Week 8 Picks

 Week 8

Last week: 7-7

Season: 56-49-3

Bucs (-2.5) over Ravens

There’s no way Tom Brady loses three straight, right? Right? 

Jaguars (-1) over Broncos

If the Broncos traded Russell Wilson for Baker Mayfield, how much worse would they possibly be?

Related note: The people of London deserve better than the turd burgers the NFL gives them. 

Panthers (+4) over Falcons

Once considered the worst team in football, the Panthers now seem poised to be the team that overperforms its way out of a top draft slot as a sign of solidarity to their interim coach. This might be an overreaction to last week’s “upset” of the Bucs, but I don’t think either of these teams are good enough to pull away from the other by more than a field goal. 

Cowboys (-10) over Bears

If you loved Dak Prescott nearly getting Wally Pipp’d by Cooper Rush, you’re going to really enjoy Tony Pollard rendering Ezekiel Elliott obsolete. Double digits is a large number for a Cowboys offense still finding its footing with Dak back, but the Bears are hot garbage right now and Dallas could use a statement win.

Dolphins (-3.5) over Lions 

There’s shootout potential here as neither defense has shown a knack for getting stops. The Dolphins get the edge because they have the more talented offense. 

Vikings (-3.5) over Cardinals 

Minnesota doesn’t have a win over a single team that might make the playoffs (unless you include Miami, who was without Tua) and that trend continues with dysfunctional Arizona. Vikings move on to an empty 6-1 as Kyler Murray and Kliff Kingsbury move closer to couples therapy. 

Raiders (-1.5) over Saints

This has the makings of being the worst game of the season. New Orleans is without Michael Thomas and Jarvis Landry with rookie Chris Olave still working his way back from a concussion. As for Las Vegas, Davante Adams is playing through the flu and Darren Walker is a game-time call with a sore hamstring. Shame on you for making me pick on of these teams!

Jets (+3) over Patriots

The Jets are 5-2 and are somehow three-point underdogs at home against a Patriots team playing on a short week after getting their asses kicked by the Bears. Make it make sense.  

Eagles (-10.5) over Steelers

The Eagles’ good luck will run out eventually, but at home against the worst Steelers team in decades led by a rookie QB? Naaaah. 

Titans (+1) over Texans 

Malik Willis is making his first NFL start and he’s going to need time to work through the growing pains but, with his skill set and how bad the Texans are, there’s a chance he never gives the starting job back to Ryan Tannehill. 

Commanders (+3) over Colts 

We get a Taylor Heinicke vs Sam Ehlinger QB duel and this still isn’t the worst game on this week’s slate. 

Niners (-1) over Rams 

The Rams being on a bye last week made you forget that Matt Stafford deserves to be on Mount Washedmore with Tom Brady, Aaron Rodgers and Russell Wilson this season. Don’t worry. The Niners are here to remind you.

Giants (+3.5) over Seahawks 

The Giants are probably more lucky than good but they’re competent on defense and the Seahawks’ top two wideouts are hobbled with injuries. Take the points. 

Bills (+10.5) over Packers

There’s one nail remaining in the Packers’ 2022 coffin and the Bills are the hammer. 

Bengals (-3.5) over Browns 

The Bengals managed to climb out of the grave they dug for themselves early in the season and the next five weeks look like this: @Cleveland, vs Carolina, bye week, @Pittsburgh, @Tennessee. Even if Ja’Marr Chase doesn’t suit up at any point during that stretch, Cincy could possibly be 8-3 going into their Week 13 clash at home against the Chiefs after a 0-2 start. (Larry David voice) Pretty, pretty, pretty good.