Rocky Mountian Whhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyy????

Yesterday, we broke down Denver's signing of Peyton Manning from Tim Tebow's perspective(extremely disrespectful) and the Broncos' perspective(extremely risky), but we never stopped to talk about whether Denver was the right move for Manning himself.

Was it?

To get right to the point: No.

A couple weeks ago, I ranked the eight best contenders who had shown interest in Peyton but left off Denver(whom he ended up signing with) because I didn't think Peyton's agents would risk irritating a client within the agency(Tebow) by angling Manning to take his spot. I used the same theory to cross out San Francisco(who was in the final three) because I couldn't see Manning intentionally making life difficult for Alex Smith, another CAA client. Tennessee ended up being the other team in the final three, and I ranked them fourth. However, had I known that Manning would show little concern for his representatives' fellow cash cows, I would have expanded the list to 10 and Denver would have been slightly ahead of the Seahawks in the bottom quarter of the list and San Francisco would have been the unquestioned best spot for Manning.

Before we get into "Why San Francisco?", let me answer "Why not Denver?". Even though it's a division filled with middle-of-the-pack teams, the AFC West is filled with young, hungry middle-of-the-pack teams that are really only a player or two away from making some noise in the postseason. That's why the division race always comes down to the final games of the season. All four teams aren't separated by much. San Diego was a perennial Super Bowl contender for much of this decade before falling off a bit the last couple of years, but they are still a force so long as Philip Rivers is behind center. Oakland was a fun story for much of the year last year after owner Al David died and the team rallied behind his passing and, they too, have a decent QB in Carson Palmer. Kansas City was one of only two teams last year to stop the Green Bay offensive juggernaut and they nearly won the division for the second time in a row despite having nearly every notable player on the IR. Now, they are back and healthy and, even with Manning in the division, I still like the Chiefs as the early favorite in the West. The AFC West may not be top-heavy like the AFC North or the AFC East or even the NFC South, but it's competitive. If the ultimate goal when picking a new team was "What team gives me the best chance at a ring?", how can you pass on a Niners team playing in the worst division in football that was a botched punt return away from the Super Bowl?

Then, there's the issue with the city of Denver itself, namely the weather. For 14 years, Manning played his home games in the friendly confines of a dome. All of those Colts teams had a reputation for being soft, finesse teams. Now, Manning, on the last legs of his career, is going to make another run at a title in one of the coldest cities in America. Let's say Manning delivers in the regular season and Denver notches the top seed and homefield advantage, who do you like in a snowy, smashmouth clash: Denver or Baltimore? Denver or Pittsburgh? Denver or the Jets? Hell, Denver or New England? Manning doesn't have a history of dominating in the cold and it's going to be hard for a 36-year old man to break out the laser rocket arm in 10 below weather with half a foot of fresh powder coming down on him. You know how much it snows in San Francisco or Tennessee? Here's a hint: not much.

From a talent standpoint, Denver was the worst of the final three as well. Even if Manning talks Elway into bringing in his old mates like Dallas Clark and Jeff Saturday, no former Colt can improve that terrible Bronco defense. While Manning has turned tuna into swordfish before in Indy, the days of him putting a team on his back and being a one-man show are nearing the end. The receivers are young and talented but unproven. Demaryius Thomas is the best of a lot that isn't very deep. The running game is in the hands of a washed up Willis McGahee and, as mentioned before, the defense doesn't have much talent beyond a couple aging vets in the secondary and some young pass rushers at defensive end(something Peyton has probably become accustomed to, anyway). This wasn't a team that was a quarterback away from a Super Bowl. No matter how much Elway and John Fox want to blame Tim Tebow for everything in Colorado short of the Columbine shootings, he wasn't the reason this team couldn't get by New England in the divisionals(Ok, he wasn't the MAIN reason).

You know who WAS a quarterback away from being a Super Bowl team? San Francisco, which brings me to why the Niners were a perfect fit. For starters, that division is horrid. Three of the four teams in the NFC West are picking in the top 12 in April's Draft. If the Niners can go 13-3 with Alex Smith at the helm, how good could they be if Manning is healthy and returns to form(albeit a big if)? Second, the Niners spent the offseason revamping an offense that was rather mundane last year. As much of a knucklehead as Randy Moss has been throughout his career, there's no denying he's the best deep threat of our generation and his teams have come within a whisker of hoisting the Lombardi twice('00 with Minnesota, '07 with New England). The team also added Mario Manningham, who was huge on the Giants' game-winning drive in this past Super Bowl. Moss, Manningham, Michael Crabtree, Vernon Davis, Frank Gore.....how is that not among the best supporting casts Manning has ever had? Oh, and by the way, the Niners have the league's best defense(statistically, maybe even literally). Tell me again, Peyton, how Denver was the better play. Oh, right, you didn't want to stand in the way of little brother Eli's path to the Super Bowl by joining the NFC, too. I know the Manning brothers have some kind of weird, Brady Bunch/Partridge Family-type kinship, but the fact of the matter is, their paths are going to cross one way or the other in their quest for the Super Bowl. Peyton is 36 and is now having to play catch-up with his little brother. At some point, you have to do what's best for you. By stiff-arming the entire NFC and picking a fledgling candidate like Denver, you wonder if Peyton's ultimate goal was to win a ring for himself.....or his little brother.

Look, time will tell whether the move to Denver will work out. As someone who has spent time in Colorado and also knows the effects of the blistering cold on aching bones, I wonder if going to a cold weather city makes sense for a man with a busted neck. Of course, we're speaking of this entire Broncos-Manning marriage under the best case scenario that Manning can still play. As much as the media wants to take Peyton's return and run with it, let's see how the man responds to taking a hit first. Let's see how much he loves Denver when there's a foot and a half of snow on the ground before he's even able to take his kids trick-or-treating. From a talent standpoint, a healthy Peyton Manning could have ruled the world in San Francisco. In Denver, he'll be lucky to own the West. Peyton Manning said that his new domain would be less about the money and more about winning a Super Bowl, but that seems a bit far-fetched after he turned down a team that was thisclose in the NFC Championship to take a five-year, $96 million deal with a team that struggled to win its own division last year.

Peyton Manning didn't want to stand in the way of his little brother. With this latest mistake, he'll never have to worry about that.

Faith No More

You almost have to wonder what Tim Tebow would have to have done to make believers out of head coach John Fox and VP John Elway. Is turning around a franchise that started off 1-4, clinching a division title and notching a huge upset victory over the defending AFC champions not enough for one to keep their job? In an era where atheism is at its apex, does it not matter that the Crown Prince of Christianity has managed to still emerge as the NFL's most popular athlete?

The Broncos' decision to axe Tebow Time in exchange for making the Rockies "Peyton's Place" is the latest in a string of slights that the former Heisman winner and two-time NCAA champion has had to endure since he bid adieu to Gainesville, Florida. It wasn't enough that everyone watched his every step at the Combine. It wasn't enough that guys like Merrill Hoge took every opportunity to bash the most decorated collegiate athlete of our time. We always had to find some wrench to throw in Tebow's way. It's the kind of chicanery that feeds the legacy of Tim Tebow as America's most beloved underdog: the unappreciated good guy who triumphs no matter the odds. This time, however, this latest debacle feeds into what bloggers and media outlets love to do during news lulls: create conspiracy theories. My take on why Fox and Elway were so desperate to end Tebowmania has been mentioned before but was reinforced when the team was finally able to snag this offseason's biggest free agent fish in Peyton Manning.

For Fox, it's pretty simple. Tebow doesn't fit the mold of the type of conservative quarterback that was not only the lynchpin of Fox's teams in Carolina but also the prototype used by Fox's mentor, Bill Parcells. Tim Tebow didn't evoke memories of Phil Simms or Jake Delhomme. Instead, he was a one of one. A true original. A superb athlete with no real precedent. Tebow was a huge wad of clay and Fox wasn't exactly an architectural expert.

For Elway, the theories that Tebow's overwhelming popularity in Denver was making Elway a bit nervous got a bit more weight with Elway's increasing anxiousness to exile Tebow. After all, we live in a "What have you done for me lately?" world and Elway had just sat back and watched the memory of former rival Brett Favre get washed away in Green Bay in large part because of the success of heir apparent Aaron Rodgers(Although, Favre's three-year "Fuck you, Green Bay!" campaign was just as big a factor). You don't think that, given Tebow's knack for winning and insatiable want to get better, there was a possibility that Tebow could be hoisting the Lombardi Trophy with greater speed than Elway, who was infamous for his postseason failures up until the final two years of his career? You don't think that Elway, one of the great clutch performers of any era, was starting to get scared with every fourth quarter comeback Tebow was putting under his belt? In the social networking society we live in, all it takes is a couple triumphs here and there to turn you into an icon. It doesn't take much to be famous. Don't think for a second that Elway doesn't know. Tim Tebow was the most talked about athlete in an NFL season that saw rookie records shattered and three QB's surpass the once-unfathomable 5,000 passing yard mark.....and that was after putting together a season that was, statistically, average. Imagine if Tebow would have spent the next few seasons committing himself to becoming a more pure passer and started putting together 4,000 yard passing seasons to go along with that bulldozing running style of his. Imagine if Tebow emerged as the bigger, stronger version of the Micheal Vick that Vick was supposed to be in Atlanta. Elway would be shitting his pants in the press box with every pass.

As soon as the season ended, the plot was simple: We need to get rid of Tebow but only if we can get back someone that won't cause a mutiny. Viola! Enter Peyton Manning. The problem with that is obvious. For one, as big a name as Manning is, he isn't going to make everyone forget Tim Tebow unless Broncos fans are every bit as fickle as, say, Knicks fans. Second, you've now given one of the most tireless workers in the league a reason to make you regret giving up on him. This isn't cutting the cord on a fat tub of lard like Albert Haynesworth. Tebow is going to make Denver pay for this. Third, while everyone wants to soak their shorts over doctors' reports and non-contact workouts, the fact remains that we don't know if Manning will still have his fastball when the season opens up in six months. He's 36, coming off three neck surgeries and he hasn't taken a hit in a year and a half. Even the biggest optimist will tell you Manning returning to MVP form isn't a near-certainty. So, in a twist of irony, if this Manning-Tebow swap, which was partially made by Elway out of fear that Tebow would replace him in the hearts of the Denver faithful, goes awry, it will cause a backlash in Denver that will bring along the very vitrial towards the two-time Super Bowl winner that he was so deathly afraid of.

So, Elway's decision is mostly tied to Manning's health, but it's also tied into what Tebow does in his second act in his new locale as well as where that new locale is. Jacksonville has been the rumored destination for Tebow even before he was a Denver Bronco and it makes sense on so many levels. First, Tebow's obviously an icon in Florida and his presence on a team that couldn't sell out a game with a rope and a gun would be huge. Second, the team is in desperate need of a QB. Whether Tebow is a potential elite QB remains to be seen but it goes without saying that he'd be an upgrade over Blaine Gabbert. A Gabbert-for-Tebow trade makes sense because it allows Gabbert to get the tutlege he was never allowed to get in Jacksonville and it also allows Denver to place Tebow on a team with a higher degree of difficulty in terms of biting the Broncos back on the ass. Even though Tebow succeeded with guys like Eddie Royal and Demaryius Thomas as his go-to guys, those guys look like the "Greatest Show On Turf" compared to Tebow's would-be supporting cast in Jacksonville. Miami looked to be another ideal spot for Tebow, but they just signed David Garrard. Granted, a 34-year old QB coming off back surgery isn't exactly a reason to turn down alternative options, but considering Tebow is only on the market because he's being replaced by the scant hopes that a 36-year old with a broken neck can return to MVP form, you'd have to say Tebow-to-the-Dolphins is a bit more of a long shot than initially planned.

It's the latest saga in a string of Tim Tebow-related events that seem almost staged for maximum effect in the hopes that they will someday lead to an ESPN-produced/Channing Tatum-led Tim Tebow movie. It's fitting that the most unconventional quarterback in years was replaced by the man who might be the ideal specimen when looking for a prototypical quarterback. From the minute Tebow lands at his new destination, the fates of Elway, Manning and Tebow will be forever intertwined. For now, Denver's decision to move on from Tebow is the latest in what has been a smattering of disrespect since the new regime came to town. Perhaps it's a great deal of fortune by Tebow that Manning's arrival will finally allow Touchdown Jesus to get the full appreciation he never received by the powers-that-be in Mile High.

The only thing better than good underdog movie......is the inevitable sequel. For Elway and Fox, it's coming to theaters near you very soon.

You Can't Make This Shit Up

Anyone who knows me personally, follows me on Twitter or reads this page religiously(and I realize there is a very small amount of people who qualify for all three), knows that I am an avid pro wrestling fan. It is something Gabe gives me a Casey Hampton-sized amount of shit over, which is hilarious in its own right because he's a huge fan of The Fray. I enjoy wrestling for its rarefied athleticism, its standing as the only "sport" that allows true shit-talking and for the fact that it's scripted while still towing the line between predictable and unpredictable.

It was after watching this past Monday's edition of Monday Night Raw that I started to wonder: What if other sports were scripted, too? What if creative writers stood behind the scenes in closed offices pondering exciting World Series after exciting World Series? You're telling me sports wouldn't be at least somewhat exciting if every game was choreographed and every result preordained for the sole purpose of maximizing entertainment value? Hell, there are conspiracy theorists out there who live to find excuses to claim the fix is in. We enjoy sports for being the "theater of the unexpected". Every great moment is much more tantalizing to us because it's organic. Part of the downer to sports movies, at least to people like me, is that they always have that storybook ending(for the most part) which, in turn, lessens the enjoyment of it all because it lacks realism(except for, say, Friday Night Lights, which was based on a true story so it lacked that miracle final drive that seems to be the lynchpin of every football movie). Every underdog story doesn't have to end with Rocky Balboa knocking out Ivan Drago or with the Mighty Ducks rallying past long odds. That's the joy of real sports. They don't always have a fairytale ending.

There are some moments, however, where everything falls into place that you start to wonder what's in the cards. Some sports stories are just a little too good of a mix of fate and coincidence to not seem fixed. These are the moments that make me go "Hmmm....".



*In yet another turbulent offseason, Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger is accused of sexual assault not once, but twice, by two different women in two different locales. The firestorm of controversy leads to whirlwind of speculation of whether Big Ben has seen his last days in the Steel City and whether the once-seemingly untradable franchise cornerstone now finds himself on the block. The Steelers opt to keep Roethlisberger, who sits out the four games of the season due to a suspension. What happens afterward? Roethisberger comes back and leads the Steelers to his third Super Bowl in six years. Pittsburgh inevitably loses to Green Bay, denying us the greatest fan turnaround since the city of Los Angeles suddenly rallied behind enigmatic superstar Kobe Bryant following a stretch that saw him get knocked for his own sexual assault beef, force Shaquille O'Neal out of town and then demand a trade out of Hollywood himself before winning a couple rings on his own.





That's not to say we didn't get something out of that Steelers-Packers championship game. Aaron Rodgers, who sat behind Packers icon Brett Favre for three years before assuming control of the Packers offense only after a nasty split between Green Bay and Favre, wins his first Super Bowl ring. Why is it important? Because it just so happened to come in Favre's final season as a pro. It was also a season that saw Rodgers topple Favre twice after Favre took his frustrations out on his young understudy in their first two encounters. It was a fitting end to a what was a tumultuous couple of years for Favre, Rodgers and the Packers and it ended with the heir apparent on top while the once-mighty iron man laid crumpled in a scrap heap no longer able to play the game he once dominated. It was an ending that seemed almost too good to be true.

*Speaking of iron men, Peyton Manning played in 227 straight games for the Indianapolis Colts. Following the 2010 season, however, Manning underwent a few surgeries on his ailing neck. Recovery from those procedures was slow and despite early speculation that Manning would be ready for this past season's opener against Houston, Manning finally bit the bullet and was forced to sit. One week became a whole season and the Colts were suddenly without their four-time NFL MVP and franchise player. The loss of Manning was devastating to the Colts but also an example that even the toughest of men are human and that the Colts may need to look into bringing in a successor in upcoming draft. Meanwhile, out west, a Stanford junior by the name of Andrew Luck is putting the finishing touches on a two-year long standing as the best non-pro QB in the country as well as the unquestioned #1 pick in the 2012 NFL Draft. Luck is regarded by many as the highest rated QB prospect to hit the NFL in three decades. Who is the QB that Luck draws the most comparisons to? Peyton Manning. And who ends up with the #1 pick in the 2012 NFL Draft? The Indianapolis Colts. The timing is just uncanny.

To make things even crazier, with Peyton sitting on the sidelines, little brother Eli was putting on a career year and, once again, used a late-season Dallas Cowboys collapse to make the playoffs. Once again, Eli's Giants steam-rolled through the playoffs including a big win over a mighty Packers team. Once again, Eli and company put foot to the asses of Tom Brady and the New England Patriots to win the Super Bowl. Where was this Super Bowl held? In "The House That Peyton Built"......Lucas Oil Stadium. Indianapolis, Indiana.



*Faced with a huge deficit in the final month of the season as well as potentially losing their best player to free agency at the end of the season, the St. Louis Cardinals enter the month of September down 10.5 games to the Atlanta Braves in the National League Wild Card race. Miraculously, the Cardinals win 23 of their final 31 games while the Braves take one of the biggest nosedives in baseball history. Even more miraculously, the Cardinals mows through heavy preseason favorite Philadelphia as well as division rival Milwaukee to make the World Series before dispatching a Texas Rangers team making their second straight World Series appearance in dramatic Game 7 fashion. The final two months of the Cardinals season featured some heavy lifting from its aforementioned soon-to-be free agent slugger Albert Pujols. Every Pujols at-bat in every Cardinals elimination game was met with a "this could be the final at-bat for Albert Pujols as a St. Louis Cardinal" from Joe Buck as the playoffs commenced.

With all that foreshadowing already in place, Pujols spent the offseason celebrating his second World Series championship, getting wined and dined by a suddenly wealthy Miami Marlins team, flirting with the idea of staying in Nellyville before agreeing to take a large wad of cash from the Los Angeles Angels and leaving St. Louis with what once seemed like unlikely final memories.

*Starving for years for a competent point guard to run Mike D'Antoni's intricate fast-paced offense, the New York Knicks were considered to be stuck in a rut having dealt all of its trade assets in a deal to acquire small forward Carmelo Anthony, thus making them unable to strike a deal for Chris Paul or Deron Williams. The team gets desperate and signs former All-Star Baron Davis with the hopes that a fiery Madison Square Garden crowd will bring B-Diddy back to life and back to relevance. Instead, Davis' back sends him back to his usual spot at the end of the bench in street clothes, unable to return til March. Injuries take their toll on the Knicks' point guard depth and the team strikes a deal to bring in a lanky Asian kid from Harvard left for dead by his hometown Golden State Warriors and the Houston Rockets. In just his second game logging significant playing time as a Knick, Jeremy Lin explodes for 25 points and 7 assists against D-Will and the New York Knicks a night after sleeping on the couch of teammate Landry Fields and all while Knicks suits debated cutting Lin loose. Lin follows up his breakout performance by notching his first start and going for 28 and 8 against Utah. Suddenly, Jeremy Lin was the biggest thing in the Big Apple a day after the New York Giants won the Super Bowl. Just a few days after Big Blue held its ticker-tape parade in NYC hoising the Lombardi Trophy, Lin outduels Kobe Bryant and the Lakers and scores a career-high 38 points in front of a frenzied MSG crowd. By the end of his first week as starter, "Linsanity" commences and every borderline creative human within 100 miles of the Metro area cultivates their own personal Lin-inspired puns. In the span of two weeks, Jeremy Lin goes from NBA afterthought to the most dangerous Asian to hit New York since Jackie Chan filmed "Rumble In The Bronx" and the Knicks are currently riding a seven-game win streak with Lin at the helm. What was once Carmelo Anthony's team now has been peppered with asanine questions like "Can 'Melo fit in with Linsanity?". If Lin somehow leads these Knicks to the NBA championship, not only will I be calling bullshit but I'll be turning off my TV for 2 months and cancelling my Twitter account.

(Quick rant: The Jeremy Lin story is a feel-good story for everyone, especially those who had to routinely make believers out of doubters and triumph over long odds. That being said, the "Linsanity" over the last 10 days is Exhibit A of things I hate about sports in the Twitter/round-the-clock sports news era. In an era where it doesn't take much to be a celebrity, Lin's impressive run has somehow morphed him into a national superstar and has forced commentators and sports anchors to toss around words like "legacy" and "illustrious career". Seven games doesn't make an illustrious career and it damn sure doesn't give you a legacy. Jeremy Lin's standing is more an example of perseverance and front office ignorance than the start of a Hall of Fame career. Lin has toppled one quality team during his breakout run and that was a Lakers team where he was being guarded by human turnstile Derek Fisher. I'm not saying Lin's emergence isn't worth talking about or even getting excited about, especially to a Knicks fan base that has suffered for years while Isiah Thomas managed them into the cellar, but what I am saying is we need to pump the brakes. Seven games doesn't make you an All-Star, as some have campaigned for Lin to be and, as we've seen with Tim Tebow, the same people who are with you when you're riding high will be the first to turn on you when things fall apart......and there's no more likely a place for this to happen than in the fickle city of New York.)

Still not convinced that something funny's going on? How about we step outside the sports world and into the music world for a second, shall we?

*One night before the 2012 Grammys are set to kick off, legendary singer and 80's-90's icon Whitney Houston is found dead in her bathtub at age 48. Houston, the greatest singer of her generation and a classic cautionary tale of the effect drug and alcohol addiction can have on a human being, becomes the biggest story of a Grammy night that was already lacking much in terms of living star power(with the exception of Adele, who would have been a much bigger story if not for Houston's passing sombering out the mood). Suddenly, despite not registering a positive blip on the radar since 1998(despite a couple albums and movies afterward and comeback tour, none of which as impressive as '98's "My Love Is Your Love" album, which went quadruple platinum....you know, back when record sales meant something), "fans", who refused to admit they forgotten about her and had written her off while she battling addiction to cocaine and other substances, suddenly stormed social media outlets with half-hearted remembrance tweets, videos and obligatory condolences. It's the biggest impact Houston has had in the music world in more than a decade, besides being the go-to punchline for every hack comic over the last 10 years. Much like America did with Michael Jackson, the country seemed to magically forget about all of the issues that lead to Houston's downfall and spent the 36 hours after her death highlighting all the good the once-legendary diva had done.



(Quick rant #2: Again, if you follow me on Twitter or are friends with me on Facebook, you already know about my reaction to the posthumous theatrics. I have nothing personal against Whitney Houston, except I was never a huge fan of her music. That's not to say I don't acknowledge her talent. It's just heterosexual males trying to find a girl on a Friday night don't cruise down the block blasting "I'm Every Woman". There will never be another Whitney Houston. Her vocal gifts are incomparable, with Mariah Carey being the only modern star who could possibly come close. That being said, her demise was completely and utterly of her own doing. It's hard for me to find sympathy for someone who has all the means in the world to get themselves better from whatever addiction that ails them.

Whitney Houston died from too much Xanax and Stoli. She didn't die of cancer, like Hall of Fame catcher Gary Carter did this afternoon. Somehow, I don't see Carter getting the much-ballyhooed farewell that Houston got these last few days. Houston's death was tragic but the biggest tragedy is the phonies who felt compelled to storm the Internet with their pretend sadness over the loss of someone they never knew and barely cared about for at least a decade prior to her untimely demise. I said this in my Michael Jackson tribute and it was reinforced in the hours following Whitney's death: America is a nation of fad jumpers. Houston's death was the relevant moment of the day and, God forbid, we let a big name like this fall without giving her the same song and dance we gave Jacko. The truth is, nobody cared about Whitney Houston until she was lifeless in her own bathtub. The cliche "you don't know what you have until it's gone" couldn't be more true when you step back and see the slew of people posting "I Wanna Dance With Somebody" for the first time in ages. The reaction to Whitney's death wasn't a true dedication. It was the equivalent of people dressing up for an 80's theme party. Let's see who is still playing "I Will Always Love You" by St. Patrick's Day.

If people truly care about the life and death of Whitney Houston, then they will use her death as a reminder that tomorrow isn't promised and that the tyranny of drugs can turn a precious life into shit in the speed of a Randy Johnson fastball. Jay-Z once said "Everybody wants to be Bobby Brown but to be Bobby then, you gotta be Bobby now.". There will never be another Whitney Houston, which is why should use her death as opportunity for that statement to be true for both her rise to the top as well as her fall to the bottom.)


I'm not saying Whitney Houston staged her death to happen before the music world's biggest night, but can you think of a better time to maximize the final seconds of a dwindling career?

Who's #1?

Eli Manning winning his second ring with yet another game-winning drive late in the fourth quarter against the Patriots in the Super Bowl has opened up the customary post-Super Bowl debate: Who's the best QB in the NFL right now?

Much to the surprise of no one, New Yorkers as well as media outlets with a P.H.d in overreaction and hysteria hit the social media world to declare Eli's greatness and label him everything short of our newest savior and leader of the free world. Former ESPN personality Max Kellerman opened up a debate on Twitter as to whether Eli was the greatest 4th quarter quarterback of all-time, which lead to Giants fans damn near tripping over themselves to tweet back that the newest King of New York has surpassed the likes of Joe Montana and John Elway and has emerged as "Mr. Clutch". It's what's to be expected of significantly biased fans moments after their team gets a taste of a championship. This time a year ago, most Packers fans would tell you Aaron Rodgers could walk on water while simultaneously curing cancer.

Once the dust settles, however, the question as to who is the top signal caller in the NFL will need a legitimate, non-biased answer. Eli Manning certainly went out of his way to put his name in the discussion and strike back at those who scoffed at his preseason claim that he was an elite QB in the stature of a Tom Brady. But is he #1, and if not, who is? It's a quandary I passed along via text to some of my friends to get varying opinions to mix in with my own thoughts on the matter. At the end of the day, we settled on six quarterbacks who can stake claim to the top spot. Since this is MY website, I ranked them in the order I felt they fall in based on some heavy research and my own takes on their personal achievements.

To help build suspense(though, granted, you could just scroll down), I'm starting from #6 and moving down(or up, if you want to be technical). Feel free to send me your outrage.....

6. Peyton Manning(Age: 35. Will be 36 in March)

Credentials: 4-time NFL MVP, 11-time Pro Bowler, 5-time first-team All-Pro, 3-time 2nd-team All-Pro, lead Colts to two Super Bowls, winning one of them, Super Bowl MVP, fastest to 4,000 completions, fastest to 50,000 passing yards, started 227 straight games including playoffs prior to missing the 2011 season

The case for Peyton: He's the NFL's only four-time MVP. He's remarkably consistent, throwing for at least 4,000 yards in all but two of his thirteen seasons(not including this season, which he didn't play a down of) and threw at least 25 touchdown passes every year since 1998(his rookie season), surpassing the 30 TD mark four times and hitting the 40 TD mark once in 2004 with a then-NFL record 49. The biggest case for Manning's standing atop the QB mountain may have came without him even seeing the field. With Manning sidelined the entire year coming off neck surgery, the Colts plummeted to a league-worst 2-14 record.

The case against Peyton: Obviously, uncertainty is the biggest issue with Manning. For one, we don't know if he'll ever play again. There were early reports that Manning has been cleared to play but Colts owner Jim Irsay says his team doctors declare otherwise. What we DO know is Manning has seen his last days as an Indianapolis Colt as the team will move on with inevitable #1 pick Andrew Luck in 2012. At 36, coming off three neck surgeries, having not played a game since January of last year and now starting for a as-yet-unknown team, it's hard to gauge the prospects of Peyton returning to the top. How much faith do you put in Peyton putting up his usual numbers in somewhere like Washington or Miami? What about if he lands on a contender like Kansas City or the Jets? There's still so much we don't know yet, but Peyton's resume is long enough to warrant him a spot on the list.

5. Drew Brees(age: 33)

Credentials: 6-time Pro Bowler, 4-time All-Pro, Super Bowl champion and MVP, 2-time NFL Offensive Player of the Year, AP Male Athlete of the Year, NFL Comeback Player of the Year, Sportsman of the Year, all-time single season record holder for passing yards, completions, 300+ yard games in a season, most consecutive seasons with 4,000 yards(6, tied with Peyton Manning), most consecutive seasons with 4,000 yards and 30+ TD's(4 and counting), most completions in a Super Bowl(32), only QB to throw for 5,000 yards in a season twice in his career

The case for Drew: Brees is a statistical juggernaut, as evident by the paragraph above(and those are only the important achievements. The other NFL records and team records could have stretched another four lines). Since coming to New Orleans and uniting with Sean Payton, Brees went on a campaign to rub San Diego's nose(as well as other teams that passed on him in free agency, like Miami) in a pile of excrement for leaving him for dead following his shoulder injury at the end of the 2005 season. He's proven to be a mortal lock for 4,000 yards and 30 TD's, at minimum, and he's doing it with guys who aren't exactly big names like Lance Moore and Jimmy Graham.

The case against Drew: It's hard to knock such a world-class human being but if there's a bone to pick with Brees, it might be his lack of success in the playoffs. If you take away his miracle Super Bowl run in 2009, Brees' postseason career is littered with some disappointments, including getting eliminated by inferior Seattle two years ago and losing a stunner to San Francisco this past season. Brees is 5-4 in his career in the playoffs, which isn't horrible but could be a lot better when you consider the opposition that sent Brees and company home early. It also should be mentioned that Brees got off to such a slow start in San Diego that the team invested the #1 pick in the 2004 Draft on Eli Manning(which they later turned into Philip Rivers), which lead to Brees' exile from the Chargers not long after.

3. (tie) Ben Roethlisberger(age: 29), Eli Manning(age: 31)

Credentials for Roethlisberger: 2-time Pro Bowler, lead Steelers to three Super Bowls before he even turned 30 and won two, AP NFL Rookie of the Year, most wins by a rookie QB in a season(13), youngest QB to win a Super Bowl, second-youngest QB to win two Super Bowls

Credentials for Manning: 2-time Pro Bowler, two-time Super Bowl champion, 2-time Super Bowl MVP, NFL record for most 4th quarter TD passes in a single season(15), NFL record for most road wins in the playoffs by a quarterback(5)

The case for Big Ben: From the minute he stood under center for the Steelers, Roethlisberger changed Pittsburgh's fortunes for the better. He went 14-1(including playoffs) in his rookie season and won his first Super Bowl in his second year as starter. Since then, he's been the model for toughness(albeit, not exactly durability) and is the chief reason the Steelers remain a contender year-in and year-out. When legendary coach Bill Cowher retired, many thought the Steelers would take a while to bounce back under new coach Mike Tomlin. Instead, Roethlisberger carried the Steel Curtian to another Super Bowl title and came within a final drive of winning his third one two years ago against Green Bay.

The case against Big Ben: His numbers aren't spectacular, but they are solid for a QB leading a team that's known for being smashmouth(though they became more pass-oriented under former OC Bruce Arians). Roethlisberger has thrown for more than 25 TD passes twice in eight seasons and has eclipsed the 4,000 yard mark twice as well. For all his toughness and willingness to play through pain, even Ben has his limits. Roethlisberger has played a full season just once in his career and, oddly enough, it was his worst season statistically(17 TD-to-15 INT). Big Ben also has the Drew Bledsoe curse of staying in the pocket too long waiting for the big play to develop and taking unnecessary sacks. Since 2006, Big Ben has been sacked at least 40 times every season except 2010, when he missed four games due to suspension(and he still finished with 32 sacks).

The case for Eli: For the second time in the Super Bowl(and the third time in the past three showdowns), Eli Manning marched down the field against the New England Patriots and engineered the game-winning drive. He has emerged as Mr. 4th Quarter and he will forever be known for his valiant effort in Super Bowl 42, defeated a then-undefeated Patriots team and pulling off one of the greatest plays in Super Bowl history when he connected with David Tyree on the game-winning drive. He's thrown for 4,000 yards in the last three seasons and is now 7-3 in the playoffs.

The case against Eli: These are the facts Giants fans aren't trying to hear when they are busying championing Eli as the second coming. For all the talk about Eli's postseason greatness, it should be mentioned that Eli's playoff achievements barely happened because Eli and company were so underwhelming in the regular season that they needed late-season collapses by the Cowboys to back into the playoffs. In Eli's two Super Bowl champion years, the Giants were 10-6 and 9-7 in 2007 and 2011 respectively. In between those two years, Eli lead the Giants to the playoffs ONCE and they were one-and-done in 2008. It should also be mentioned that the same fans that now think Eli is a gridiron Jesus were ready to throw him and coach Tom Coughlin out of the Big Apple prior to the 2007 playoffs. Eli's thrown more than 30 TD's once in his career but has lead the league in interceptions twice. As great as he's been against the likes of Aaron Rodgers and Tom Brady, he got outplayed twice by the Redskins this season(your starting QB's for Washington in those games? Rex Grossman. Yikes.). Manning also took L's this season to teams led by Vince Young and Tarvaris Jackson. Look, I'm not saying Eli hasn't stepped up into the upper echelon of quarterbacks but run his numbers against Big Ben's and tell me how they aren't freakishly similar. You've never heard anyone call Big Ben the best QB in the game, have you? Two Super Bowl wins certainly legitimizes Eli's claim to the crown but it hardly secures his seat on the throne. Feel free to send me your hate mail, Giants fans.

2. Aaron Rodgers (age: 28)

Credentials: 2-time Pro Bowler, First-team All-Pro once, NFL MVP, Super Bowl champion and MVP, AP Male Athlete of the Year, NFL single-season record holder for QB rating(122.5), only QB to throw for 4,000 in each of his first two seasons as starter, only QB to in NFL history to throw for 45+ touchdowns and 6 or less interceptions.

The case for A-Rod: Oh, I can see your predictable jabs now. "Aw, Dave's a homer! How can he put Rodgers ahead of Eli when Eli beat Rodgers in the playoffs this year!?". A valid question, I grant you. The proof is in the numbers. Football is a team sport, not an individual sport, no matter how much we want to chalk Super Bowls down to Brees vs. Peyton or Big Ben vs. A-Rod or Eli vs. Brady. At the end of the day, one TEAM emerges victorious(That being said, A-Rod is 1-1 against Eli, even if Eli's win came in a game of greater importance). If we gave individuals credit for team accomplishments, then Big Ben would be alot higher on this list. If you want to put Eli ahead of A-Rod because the Giants beat the Packers in the playoffs than I get to put Donovan McNabb ahead of Eli for the number of times McNabb has sent Eli packing in the postseason. Sound fair? Didn't think so. What Rodgers has done in such a short span, not to mention the fact he took over for an icon in Brett Favre amidst a very ugly split between Favre and the team, is nothing short of incredible. Yes, the Packers backed into the playoffs last season, got hot at the right time and won the Super Bowl, a la Eli in 2007. Rodgers came back the next year, went 14-1 as a starter, won the NFL MVP in a landslide and came a few dropped passes and bad defense from running the table again. 4,000 yards in back-to-back seasons isn't as impressive as it used to be considering defensive rule changes now allow the game to be glorified two-hand touch and passing offenses have become a bit more creative. A 45-6 TD-to-INT ratio in an offense that is almost exclusively utilizing the pass, however? Remarkable.

The case against A-Rod: We're judging Rodgers on such a short sample. Even though he's been in the league seven years, Rodgers has only started for four. Granted, in those three seasons, he's 41-21 as a starter but it's hard to get too worked up over four seasons of work. On top of that, Rodgers has laid some eggs in the playoffs. As good as the Giants were this year, the Packers proved they could beat Big Blue and a lot of the blame for that Divisional round loss falls on Rodgers' shoulders for being surprisingly off in key moments. Rodgers also cost the Packers a Wild Card win in Arizona when he fumbled the ball away which lead to the game-winning touchdown in overtime(In Rodgers' defense, he brought the Packers back from 21-0. In the anti-Rodgers' defense, his two early turnovers were the chief reason they were down so much.). We need to see more excellence out of Rodgers before we could give him the title that he fictitiously applies to himself after every score. You could do alot worse than 3-2 in the playoffs in your first three years but Rodgers needs more seasons like 2010 to keep him out of the Phillip Rivers "great regular season QB's who flop in the playoffs" category. Also, and it pains me to say this as a Packers fan, Matt Flynn's record-setting performance in Week 17 this season hurt Rodgers' stock a little bit to me, even if it came against a terrible Lions defense.

1. Tom Brady(age: 34)

Credentials: 7-time Pro Bowler, 2-time First Team All-Pro, 2nd-team All-Pro once, 2-time MVP, 2-time Offensive Player of the Year, lead the Patriots to five Super Bowls, winning three as well as two Super Bowl MVPs, NFL Comeback Player of the Year, AP Male Athlete of the Year, 2-time Sportsman of the Year, NFL record for touchdown passes in a single-season(50), most consecutive wins in the playoffs(10), most career completions in the Super Bowl, most consecutive passing attempts without an interception(358), one of two quarterbacks to lead his team to an undefeated regular season

The case for Tom: As much as Giants fans want to herald Eli as the king of comebacks, here's a stat for you: With the his team tied or down in the 4th quarter, Brady has engineered 33 game-winning drives in his career(three of which coming in the Super Bowl, albeit not against Eli Manning. You got me there, Giants fans.). He's 8-1 in overtime games. He's 138-40 as a starter, 14-5 in the playoffs. As disappointing as the last two Super Bowl losses were(especially since New England was favored both times, including being heavy favorites in 2007/2008), there's a short list of QB's who have lead their team to five Super Bowls. That list? Tom Brady....The End. Sure, Eli Manning has his number....and Shane Mosley has Oscar De La Hoya's number. It's a mere bump in the road along the way of a decorated career. Brady's lead the league in TD passes three times, passing yards twice and completion percentage once. He's as statistically dominant a quarterback as we've seen in the history of the game. Before Eli pulled off the single greatest Super Bowl upset by dispatching an 18-0 Patriots team, Brady pulled off a pretty big upset of his own by taking a heavy underdog Patriots team and beating Kurt Warner and "The Greatest Show On Turf" for his first Super Bowl in 2001. I know this piece seems more like an Eli Manning roast than an acknowledgement of his standing among the game's best passers, but that's mainly because everything that overzealous fans want to give Eli credit for has been done before by other guys on this list. You want to take Eli's 2011 season and use it as proof that he's better than Tom Terrific or Joe Cool, then I'm going to suggest you re-watch "The Catch" or Montana's sterling drive against Cincinnati in the Super Bowl or any one of Brady's 4th quarter drives in his three Super Bowl wins. I'm not even a Brady fan, but I know greatness when I see it and two losses on the biggest stage doesn't sully a career enough to put someone with paltry career numbers over a human record book.

The case against Tom: If you want to pick nits, he dropped the ball in two Super Bowls he should have had in the bag. After leading the game-winning drives in Super Bowl wins against St. Louis, Philadelphia and Carolina, Brady let us down by failing not once, but twice against the Giants in the Super Bowl when he had superior offenses in both games(Though the offenses were a bit closer in 2011 than in 2008). He also gets some criticism for being the poster child for the "sissy-fying" of the NFL. Thanks to Brady's season-ending knee injury in 2008 when Bernard Pollard hit him low in the first game of the season, the NFL has went out of its way to protect QB's like sacred cows. Brady's constant whining for roughing calls also makes it hard to root for him and there are Raiders fans still bitter that Brady introduced us to the "Tuck Rule". If you want to say it's unfair for holding the last two Super Bowls against Brady, so be it. If Brady isn't 0-2 against the Giants in the Super Bowl, this isn't even a debate. Tom Brady should be a five-time Super Bowl champion. Instead, he can settle for a seat atop the QB mountain. For now.

Knowing When To Walk Away

The history of sports is littered with stories of athletes who hung around the game too long. Tales of guys who tried to squeeze that last ounce out of their career running off sheer bravado and ignorance. Tragedies of once-great icons who sacrificed a life after to put thirty more seconds on that fifteen minutes of fame.

If Peyton Manning is the cerebral assassin that many have given him credit for being, he won't become of those stories. Instead of contemplating signing with the Jets, Dolphins or Redskins, Manning should instead consider spending his 2012 and beyond taking a job with either FOX, NBC or CBS. Peyton Manning will be 36 in two months. He's coming off a season where he played less snaps than Jake Delhomme, who was signed off the street in the last month of the season. He's had three neck surgeries in two years and he finds himself on the active roster(for now) of a Indianapolis Colts that is, to say the least, in a state of rebuilding. Manning has made enough money in his fourteen years in the NFL and from endorsements that he could swim in cash like Scrooge McDuck.

If Peyton Manning continues on with his football career, it will be more of a matter of pride and foolishness than a sign of a man with something to prove. With a Super Bowl ring, four MVPs, eleven Pro Bowl appearances and more records than a hoarder's basement, Manning has nothing left to show us to convince he's one of the greatest signal callers to ever throw on a pair of cleats. Manning spent an entire year listening and watching. He listened to talk of Andrew Luck coming to town as his heir apparent and he watched his team come within a spirited December performance away from going 0-16. What Manning should be listening to now is the advice of his doctors who, if they are smart, will tell him that the violent game of football is too dangerous for a man on the wrong side of thirty with more swelling in his neck than Tony Siragusa. What Manning should have been watching all year is the number of quarterbacks who were ushered off the field from hits from defenders whose sole purpose is to lay them out. Manning should have watched last week's NFC Championship game and saw the punishment his little brother Eli took from the San Francisco 49ers and then realized that maybe life in the NFL isn't for him anymore.

Or perhaps Manning, a infamous student of the game, should have done a little more homework and studied some guys within and outside of his sport. Perhaps Manning should have taken a long look at the final years of fellow future Hall of Fame QB Brett Favre, who overstayed his welcome by about two years and put the finishing touches on his career in the most painful and embarrassing of circumstances. Maybe Manning should take a peak at Muhammad Ali these days, who is a shell of the man once known as "The Greatest" because he fought much longer than he had to because pride and greed told him he should. How about taking a gander at the greatest athlete of our generation, Michael Jordan, and checking out those final two years in Washington when he needed ice packs the size of Horace Grant to quell the swelling in his aching knees. Is that how Peyton wants to write his final chapter, broken and downtrodden? Is the thrill of another attempt at being great worth the potential danger to his future health that comes with it? What's left for him to prove? Where can he really go and still compete?

At this point, the question Peyton must ask is why would he continue to play? If it's for a ring, where can he possibly go for one last chance at the Lombardi? Every contender these days is set at QB and the ones that aren't(Jets, Dolphins, Chiefs) are far too dysfunctional for even a healthy Manning to fix. The QB climate isn't what it was a few years ago when a team like the New York Jets took a chance on an aging-but-still-motivated Brett Favre hoping he was the missing piece to nab the Super Bowl trophy that has eluded them since the Joe Namath days. And even if it is, we saw how that worked out for Favre and Gang Green. The window of opportunity for Manning has shut. It shut quickly and tragically but the hope is that the crash of that window closing was loud enough for Manning to fight off all those voices in his head that his machismo is producing that is telling him he still has more left in the tank and walk away from the game while he's still fully able to.

The choice is up to Manning these next few months. He can ride off into the sunset as one of the greatest to ever play the game, enjoy his natural calling as a TV analyst and collect fat checks from endorsers who can't resist his charm in their commercials or he can bang around the game for a few more years and become another cautionary tale. The hardest part of any athlete's career isn't the physical punishment he takes or memorizing a playbook or dealing with the fans and the media, it's knowing the right time to hang 'em up and it's a lesson that most learn the hard way.

Hopefully, Peyton Manning isn't like most.

One Lucky Colt

The Indianapolis Colts, in a 2011 season that has been hard to watch sans Peyton Manning, have positioned themselves nicely into the co-pilot spot for Stanford wunderkind and unanimous 2012 #1 overall pick Andrew Luck(along with the Dolphins). Through eight weeks, the Colts have a one game edge over their hapless South Beach counterparts, as they stand at 0-8 to M-I-A's 0-7.

While prognosticators have the Dolphins picked to inevitably win the Luck Sweepstakes, the question that has been floating for weeks is "What if the Colts get the first pick this April?". The majority seems to think that the Colts would tab Luck to be their heir apparent to Peyton Manning, who will be 37 and coming off neck surgery next season, but well-known voices such as former Giants QB Phil Simms seem to think otherwise. Simms has even taken his stance out on the limb a step further by openly wondering what all the fuss is about with the kid described as the best QB prospect in decades.

Luck's numbers are nothing short of astonishing in his junior season. He's completing 71 % of his passes for a little over 2,200 yards with 23 touchdowns to just four picks on a Stanford team that's currently 8-0. This comes off a redshirt sophomore season that saw him complete 70.7% of his passes for 3,338 yards with a 32-to-8 touchdown-to-interception ratio. The knock on Luck is he's had the benefit of feasting on soft Pac-10 defenses his entire career and that a lot of the hype is over-exaggerated. Simms himself said he's yet to see enough pro-quality throws to jump on the Luck bandwagon. Luck's passed every test so far. Even while unloading on the UCLAs and Oregon States of the world through the regular season, Luck still tore apart a solid defense in Virginia Tech in the Orange Bowl last year and, this season, he seems poised to do the same against any one of the SEC's biggest and baddest that Luck's Cardinal's draw in the postseason. Still, after guys like Matt Leinart and Reggie Bush(and Ryan Leaf before them) failed miserably to live up to the insane amount of hype they were given coming out of college, it's not too insane for guys like Simms to be a bit cautious before placing a guy like Luck atop the NFL's pedestal, even if they are in the minority. Remember, there were people who thought Leaf would be better than Manning in 1998 and some of those same people thought Bush was the next Gale Sayers.

Still, we won't know how Luck fares in the pros until he's actually in the pros and the Colts have to mull over the very real possibility that it will be them and maybe not the Dolphins that leads off April's Draft. Here are some of the pros and cons of the Colts tabbing Luck as their #1 pick.

Why The Colts Should Draft Andrew Luck: Nobody knows how Manning is going to recover from neck surgery. Most "experts" thought he would only miss Week 1 of this season, and even that theory was fought tooth and nail by Manning's teammates as well as numerous analysts. Now, it's Week 9 and there's no sign that Manning is coming back this season(nor should he, given that the Colts' season is over). By drafting Luck, the Colts are at least safeguarding themselves from the possibility that Manning's days are numbered. On top of that, they'll be to have "the best QB prospect since Peyton Manning" being mentored by......Peyton Manning. That gives the Colts the "pass the torch" advantage that teams like Denver and Miami are still trying to master after the departures of John Elway and Dan Marino, respectfully, and that teams like Green Bay have managed to benefit from. Whatever you think Luck will be as a pro, the consensus is that he's the best player in the draft. The Colts, which have pretty much killed Manning's chances of another Super Bowl run with some piss-poor drafting over the years, will now be in a position where not even they can mess this up(unless, of course, Luck is Leaf 2.0, but it would be harder to kill them for that than if they passed on Luck because they thought he was Leaf 2.0 and that ends up on not being the case).

The Colts need everything. Their running game is stagnant. The receiving corps are thin beyond Reggie Wayne, whose a free agent at year's end(not to mention, long in the tooth). The team hasn't produced a bonafide star on defense since finding Bob Sanders(who is now gone after many injury-riddled seasons) and Dwight Freeney(who will be 31 next year). Luck doesn't prevent them from catching another 62-7 beatdown like the Saints gave them two weeks ago in their Super Bowl rematch, but he's the surest thing in a draft filled with potential. If the Colts can manage to seamlessly transition from Manning, arguably the greatest QB of our era(at least statistically...we all know Brady's better) to Luck, the highest-rated prospect since '98, then they can spend the next two decades not having to worry about filling the hardest spot to fill on the NFL roster: Quarterback.

Why They Shouldn't Draft Luck: We've seen this before in Green Bay with Brett Favre and Aaron Rodgers. Eventhough it will be tough to justify passing on taking a successor when one like Luck falls in your lap(like Rodgers did in '05), it will be even tougher trying to explain to Manning(who has had to sit on the sidelines gritting his teeth and anxiously awaiting a medical green light to play) why you mortgaged the last remaining years of his NFL career by taking someone who doesn't help them at all next season if Manning is healthy. Again, we don't know how Manning heals from neck surgery. What if a year away from taking an NFL beating adds another half decade to his career? Look at what biceps surgery did for Favre after he left the Jets. It's not inconceivable that Manning plays into his early-40's if he recovers well enough. Then, there's the other reason Manning would oppose having Luck, and this is a point I have to give Simms his just due for making. As we've seen in Denver, fans can be very fickle when the product on the field doesn't meet their high standards. Suppose the Colts draft Luck and Manning starts off slow in his '12 comeback campaign, you think there isn't going to be a deafening amount of cries at Lucas Oil for Luck like there were in Denver for Tim Tebow this year?

The risk of angering Manning and running into another Favre-Rodgers-McCarthy-Thompson fiasco in Indy at least equalizes the potential of having lucked into Luck and also will have a long-term effect on the franchise for years to come. After all, if Luck's introduction to the NFL is as the catalyst for getting Peyton Manning ousted from Indianapolis before Mr. Laser Rocket Arm is ready, what can Luck expect when he gets up there in years and the Colts are again looking for their new franchise face? Guys like Manning are old school. Like Favre, Manning isn't going to let old men feasting on pretzels in a press box while penning Manning's demise on their iPad tell him when he has to hang them up. Favre played the "will I, won't I retire?" game with the media for so long that even his most devout followers realized he was doing it out of spite and a never-ending desire for attention and eventually washed their hands with him. The same could happen here for Manning. He may be a media darling now but it's funny how a man's demeanor can change when he feels like the same hands that once patted him on the back after a big game are now pushing him out of the door. We've seen rookie QBs come in and perform well from jump street but the potential of Luck is greatly improved if he's allowed to take the amicable side of playing Rodgers to Manning's Favre as opposed to the more dramatic side(although Rodgers and Favre not getting along hasn't seem to hurt the Packers now under the A-Rod era, but I imagine the Colts would like a relationship far less contentious between Manning and Luck).

So, what's the solution? The easy answer is for the Colts to trade the pick in hopes of getting something close to what the Chargers got for trading out of the top spot in 2001 and giving up the chance at Michael Vick to Atlanta(two firsts, two seconds and a couple players). Although any team that will be willing to pay a huge ransom for a shot at Luck probably is too thin on talent to give Indy anything worthwhile. For instance, we know Dan Snyder wouldn't be gun-shy on a deal for Luck, but what could the Redskins possibly give the Colts to sweeten the deal? Any picks, in theory, would be lower than in 2011 if Luck is what everyone says he is, and who does Washington have that would interest the Colts? DeAngelo Hall? Tim Hightower? LaRon Landry? The same goes for a team like Miami or Cleveland. You think Bill Polian is moving out of the top spot for a bunch of picks and Brandon Marshall or Peyton Hillis? Didn't think so.

Of course, this whole scenario becomes moot if the Colts find a way to not suck for Luck as much as Miami or Cleveland or Arizona do(an interesting scenario on par with the Colts picking first, however, would be if St. Louis ends up with the top spot. Do you trade the pick? Do you trade Sam Bradford? Hmmm...). Time will tell how juicy this story gets but it's something to keep an eye on in a season filled with inconsistent play from teams that play their home games outside of the state of Wisconsin.

New Rules: Fall 2011

Nearly eight months have passed since I've added some new additions to "The Law of Dave", so I feel it's time to once again take a page out of Bill Maher's playbook and offer up some up some New Rules

NEW RULE: The NBA has to take this season off. Perhaps it's unfair to compare pro basketball's labor strife to that of their NFL counterpart, but you can't help but notice the lack of dread on social networks, on TV, and through general word of mouth that is being felt by the possibility of no basketball this season compared to the frenzy over the NFL shutting down in '11. Obviously, that's a testament to the NFL being far more popular than the NBA but it's also a matter of the NBA having far more issues than the NFL had. While both labor issues essentially come down to money, the NFL is proven to be a fine product when it's actually on the field. The NBA hasn't.

For one, the league has been split into two categories: small-market teams hamstrung by bad contracts and poor attendance and their big market brethren who have benefited from the cash woes of their financially dysfunctional cohorts by poaching its stars via trade or by throwing big money at them come free agency. It's why a team like Miami can become a powerhouse utilizing star players from Cleveland and Toronto, while those latter teams flounder in front of hoards of empty seats. There's no parity in the NBA. The worst thing that came from last year's LeBron sweepstakes is that it set a precedent for big markets to form superteams with a duo or trio of supremely talented young stars. It's why Carmelo Anthony left a cushy situation on a superior yet smaller market team in Denver to tag team with Amare Stoudemire(and probably Chris Paul, eventually) in the big city lights of New York. It's why prognosticators are forecasting center Dwight Howard to leave a Magic team that made the Finals two years ago and line up with Pau Gasol and Kobe Bryant in Hollywood. 85% of NBA fan bases know their teams don't have a shot to compete because they can't land premier free agents every summer like the Lakers or Heat or Celtics. Part of that is the players' fault, and part of that is that there are so few teams with cap space to bring in a Dwight Howard or a Chris Bosh because they screw themselves by overpaying average players OR they spend so much time thinning their roster to get cap space that the overall talent makes them unattractive to big time players.

That's only a small part of my problem with the NBA. The bigger problem is the game itself. The game of basketball has become a game of fast breaks. It's like NBA Jam without the oversized heads and flaming nets. Shooting is at a premium and good defense is as shocking and surprising to see as Nancy Grace's nipple on "Dancing With The Stars". The influx of one-and-done players has been so hit-or-miss, that the strategy of building through the draft is almost defunct. For every John Wall and Blake Griffin, there's a Greg Oden and Mike Conley. The overall talent has dwindled because college kids are chasing NBA dollars without bothering to learn fundamentals while college coaches, knowing they have nothing to entice their freshman to stay past one year, are either recruiting college seniors for hire every year or using their own incentives to lure in big fish. The need for a draft rule similar to the NFL's "three years removed from high school before applying for the draft" has never been more necessary than it is now. You can't tell me that, even with as great as LeBron has been from jump street, that he couldn't have benefited from three years at Duke or Ohio State or UNC. The NBA money will always be there for these kids but there's as much resistance standing between them and the pros as there is defenders in the lane stopping a drive to the hoop, which is to say little.

The game is in desperate need of a year off and some tinkering. You know why fans aren't blowing up Twitter demanding basketball not be cancelled? Because we really don't miss it(Well, that and football's back). Take the year off. Shore up the league's cap issues. Find a way to keep these kids in college for a couple years and make rules to give the players you have now a reason to learn how to score besides hard-charge to the hoop and either draw the foul or posterize some seven-foot stiff from Lithuania who is staring into space under the basket. The game of basketball should be about more than just filling up highlight reels on SportsCenter. Baseball learned the hard way that dwelling on the home run, and thus forcing players to shoot up PEDs, was eventually going to hurt the game. Hockey had to go away for a year to make up for the fact that the league was just a handful of rich superteams and that a majority of their fan bases felt alienated. The NBA has to do the same. Make us miss you the way so many of your stars miss 15-foot jumpers.

NEW RULE: America has to come to grips with the fact that Seth MacFarlane isn't funny. After watching Seth McFarlane bomb as host of the last three Comedy Central Roasts, it's become apparent to me who is doing the joke writing for MacFarlane's shows: The writers of "South Park" and "The Simpsons". I get it, "Family Guy" is popular. "American Dad" is popular and, in a pinch, they might evoke a laugh or two from a dumbed-down fan base. But are they original? Fuck no. Granted, in this day and age, nothing's original. The popularity of "Jersey Shore"(which was spawned from numerous seasons of "The Real World", another MTV hit) unleashed numerous Garden State related reality clones. The same way "Survivor" spawned rip-offs, and "Big Brother" and "Top Chef" and the like. But if a man who is billed as a comedic genius manages to go on national television in front of his peers and not be funny not once, not twice, but three times, at what point do we realize he doesn't have the goods?

Jeff Ross kills EVERY ROAST. Lisa Lampanelli kills EVERY ROAST. You know why? Because they're funny. I realize the "Seth MacFarlane steals from South Park and The Simpsons" crack isn't new or original but maybe it's also true. In a copy cat world where MTV hires a tard like Rob Dyrdek to helm a "Tosh.O" ripoff called "Ridiculousness", we are willing to give infamy to whatever seems new and original even if it isn't new and original. We're always looking for a fresh face to make us laugh.....even if that fresh face isn't funny. Which brings me to.......

NEW RULE: Networks have got to stop giving Jeff Dunham work. The man is a fucking ventriloquist. When have ventriloquists EVER been funny? You know who finds Jeff Dunham funny? Rednecks who think Larry The Cable Guy is talented, eventhough he's a fat bastard from Michigan making money off mocking the very fans that use their hard-earned Walmart money to go see him perform. I get it, Comedy Central, you need something to fill the void left by the still-legendary "Chappelle's Show", but there's a reason Dave Chappelle's three-season opus still resonates with fans: The man was actually funny. We've seen Jeff Dunham fail on television before. Remember the ill-fated "Jeff Dunham Show" back in 2009 that lasted all of seven episodes? Yeah, me neither. Critics have called Dunham's style "Don Rickles with multiple personality disorder". He's more like Don Johnson with down syndrome. According to Forbes, Dunham is the third-highest paid comedian behind legends like Chris Rock and Jerry Seinfeld. THIRD!!!? And you wonder why we're in a fucking recession!? I wouldn't pay 2 bucks to have Dunham wash my car with his band of puppets. (OK, maybe I would, a good car wash is expensive).

Americans, we have to set the bar higher for ourselves in terms of what entertains us. We have to upgrade from a group of individuals who get our chuckles from watching whores eat eel shit, hillbilies telling fart jokes and some closet homosexual being a bit risque with his hand jammed up a puppet's ass. I know the Chappelle days are over and who knows if we'll ever get another classic comedy special from Chris Rock or Eddie Murphy but we have to branch out and put our money on someone with some actual talent. If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.....and that anything has to stop being some doofus with a jalapeno on a stick.

NEW RULE: Madden needs to step their game up. The recent edition of the Madden football franchise(Madden 12, for non-gamers) was so universally panned by gaming critics that it might as well have had Nicolas Cage on its cover instead of Peyton Hillis(or maybe Hugh Jackman on the cover....Come on, you know you aren't going to see "Real Steel" when "Moneyball" is in theaters and, if you are, shame on you). The problem with "Madden" is quite simple: There's no competition out there and, thus, no reason to get better. Fans will buy Madden because it's a simulator of the most popular sport in the country. They'll pay 60 bucks despite the fact the game routinely has more bugs than a Newark Motel 6. They'll buy it eventhough it's pretty much the same game year-after-year with just different rosters. They'll own it regardless of the fact that it lacks the one thing a video game should have: fun. 9-year old kids could put up 42 points a game on All-Madden. Hell, I don't even play the game that serious anymore and I haven't allowed a touchdown in the regular season with my Packers in four games. From a visual standpoint, Madden looks as real as Christina Hendricks' breasts, but the mechanics of the game are screwy. Jay Cutler doesn't avoid six tacklers in the pocket and run untouched up the gut for 35 yards in real life. Reggie Bush doesn't bowl over Patrick Willis on a halfback sweep(at least not without tearing something). Victor Cruz doesn't win jump balls over Nnamdi Asomugha......wait, that actually happened last week. Sorry, Eagles fans. Couldn't resist.

When Madden was on the older consoles, before the next-gen era and before it snatched up the NFL license, the games got better every year because it offered up something new each year from QB Vision to Hit Sticks to training camp drills. Why? Because it had the NFL2K series breathing down its neck every year. It needed to offer up an alternative to a very tough competitor. Now, the 2K series is dead in the water and, even with the presence of some of 2K's brain trust on the development staff, the game still underwhelms. Maybe we, as hardcore football fans and gamers, hold the bar so high for Madden because it's the quintessential sports franchise of our era. Maybe we expect too much. However, all other sporting games have managed to evolve over the years. NBA 2K11 emerged last year as one of the best sports games in history by upgrading a lot of things it did well and also offering up something new by offering up something old in bringing in Michael Jordan and the Jordan Challenge. This year, 2K12 offers up Jordan and then-some with a slew of new legends from Bird to Magic to The Big O. That's called progress. Madden offers up nothing new. The franchise mode is a mess. There's no restricted free agency like they had even back in the PS2 days and the offense is so simplistic that you could put up Matt Stafford numbers with your eyes closed. Some will use the uncertainty of this year's NFL season as a reason for Madden taking a step back but the game hasn't been entertaining for years. The game has never taken a critical ponding like this(It got a 7.5 out of 10 from Game Informer....worse than NHL 12, a game featuring a sport that's hardly watched outside of Canada and Pittsburgh). If Mark Zuckerberg, whose a billionaire sitting on loads of cash running a social networking business that has no close rival, can still find time to tinker Facebook on a routine basis, then it's time for EA Sports and Tiburon to go back to the drawing board and give us a Madden that even crochety skeptics like me can enjoy.

NEW RULE: ESPN has to stop making Tony Romo to be Willis Reed, Tom Brady to be Joe Montana and every Peyton Manning neck twinge to be front-page news. If the Madden franchise has let itself go from years of reading its own press clippings, then they got that way from watching "The Worldwide Leader". ESPN has to be the only network that makes stories out of its own stories. Prior to a boring Redskins-Cowboys showdown, the Monday Night Football cast as well as the members of ESPN's pre-show couldn't shut the hell up about Tony Romo's busted ribs. Then, in a neverending effort to fill time during a snoozefest, Mike Tirico and company couldn't stop going on about all the pre-game talk about Romo's ribs and how Tony Overrated responded to all the hubbub......a majority of which was supplied by ESPN. Romo's ribs is just the latest injury that ESPN has decided to beat into the ground and force down our throats. For weeks, analysts treated Peyton Manning's neck injury like a reason to raise the terror alert. In between that, it was round-the-clock coverage of every Michael Vick ailment that existed from concussions to bleeding tongues to his newfound hand injury that ESPN first reported as a fracture but now may or may not be a sprain depending on who you ask and what day of the week it is.



Enough already. I'm still exhausted from 2008's frenzy over Tom Brady's knee. Michael Vick gets hurt because he's undersized and he puts himself in harm's way with every scramble. That's why he's only played one full season in his entire career. Peyton Manning is 35 and coming off two surgeries on his neck. It doesn't take Chris Mortenson sitting on Peyton's lawn to tell you there was a good chance he was going to miss time this year. Hell, even I mentioned three months ago that Manning was a risky bet this season. Yet, all offseason, ESPN championed Manning as some modern-day Rocky Balboa and seemed dead-set that we'd see Number 18 suit up against Houston in the opener. Guess what? We didn't.....and the network reacted to Manning's consecutive games streak ending the way Jim McKay reacted to the Munich massacre.


I know ESPN christened 2011 as "The Year of the QB" but there are more than five QB's in the NFL. Give Josh Freeman some love. Talk a little more about Colt McCoy. Or, better yet, try talking to the NFL about putting some of these guys in the primetime slots instead of forcing us to sit through another wretched Redskins-Cowboys clash or a Manning-less Colts vs. Steelers tilt. Why put your eggs in a basket that is unraveling? And why continue to annoy viewers by regurgitating the same story over and over with that same trademark hyperbole? Tony Romo playing a Week 3 matchup against the Redskins with enough padding to negotiate a hostage situation doesn't make him Willis Reed coming out of the tunnel at Madison Square Garden against the Lakers in Game 7 of the 1970 NBA Finals. It's bad enough you overpaid Jon Gruden to oversell every screen pass to be the Miracle on Ice. Show a little restraint and get over yourselves, ESPN.

Say My Name

With all the new school technological advancements that have evolved the world of sports, there's one old-school aspect that needs a little sprucing up: Nicknames. Back in the day, you had monikers like "Chocolate Thunder" (Daryl Dawkins), "The Human Highlight Reel" (Dominique Wilkins), and even homo-erotic nicknames like "Sweetness" (Walter Payton). Nowadays, a man's alias is either his initials like L.T., a combination of his first initial and the first three letters of his last name like T-Mac or A-Rod or a combination of initials and jersey number like CP3 or AK-47(though the latter isn't that bad). Now, there are some good modern day ones like "The Akron Hammer" (LeBron James, though that name hasn't gone over so well with some Cavs fans, especially my friend Andre) or "The Brim Reaper" (Former Orioles closer George Sherill), but those have been the exception and not the rule. That's why I decided to take it upon myself to hand out nicknames for a few stars.

1. Chris Bosh: "Avatar". I owe this one to my friend Mike, who mentioned on Facebook that Bosh looked like someone out of Pandora in the movie "Avatar". Think about it though. Bosh is tall, skinny, he has those wild Predator mini-dreads and his cheek bones poke out like a mid-80's Michael Jackson. Besides, he plays for a team that was named the Raptors because of the huge success of the movie "Jurassic Park", why shouldn't its biggest star be named after the biggest movie in years? You can't give Bosh a name like "Air Canada" like the last star in Toronto, Vince Carter, because Bosh might be leaving Canada before The Olympics if the Raptors decide to trade him. However, if Bosh does re-up with the Raps, I can be talked into calling him "The Mountie".

2. Kevin Durant: "Kid Dynamite". Even the cast of "Jersey Shore" wouldn't have come up with nickname as horrid as Durant's current moniker, "The Durant-chula". That's just horrible. "Kid Dynamite" fits Durant because he's young(21) and he's explosive. Sometimes, it's just that simple. Also, the alias "Kid Dynamite" has some lineage. Early in his career, Mike Tyson was christened "Kid Dynamite" because he was young and explosive as well(although at the time, he was explosive IN the ring, as opposed to now being explosive OUT of it). Inevitably, Tyson's PR people saddled him with the more apt "Iron" Mike Tyson. That leaves "Kid Dynamite" up for grabs, and who better than one of the three best players in the NBA?

3. Dwight Howard: "Doomsday". Look, Dwight, you can't be Superman. Shaq was Superman when you were shittin' in your Pampers. Now, in your defense, you have done far more with the Superman title than Shaq ever did(the red cape at the Slam Dunk contest, the outstanding ESPN commercial where you dressed as Clark Kent) and I know Shaq is a role model of yours, but you didn't see Kobe and LeBron rush to take the "Air" from Jordan when #23 finally hung them up, did you? Now, comic mavens like my friend Cubbage will know that Doomsday was one of Superman's arch-nemesis and is one of the only comic book characters to kill Superman. Now, obviously, Dwight, we don't want you to kill Shaq.....his conditioning will do that for you. However, if you and Shaq are going to be rivals for the Superman crown, why not let him be Superman and you can be the more physically imposing Doomsday? Imagine the pub you'll get in the time between now and when Shaq is inevitably traded to the Wizards.

4. Peyton Manning: "The Machine". With all due respect to Cards' slugger Albert Pujols, who has been called "The Machine" on occasion by sportscasters and local media, nobody fits that alias more to a T than Peyton Manning. He's methodical in his diagnosis of a defense. He possesses a laser, rocket arm. His post-game interviews sound like they were written by Johnny 5. Hell, he even runs like a robot. All great players need a nickname. Joe Montana was "Joe Cool". Wayne Gretzky was "The Great One". Hank Aaron was "Hammerin' Hank". With Manning coming closer and closer to "Greatest QB of All-Time" status, he, too, requires a nickname and with his robotic cliches and Windows 7-like precision, I think "The Machine" is apt.

5. Adrian Peterson: "The A-Train". OK, it's not the most original nickname, but shouldn't something as catchy as "A-Train" go to someone a bit more skilled than the last two men to carry the title, Anthony Thomas and Mike Alstott? Running backs are meant to be named after motorized vehicles because they are the perfect combination of size and speed. That's why "The Bus" works so well for Jerome Bettis. Now, to be fair, I've never been a train that fumbles its passengers before take off, so maybe A.P. is going to have to earn this one, but with his blazing speed and violent, hard-charging running style, "The A-Train" has to be much better than A.P. or All Day, right?

6. Drew Brees: "The NOLA Assassin". As fun as it is to yell out "Drew Breeeeeeeeeeeeeeees" when Brees lights it up, it's going to get old at the rate Brees hurls touchdown passes. Brees and his arsenal like to strike quick and go for the jugular on every play, like an assassin. The Saints' offense as a whole is known for getting in the end zone fast and their style of play resembles an NBA fast break. "NOLA", in case you are slow, stands for New Orleans, Louisiana, which(again, if you're slow) is where Brees has achieved legendary status. I also can be talked into "Mighty Mouse", but only with written certification from Damon Stoudemire.

7. Derrick Rose: "Sub-Zero". For those who remember the legendary game "Mortal Kombat", you would recognize was one of the game's icy killers(yes, pun intended). He froze his victims with blast of ice, and, when the time came, ripped off their heads and dangled their spine. Derrick Rose, the brilliant Bulls point guard, is also an icy killer. Cool, calm, unassuming but deadly, like someone with ice in his veins. Now, those well-versed on their slang game know that the word "cold" is typically used to describe something heartless or emotionless. The word "cold" is also used, mainly be Chicago residents, to describe something awesome or nice(thank you, Urban Dictionary). Rose is both of those things: a heartless point man who plays defenses like the cello with ridiculously sick skills. Plus, it's better than the inevitable D-Rose moniker.

8. Albert Pujols: "Terminator". Since we gave "The Machine" to Peyton, it's only right we give Fat Albert a new nickname and what better than the ultimate killing machine. Pujols' once-in-a-lifetime tools(superior hand-eye coordination, uncanny speed on the bases for a big man, hits the ball like he's swinging an oak tree) make him as intimidating to pitchers as Ah-nold was in the Terminator movies. He diagnoses pitches like an android and annihilates a fastball like it was shot out of a water pistol. Plus, a devastating hitter like Pujols deserves a moniker fitting of someone who brings carnage on a day-to-day basis.

Other honorable mentions:

*Shaquille O'Neal: "Seaweed" . Because he's washed up.

*LaDainian Tomlinson: "Blown Fuse" - Because he can no longer carry a charge(or charger).

*Alex Rodriguez: "Capri Sun". Since he's filled with juice and might be a tad fruity.

*Tim Lincecum and Ricky Williams: "Bluntman and Chronic". Self-explanatory.

Now, some of you will wonder why nobody from the NHL made an appearance and the reasons are two-fold: 1. Nobody really cares about hockey and 2. The two most recognizable NHL stars already have sufficient nicknames Sid "The Kid" Crosby and Alexander "The Great" Ovechkin.