Starting Lineups: Movies That Should Be Remade

With originality at an all-time low, movie studios are constantly green-lighting new generation remakes of age-old classics. We've already seen remakes of Clash of the Titans, Alice in Wonderland, Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th, and tonight will be the opening of the new Robin Hood movie starring Russell Crowe(as well as another "Karate Kid" movie with Will Smith's coming....unfortunately). We've seen classic TV shows find newfound relevance on the big screen like Transformers, The question is: Are these the right movies to be re-made and are there other more deserving candidates that should be freshened up for the nation's youth?

Consider that question answered today by your friends here at BoomRoastedSports. In this week's Starting Lineup, Gabe and I will rank the nine movies most desperately in need of a remake.

DAVE

9. Super Mario Brothers (Original release: 1993) - If you ask any video game fan, they will tell there is no denying this indisputable fact: The Super Mario Brothers movie was a huge steaming turd. The problem wasn't necessarily that it was a re-telling of a video game as much as it was a re-telling of a video game using real-life people. Mario is a character whose story is best retold animated. Movies made out of video games always tend not to represent fully the awesomeness of the game it was based on. Resident Evil failed. So did Bloodrayne, Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat and Max Payne. You can't expect a movie about a video game to be taken serious with Dennis Hopper rocking a turtle shell. With so many movies moving to 3D and with video games(especially Nintendo's products) being at its peak in popularity, you can make an animated Mario movie(based on the first game or tying in all of the games into one big plot) work in this generation. As for the voices? So long as you don't dial up Bob Hoskins again, I'm fine with whoever you can come up with.

8. The Glass Menagerie (Original release: There's been plenty, the most recent being in 1987 but the most notable being the Katherine Hepburn/Sam Waterson version in 1973) - Some plays that turned into movies just can't be touched. Streetcar Named Desire with Marlon Brando being one of them. The Glass Menagerie , on the other hand, could definitely be redone. The story of mother trying to find a suitor for her shy daughter, much to the chagrin of her surly son is something that can reel in audiences. People are suckers for cheesy love stories and the Twilight saga has proven that they don't even have to be good for them to sell. For the role of Tom, how about Garrett Hedlund(who played the youngest Mercer brother Jack in Four Brothers)? The shy daughter can be done by Amanda Seyfried(Mamma Mia) or Anne Hathaway(Brokeback Mountian). The mother? Perhaps Sally Field(Forest Gump). As for Jim O'Conner, the gentleman caller, I suppose you can use any meathead dreamboat like, say Justin Timberlake, to get the girls all excited.

7. Beverly Hills Cop (Original release: The original BHC was 1984, but the third and most recent one came about 10 years after that) - Some people believe Beverly Hills Cop belongs on the list with Scarface, The Godfather, and Rocky of "Movies That Should Not Be Touched". After all, Eddie Murphy IS Axel Foley. Given his stretch of terrible script choices, it may be his most recognizable role to guys like myself and Gabe(those younger than us would say "Donkey" in the Shrek series). However, did we think anyone could out-do Jack Nicholson as "The Joker" before Heath Ledger did it? Eddie Murphy has done so many bad movies(Daddy Day Care, Pluto Nash, Meet Dave, Imagine That) that most people forget both how great the original Beverly Hills Cop was AND how great Murphy was in it. Still, do you think it's impossible that Jamie Foxx or Dave Chappelle could step into Murphy's huge shoes as Axel Foley and be at least half way decent? Now, there's talks that there will be a fourth B.H.C. with Murphy in it in 2012 but, for right now, that's hearsay. Even if there IS going to be a fourth installment, why not have a guy like Foxx or Chappelle or another young black comedian in there as well to pass the torch?

6. RoboCop (Original release: 1987) In the 80's and 90's, America had tons of action-hero bad asses: John McClain(Die Hard series), John Rambo(Rambo series), Rocky Balboa(Rocky series), Terminator....hell, even Jean-Claude Van Damme and Steven Seagal put out somewhat watchable action movies(at least, watchable for THAT era) back then. Now? Kids are dressed like Yu Gi Oh characters or dressing like vampires to be like the Twilight geeks. There's no quintessential character that kids and adults will pay to watch wreck shop. There's no RoboCop. The old RoboCop was a victim of late-80's special effects limitations and eventually fell victim to oversaturation once the 3rd movie came out in '93. It's been 17 years since then and special effects are far and away more advanced than when Peter Weller was Alex Murphy. A new RoboCop could draw with both older folks familiar with the original and a younger generation thirsting to watch things get blown up. Since the suit does most of the work, Weller's heir doesn't have to be some puffed-up musclehead like John Cena or Brock Lesnar. How about Daniel Craig, who did a fine job taking over the James Bond mantle over the last few years? You could have Craig initially as a victim of an act of terrorism and then reborn as the new RoboCop sent overseas to tear shit up. It would be like a less comic-nerdy Iron Man.

5. Mad Max (Original: 1979, with sequels in '81 and '85)- Keeping with the "America Lacks A Bad Ass" theme, I give you Mad Max. There aren't many characters in today's movies that equal the awesomeness of Mel Gibson's portrayal back in the late-70's/early-80's. Hollywood loves to recycle the "cop with a personal vendetta" angle. Hell, even Gibson himself tried to go to that well again with Edge of Darkness. That movie, of course, epically failed, mainly because Mel Gibson has become more of a washed-up, Jew-hating drunk than a wise-cracking ass-kicker. Young people don't realize this is the same guy who was Martin Riggs and William Wallace. To them, he's the dick who made Apocolypto. That's why the remake can be filled by someone with a reputation for being more of a tough guy. My wife suggested Clive Owen(Inside Man, King Arthur) or Gerard Butler. Another nominee was Mark Wahlberg. Wahlberg may have failed as video game cop Max Payne, but he was solid in The Departed and in Four Brothers. Butler was cunning in Law Abiding Citizen and a warrior in 300. Both have the acting chops and the build to play Max.

4. Short Circuit (Original release 1986, sequel 1988) - You can make the case that there's already been a remake of the original Short Circuit in the much better sequel, Short Circuit II. Still, people who remember the Short Circuit movies certainly wouldn't mind an updated version of the wise-cracking robot. With the advent of the internet and the rise of social networking, not to mention the myriad of other technological advancements, you can definitely make a Short Circuit remake intriguing to fans of the original as well as interesting to young kids who will probably mistake Johnny 5 for Wall-E. My only demand? No Steve Guttenberg. You can talk me into an Ally Sheedy return, but Gutts is a no-no.

3. Any Kevin Costner movie except for JFK - Movie nuts, sports fans in particular, tend to overrate the entertainment value of Costner's films. Yes, Bull Durham and Field of Dreams were classics, but is Costner irreplaceable in those roles? Could you not sub Costner out in Field of Dreams for, say, Tom Cruise or Jon Cusack? Costner gets alot of credit for being in a couple of classic movies(like Field of Dreams and Bull Durham, as well as Tin Cup and Dances with Wolves), but lest we forget, this is the same guy who gave us Waterworld, The Postman, and Swing Vote. There's a reason why Costner's movies tanked after the 80's....people realized he was as cultivating as Al Gore. Costner's celebrity was built around great supporting casts and solid scripts. He's the Brian Billick of actors: a man who gets all of the fame for the performances of others. I excluded JFK because, as unbearable as Costner is at times as Jim Garrison, I couldn't put anyone else in that spot like I could with other movies. You can put Matthew McConaghey in Costner's place in Tin Cup. You can cast Cusak or Cruise in his baseball classics. JFK? I'm not saying a replacement is impossible(because any actor with at least a decent amount of acting chops could top Costner) but it would be hard to get Costner's image out of that movie.

2. Daredevil/Ghost Rider/Elektra/Cat Woman (Original releases: 2003, 2005, 2007, 2004...respectively) - Christopher Nolan's resurrection of Batman in Batman Begins and The Dark Knight after The Caped Crusader franchise was buried by horrid flicks like Batman and Robin and Batman Forever proves that you can salvage a bomb if it's in the right hands. The four comic book movies, while based around less popular characters, could have been better if they weren't rushed in an effort to eat off the popularity of the Spiderman and X-Men movies. The problem with Daredevil and Ghost Rider is that the lead roles were given to terrible actors(Ben Affleck for Daredevil and Nic Cage for Ghost Rider). Look at what happened with The Incredible Hulk when they swapped out Eric Bana for Edward Norton. You put a legit actor in a lead role, even if it's based around a frilly comic book plot, and you can make a solid movie out of it. Nobody's buying Ben Affleck as some ass-kicking hard ass. They barely buy him as a B-level actor. The same for Cage, whose post-Leaving Las Vegas career has been Eddie Murphy-esque.

Catwoman was a movie that should have just never been made. Nobody cared that much about Michelle Pfieffer doing the same role in the Batman Returns, and she did a way better job with the role than Halle Berry. Elektra is sort of the same deal. Just because comic book movies are popular doesn't mean fans will run out to see a Marvel movie based on anyone(which Marvel will find out when Thor comes out). A movie like Ghost Rider is going to be driven mostly by special effects....but that doesn't mean you just put a shitty actor in their for the rare speaking parts. As for who would play Ghost Rider? I don't know. I always thought Michael Madsen was enough of a hard ass to play the role, but he suffers from the same acting deficiency that Cage suffers from. I wouldn't mind Daredevil being redone with Affleck's much more talented butt-buddy Matt Damon. Elektra could sub out Jennifer Garner for Megan Fox(Transformers) or Amy Adams(Enchanted) and Catwoman can just cease to exist, but if need be, can use someone like Zoe Saldana(Avatar).

1.The Breakfast Club (Original release: 1985) - The Breakfast Club probably deserves to be on the Untouchable list, but what better way to remember the late John Hughes than with a classy redux of perhaps his best piece of work. The success of the High School Musical movies and Glee proves people still get up for cheesy afternoon specials turned into merchandise-selling phenomenons. That doesn't mean we replace Emilio Estevez with Zac Efron. The new Breakfast Club deserves a worthy cast. The only consensus no-brainer I've gotten in terms of the new cast is Juno's Ellen Page playing eccentric Allison(played originally by Ally Sheedy). Initially, I liked Scarlett Johannson for "Claire" but she's become movie napalm over the years so I've settled in on Blake Lively(Gossip Girl). Chris Evans(Fantasic Four, Not Another Teen Movie) could play Emilio Estevez's character, Andrew, as he can't be any worse as a boring jock than Estevez was. For geeky Brian, played by Anthony Michael Hall, how about Michael Cera in a Juno reunion with Page? Somebody pitched the idea of Judd Nelson's John Bender being played by Johnny Depp but Depp is too much of a weirdo to play a tough guy role. Instead, how about Emille Hirsch(Girl Next Door, Alpha Dog)? There may be no topping the original but The Breakfast Club is one of the rare old classics that can still be relevant today and, with Hughes' passing, it deserves a revamping as both a tribute to its creator and as a way for the classic to live on with a new audience.

Gabe's List

9. The Jericho Mile - (Original Release Date - 1979, TV Movie) So, I kick my list off with a TV movie from the 70's. Why would I do that? Well, because it's a damn good movie that almost no one born in the last 30 years is aware of, and even fewer have seen...which is exactly why it should be rebooted for today's audience. It's about a guy serving a life sentence for murder (a crime of passion, btw), who is a runner talented enough to make the Olympic team, which is evident even when he runs in basketball shoes in the potholed track in the prison yard. Because he is a convicted murderer he can't get a furlough to run on an Olympic sanctioned track, so officials decide to build one at the prison and give him his shot at greatness. His running partner inside is black, and the movie uses this to explore the racial and political minefield that prison can be. Oh, and the movie helped launch the career of Michael Mann, a director/producer you may have heard of. So who plays the lead? You need a sinewy athletic white guy who also has the acting chops to convey the emotional range of the character. Maybe someone like Paul Bettany.

8. Double Indemnity - (Original Release Date - 1944) This is all about seeing a modern day actor in a classic role (a theme of mine, you'll notice). I would love to see Phillip Seymour Hoffman play Edward G. Robinson's character. He was short portly guy, running around delivering one-liners and bad news. Hoffman would be great.

7. The Philadelphia Story - (Original Release Date - 1940) Tom Hanks is often called a modern day Jimmy Stewart and I would love to see Hanks reprise Stewart's role in this movie. It would be worth the price of admission just to see him re-enact the late night scene where Stewart's character drops off Katherine Hepburn's character, in which Stewart plays the funniest drunk person I have ever seen. Really, I'd like to see Hanks remake almost any Stewart movie, but we'll start here because it's a comedy. This might sound like sacrilege too, but I would like to see Isla Fisher in Hepburn's role. She'd be perfect. A smokin' hot red-head in a comedic role where the character is a little off-kilter? We've seen Fisher do that before.

6. The Wizard of Oz - (Original Release Date - 1939) I think this should be done simply because of the special effects. There have been numerous re-imaginings, The Wiz, Syfy's Tin Man, but there has not been a faithful remake of the movie. Some would say it's sacrilege to remake a movie that is such a landmark in the history of special effects, but that is why it would be perfect. Why not take this movie and show what can be done with CGI and 3-D? I think it could be great.

5. North by Northwest - (Original release date - 1959) This is simple and again about special effects. The movie is a tightly wound chase story, which features a bi-plane chasing the main character in a field, and a chase across the face of Mt. Rushmore. These two sequences with updated effects could be worth the price of admission alone. It would also be a chance to correct one of the biggest gaffes in film history. (Check out the kid in the background, and notice when he puts his fingers in his ears.)

4. The Matrix - (Original Relase Date - 1999) I know this kind of recent but this is all about special effects too. The stop-motion circular filming was groundbreaking, but imagine how much cooler it would look in 3-D. With today's 3-D technology this film could look that much better. It could be used to provide the same effect as the stop-motion, but better, and more often.

3. Manos: The Hands of Fate - (Original Release Date - 1966) "Manos" is universally considered the worst movie of all time, so I think it would be hilarious to see a faithful remake with A-list stars. That's it, that's the reason.

2. War Games - (Original Release Date - 1983) In sort of keeping one of my themes, this is about updating of technology, but this time it will actually affect the plot of the movie. Imagine this movie updated so that a kid hacks into Defense Department computers now. Imagine how scary this movie could be, especially in the paranoia of our post-9/11 world.

1. Fear of A Black Hat - (Original Release Date - 1994) The original is a mockumentary that clowns every major, and minor, rap act from the late eighties and early nineties. It does it with an original, and brilliant, parody-driven soundtrack. It follows a fictional rap group, N.W.H. (N*****s Wit Hats), as they try and navigate the popular rap scene, try to achieve stardom, all while beefin' with their rivals, The Jam Boys, and constantly losing white managers in mysterious ways, which leads to the classic line "We was outta town when that shit happened." My friend Henri and I even came up with the plot of the update, which is also more of a sequel...Tasty Taste, one of N.W.H., is in jail and the other two, Tone Def and Ice Cold, get back together to put on a benefit concert for his legal fees. They invite a roster of currently relevant rappers, and boom, let the clowning begin.