The BoomRoasted Hot 100* (90-81)

We march onward in the Hot 100 with some seasoned veterans, most of which were dropped from Maxim's list either because of a lack of relevance or because voters chose a newer breed of hot women. Consider this section a Hall of Fame of sorts, as a majority made it off a long-standing reputation(much like Halle Berry in the last 10). If you missed 100-91 and are too lazy to scroll down, here's the link.

Without further delaying, the next 10 ladies on the inaugural BoomRoasted Hot 100*....

90. Diane Lane("Unfaithful", "Secretariat") Sure, the case can be made for Diane Lane to not be on this list in favor of younger candidates(Vera Fermiga, for one, who was a surprising snub). Here's the thing that permanently reserves Lane's spot on any Top 100: She's the gold standard for what women in their mid-20's/early 30's hope to look like when they get into their 50's and 60's. Let's face it, you'd kill for your wife to look like Diane Lane does at damn near 60. Lane's career resuscitation started with her stealing the show in the movie "Unfaithful" which, granted, was 10 years ago but has Lane really gotten uglier since then? If "Unfaithful" vaulted Lane to, say, the mid-30's back in 2002, then this would be a fitting place to put her a decade later, right? There's something to be said about women who age well because not many do. Yes, lists like these are a young woman's game, but Lane has earned the right to be here. From a beauty standpoint, Lane is more attractive at 57 than Kat Dennings is at 26. That's saying something. Sure, this might be her last year on the list, so let's give her this final chance to wave her cap at the crowd and enjoy her swan song.



89. Rihanna(Grammy-nominated singer, "Battleship"). I've never been overly wowed by Rihanna's looks. I know, I know, that's blasphemy in some circles but she never really did it for me. Sure, she's sexy in a "If you piss me off, I'll beat your ass and key your car" kind of way but it took a lot of convincing from the rest of the panel to get her on this list. Maybe it's because I spent most of my childhood growing up around West Indian women who looked like Patra but thought they looked like Nia Long and, thus, turned me off to girls like Rihanna. Maybe it's that the R&B game had legit sexy sirens like Mya or Tweet or Deborah Cox once upon a time. Rihanna doesn't compete with those girls, to me, and yet she might be the second hottest chick in the game(behind Mrs. Carter, obviously). Maybe it's the fact that her singing voice and songs annoy the piss out of me. I don't know. Rihanna's certainly hot enough from a relevance standpoint and attractive enough from a beauty standpoint to justify being on this list but when I see her, I can't help but wonder what all the fuss is about. (Side note: She also gets docked a few points for deciding to work again with Chris Brown after Brown bashed her face in.)


88. Diora Baird ("Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning" "Wedding Crashers") Diora Baird was one of the Snubbed Ten back in 2010 and perhaps for good reason. She's nowhere to be found with the exception of a few indie movies, some guest spots on television and some movie shorts. Her last major appearance was a small part in "Hot Tub Time Machine", which she wasn't even credited for. Still, if you manage to do your homework, you'll understand why she's on the list. She's a former Guess model who's most notable role was as "Vivian", one of the women Owen Wilson plows through in the opening half hour of "Wedding Crashers". After that, it was small roles in flicks like "Accepted", "Young People Fucking",  and "My Best Friend's Girl". All of those movies have one common theme: Baird looks smokin' hot in all of them. Her body was sexy enough to garner her a Playboy spread once upon a time and, since then, she's been the quintessential "Wait, who is THAT girl?" in movies. So give her a Google search or stare at the picture next to her name if you need further convincing of Baird's hotness.



87. Alyssa Milano("Charmed", "Hall Pass" ) Yes, Alyssa Milano has pretty much fallen off the face of the Earth since "Charmed", with the exception of a few notable movie roles here and there. I get that, but Milano's managed to resurface during football season with her own brand of women's football team gear. And when she surfaces? Whoa, buddy. Milano's full body of work, much like Diane Lane, could put her in a Hot Chick Hall of Fame. She was Tony Danza's cute little daughter in "Who's The Boss?" then she proved she was all grown up in movies like "Double Dragon" and "Poison Ivy II" then she made a comeback as the hottest thing about the TV show "Charmed" and now she moonlights as a football fashionista/Twitter activist. Oh, and at 40, she's still hotter than most chicks half her age. Let's be honest: You'd rather see Milano as "Bella" in those crappy Twilight flicks than pale-faced Kristen Stewart(or maybe you wouldn't, since most of the people who watch those movies are women or guys who like guys). Like Lane, it will be hard to justify Milano's standing on this list beyond this year if they continue to keep a low-profile, especially with new starlets emerging every year. So, let's take this time to appreciate a woman who's still mind-blowingly attractive decades after the flame was put out on her career.

86. Mary Louise-Parker("Weeds"). I'll listen to your debates for Alyssa Milano and Diane Lane, but your arguments against MLP will fall on deaf ears. For one, Parker rejuvenated her career as Nancy Botwin in "Weeds" and has looked fine doing it for the past seven seasons(particularly season four). She's the quintessential hot soccer mom. Even better, she's a year older than Diane Lane. Women pushing 60 don't look like Mary Louise Parker and certainly aren't able to pull off being the lead attraction on a long-running television series. "Weeds" put Parker back on the map after people forgot about her after "Fried Green Tomatos" and, man, we are so glad she's back. "Weeds" was supposed to die a quick death two years ago but fanfare has kept it going. Here's hoping in stays strong for a few more years so we can keep Parker's hot ass on screen.



85. Jennifer Aniston("Friends", "Horrible Bosses"). I have a small confession to make: I have been in denial over Jennifer Aniston's hotness because I didn't want to admit she was hot while still openly despising that waste of a show she was on, "Friends". Plus, it was hard to make an argument for her after Angelina Jolie snatched Brad Pitt from her. After "Horrible Bosses" and the fact that Jolie now looks like a 5th grade stick figure drawing, I guess Aniston has ultimately won me over. Aniston was always cute in the early going. If you can manage to sit through "Friends", one of the most overrated shows in television history, enough to enjoy her simple good looks, great for you. She parlayed that into some "love interest" roles in "Office Space" and "Along Came Polly" but when she got a bit more, whore-ish, I guess , for lack of a better term, in "Horrible Bosses", that's when I took notice. Aniston dropped the girl next door nonsense and stole the show as a sex-crazed dentist determined to play the role of homewrecker...and we loved every minute of it. Sure, it's going to be tough for Aniston to remove the stench of "Friends" in my eyes but more movies like "Horrible Bosses" can certianly help her cause.

84. Jessica Alba("Sin City", "Machete", "Little Fockers"). Bad movies and having children allowed the world to forget about Jessica Alba, who once upon a time was one of the 5 or 10 hottest women on the planet. Not much has changed from looks perspective, and she showed in "Little Fockers" a couple years ago that she still has "it". The same for her quasi-nude scene in "Machete". Sure, she's a long way from her "Sin City"/"Dark Angel" days and the emergence of other leading ladies has pushed Alba to the back burner, but she still has that magic that once made the movie "Honey" watchable. The sequel to "Sin City" is in the works so Alba should be re-introduced to the world once again come next year. Until then, she lies, waiting in the weeds, at the tail end of the Hot 100 with her eyes poised on regaining the position that was once rightfully hers.




83. Shannon Elizabeth("American Reunion"). I imagine, by now, you're noticing a theme here. Like most of the other women on this section of the list, Shannon Elizabeth was once one of Hollywood's premier young beauties. Her initial claim to fame came as Nadia in the first "American Pie" movie, with arguably one of the most memorable scenes in 90's movie history. She was back for more in the sequel and even had a small role in the first "Scary Movie". After "American Pie 2" though, Elizabeth vanished and all her clout as the "busty pinup girl" went to Jennifer Love-Hewitt. With the American Pie grand finale earlier this year, Elizabeth made a triumphant comeback in the role that made her relevant. Where she goes from here is anybody's guess. She was never that great of an actress, so it's unlikely she'll have a "Client List" like comeback like J-Love did. Still, much like the boys in "American Reunion", we're glad to see Elizabeth again, even if it means her spot on the list is short-lived.

82. Natalie Portman("Black Swan", "Thor") Oh, they grow up so fast. It seems like just yesterday Natalie Portman was the precocious little girl in "The Professional". Now, she's doing lesbian scenes with fellow Hot 100 occupant Mila Kunis, stealing the show in "Garden State"(one of my three favorite movies all-time), and making pointless buddy-romp movies with Ashton Kutcher like the hard-to-watch "No Strings Attached"(Oddly, Kunis made a similar movie with Justin Timberlake called "Friends With Benefits". Coincidence?). Portman is a Hollywood double threat. She's hot enough to be cast in movies as the leading lady yet also a good enough thespian to make those movies watchable, "No Strings Attached" not withstanding. On top of that, she's a goddess in the geek world, having appeared in three Star Wars movies as well as lighting up "Thor". She's breathtakingly beautiful and increasingly relevant, so her stock is only going to rise higher as the years pass.



81. Christina Aguilera("The Voice"). I had a tough time with this pick. Are we nominating the girl whose cleavage has become the unofficial fifth judge on "The Voice" or the girl who has been photographed recently with thighs like Earl Campbell? The weight fluctuation is a bit of concern with Aguilera but when she's right, she's fire. Her body is good enough to warrant a brief glimpse of "The Voice", even if you're like me and detest reality singing competitions. She's come a long way from the goody two shoes who did belly dances for the "Genie In The Bottle" video and has shaken off all the sluttiness from her "X-Tina" phase. Now, she's just a once-upon-a-time singing talent with new found relevance and unquestioned beauty. Sure, she's a couple Carl's Jr burgers from being dropped off the list. Yeah, the botching of the national anthem and the mysterious period blood incident weren't a good look but you move passed those things. We always use words like "upside" and "potential" when it comes to sports. Well, Aguilera still has the "upside" and "potential" to be much higher on this list. As Adele has proven, all it takes is a good comeback record to get your face back on magazine covers....and, for all her girth, Aguilera is not nearly as big as Adele.