Friday, April 8, 2011

Help Wanted: Village Seeking Idiots

There are always going to be people in this world who will make waves for doing things that make us scratch our head. Courtney Love, Charlie Sheen, Britney Spears, Mike Tyson, and Paris Hilton practically made careers out of being numb skulls. The sports world has no shortage of knuckleheads who live to draw our criticism. Here's a look at a couple fools who deserve a good scolding:



Johnny Jolly: It's not unusual for malcontents who find themselves on the wrong side of the law for drug offenses to get caught with their hands in the cookie jar again. So, the fact that soon-to-be-former Packers defensive end got arrested yet again for a felony drug charge shouldn't come as that much of a shock. Instead, it should be called what it is......an act of selfishness by a very, very stupid man.



Jolly managed to avoid trial(and, thus, jail time) by striking a deal stemming from his arrest in July of 2008 for possession of around 200 grams of codeine(the product commonly found in the JaMarcus Russell Special, "Purple Drank"). All Jolly had to do was keep his nose clean for a year and he would avoid going to trail for a charge that could have put him behind bars for up to 20 years. So, after being suspended from the NFL for a year and missing out on Green Bay's magical Super Bowl run, what does Jolly decide to do? He gets pinched for possession of codeine yet again a couple weeks ago(this time, 600 grams of codeine). Now, it's easy for someone like myself, whose only addictions are money and women and has never touched a drop of alcohol or any drug beyond Advil, to stand on a soap box and chastise the fools who find themselves getting nabbed for the same shit over and over again on a public forum such as this. What isn't easy is for someone like me to understand why a 27-year old man who was essentially given a pass for a charge that would have most normal human beings behind bars for most of their natural lives couldn't take advantage of his newfound lease on life? I imagine addictions aren't easy to kick. If they were, Dr. Drew wouldn't have a career. Still, if I knew the consequence for not getting my shit together was spending my prime years in a cell, wouldn't that be incentive to stay clean? Again, I can't weigh in on what it's like to try to kick a drug habit, but it's hard not to shake my head at someone who has now managed to blow it for the second time in as many years.


Gloria James: There are plenty of reasons to get into a physical altercation with another person.


Waiting 30 minutes for a valet to bring your car around is not one of them. By now, we've all heard the story of Gloria James, mother of LeBron James, getting arrested outside of a Florida hotel for going upside a valet's head for taking too long(in her opinion) to bring her car around. For those scoring at home, Gloria has managed to get busted in 2006 for a DUI(among other charges), forced her son to be the butt of countless jokes thanks to a scandal that had her allegedly sleeping with LeBron's then-teammate Delonte West, and now finds herself making the news for what can only be described as a drunken sense of entitlement. What exactly has Gloria James done beyond give birth to one of the greatest basketball players of this generation that she feels her time is so precious that it can't be wasted on a valet taking his time bringing her car around? Gloria James may be the mother of a celebrity, but that does not make her one. Being irate over poor service is one thing, but that doesn't give you the right to put your hands on someone. Situations like these are perfect fodder for the many who despise Gloria's son to point at and say "See, even his mother is a jerk!".


I don't want to overreact on this latest snafu because it's not like we all don't know somebody who has either delivered or been on the receiving end of a drunken bitchslap. Yes, blue collar people who don't have the finances that a Gloria James does will look at her going ballistic on a valet and scratch their head. That goes without saying. My issue(or one of my issues) is "Why?". What exactly is supposed to be gained for beating up a valet? I know she was drunk and she probably didn't have all her mental faculties but, come on! If my pizza takes too long to get to my house, I don't expect it to get there quicker the next time by backhanding the delivery guy. Perhaps Gloria needs a refresher course on what life was like before her son was a two-time MVP and the apple of endorsers' eyes. Like I mentioned about Johnny Jolly earlier, how many second chances does one need before a lesson is learned?


Manny Ramirez: Squandered second chances seems to be the theme here. Given how nutty Manny Ramirez has been over his career, his abrupt retirement today to avoid a second PED-related suspension shouldn't be that much of a surprise. Still, there's no removing the tarnish that continues to find itself on Manny's once-marvelous career. While it was already going to be tough to get Ramirez into Cooperstown after his last positive steroid test, this latest fiasco really hurts his Hall of Fame chances. That may not matter much to Ramirez, who has made close to $200 million playing baseball, has won two World Series titles and has generally played by his own rules but it might in the long run when all the time he spent putting baseballs into the stands gets erased in one fast swoop.


Ramirez should take a long look at what's going on with Barry Bonds. Sure, Ramirez isn't on trial and will never deal with the PR beatings Bonds has taken, but think about the way we think of Bonds now. When's the last time you had a conversation about Barry Bonds that didn't involve his records being tainted, or his perjury trial or how he hurt baseball? Isn't that what awaits Manny now that his career is over? You really think people are going to be talking about his career in a positive way now that he is yet again at the forefront of a steroid scandal? Also, how bad do you feel for the Rays getting hosed on this deal? I know Manny came at a bargain but he was brought in to both give a boost in the middle of the lineup and as someone who could draw in some fans. The Rays got neither and a team that's already 0-6 could have done without this latest kick in the balls.

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