The excitement of our trip to FedEx Field to see his boys must have fried Mr. Mario Brothers' brain. Dave mustered only four wins and picked a few monumental losses. (How's that Detroit 40-burger taste?) I, on the other hand, was sensible, thoughtful, and watched eight of my picks come through. I believe that gives this Puerto Rican the season series lead for the moment, although we are both still under .500 for the year.
Last Week:
Gabe: 8-4
Dave: 4-8
Season:
Gabe: 33-37-2
Dave: 31-39-2
On to week 6 and as always, these lines are courtesy of Danny Sheridan at the USA Today.
San Diego (-9) at St. Louis
Gabe: San Diego - Last week the Rams were housed by the Lions. San Diego lost to Oakland. The Chargers and Norv Turner are notoriously slow starters and this is the point in the season when they usually start turning things around. Is there a better opponent against which to right the ship than St. Louis? I don't think so. Chargers by double digits.
Dave: San Diego - Rams wideouts are dropping like flies. I think they are another season-ending injury from dialing up Az Hakim to make a come back. I still think San Diego sucks, especially after how violently they shit the bed last week against Oakland, but even an epic failure like the Chargers should be able to take care of business against a wounded Rams squad. Chargers by 10.
Kansas City (+4.5) at Houston
Gabe: Kansas City - The Chiefs finally came back to Earth last week. Houston looked terrible in losing to my Giants. The Texans have schizophrenic all year and I think both teams will have a hangover. This game appears to be a test of strengths, good offense versus good defense. Quick, which team in the NFL is giving up the fewest points per game? Trick question, it's the Atlanta Falcons. But a scant quarter point per game behind them is Kansas City. I don't know if KC will pull out the win, but I think they'll keep it close. Put me down for Houston by 3.
Dave: Kansas City - I really don't know what to make of the Texans. I mean, they should be at least above average by now given the talent they have, right? After getting smoked by The Big Adobo's Giants last week, I'm back into "Believe It When I See It" mode with Houston. The loss of Duane Brown has clearly muted this offense and the D can't be stout forever, even with Brian Cushing back. As for Kansas City, Dwayne Bowe's Roberto Duran hands against Indy kept them from possibly pulling an upset over the Colts or, at the very least, covering the spread and giving me my 5th win. Regardless, this is a good test for Kansas City and I think the Chiefs pass it with flying colors.
Baltimore (+2.5) at New England
Gabe: Baltimore - This pick has less to do with New England and more to do with how much I love the way the Ravens' defense is playing right now. Baltimore is also riding a three game winning streak. When this team is on a roll they are almost unstoppable, especially with Ray Lewis leading them. Fifteen years in the league and that guy is still an animal. Ravens win outright in a mild upset.
Dave: Baltimore - Lest we forget, the last time these two teams met, the Ravens steamrolled the Pats in the playoffs. Since then, the Pats D got older, Brady's hair got gayer and his #1 weapon is now catching balls from Brett Favre and his penis. I know ESPN would love for New England to pull it out here so they can spend another week slurping the Pats and running "Life Without Moss" specials and leading Sportscenter with Justin Bieber battle raps about Tom Terrific, but I see the Ravens D bringing the lumber here and shutting Brady's Bunch down. Ravens by 14.
New Orleans (-4) at Tampa Bay
Gabe: New Orleans - The Saints, to quote something Tony Kornheiser said this week, have to learn that they just can't roll the ball out there and win because they're the champs. They have to play, and play well, to win. They have a target on their back every week. Earlier I said the best team against which to right the ship is St. Louis. Well, it might also be Tampa Bay. The Saints need this game to get back on track and I think they coast and win by 10.
Dave: Tampa Bay - I have no faith in the defending champs. None. Gabe has a better chance of playing the lead role in the Jon Secada biopic than the Saints do of making the playoffs this year. Getting housed by the lowly Cards led by "Mad" Max Hall? Seriously? I can't help but think Drew Brees is feeling the effects of the "Madden Curse" and this offense is sputtering because of it(well, that, and their failure to get anyone resembling a running back in the offseason). Meanwhile, the Bucs may very well be not horrible. They're young. They have a terrible coach, but they have some potential. Enough potential to keep things close against the Saints? I say yes.
Atlanta (+1.5) at Philadelphia
Gabe: Atlanta - I have no idea who to pick in this game. I hate the Eagles, so go Falcons!
Dave: Atlanta - I'd like this matchup more if a. Mike Vick was starting and b. It was in Atlanta. Vick will probably get some work in here after Kevin Kolb checks down to LeSean McCoy for the 11th time(read: after the 4th drive), and it wouldn't surprise me if he busts up his ribs again trying to stick it to his old mates. Still, Atlanta may be the best team in the NFC and the Eagles have gotten very lucky all season with the way they've pulled some of these wins out(especially against SF last week). Falcons by 6.
Detroit (+10) at N.Y. Giants
Gabe: Detroit - Don't let either of last week's games fool you. Both teams will be flying high after their wins. C.C. Brown has been making comments about Eli and the New York media is blowing them out of proportion. The Giants defense is playing great right now, but this is exactly the kind of the game that causes the Giants to shit the bed. I think they'll win, but ten points is way too many. Giants by a touchdown.
Dave: New York - 10 points is a lot to hand Capt. Flan of San Juan's Giants, but look at the ass-whooping Big Blue has put on Chicago and Houston the last two weeks. The Lions may have looked good against St. Louis last week, but their O-Line is too porous to stop this New York pass rush. I think Shaun Hill gets knocked out, Matt Stafford gets rushed in, and the Giants have this thing won by halftime. Giants by 17.
Seattle (+6) at Chicago
Gabe: Chicago - Seattle sucks and the Bears are good enough to beat bad teams at home, I think. Jay Cutler will have a good game and the Bears win by double digits.
Dave: Chicago - In all honesty, I don't know if EITHER of these teams are any good. Bears had eek out a win against Carolina, granted without Jay Cutler, and before that, they got their shit rocked by the Giants. Seattle has pulled off a couple upsets, but they aren't much to sweat either. I think Cutler has a bad day at the office coming off that concussion but Matt Forte carries the Bears to a 7-point W.
Miami (+3) at Green Bay
Gabe: Miami - Last week Dave and I witnessed the Packers' collapse in Washington first hand. When Clay Matthews Jr. went down it was like the air was let out of the Packers' defense. They are also without Jermichael Finley and a bunch of other players. That's just too many injuries. I'm calling the Dolphins' straight up win in my....wait for it...sorry Dave...upset special!
Dave: Miami - I thought it would take at least until midseason before I started picking my Packers' opponents to win in an effort to jinx them. Nope. This Packers team is more beat up than Rihanna after the BET Awards. Finley's out. Grant's out. Barnett's out. A-Rod's woozy. Clay's hobbled. I think this one will be tighter than a R.Kelly playdate but I have no faith in my boys to pull one out after last week's debacle(although, the Redskins owe that W to some really shitty officiating).
Cleveland (+14) at Pittsburgh
Gabe: Pittsburgh - Cleveland might be starting Jake Delhomme at quarterback. Pittsburgh is at home, it's a division game, and the Browns suck out loud. Steelers by 20.
Dave: Pittsburgh - Whether it's Jake Delhomme starting, as Young Don Omar suggests, or Colt McCoy, as ESPN is reporting, the Browns stand as much of a chance of beating Pittsburgh as Mary Kate Olsen does of beating Kirstie Alley in a pie-eating contest. Big Ben is back, and even though he's going to be rusty, this Steelers team is too good not to drop Cleveland on their heads.
N.Y. Jets (-3.5) at Denver
Gabe: N.Y. Jets - I now believe in Kyle Orton. I also believe in the Jets' defense. I also believe that good defense beats good offense nine times out of ten. Give me the Jets, their D, and a seven point win.
Dave: Jets - Kyle Orton has made the Broncos look like geniuses for pulling off that Jay Cutler trade(even if they did botch the draft picks in said deal), but it's asking a lot to have him pick apart this Jets D with no running game. Speaking of running game, L.T. owns the Broncos and I expect that trend to continue. Jets by 14.
Oakland (+7) at San Francisco
Gabe: Oakland - Can San Francisco lose six in a row? To quote their head coach..."Can't do it. Won't do it." If they can't get riled up and pull out a win, to save their season, against their bay area rivals, then they should just pack it in. That said, seven points is too many. This is going to be a close game either way.
Dave: San Francisco - Screw it, I'm game. If Detroit taught us anything last week, it's that a desperate team with talent playing an inferior opponent is going to eventually put it all together and wreck shop. The Niners can't possibly be this bad. Is a touchdown a lot to give an 0-5 team? Sure, but the Raiders are due for a let down after last week's upset and nothing says disappointment better than the words "Starting QB Jason Campbell". Niners by 9.
Dallas (+1.5) at Minnesota
Gabe: Minnesota - Who needs this win more? I don't know. Both teams need this win to keep their seasons from unraveling. Dallas has no leadership and Minnesota has bad leadership. Both teams are among the most talented in the league, on both sides of the ball. I'll take Minnesota to win because they are at home and because they might have a nutty quarterback who makes bad decisions, but they don't have a coaching staff that doesn't understand how to use their talent. Jason Garrett and Wade Philips should both be prepping their resumes.
Dave: Dallas - I'm really going to regret this pick. Randy Moss has always owned the Cowboys after Jerry's boys passed on him in the draft. The problem is, Moss is now catching his passes from Brett Favre and his penis, and the Cowboys, well, they've ALWAYS owned Favre. I think Favre's ego forces him to go out there and play with that bum elbow and he ends up either getting knocked out by halftime or just completely throwing this game away. Cowboys need this one a little more, so I'll begrudgingly take the 'Boys here.
Indianapolis (-3) at Washington
Gabe: Indianapolis - Washington got lucky last weekend and Indy struggled when they shouldn't have. I think Indy flexes their muscle under the lights. Peyton Manning simply does not lose in prime time. Indy by a touchdown.
Dave: Indianapolis - Read this very carefully: YOU DO NOT GO AGAINST PEYTON MANNING AT NIGHT. You don't do it. Ever. Meanwhile, who is Dan Snyder blowing to get the Redskins on Sunday night this many times in the first 6 weeks of the season? Colts by 13.
Tennessee (-3) at Jacksonville
Gabe: Tennessee - Both teams are totally one dimensional on offense. The Titans can at least play a little defense. They'll stop Mojo and in by 6.
Dave: Tennessee - Both of these teams were terrible last year. What made any of the schedule-makers think this game will be watchable in primetime? Because it's Chris Johnson vs. Maurice Jones-Drew? So what! I'll take the Titans here because they have the better back, the D is a bit more competent, and Kenny Britt is starting to come into his own. Titans by 7 in a game you couldn't pay me to watch.
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