Week 2 NFL Picks

 The NFL’s opening week was a rough one for knee ligaments, crooked cops and the Giants’ front office but a relatively decent one for me. 

Let’s see if we can’t do better in Week 2.

Last Week: 9-6-1

Season: 9-6-1

Bills at Dolphins (-2.5)

The Miami-Dade PD’s treatment of Tyreek Hill was a disgusting (yet sadly, typical) display of force. The cops responsible need to be fired and I hope Cheetah sues them for everything they’re worth.

As for tonight’s game, Josh Allen didn’t seem to miss Stefon Diggs too much and the Bills’ defense did a good job of terrorizing Kyler Murray (162 yards passing, sacked four times, one lost fumble) but it’s hard to see them slowing down Tua’s team of track stars even without Raheem Mostert. This will be a fun one but give me the Phins at home. 

Pick: Dolphins 

Colts at Packers (+2.5)

The Packers dodged a bullet with Jordan Love suffering “only” an MCL strain that could keep him out anywhere between 2-6 weeks. The NFL also dodged a bullet that nobody else was seriously injured playing on that glorified slip n’ slide in Brazil. The league has spent years modifying the game to help with player safety but seems stone-stupid when it comes to doing their due diligence on field conditions. 

The Colts might have impressed me the most of all the teams who played last week. They hung with a very good Texans team and Anthony Richardson looks like he shook off his preseason rust. It’s hard to imagine he’ll have much trouble with a Packers defense that let Jalen Hurts and Saquon Barkley walk all over them. As for Green Bay, it’s now or never for Malik Willis. If he can show off the wheels and big arm that made him an intriguing prospect in 2022, he has a chance to make himself some money down the road. If he can’t, it’s hard to imagine him ever getting another opportunity. After watching him flop the last two plays of the final drive against Philly, my money is on the latter. 

Pick: Colts 

Saints at Cowboys (-6)

I couldn’t have been more wrong about either of these teams last week. Dallas found a way to pay Dak Prescott and then dominate Cleveland on both sides of the ball while New Orleans made a mockery of Carolina. Derek Carr looks like he’s back from the dead but he stands to have a tougher time lighting it up against the Cowboys than he did against the Panthers. Six points might be steep for two good defensive teams and the Saints have had the Cowboys’ number in the past but I’m willing to be wrong yet again.

Pick: Cowboys

Bucs at Lions (-7.5)

It had to be tough for Browns fans to watch what’s left of Deshaun Watson while the man he replaced was lighting it up elsewhere. Baker Mayfield proved, at least for one week, that last year was no fluke. The Lions might be the best team in the NFC but that defense gave up 300+ yards to Matt Stafford despite star wideout Puka Nakua missing most of the game with a knee injury. Detroit still takes it but it’s hard to imagine them slowing the Bucs’ offense down enough to win by more than a touchdown. 

Pick: Bucs

Jets at Titans (+4)

The Jets are going to be in a battle with their expectations all season and their opener against the Niners was a letdown but the schedule eases up for them in the coming weeks, starting with a Titans team that somehow managed to blow a 17-0 lead and lose to the Bears despite not giving up an offensive touchdown. If Will Levis struggled against the Bears’ secondary, he’s really going to hate Sauce Gardner and Co. Jets win a defensive struggle while Aaron Rodgers still finds his footing. 

Pick: Jets 

Niners at Vikings (+6)

The Niners didn’t need Christian McCaffery to run all over the Jets and, regardless of whether CMC suits up this week or not, they should have little trouble on the road against the Vikings. Congrats to Sam Darnold for finally having a good game in the Meadowlands but going from  the Giants to the Niners will prove to be too high of a leap. 

Pick: Niners 

Seahawks at Patriots (+3.5)

Fresh off holding Ja’Marr Chase to three catches for 14 yards in New England’s upset win over Cincinnati, Patriots cornerback Christian Gonzalez continues his Comeback Player of the Year campaign against human cyborg DK Metcalf and the Seahawks. Seattle may be without running back Kenneth Walker and, if Gonzalez can put the clamps on Metcalf, the Seahawks might struggle to pull away from the Patriots much like they did against the Broncos last week. It’s crazy to think this one could be a toss-up but I think New England, at worst, covers. 

Pick: Patriots 

Giants at Commanders (-1.5)

It’s only been one game but it’s time for the Giants to pull the plug on Daniel Jones. Entering year six, Danny Dimes continues to prove he has no business being an NFL starting quarterback and the fans have already turned on him. Making matters worse, Saquon Barkley (who the Giants let walk to Philly in the offseason) balled out in his Eagles debut. Regardless of who is behind center for Big Blue, I can’t fathom taking the Giants in any matchup this season. Jayden Daniels looks like the real deal and that point will be amplified this Sunday against a bad Giants team. 

Pick: Commanders 

Browns at Jaguars (-3)

Four years ago, Deshaun Watson was a three-time Pro Bowler and one of the league’s rising star QBs. Now, he’s an off-the-field menace and the owner of the worst contract in football. Much like the Giants, the Browns must decide when’s the right time to cut the cord on their bad investment. Jameis Winston has his flaws but he’s a better leader than Watson could ever be and benching their $230 million problem child sends a hell of a message. The Jags might face a similar issue if Trevor Lawrence doesn’t make strides but he’s good enough to beat a Browns team in a state of flux. 

Pick: Jaguars

Chargers at Panthers (+6)

Things were supposed to be different for the Carolina Panthers this season. They brought in a new coach who could develop Bryce Young. They gave Young a slew of new weapons, but all that happened was more of the same. The Panthers were outclassed in every category you can think of last week and I don’t expect that to change against the Chargers. It might be time for a change of scenery for last year’s No. 1 pick. 

Jim Harbaugh cruises to 2-0. 

Pick: Chargers 

Raiders at Ravens (-8.5)

This is far from a must-win situation but this is certainly a narrative game for the loser. If the Raiders continue to struggle, it’s only a matter of time before WR Davante Adams loses his patience and wants out. If the Ravens go down 0-2, there’s going to be a lot of questions surrounding reigning MVP Lamar Jackson, who looked like a dink-and-dunk expert for most of the season-opening loss to Kansas City last week. The Ravens have more talent than the Raiders but 8.5 points is a tough sell until Baltimore can show it can protect their star QB. 

Pick: Raiders 

Rams at Cardinals (-1.5)

Marvin Harrison Jr. flopped in his NFL debut and Kyler Murray’s comments about not being required to get his rookie receiver the ball doesn’t help matters but there should be better days ahead for the former Ohio State star. 

Unfortunately, those days won’t start this Sunday against a Rams team that hung in there with the Lions on the road last week. Los Angeles has the coaching advantage and, until K1 and Maserati get on the same page, the offensive advantage. I have no idea why the Cards are favored in this one but give me L.A. 

Pick: Rams 

Steelers at Broncos (+2.5)

The football gods robbed us of a Russell Wilson redemption game against Denver with Mr. Unlimited being limited to another DNP due to a calf injury. The last time Justin Fields faced the Broncos (October of last season), he dropped 335 yards and four tuddies on Denver’s head as a member of the Chicago Bears. He still lost but my gut tells me things will be different this time against rookie Bo Nix, who had his moments last week but still has a ways to go.

Pick: Steelers

Bengals at Chiefs (-6)

The Bengals’ flop last week at home against what looked like a mediocre Patriots team was perplexing but not as perplexing as the team failing to lock up star receiver Ja’Marr Chase. Chase should be healthier this week after being slowed by an illness last week but the team will likely be without Tee Higgins again. That doesn’t bode well for them facing a Chiefs team that keeps finding new ways to move the ball. 

Pick: Chiefs 

Bears at Texans (-6.5)

“Generational talent” Caleb Williams notched a victory in his regular season debut against the Titans. “The next Patrick Mahomes” showed off all the skills that made him a top pick by throwing for….(checks notes)…93 yards and no touchdowns. It’s possible Williams was confounded by a stout Titans defense but he won’t have the luxury of Will Levis bailing him out this week as he faces actual top-10 QB CJ Stroud. Hopefully, the bright lights of primetime football inspire to be more Josh Allen and less Josh Rosen to at least make this competitive. Either way, I like Houston. 

Pick: Texans 

Falcons at Eagles (-6.5)

Saquon Barkley’s Eagles debut couldn’t have gone better last week as he ran over the Packers to the tune of 132 total yards and three total touchdowns. Barkley will continue to carry Philly until he breaks down or until Jalen Hurts learns to take better care of the ball (2 INTs, one lost fumble last week), whichever comes first. On the flip side, Atlanta clearly overestimated how ready Kirk Cousins and his repaired Achilles were before trotting out their $180 million investment against Pittsburgh. Philly’s defense put Jordan Love on the shelf and, given Cousins’ lack of mobility, Atlanta’s 36-year-old signal caller could easily go from Falcon to sitting duck. 

Pick: Eagles