2012 NBA Finals Preview

You'd have to dig in the crates to find an NBA Finals quite like this where you have the two best players in the league facing each other, in their prime, for an NBA championship.

Jordan's Bulls vs. Magic's Lakers in '91? Maybe, though the argument could be made that Magic was getting long in the tooth.

Hakeem's Rockets vs. Shaq's Magic in '95? Probably a better example, though Shaq wasn't quite the dominant machine he would become with the Lakers.

The 2012 NBA Finals not only offers the two best players in the league going head-to-head for their first championship. It's the two best players in the league, playing the same position, guarding each other with everything at stake. This series is about more than LeBron James vs. Kevin Durant but try telling that to those amping up this NBA Finals. To them and, really, to all of us, this is the basketball version of Pacquaio-Mayweather. This is Jerry Rice being defended by Deion Sanders. It's Bob Gibson on the mound facing Hank Aaron. After years of championships being won by historically great teams, it's the individual matchups that will draw all the attention when the series tips off tonight. Beyond James vs. Durant, there's Dwyane Wade vs. Russell Westbrook, Chris Bosh vs. Serge Ibaka, James Harden vs. Shane Battier. It's a collision of two young, supremely athletic teams where the best six or seven players on the court are either in or nearing their prime(with the exception of D-Wade, whose prime is starting to slip).

It's just what the doctor ordered after the season the NBA just had, which brings me to the other reason these Finals are significant.

The NBA lead off last fall with the same PR nightmare the NFL tried and, inevitably, did avoid: A season marred by labor strife-related work stoppage. Fans were quick to turn on the NBA after the league had to cancel nearly the first two months of the season while trying to hammer out a new CBA. When it was announced that basketball would return on Christmas, many who watched how the lockout took a toll on the NFL in terms of injuries and overall sluggishness(especially on defense) were scared that the NBA was in for the same damage. We expected a season filled with costly injuries and high scoring affairs where defense was as common as a Harlem Globetrotters show.....and matters were about to be made worse.

As if being embroiled in a labor strike wasn't enough of kick to their public relations groin, the league really opened the door for conspiracy theorists laying in the woodwork when it completely botched the Chris Paul trade. Time will tell whether the league, then operating under the best interests of the New Orleans Hornets, made the right move by nixing the win-now trade agreed upon from the Lakers in order to take a Clippers offer that had more future perks. The fast-paced entertainment of the shortened NBA season eventually took some of the attention off of the Paul debacle, even though CP3's MVP campaign in L.A. still left a sour taste in some people's mouths. Still, even throughout the season, the league was hampered by another trade mess: the on-again, off-again trade demands of Magic center Dwight Howard. When Dwight finally lost his game of chicken with Orlando and foolishly agreed to not opt out(a move he now admits he regrets), the league seemed to steady the ship the best way it knew how and got a lift from a surprisingly entertaining postseason highlighted by the emergence of the 8th-seeded Philadelphia 76ers(yet scarred by the torn ACL of last year's MVP Derrick Rose). This year's playoffs saw the return of the old Heat-Knicks rivalry, the return of the San Antonio Spurs and Boston Celtics and teams like the Indiana Pacers, Memphis Grizzlies and Los Angeles Clippers making their case as sneaky teams to watch going forward. Yes, all was finally well in the world of hardwood.

Then, the NBA lottery happened.

When the still-league owned Hornets won the NBA lottery and the chance to acquire the Draft's only franchise-changer in Kentucky forward Anthony Davis, everyone still salty over the Chris Paul deal sharpened their pitchforks and lit their torches and headed back towards league offices for David Stern's head. If that wasn't enough, every great playoff game seemed to be hamstrung by some questionable officiating. When the Miami Heat came back from down 3-2 to win the Eastern Conference in 7 games, cynics threw up their arms in disgust and were dead set that the fix was in(another lucky break for the NBA after the Heat advanced: Boxing signing its death certificate with one of the worst scoring decisions in the sport's history, awarding Tim Bradley a win over Pacquiao after Pac-Man dominated Bradley for 12 rounds. To say that the Internet was on fire after the split decision was an understatement. Suddenly, LeBron James making his second straight NBA Finals didn't hurt as much.).

The truth is this, and this has been pointed out on several different websites so I'm already aware that I'm not breaking new ground here, the NBA was going to deal with people crying foul regardless of who won the lottery. Could you imagine if Cleveland won, two years after LeBron left and a year after winning the #1 pick with the draft choice they acquired from the Clippers? Or how about Brooklyn, just a few months away from opening its grand basketball cathedral in Brooklyn? What if they won the right to draft Davis and give the Big Apple ANOTHER potential big star? If the league was going to rig the lottery, why would they agree to send Anthony Davis is New Orleans of all places? I mean, I'm a Hornets fan and I have a hard time understanding that one. A team with the 4th-worst record last year that's a cluster of bad contracts and role players that's 12 months away from losing the centerpiece of the Chris Paul trade in Eric Gordon? THAT'S the team the league hand-picked to send it's next big thing? Why? If the league somehow forces the Magic to give Howard to the Hornets for Gustavo Ayon and a future 2nd-round pick, then I'll be the first to smell something's up but, until then, I'm not buying it. I'm always looking for reasons to be skeptical but.....this? I just can't see it. You can call it bias, but I think there were more entertaining options if the league wanted to screw us.

Regardless, all of that negativity gets washed away thanks to the NBA Finals matchup we all wanted when these playoffs started. Durant and James have whet our appetite for this showdown by putting on some phenomenal performances in these playoffs. There was LeBron's Game 6 against Boston in the Eastern Conference Finals, which was almost matched by Durant's Game 6 to close out the Spurs in the Western Finals. Still, there's more interesting points to these Finals besides the fact it might save the NBA or we get to see two superstars battle it out.

Here's some other things to think about:


* This series comes down to more than just LeBron vs. Durant. I reiterate, this isn't a one-on-one showdown. For starters, if we learned anything from the two most recent Lakers-Celtics Finals, it's that the toll of having to carry the load offensively and then get back on defense and guard the opponent's best player inevitably wears you down. Tonight's Game 1 might be one for the ages and we may even get a couple other back-and-forth affairs between "The Akron Hammer" and "Kid Dynamite" but it's not going to be the made-for-TV movie we all dream it will be. The team that wins this series will be the team whose bench steps up the most. Obviously, that advantage goes to Oklahoma City as Miami doesn't have much beyond their Big Three. Oklahoma City has Derek Fisher, who may be washed up but has a reputation for coming up huge in big postseason moments. The only guy with those kind of clutch tendencies on the Heat is Mario Chalmers and I think we can all agree he's no Derek Fisher(although Derek Fisher wasn't Derek Fisher until he BECAME Derek Fisher. Confused? You should be. If Mario Chalmers is going to sharpen that buzzer-beater resume from his Kansas days, he's going to have to start somewhere. What better place than these Finals?). Beyond Fisher, there's forward Nick Collison, defensive stopper Thabo Sefalosha and young center Cole Aldrich. The Heat will combating that trio with guys like Joel Anthony and Norris Cole. That's not exactly a reason to get pumped in South Beach. So, yes, Durant vs. LeBron will be the main event and Wade-Westbrook is a great undercard but this series is going to come down to guys outside of the respective Big Threes.


* At the risk of stating the obvious, Dwyane Wade needs to come up big in these Finals. It's amazing how quickly Dwyane Wade morphed from an MVP candidate who owned Miami to a guy some have fantasized about trading in the offseason. D-Wade's postseason hasn't been terrible but it's been bad enough to wonder if he's lost a step. Skeptics are quick to point out the fact that he's 30. So? He just went seven games against a Celtics team that's two years from collecting Social Security and they were thisclose to facing a Spurs team lead by a guy in Tim Duncan that fans were reading the last rights to before the season started. Win or lose, Wade's going nowhere but it has been interesting to watch him wither under LeBron's spotlight. Lest we forget, we all thought LeBron would be the sidekick when he decided to take his talents to South Beach two years ago. Now, South Beach went from Miami-Wade County to Miami-James County. Wade isn't washed up by any stretch of the imagination. He just hasn't looked like the 2006 tour de force we remember. With that said, if people were ready to bury Flash before, a series against the younger, faster, more explosive and more athletic Russell Westbrook will do Wade no favors. Wade is one of the game's best two-way players and he's proven he can lock guys down but Westbrook will be the best guard he's faced all postseason and if having to play both ways is destined to wear down the much younger Durant and James, it's bound to be even worse for Wade(who seems like an elder statesmen among these young pups). LeBron's made it this far with Wade being underwhelming but he's also been lucky. The best team he's faced to this point was Boston, who was without its budding star in Avery Bradley and was just too old to be able to win its second straight seven-game series against a younger, more athletic opponent. This time around against a heavily-favored Thunder team, Wade needs to be James' Pippen and take some of the load off LeBron to keep him from tiring. James is coming off putting the team on his back for seven grueling games against the Celtics. It's asking way too much for him to do the same thing again in the Finals while also having to shut down the game's best scorer.



* Chris Bosh is Miami's only advantage in this series. We've mentioned the Thunder have the better bench. We'll agree that Durant-James is a wash and we'll also agree that, if you had to lean one way or the other, you'd take Westbrook over Wade right now. The other advantages for Oklahoma City? First, Scott Brooks is exponentially a better coach than Erik Spoelstra. Coach Spo looked lost at times against Doc Rivers and company in the ECF and even in some spots in the two series prior. He's been especially befuddled when it comes to drawing up a late-game gameplan and the alleged rift between him and Wade will only stand to get worse if the Heat start off slow. Meanwhile, Brooks' men love him and he's solved the main problems that plagued them last season: inexperience and the Durant-Westbrook alpha dog debacle. Now, everyone knows their role in OKC. This is Kevin Durant's team with some help from Westbrook and James Harden. However, if there's a plus in Miami's column, it's Chris Bosh's matchup against Serge Ibaka. Ibaka is one of the premier defensive big men in the game and he's proven to be able to guard stretch-fours like Bosh, but Bosh is crafty enough offensively to be a factor. Yes, Ibaka will have games where he throws Bosh's jump hooks into the bleachers. There will also be games where Bosh drops 30 on him. Bosh's return is what helped swing the Conference Finals in Miami's favor and his three-point shooting in Game 7 was a huge reason Miami is playing for the title again. Unlike Wade and James, Bosh doesn't have to worry too much about his opponent on the offensive end. Ibaka's big offensive output against San Antonio in Game 4 was a fluke. You're not going to see that again in these Finals. What you will see is Ibaka hustling on the boards and contesting shots. Bosh needs to keep him guessing and make life easier for James and Wade.



* Before you paint the Thunder as the good guys, remember the people of Seattle. Oklahoma City has embraced the Thunder and have proven to be one of the sport's best and most loyal home crowds. That being said, it's hard to get excited for the Thunder without feeling bad for fans of the Sonics. Remember, these people loved their team, too, and they had to sit back and helplessly watch them skip town and are now forced between rooting for them or the most hated team in the league. That can't be easy. Yes, it's unfair to hold what happened to the Sonics against Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook, who seem like two of the game's best role models and genuine good guys, but it's also unfair that Miami gets to wear the black hats by default. Many may disagree with how this Heat team was assembled but they did it by the book and they made the moves that fans clamor for their teams to make every summer. Every fan wants their team to sign the best free agents. Miami signed the best three of 2010. It's just as much a matter of business as the Sonics becoming the Thunder. We may not like it but it's crazy to think that one team deserves to be on a higher moral ground just because they built their team through the draft as opposed to throwing money at mercenaries. Dwyane Wade was Miami's draft pick. He chose to bring his friends to his house. There's nothing in the rules against that. There's nothing in the rules against moving your team to another city. It's just a matter of ethics. Both teams have reasons to draw ire. You can choose to hate whoever you want but, before you make the Thunder into heroes, think about how this must feel for the guys sipping vanilla lattes from Starbucks while watching the Finals in their Shawn Kemp jerseys during a rain storm in Seattle. Dwyane Wade could have took the party elsewhere and left Miami in the dust much like ownership did to Seattle. He didn't. He brought the party to his table. Sure, he robbed Toronto and Cleveland while he did it but at least those fans still have a team to root for. Sonics fans can't say that anymore.


* Win or lose, LeBron James deserves our respect. You can hold a grudge against King James for "The Decision" if you want. He admitted it was a mistake and Cleveland has proven to be unfit place for a once-in-a-generation talent to succeed by picking in Top 4 three times in the last two seasons. In those two seasons, LeBron has made the Finals twice. He put on a performance only seen before by Wilt Chamberlain in his epic Game 6 masterpiece against Boston. As of right now, he's the game's best player. That could change if he gets outplayed by Durant but what should also change is all the vitriol the man has had to face since Day 1. Now, I will grant you that LeBron does do a little too much hot-dogging at times(hanging on the rim after the alley-oop in Game 7, putting his hand up like Sidney Dean in "White Men Can't Jump" after nailing a 30-foot jumper) and I've said many times that I disagreed with making his "decision" into a national spectacle. That being said, it's time to face facts. One day, LeBron will be champion. It might be by this time next week. It might be next season, but it will happen. He's the most explosive athlete this sport has seen since Michael Jordan and, whether Bulls fans want to admit or not, MJ would stand no chance guarding LeBron if both were in their prime. He's too big, too fast, too strong, too athletic and maybe even too talented. Is he BETTER than MJ? Time will tell. Right now, absolutely not, but you can't spend most of a decade building a man up to be a basketball god than be outraged when it turns out he can't walk on water or turn water into wine. LeBron James is human. You wanted him to get a better team around him so he could compete for championships and he did. He didn't go about it the right way but he clearly made the best decision for his NBA future. When his career is over, you will look back at all the time you wasted denouncing a man who couldn't live up to the lofty expectations that you put up for him. It took Jordan eight seasons, a Hall of Fame coach and the acquisition of one of the 50 greatest players of all-time to win his first championship. Jordan needed Pippen and Phil Jackson. James needed Wade and Bosh. Jordan competed against the Malone-Stockton Jazz, the Johnson-Barkley Suns, the Kemp-Payton Sonics. He never had to try to win championships against teams with three Hall of Famers in their starting lineup and, when he did try, he failed(Bird's Celtics, Isaiah Thomas' Pistons). This is LeBron's 9th season. At 27, this will be his 3rd Finals appearance. At the way athletes train and condition, he could play for another 10 years. He's not going anywhere. So enjoy him while you have him.

NBA Finals Prediction: Heat over Thunder in 7. Every bone in my body and beat in my heart says take Oklahoma City. Westbrook is going to own Wade. Brooks is going to school Spoelstra. OKC's reserves are better. James Harden is going to win at least one game by himself. However, a couple of things to consider. First, nobody gave Dallas a shot against a heavily-favored Heat team last year and the Mavs won in 6. Everyone thought OKC was finished after going down 2-0 to San Antonio and here they are. Everyone thought Boston was going to upset Miami after they won Game 5, yet here's the Heat. This has been a postseason of the unexpected(with the obvious exception of the Finals matchup we all predicted. Still, that prediction was in jeopardy two weeks ago). The Thunder may have more talent but Miami has more experience. This is Wade and James' third NBA Finals. They know from last year what not to do. Oklahoma City has made all the right moves. They can't be perfect forever. The first two games of the Spurs series proved that. Second, if LeBron and Durant are even offensively, James still gets the edge defensively. We've never seen Durant lock down an opponent the way James did Derrick Rose last year or make big defensive plays when it matters the way James did in Game 7. We also know Wade is better than Westbrook defensively and Battier is every bit as good a defensive stopper as Sefalosha is. It's not impossible to think that Miami can dig deep defensively and win a gritty, ugly game by throwing a wrench in this explosive Thunder offense. I don't know if you can have that same confidence with Oklahoma City.

Third, and finally, LeBron is due. When it looked like Indiana might pull off the upset against the Bosh-less Heat, LeBron persevered. When Boston had Miami on the ropes looking for the knockout, LeBron took their best punch and delivered a KO of his own. This is going to be a hell of a series between two evenly-matched teams and we'll remember this Finals for ages but if LeBron is ever going to get it right, it's going to be this time around, when he's the underdog against an opponent who will raise his game every night. Durant vs. James is going to be something special but, if I learned anything this postseason, it's you don't count out LeBron James

Boys of Summer

The NBA regular season is long over and the NBA Playoffs are in full swing. Typically, the gap between these two events is met with some kind of wrap-up piece involving postseason awards and the comparing of preseason prognostications to what inevitably happened. We'll get to that part in a minute.

By now, we have a general idea of how the first round(and maybe even the playoffs) is going to shake out as nearly every series will be at least two games in by time you read this. So, let's fast forward through all the playoff previewing and attack the NBA offseason as if it will be upon us in the coming days and then, we'll finish strong with the obligatory regular season recap/postseason preview.

For now, I want to address the ten most important names I believe we will hear about throughout this summer and the type of headlines we should expect so that our brains are adjusted to it by time it's all jammed down our throats.





1. and 2. Derrick Rose, PG, Chicago Bulls and Dwight Howard, C, Orlando Magic(tentatively) - I'll group these two together for a number of reasons. One, neither will take another dribble the rest of this postseason thanks to injury(Rose's knee and Howard's back). Second, how these two's respective teams do these next few weeks in their absence will determine how big of a story we're looking at going forward. For Rose, the Bulls have performed admirably throughout the season without the league's defending MVP. While it seems unrealistic that the Bulls can run the table with Pooh sitting on the bench in a suit, Chicago remains a solid contender in a very weak East even with their best player sidelined. Stranger things have happened. As for Howard, every Orlando win in these playoffs increases the likelihood he'll be playing elsewhere by the time next season tips off(which is a near-certainty, regardless). As I mentioned a couple weeks ago, now that Howard has re-cast himself as a selfish NBA villain, D-12 haters will be coming out of the woodwork to root for the Magic to do well just to spite their sullen big man. There's no better storyline to push for this postseason than the Magic shocking the world and going on a magic carpet ride in what might be beleaguered coach Stan Van Gundy's last hurrah in South Florida while Howard watches helplessly from the bench.

The third reason is more of a grand "What if.."? If Howard is absolutely leaving town and the Bulls absolutely are dead in the water with D.Rose out(which is the majority decision by experts but remains to be seen), what's stopping someone from putting two and two together and start beating the drum for a Bulls-Magic trade that would bring Howard to Chicago? As we saw with Chris Paul inevitably landing with the Clippers, somebody always sneaks up during these blockbuster trades and snatches a big name when talks with other teams go dormant. Where's the market for Howard? Outside of Brooklyn, whose situation is tied to whether PG Deron Williams stays or not, what other suitors are out there for Doomsday? With Andrew Bynum's career resurgence this year, you'd have to think the Lakers are out unless something happens in these playoffs that tempts them into shaking up the roster much like everyone wanted them to do last year. Chicago fits all the parameters for a Howard trade. They have the talent to deal(Joakim Noah, Taj Gibson, Carlos Boozer, and C.J. Watson, whose stock is sure to rise filling in for Rose). They are a legit contender(something Brooklyn isn't, and probably never will be) and it will be a great marriage of one of the league's best point guards and one of the game's best defensive coaches with the game's best center/interior defender.

Look, Howard's good as gone and if Chicago's supporting cast fails to look at least somewhat formidable in Rose's absence, there's going to be talk as to whether this team will suffice for Rose's revenge year next season. The Bulls were mentioned as a target for Howard last season and, with the once-heavily favored Lakers potentially out of the race, somebody has to jump in. Why not the Bulls?

3. LeBron James, F, Miami Heat - Adding that third MVP is nice but we all know the drill by now with King James and the Miami Heat: This season is championship or bust. With Rose and Howard out, the Celtics aging and the West uncertain, the skids are greased for LeBron to finally win his first ring. If last season lead to tons of backlash against "The Akron Hammer" for not bringing a championship trophy back to South Beach, what do you think this summer will be like with Miami's degree of difficulty now made significantly easier? We're two games away from Miami completing their mopping of the floor of the New York Knicks unless we get one of those classic "This is my team and I'm not going down easy" turnarounds from Carmelo Anthony and 'Melo vs. 'Bron turns into the clash we all hoped it would be when both came to town nine years ago. That means in Round 2, LeBron and company get to feast on either a Howard-less Magic team or a Still-Not-Quite-There-Yet Pacers squad before going to war with whatever's left from what should be a heated Celtics-Bulls series(assuming Boston can get by the Hawks) for a chance to get back to the Finals. With last year's nemesis, Dallas, two games from elimination, the most likely opponents for the Heat in the Finals are a suddenly rejuvenated Spurs team(which would be a terribly boring Finals but a great last hurrah for the Duncan/Popovich Spurs era), the Durant/Westbrook Thunder(which is the matchup everyone wants), a sneaky Lakers team or an even sneakier Grizzlies team(If they can get by the Clippers. If not, sub out Grizzlies and put in Clippers).

If it wasn't any more evident, this has to be the year LeBron brings it all home. Yes, there are two other superstars on the roster. It doesn't matter. Like it or not, it's all on LeBron's shoulders. So, this summer will either be all about King James coming full circle or an even more severe battery of "Can LeBron win The Big One?" debates.

4. Kobe Bryant, G, Los Angeles Lakers - Nearly as tantalizing as LeBron's chase for Ring #1 is "The Black Mamba"'s chase for Ring #6. A sixth ring ties him with the man whose career he's forever been linked to: The once incomparable Michael Jordan. If the road to the championship seems a bit easier for LeBron, the opposite can be said for Bryant's boys. This is easily the worst Lakers team, post-Shaq, since the first season without "The Diesel"(which ended in Phoenix taking them out in Round 1 in what was supposed to be Steve Nash's coming out year). There's no Phil Jackson. No Derek Fisher. No triangle offense. No ridiculous deep bench of role players. Instead, Kobe will have to rely on his Twin Towers up front. Bynum's coming of age season can be seen as a culmination of a man angry about being on the trading block and a kid who finally decided to grow up. Given Bynum's admission that he "gets his Zen on" during team huddles and the numerous head-scratching moments we've seen throughout this season, the latter isn't completely true. What we do know is Bynum's playing his best ball and he and Pau Gasol represent the best front line in basketball. The team also needs Ron Artest/Metta World Peace to keep his 'bow throwing to a minimum and manage to be the lockdown perimeter defender he once was without also being the Queensbridge goon. It doesn't help Kobe that this is a very deep Western playoffs. You can make the case for six teams going all the way in this conference(excluding Utah and Denver. Even Dallas down 2-0 isn't a death knell).

Bryant is getting up in age. His window for tying His Airness is closing as the odometer goes up and the competition gets more fierce. As remarkable as the seasons of guys like Durant and James have been, we might go into this summer marveling at what we just saw from #24: a man who aged better than we expected that saw his grips on the NBA slipping and gave it one last run before the inevitable passing of the torch to his younger counterparts. The Lakers are long shots to run the table but Kobe Bryant has proven that, with his back against the wall, he's as dangerous as the snake he stole his moniker from.

5. Danny Ainge, GM, Boston Celtics - Huh? Hear me out. If Boston is unable to get past Atlanta(let alone make another championship run), we'll look back at the trading deadline and wonder if the embattled Celtics GM made the right move in not breaking up "The Big Three" and rebuilding around Rajon Rondo as opposed to giving it one last shot with his aging vets. Ainge, reportedly, had deals in place that would have sent Ray Allen to Memphis in exchange for guard O.J. Mayo and Celtics legend Paul Pierce to New Jersey/Brooklyn for Mehmet Okur's expiring deal and the Top-3 protected lottery pick that went to Portland instead in exchange for Gerald Wallace. Signing off on both of those deals would have put the final nail in the coffin in what has been a great run for the Garnett-Allen-Pierce Celtics. It also would have set them up nicely for the future. With KG a free agent at season's end, the Celtics would have went into the summer with cap space, a solid young trio of Rondo, Mayo and rising star Avery Bradley as well as a lottery pick in a decent-yet-not-supremely deep draft. If that pick turns into Jared Sullinger or Harrison Barnes or even someone like Andre Drummond, that would be much better than what the C's will be looking at next season....which is to say, nothing.

We knew Boston's odds of making another title run with everything falling in place for LeBron and the Heat were going to be lofty. We didn't think they'd run out of gas as soon as the playoffs tipped off and risk getting upset by a game Hawks team. If the Celtics bow out early, Ainge's refusal to look ahead will be the "What if..?" that circles around Beantown all summer and the years ahead. Even when the team acquired Allen and Garnett a few years ago, we all knew this day was coming. Ainge should have, too. Now, we're passed the point where he can do something about it. If he thought the market for old-timers like Pierce and Allen was slim back in February, watch how quickly the market closes up once they show their age in the playoffs. Depending on whether Boston turns things around, Ainge will either be breathing a sigh of relief or kicking himself in the pants.

6. Blake Griffin, F, Los Angeles Clippers - All the time spent with our jaws on the floor and our eyes wider than Vince Carter's abdomen while watching Clippers highlights headlined by the NBA's newest dunking sensation, we seemed to have forgotten Griffin's a work in progress. An unfinished product. A project. His offense is pretty much a spin move to the hoop and charging the lane with reckless abandon in hopes of jumping over whoever's foolish enough to stand in his way to get dunked on. Like the early years of LeBron, Griffin is a superstar with flashes of brilliance but he isn't "great" yet. He's a freakishly athletic double-double machine whose career will benefit greatly from every step Chris Paul takes on the court in a Clippers uniform, but he's not "there" yet. He doesn't have that outside jumper that Tim Duncan will utilize for the next decade while he adds to his already-breathtaking resume. He isn't an intimidating post defender like Andrew Bynum or Serge Ibaka. He's Brock Lesnar with a 40' vertical. He's a monster, but even monsters find people valiant enough to slay them. Even James is slowly starting to realize he'll have to do more than drive to the hoop like a freight train and either score or draw the foul if he wants to be a champion in this league. This is Griffin's first taste of the postseason and he's getting a hell of a trail by fire by being matched up with an interior beast like Zach Randolph. However, when it's all said and done, much like the glory days of Vinsanity, Griffin will stop wowing us with his NBA Jam-style dunks and we'll start having to take his career a bit more seriously in terms of whether all those highlights are translating into something more substantial. Dunking over everyone you see is nice....if you're trying to get a cute nickname and a spot on the And1 Mixtape Tour. In the NBA, what impresses people the most is winning. Tim Duncan traded flash for the chance to be a four-time NBA champion and the greatest power forward to ever live a long time ago. Griffin will soon find out that his name will be on SportsCenter for more than just his posterizing jams as the pressure to bring some jewelry to an abused franchise mounts.

7. Chris Paul, G, Los Angeles Clippers - Sure, Paul will probably not garner as much attention as former Draft classmate and point guard rival Deron Williams this summer because Williams, unlike Paul, will be testing the market this offseason. However, Paul has the opportunity to reclaim his spot as the league's best point guard(an honor that was handed to Derrick Rose after his MVP season last year while Paul floundered on the Hornets) and create some serious buzz by giving the city of Los Angeles and its beloved Lakers a legit in-house rival. Paul helped spearhead a 27-point fourth quarter comeback in Game 1 to steal a W from the Grizzlies in what is the most intriguing of a slew of entertaining opening round matchups(Heat-Knicks, Thunder-Mavs, even Lakers-Nuggets). How the rest of the series goes is anyone's guess but it's fun to see CP3 commandeer a team with legit championship aspirations after being held back by poor management and penny-pinching in New Orleans. It also gives the Western Conference a certian "Oh, shit...." feeling. As we saw in last year's playoffs when Paul nearly single-handedly took down the Lakers in Round 1, Paul is a force to be reckoned with, especially in thr 4th quarter, when he decides to turn it on, bum knee be damned. It seems farfetched to think Paul can go too much further seeing how this series with Memphis is sure to be one of those hard-fought, seven-game, back-and-forth affairs that battles between two young and hungry teams tend to be and the winner will go on to face San Antonio, who can be had but not without a fight.

Paul's rebirth in L.A. is the type of thing that makes commissioner David Stern grin, even if Stern's decision to put the screws to the trade that would have sent Paul to the Lakers was one of the biggest bush league moves we've seen in years, because it gives the NBA another viable contender rather than strengthening an already great one. If Paul can make serious contenders out of a Clippers team that has been retched for years, then CP3's name will ring bells through the summer and give Lob City the kind of offseason sleeper buzz that is sure to drown out any fuss that the D-Will Sweepstakes will garner. For now, Paul and Griffin make the Clippers interesting and fun to watch and the winner of this series will emerge as a sneaky dark horse out West(especially since Memphis upset the Spurs in Round 1 last year). Congratulations are in order, regardless, for Paul, who is one of the NBA's true good guys and handled his desire to leave New Orleans with the type of class and respect that is in complete contrast to Dwight Howard's on-again, off-again posturing to skip town and for making a laughingstock into a contender that's no joke.

8. Amare Stoudemire, F, New York Knicks - The combination of being on vacation and gathering my NFL Draft thoughts(which will be posted tomorrow) prevented me from writing a suitable preview for the playoffs sooner. I'm glad it did because I would have completely missed out on one of the most peculiar stories and insanely boneheaded displays of aggression the sports world has seen in quite some time. Much like Dwight Howard and Derrick Rose, Amare Stoudemire will be watching his boys finish out the playoffs in a suit and tie at the end of the bench. Unlike D-Rose and D-12, Stoudemire's injury was caused when he decided to put his hand through a fire extinguisher case, like Andy Bernard busting through a wall after Jim Halpert steals his phone on The Office, and sidelined himself for the rest of a series with the Heat that is sure to be over soon anyway. Like with Howard, how the team performs in Amare's absence will go a long way in determining his future with the team. The Knicks already flirted with dealing Stoudemire after signing Tyson Chandler but, alas, teams were scared off by STAT's uninsured knees and albatross of a contract. If finding a taker for Amare was tough before, what exactly is the going rate of a injury-prone forward who can't play defense that just systematically took himself out of the playoffs by going Mike Tyson on a glass case? Furthermore, when has punching stuff ever solved ANYTHING? I'm no Ghandi. I'm not anti-violence. Lord knows I've punched a lot of things in moments of justified rage but, you know what, I realized how stupid it was after I found myself in intense pain with knuckles swollen to the size of a pregnant girl's nipples. You can try to justify the moment by saying Stoudemire was frustrated and not thinking clearly, but that "not thinking in the moment" theory didn't work when Metta World Peace landed The People's Elbow to James Harden's neck and it's not going to fly here. What Stoudemire did was stupid and if it was done out of anger because the offense is now flowing through Carmelo Anthony(only one of the best pure scorers of this generation) instead of Stoudemire than its another example in a long line of childish selfishness that has plagued this shortned NBA season.

Making matters worse, if the Knicks put up more of a fight against the Heat(or, at least, some semblance of a fight) with Stoudemire on the bench, then Amare's last moments as a Knick will be him picking shards of glass out of his hand. The Knicks WILL find a suitor for Stoudemire. It might not be the blockbuster one would hope when dealing a former All-Star but someone will take a chance on Amare the way teams foolishly still take chances on knuckleheads like Gilbert Arenas and J.R. Smith. Stoudemire's absence allows this to be 'Melo's team, 100%. It seems impossible that Anthony as a one-man show can hold off a three-headed monster in Miami but, again, how the team responds will determine Amare's fate this summer. For now, he's an overpaid shlub coming off a moment of sheer stupidity in what has to be the epitome of "cutting off your nose to spite your face".

9. Tim Duncan, F, San Antonio Spurs - Never before did basketball fans think they would ask questions like "Can someone quietly become the greatest player to ever play his position?" or "Can someone unsuspectingly become one of the 10 best basketball players of all-time?" but the answer to both of those questions are "Yes" and "....because Tim Duncan did it.". With a resume that would make Karl Malone piss in his Wranglers and Charles Barkley choke on his WeightWatchers, Tim Duncan is poised to add a fifth ring in a shortened NBA season where every expert had the aging Duncan and his gaggle of geezers put out to pasture. Bill Simmons mentioned this stat in his recent column and it's really astonishing when you think about it: If the Spurs win it all this year, it will be 14 years between Duncan's first ring and, presumably, his last one, which would be the largest gap between first and last titles in NBA history. 14 years! While it still seems farfetched, the Spurs still have a puncher's chance to be a problem in these playoffs. They have veteran savvy, the league's best coach and a legendary power forward that gets better with age. They are porn actress deep and they are playing with a chip on their shoulder because, as always, they have flown under the radar behind the flashier Thunder, Grizzlies and Clippers.

Still, Duncan adding to his legacy is every bit as interesting as Kobe's quest for his sixth title and LeBron and Durant's chase for their first. At 34, Duncan is an elder statesman in a league where stars are barely over the legal drinking age. The old man showed he's still got it in Game 1 with a status quo line of 17-11-5. The real test, however, comes in the next round where they'll either be faced with a rematch of last year's shocking upset to Memphis or a clash against the Clippers that will feature a showdown between Blake Griffin and Duncan that will be a battle of Fun vs. Fundamentals. Duncan and company are the story that get the least amount of pub. They're boring, unspectacular but, most importantly, wildly successful. A fifth ring would be a fitting way to close the show for the greatest big man of this generation. It may not have the pizazz of watching Griffin throw one down or a Kobe turnaround jumper but it will be just as interesting to watch and will allow Duncan to use this summer to get the attention he rightfully deserves.

10. Kevin Durant, F, Oklahoma City Thunder - As basketball fans, we will probably never get to see Kobe vs. LeBron in a seven-game series with a title on the line. We weren't fortunate, in this generation, to have those Bird-Magic moments or Russell vs. Chamberlain. The closest we've come to a real head-to-head matchup between legends was Olajuwon vs. Shaq in the mid-90's(and please don't try to sell me on Kobe vs. Pierce). Kid Dynamite has an opportunity to change all of that. With the only thing standing in LeBron's way of returning to the Finals being themselves, it's up to Durant to hold up his end of the bargain and deliver on the Finals appearance that they should have given us last year. Durant vs. James for the 2012 MVP has been one of this season's better stories and it should culminate in a showdown for all the marbles. It will also be a hell of a run for The Durantula. A trip to the Finals means Durant and company would have dispatched the defending champion Mavs, their heated rival Lakers and a clash of old school vs. new school against the scrappy Spurs before entering the Finals against a star-studded Heat team. NBA fans, execs and analysts want Thunder vs. Heat. The NBA NEEDS Thunder vs. Heat. We need a showdown like this on the biggest stage. Durant vs. James would be what Rodgers vs. Brees was supposed to be in the NFL Playoffs this past season(thanks a lot, Giants and Niners!).

If Durant fails, it will be because he once again couldn't co-exist with his best friend and teammate Russell Westbrook. It will be because the leaders of the new school got outclassed by wily old vets in L.A. or San Antonio and it will be a colossal failure for everyone involved. It will also lead to an offseason where Durant is faced with the same questions LeBron has been faced throughout his career as the leader of a perennial championship favorite. "Can he win The Big One?" "Does he need more help?" "Should they trade Westbrook?" "Should they fire Scott Brooks?". Durant has the chance to kill those questions before they start. He made his case for the MVP in Game 1 by leading a fourth quarter charge to upend the Mavs and sealing it with a last second jumper for the win(as if winning his third straight scoring title wasn't enough). The time has come for Durant to step up to LeBron and battle for the right to be the NBA's alpha dog, but that chance won't come if he's still fighting for that spot on his own team.

And now......the obligatory handing out of the hardware.

For starters, I nailed 15 of 16 playoff teams with the Jazz being the only miss(I had Portland instead). Granted, the seeding was wrong but the cast of characters are the same. Mostly.

COACH OF THE YEAR

Preseason pick: Rich Carlisle, Mavericks
Postseason pick: Gregg Popovich, Spurs

In December, I made the Spurs a playoff out of respect. Nobody thought the aging Spurs would be able to survive a short season of seemingly endless back-to-back games, but Pops rested his troops beautifully and the result is San Antonio is the West's top seed and a legit threat to winning a fifth title. The Mavs, meanwhile, swallowed a poison pill by acquiring Lamar Odom from the Lakers. Odom never felt comfortable in Dallas and the team seemed out of sorts all year. The result is the Mavs finished as the conference's 7 seed and are down 2-0 to the Thunder while Odom was sent packing. Popovich, as it was announced today, was already awarded Coach of the Year honors. A fitting tribute to arguably the greatest coach of this generation.

SIXTH MAN OF THE YEAR

Preseason pick: Lamar Odom, Mavericks
Postseason pick: James Harden, Thunder

As you can tell, I was high on the Mavericks this season and I really thought Odom would use his exile from L.A. as motivation to really shine for the defending champs. What I didn't factor in was Odom's trademark moodiness and sensitivity which lead to Odom sulking throughout the season before the team told him to just stay home. Harden, however, averaged 16.8 points off the bench while shooting around 49% from the field and 39% from three. Oh, and he took a hellacious elbow to the neck from Metta World Peace.

ROOKIE OF THE YEAR

Preseason pick: Derrick Williams, Timberwolves
Postseason pick: Kyrie Irving, Cavaliers

As a guy born and raised in Jersey, I'd love to Newark's own Kenny Faried steal this one because he's been an absolute beast on the boards for Denver. However, Irving shined the most out of a lackluster rookie class. Irving averaged 18.5 points per game with 5.4 assists for a miserable Cavs team despite missing some time with a myriad of injuries. Williams got lost in the shuffle in Minnesota, and averaged just under 9 points a game and just under 5 boards. Truth be told, Ricky Rubio seemed to have this award locked up before blowing out his knee.

MOST IMPROVED PLAYER

Preseason pick: none.....who can really predict that?
Postseason pick: Jeremy Lin, Knicks

You can make the case for a number of guys. Ryan Anderson in Orlando, "Boogie" Cousins in Sac-Town, even Andrew Bynum but, to me, this is a no-brainer. Linsanity was the talk of New York for a good six weeks and, if Mike D'Antoni is still coaching and Lin doesn't get hurt, who knows how Lin's season ends? Anytime you go from sleeping on your teammate's couch to the biggest sports star in New York.....a week after the Giants win the Super Bowl, you've achieved something big.

DEFENSIVE PLAYER OF THE YEAR

Preseason pick: Serge Ibaka, Thunder
Postseason pick: Tyson Chandler, Knicks

The overwhelming consensus seems to lean toward Chandler. I guess because he's the only one who actually plays defense on the Knicks. The Ibaka pick still looks strong, as he finished the season as the leader in blocked shots(whereas Chandler finished 19th). If there are a couple sleepers here, Indiana's Roy Hibbert improved a team that was dead last defensively last year. Andrew Bynum kept his defense strong all season, a point made emphatically with his 10 block performance in Game 1 against the Nuggets(Granted, that doesn't factor into a regular season award). My prediction is it goes to Chandler but, if I had a vote, I'd stick with Ibaka. One thing's for certain, after a year of flip-flopping and mailing it in, this award won't be going to Dwight Howard.

MOST VALUABLE PLAYER

Preseason pick: Dwyane Wade, Heat
Postseason pick: LeBron James, Heat

Let me start off by saying that I think this award belong to Kevin Durant but that I think voters will give it to LeBron after foolishly shunning him last year as punishment for "The Decision". To me, when you lead the league in scoring for three straight years, you deserve to have something to show for it. LeBron is the best player in the league. He's always going to put up amazing stat lines and yearly numbers. However, LeBron's numbers are kind of like Kate Upton's cleavage: Breathtaking to look at but eventually you aren't impressed anymore and you look for something new

(Side note: I have no problem with Kate Upton's cleavage. I, honestly, can't get enough of it. In the history of the human race, no 19-year old has ever been has physically gifted and astoundingly beautiful as Kate Upton. Period. That's not even hyperbole. That's real talk. If you find me a woman under 20 that combined Upton's beauty, body, and sex appeal the way she has, I'm open to listening. She did for "The Dougie" and now, "The Cat Daddy" what Ali Landry did for Doritos, and what Tyra Banks did for five-heads...which is to say made them immensely sexy.)

Durant is that something new. If we aren't ready to give Durant his due this year, when will we? Does he have to win four straight scoring titles? Five? I understand wanting to give a mea culpa for dissing James last season but giving LeBron another MVP just feeds the monster that we get tired of building up, which is that LeBron is a regular season champion who underwhelms in the playoffs. A third MVP season without a ring just makes the vitriol against LeBron more intense. That's not to say that an MVP season for Durant means he'll win a ring but I don't understand the idea behind making up for snubbing LeBron last year by snubbing Durant this year. LeBron's numbers will always be impressive, to the point where he's going to have to start doing outer-worldly things to shock us, but I think Durant deserves the credit or, as I pitched with Brees-Rodgers, suspend the award until the two hash it out in the playoffs if it comes to that.

NBA FINALS PREDICTION

Preseason pick: Heat over Grizzlies in 6
Postseason pick: Heat over Spurs in 5

I just have a bad feeling here. Look, I know I've been saying this entire blog that we're heading towards Thunder vs. Heat in the Finals but there's something about this Spurs team that makes it hard to pick against. We know the Heat's coming out of the East. That's without question. Every team that would oppose them is missing a star player(with the exception of Boston, who are just old). The West? Far more unpredictable. The Grizzlies are a tough out....except they might not get by the Clippers. The Thunder are the obvious favorites.....except the Lakers are in their heads. My heart says we'll get the Durant-LeBron matchup we're dying to see. My gut says the Spurs play tough D, keep everyone rested by going to their deep bench, sweep the Jazz, get revenge on the Grizz and then stun an overconfident Thunder team coming off a seven-game war with the Lakers.


Then, they go to the Finals and get completely overwhelmed by an immensely pissed LeBron, who won't let himself lose in two straight NBA Finals. Remember, we didn't get the Brees-Rodgers rematch we all wanted because some pesky team with a good D that nobody was checking for snuck in and broke up the party. The Spurs can be this year's Giants. I hope I'm wrong but you never know.

Block Party

This may sound like I'm being a homer, and maybe I am, but until last night the block of the year in the NBA belonged to the Spurs' Manu Ginobili.

He made this incredible play against Kevin Durant of the Oklahoma City Thunder:
(I apologize for any ads before these videos. What can you do? The NBA needs to make money somehow.)




That block was incredible and I was fully prepared to call that the block of the year.

But last night that play was eclipsed by......the Spurs' Manu Ginobili!!



First of all, you know it is absolutely a clean block because KG didn't get the foul call. KG gets thrown down like that, at home, and there's no call? It's clean. I love the look on KG face, like he thought something like that could never happen to him. I guess anything is possible.

In keeping with the theme of great blocks, I would also like to take this opportunity to share two of my favorite blocks in NBA history. I'm not saying these are the best of all time, just some of my favorites. Whenever I think of awesome blocks these two immediately come to mind.

First was when Ben Wallace blocked Shaq in the playoffs, when Shaq was playing for the Heat.



Just like KG, Shaq has a look that says things like that are not supposed to happen. Wallace went up and threw his arm down with such force that Shaq ended up on his ass. Wallace knew immediately that he got all ball and came up give the jump ball signal. I loved those Pistons teams of the early to mid 00's. They were built on toughness and defense which I love, in any sport. I've also never really liked Shaq, mostly because he spent years with the Lakers battling my Spurs.


Next is a block that is among the greatest in NBA history. It is certainly the best I have ever seen as it happened. In fact, in some circles is referred to simply as "The Block."

I am of course talking about what Tayshaun Prince did to Reggie Miller:



First, this block should have never happened. If Miller goes up for the jam instead of the lay-up it doesn't give Prince the time or the room to make the block. Even more impressive is the way Prince runs down Miller. They say in the video that he was at half-court when Miller was at the three-point line, but really Prince started running from further back than that. And you can tell he slows down and stutter steps to perfectly time himself before fully extends to get the ball. Simply one of the best ever.

Say My Name

With all the new school technological advancements that have evolved the world of sports, there's one old-school aspect that needs a little sprucing up: Nicknames. Back in the day, you had monikers like "Chocolate Thunder" (Daryl Dawkins), "The Human Highlight Reel" (Dominique Wilkins), and even homo-erotic nicknames like "Sweetness" (Walter Payton). Nowadays, a man's alias is either his initials like L.T., a combination of his first initial and the first three letters of his last name like T-Mac or A-Rod or a combination of initials and jersey number like CP3 or AK-47(though the latter isn't that bad). Now, there are some good modern day ones like "The Akron Hammer" (LeBron James, though that name hasn't gone over so well with some Cavs fans, especially my friend Andre) or "The Brim Reaper" (Former Orioles closer George Sherill), but those have been the exception and not the rule. That's why I decided to take it upon myself to hand out nicknames for a few stars.

1. Chris Bosh: "Avatar". I owe this one to my friend Mike, who mentioned on Facebook that Bosh looked like someone out of Pandora in the movie "Avatar". Think about it though. Bosh is tall, skinny, he has those wild Predator mini-dreads and his cheek bones poke out like a mid-80's Michael Jackson. Besides, he plays for a team that was named the Raptors because of the huge success of the movie "Jurassic Park", why shouldn't its biggest star be named after the biggest movie in years? You can't give Bosh a name like "Air Canada" like the last star in Toronto, Vince Carter, because Bosh might be leaving Canada before The Olympics if the Raptors decide to trade him. However, if Bosh does re-up with the Raps, I can be talked into calling him "The Mountie".

2. Kevin Durant: "Kid Dynamite". Even the cast of "Jersey Shore" wouldn't have come up with nickname as horrid as Durant's current moniker, "The Durant-chula". That's just horrible. "Kid Dynamite" fits Durant because he's young(21) and he's explosive. Sometimes, it's just that simple. Also, the alias "Kid Dynamite" has some lineage. Early in his career, Mike Tyson was christened "Kid Dynamite" because he was young and explosive as well(although at the time, he was explosive IN the ring, as opposed to now being explosive OUT of it). Inevitably, Tyson's PR people saddled him with the more apt "Iron" Mike Tyson. That leaves "Kid Dynamite" up for grabs, and who better than one of the three best players in the NBA?

3. Dwight Howard: "Doomsday". Look, Dwight, you can't be Superman. Shaq was Superman when you were shittin' in your Pampers. Now, in your defense, you have done far more with the Superman title than Shaq ever did(the red cape at the Slam Dunk contest, the outstanding ESPN commercial where you dressed as Clark Kent) and I know Shaq is a role model of yours, but you didn't see Kobe and LeBron rush to take the "Air" from Jordan when #23 finally hung them up, did you? Now, comic mavens like my friend Cubbage will know that Doomsday was one of Superman's arch-nemesis and is one of the only comic book characters to kill Superman. Now, obviously, Dwight, we don't want you to kill Shaq.....his conditioning will do that for you. However, if you and Shaq are going to be rivals for the Superman crown, why not let him be Superman and you can be the more physically imposing Doomsday? Imagine the pub you'll get in the time between now and when Shaq is inevitably traded to the Wizards.

4. Peyton Manning: "The Machine". With all due respect to Cards' slugger Albert Pujols, who has been called "The Machine" on occasion by sportscasters and local media, nobody fits that alias more to a T than Peyton Manning. He's methodical in his diagnosis of a defense. He possesses a laser, rocket arm. His post-game interviews sound like they were written by Johnny 5. Hell, he even runs like a robot. All great players need a nickname. Joe Montana was "Joe Cool". Wayne Gretzky was "The Great One". Hank Aaron was "Hammerin' Hank". With Manning coming closer and closer to "Greatest QB of All-Time" status, he, too, requires a nickname and with his robotic cliches and Windows 7-like precision, I think "The Machine" is apt.

5. Adrian Peterson: "The A-Train". OK, it's not the most original nickname, but shouldn't something as catchy as "A-Train" go to someone a bit more skilled than the last two men to carry the title, Anthony Thomas and Mike Alstott? Running backs are meant to be named after motorized vehicles because they are the perfect combination of size and speed. That's why "The Bus" works so well for Jerome Bettis. Now, to be fair, I've never been a train that fumbles its passengers before take off, so maybe A.P. is going to have to earn this one, but with his blazing speed and violent, hard-charging running style, "The A-Train" has to be much better than A.P. or All Day, right?

6. Drew Brees: "The NOLA Assassin". As fun as it is to yell out "Drew Breeeeeeeeeeeeeeees" when Brees lights it up, it's going to get old at the rate Brees hurls touchdown passes. Brees and his arsenal like to strike quick and go for the jugular on every play, like an assassin. The Saints' offense as a whole is known for getting in the end zone fast and their style of play resembles an NBA fast break. "NOLA", in case you are slow, stands for New Orleans, Louisiana, which(again, if you're slow) is where Brees has achieved legendary status. I also can be talked into "Mighty Mouse", but only with written certification from Damon Stoudemire.

7. Derrick Rose: "Sub-Zero". For those who remember the legendary game "Mortal Kombat", you would recognize was one of the game's icy killers(yes, pun intended). He froze his victims with blast of ice, and, when the time came, ripped off their heads and dangled their spine. Derrick Rose, the brilliant Bulls point guard, is also an icy killer. Cool, calm, unassuming but deadly, like someone with ice in his veins. Now, those well-versed on their slang game know that the word "cold" is typically used to describe something heartless or emotionless. The word "cold" is also used, mainly be Chicago residents, to describe something awesome or nice(thank you, Urban Dictionary). Rose is both of those things: a heartless point man who plays defenses like the cello with ridiculously sick skills. Plus, it's better than the inevitable D-Rose moniker.

8. Albert Pujols: "Terminator". Since we gave "The Machine" to Peyton, it's only right we give Fat Albert a new nickname and what better than the ultimate killing machine. Pujols' once-in-a-lifetime tools(superior hand-eye coordination, uncanny speed on the bases for a big man, hits the ball like he's swinging an oak tree) make him as intimidating to pitchers as Ah-nold was in the Terminator movies. He diagnoses pitches like an android and annihilates a fastball like it was shot out of a water pistol. Plus, a devastating hitter like Pujols deserves a moniker fitting of someone who brings carnage on a day-to-day basis.

Other honorable mentions:

*Shaquille O'Neal: "Seaweed" . Because he's washed up.

*LaDainian Tomlinson: "Blown Fuse" - Because he can no longer carry a charge(or charger).

*Alex Rodriguez: "Capri Sun". Since he's filled with juice and might be a tad fruity.

*Tim Lincecum and Ricky Williams: "Bluntman and Chronic". Self-explanatory.

Now, some of you will wonder why nobody from the NHL made an appearance and the reasons are two-fold: 1. Nobody really cares about hockey and 2. The two most recognizable NHL stars already have sufficient nicknames Sid "The Kid" Crosby and Alexander "The Great" Ovechkin.