you say? When I expect the Bucs to win, they get blown out by San Francisco. When I expect them to lose, they beat New Orleans and break their coach's leg. I can't figure out these Bucs so I'm playing reverse psychology with myself here. As for the Bears, their new adjustments to the blocking scheme worked last week against piddly Minnesota and will work this week against a Bucs team with no pass rush, but Jay Cutler will still find a way to throw a pick or two Aqib Talib's way. So I'll take Tampa in yet another ugly game overseas.

Gabe: Tampa Bay – I think this is going to be a great game between two teams with tons of potential. Perhaps Raheem Morris will know not to kick to Devin Hester. If Hester gets his hands on the ball it will make a difference in the result of the game. But I think Morris will pistol-whip his kicker and punter if they kick to Hester. Tampa Bay wins a close one at home, by 4.

Redskins (+1) at Panthers

Dave: Panthers - Rex Grossman deserved to be benched after single-handedly taking Washington out of that Philly game last week but I refuse to believe John Beck is the answer for the 'Skins. Given the shuffling of RBs and QBs, I think Mike Shanahan is still trying to figure out what he has after a year and a half. Meanwhile, Cam Newton is due for a win and I think it comes here against a slipping Redskins team. Panthers by 6.

Gabe: Carolina – I would like to take this opportunity to remind everyone of an answer to an interview question once given by Cam Newton. Basically, he was asked why he thought he would be successful in the NFL he said, and I’m paraphrasing, “I’m 6’5”, 245 pounds, and I run the 40 in 4.7 seconds. They don’t build players like me.” Greatest answer ever. What does that have to do with the game? Not a fucking thing other than he is backing up his words. Carolina gets a one touchdown win and Redskins fans get to see what having a good young QB under center is like.

Packers (-9.5) at Vikings

Dave: Packers - The Christian Ponder era has finally started. It's only about two weeks overdue, but at least it happened. The problem is, it starts against the defending Super Bowl champs who are firing on all cylinders right now. If Jay Cutler picked this Vikings team apart last week, I can only imagine what Aaron Rodgers will do here. I'm still not convinced just yet my boys repeat because I'd like to see more of a pass rush beyond Clay Matthews but they have more than enough to stomp Minny on the road. Packers by 14.

Gabe: Green Bay – Christian Ponder, meet Mr. Clay “Mama There Go That Man Again” Matthews. Enough said. The champs win going away, by at least 14.

Chiefs (+3.5) at Raiders

Dave: Chiefs - A couple things to consider here before turning your nose up at this pick. 1. The Chiefs are coming off a bye having won two straight and narrowly winning a third a month ago against San Diego. 2. The Raiders will be trotting out Kyle Boller and maybe even Terrelle Pryor at QB. 3. Sebastian Janikowski is out. Yes, Oakland hasn't lost a division game in nearly two years. Yes, they are playing with the spirit of Al Davis. Yes, they have the NFL's leading rusher in Run DMC against one of the worst run D's in the NFL. No, I'm not worried about any of that. Boller is dreadful enough to keep this game close or even lose it for the Raiders, so I'll take KC for the upset.

Gabe: Oakland – Kansas City sucks. This is a rivalry game in Oakland and I took the Raiders in my Eliminator challenges. Done and done. Raiders by a touchdown.

Steelers (-3.5) at Cardinals

Dave: Steelers - Pittsburgh proved last week why I'm not buying all the "The Steelers are back!" talk that the hype machine is trying to spit out. They should have crushed a shitty Jags team and instead let them come back and keep it close in the second half. This week, in a week of Super Bowl rematches, they get Arizona's horrid defense. On paper, you'd like to think that this will be a 48-7 blowout but I'm betting on this being more along the lines of 28-20 Pittsburgh. Steelers still cover against a bad Cardinals team though.

Gabe: Arizona – I’m making this pick on a hunch. Pittsburgh has gotten a couple of big wins recently, but now they have to travel and take this old team all the way across the country. Also, Cardinals Head Coach Ken Whisenhunt is more than somewhat familiar with the Steelers’ personnel. The Cards have some nice weapons on offense and I think they pull out the straight up win. Upset Special? Eh, why not.

Rams (+13.5) at Cowboys

Dave: Cowboys - Same rules apply for Dallas as in the Steelers-Cardinals game. There's no reason Dallas shouldn't blow out a Rams team starting A.J. Feeley at QB, but the Cowboys are dreadful enough on defense to make new acquisition Brandon Lloyd look like Randy Moss. I still think Dallas covers the two touchdown spread but what should be a complete curb-stomping will probably be another exhibit in Tony Romo's file as to why he's not an elite QB. Cowboys by 17. Romo throws two picks.

Gabe:St. Louis – This is simple…it’s too many points. The Cowboys should roll in this game, but they won’t. They’ll win, but it will be closer than it needs to be. Boys by 10 or less.

Colts (+14.5) at Saints

Dave: Colts - The spread might be a bit too high for me. The Saints' D isn't as good as I thought they'd be by now and, eventhough Curtis Painter notoriously folds under pressure and is facing a D that blitzes almost every down, I think Indy keeps it just under two touchdowns here. New Orleans doesn't have the run game to kill clock late in games and Painter might exploit one of those blitzes and hit Pierre Garcon deep. I'll go New Orleans by 13 in a game I won't bother watching.

Gabe: New Orleans – The Colts play with a lot of pride. Unfortunately, pride don’t score touchdowns. The New Orleans offense will go off at home. Saints by 17.

Ravens (-9.5) at Jaguars

Dave: Ravens - Baltimore might be the best team you're not talking about right now. Go ahead and build up Green Bay. Go ahead and continue to slurp New England and Pittsburgh. Keep freaking out over San Francisco and Detroit. As a Packers fan, Baltimore is the only team that scares me in the NFL and they'll show you why Monday night. Unlike Pittsburgh, Baltimore isn't afraid to keep the boot over an opponent's neck. They are going to jam Ray Rice down Jacksonville's throat and Ray Lewis and company are going to make Blaine Gabbert's national TV debut a living nightmare. If you're looking for the blueprint of smashmouth football, tune in Monday night.....but put it on mute since Jon Gruden isn't going anywhere for the next five years. Ravens by 20.

Gabe: Baltimore – This line could be Baltimore minus 20. Jacksonville is going to be absolutely embarrassed. This Baltimore defense humbled the Texans’ (albeit Andre Johnson-less) offense. They are going to eat the Jags alive. Ravens by 21.