Milk Carton All-Star of the Week...6/29/2009

A few days ago, I took time out to say my farewell to Michael Jackson in the way that only I could(Thanks again, to everyone on Facebook who read the piece and showed me love. Much appreciated). However, when you're The King of Pop and the greatest musical talent EVER, you deserve more than a few glowing paragraphs on a website read by roughly eight people. Which is why we here at BoomRoastedSports couldn't stop at just one fond farewell, we had to double up.

In honor of the late great Michael Jackson, we decided to dedicate everyone's favorite weekly piece to.....Michael Jackson.......the football player(Only because we couldn't find any pro athletes named Billy Mays). Anyway, the man you see above is former Browns wideout Michael Jackson. Jackson was a 6th round draft pick of the original shitty Cleveland Browns team(the one that's now in Baltimore), not the current shitty Cleveland Browns team(the one that should be traded to the UFL). Jackson spent his college career at Southern Miss, where he caught passes from a young Brett Favre(who needed Michael Jackson....the singer...to die to keep his name out of the papers for a day or two. Don't fret, I'm sure Favre will weasel his way back into Sportscenter by signing with the Vikings by 4th of July). Once in Cleveland(and then, eventually, Baltimore), Jackson became the primary reciever for some lousy Browns/Ravens teams during the early-to-mid 90's. His best year came in 1996, when 6'4, 195 lb Jackson hauled in 76 catches for 1,200 yards and 14 TDs(which tied him for the NFL lead with former Charger/money launderer Tony Martin). Perhaps the most interesting fact about Jackson is that, in 1993, he tried to change his last name to Dyson(probably because it must be a pain in the ass to have the same name as global superstar who is also accused of molesting children). After having the name change rebuffed by the NFL, Michael went back to being a Jackson and played 8 seasons in the pros before injuries forced him to retire at 29. He finished with 353 catches and 46 touchdowns.

So let's give a heart-filled round of applause for the King of Flop.....Michael Jackson.....the reciever....not the singer.

The End of An Era

I will get to my random thoughts on last night's rather mundane NBA Draft later in the week. For now, a few words on the loss of an icon.

We live in an era where it doesn't take much to be famous. Today's pop stars are pulled off of YouTube videos, fixed reality singing competitions, or Disney Channel after-school specials. Perhaps Michael Jackson's passing is even more significant during these times because, unlike today's starlets, he was famous for actually being talented. His innovative dancing continues to be emulated by up-and-comers nearly twenty years his junior. In a modern pop culture that chews up and spits out its idols quicker than Stephanie Pratt at a Beverly Hills bistro, Jackson cemented his iconic status by perhaps being the last remaining entertainer whose music will stand the test of time(with U2, Aerosmith, and maybe even Billy Joel, also strong candidates). An example of Jackson's greatness? Jackson's album, "Dangerous", which was released in 1991 might be the best album of the past two decades, but is considered by some to be Jackson's third or fourth best piece of work(Behind "Bad", "Off The Wall" and, of course, "Thriller"). Bill Simmons made the point in his recent article that Michael Jackson might be the only artist where you remember where you were when you first heard his music. Quite simply, he was the greatest performer/artist/singer/dancer/entertainer of any era, any genre, in any country. Period.

That being said, the about face America has done on The King of Pop since his untimely death has me a bit disgusted. Perhaps no man, famous or otherwise, has taken the public relations ass-whooping that Jackson has taken since Jackson's child molestation charge in 1993. Gone was all the happiness and joy we got from listening to Jackson's endless amounts of hit songs. Nearly two decades of pop culture dominance was washed away by a child's dubious allegation. He was no longer the King of Pop, he was Pete Townshend with a white glove. The 1993 extortion, er, child molestation charge was such a deadly killshot to Jackson's career, it could have appeared on the Zapruder film with Kevin Costner echoing "Back...and to the left" over and over again.



In the oddest of coincidences, yesterday was also the two-year anniversary of the death of pro wrestler Chris Benoit. Like Jackson, the first 24 hours of Benoit's death was celebrated with an extravagant remembrance with the WWE changing its usual two-hour Monday Night Raw into a Benoit tribute. When news broke within a week that Benoit's death(as well as the deaths of his wife and son) was indeed the result of a murder-suicide, the WWE distanced themselves from Benoit the same way MTV distanced itself from Jackson nearly a decade and a half ago. Benoit went from fallen legend to steroid-abusing murderer and his case became the spark that blew the doors off of a long-standing inquiry over the effects of steroids in pro wrestling. When the World Trade Center was destroyed on September 11th and nearly 3,000 people were killed, Americans flooded the streets with American flags and candles as a show of patriotism and united support. By Halloween, the flags were stashed away in the closets and we went back to business as usual. We live in a society of fad-jumpers. We do what seems hip at the time and the minute the sensationalism dies out, we jump to the next big thing like we're hopping from Facebook to Twitter.

The same holds true over the past 24 hours of Jackson's death. Demand for Jackson's albums has sky-rocketed, this despite the fact Jackson hasn't produced a new album in nearly 8 years! MTV, which hardly ever airs music videos anymore, has taken time out from its regularly scheduled heavy dose of shitty, scripted "reality" TV shows to remember the time with a marathon of Jackson's old videos. It's sickening. For the past 16 years, America treated Michael Jackson like a freak show who deserved his own episode of "How To Catch A Predator". He's been the country's longest standing punchline for nearly two decades. Even Sasha Baron Cohen's new movie, Bruno, supposedly has a scene taking a swipe at Jacko. It makes you wonder: Was the last 24 hours a remembrance or repentance? Do we have a broken heart or a guilty conscience? When people say they "miss" Michael Jackson, do they miss Michael the person? Do they miss the man they made synonymous with touching little boys? The man who, after numerous plastic surgeries and skin ailments, started to look like Heath Ledger in The Dark Knight over the past few years? Or did we miss Michael Jackson the musical genius? The man who sold 100 million copies of "Thriller", the highest selling record of all time and a record that will probably never be broken? Do we miss the man who made music videos cool? The man who gave birth to the careers of guys like Usher, Ginuwine, Ne-Yo and Chris Brown? Because, to me, the latter Jackson passed on somewhere around 2001. Furthermore, why would "fans" rush out to buy up Jackson's albums after he died? Shouldn't they have them already? Or are they just trying to turn a buck while Jackson's spirit is still hot? There were talks that Jacko was making a comeback, but I guess the one bright side in his passing is that the comeback never happened. Did we really want to see the most iconic figure of the past 30 years doing duets with Lady Gaga? Perhaps through all the harsh criticisms of Jackson we lost sight of what made him noteworthy in the first place: the music. That's the truest testament to Jackson's legacy, his music can make you forget anything.....except where you were when you first heard it.

--Dave

Milk Carton All-Stats of the Week....6/23/09

Being away for five days while on vacation meant depriving my loyal readers(all of three of you) of my expertise. It also meant that I had to deliver upon my return. So as a special treat to those in withdrawal over the weekend, I have brought not one, not two, but a THREE man dance for America's favorite weekly feature: The Milk Carton All-Star of the Week. Fear not, Roasters(or Boominites?), this triple decker white bread sandwich is going to have you scrambling for the peanut butter and jelly in no time.

At first glance, you would think that you're looking at the NBA version of the cast of Three Men and a Baby. However, the three gentlemen you see before you are Saucy Aussie Luc Longley, Bearded Bill Wennington and The Original Birdman Will Perdue(It's a chicken reference, people!). What do these three Sunbeamers have in common? They're all legendary centers of the Chicago Bulls dynasty during the early 90s and examples A, B, and C that you don't neccesarily need a competant big man to win a championship. Let's get to know them a little better, shall we:

Luc Longley: Longley was drafted 7th overall by the Minnesota Timberwolves in 1991(ahead of All-Stars like Terrell Brandon, Dale Davis and Chris Gatling). After two uninspiring seasons, Minnesota pulled off a blockbuster trade by shipping Longley to Chicago for Stacey King. Once a Bull, he preceded to ride the greatness of Michael Jordan into three NBA championships from 1996 to 1998. No longer able to ride MJ's coattails after His Airness' 2nd retirement, Longley was shipped to Phoenix in a sign and trade for Columbia High School legend Mark Bryant, Martin Muursepp, Bubba Wells, and a conditional first round pick. Seriously. Much to the surprise of noone, Longley bombed in the desert and made history again by being part of the NBA's first four team trade that sent Longley to New York and an aging Pat Ewing to Seattle(also involved in that trade: Chris Dudley and Travis Knight...just incase you haven't gotten enough tall, goofy white guys in this piece yet). Longley spent one year in the Big Apple before being forced to retire because of mediocrity and irrelevence. For his career, Longley finished with averages of 7 points and 5 rebounds per game to go along with having three more rings than Karl Malone, Charles Barkley and Patrick Ewing.

Bill Wennington: Wennington was selected 16th overall in 1985 by the Dallas Mavericks, just ahead of guys like Joe Dumars and Terry Porter. After being dealt to Sacramento in 1990, Wennington and his sweet facial hair would take a tour of Italy before striking gold as Jordan's ball boy during the 2nd Bulls three-peat from '96-'98(Wennington signed with Chicago in '93, just missing the first three-peat which would have given him 6 championship rings.....a concept that makes Derrick Coleman spin in his grave). Wennington never started more than 20 games for Chicago as he was the chief backup to the afforementioned Luc Longley(Side note: It has to be a kick in the balls to know you won three titles sitting behind a guy who got stung by a scorpion while sorting through his CD collection). Unlike Longley, Wennington stuck around the debris that was the post-Jordan Bulls before spending one last season in Sacramento in 1999. He would finish his career with an astounding 4 points and 3 rebounds per game to go along with his standing as perhaps the only player in NBA history to win three championships and not even have a Wikipedia page. But, boy, did he have one sweet ass playoff beard!

Will Perdue: However, before Wennington and Longley, there was Will Perdue, who wrote the blueprint for How To Win A Championship Simply By Being A Tall, Talentless Stiff On A Team With Great Players. Perdue was drafted by Chicago in 1988, over notable stars like "Thunder" Dan Majerle and the sharp-shooting Brian Shaw. He spent the early part of the 90's taking up space in the paint while occassionally moving out of Michael Jordan's way to the tune of three titles from 1991 to 1993. After being traded to San Antonio for Dennis Rodman, Perdue showed signs of life filling in for David Robinson and was able to piggy back Robinson and a young Tim Duncan for his 4th championship ring(Yes, folks, Will Perdue has as many championships as Kobe Bryant and Shaquille O'Neal. Tell him how his ass tastes!!) Perdue would return to Chicago one last time in 1998 before wrapping it up in Portland a year later. All in all, he would finish his career with averages of 5 points and 5 rebounds a game as well as cementing his status as a role model for all aspiring awkward big men forced to sit on the end of benchs of perennial playoff teams. Or as Reggie Miller would call them: Lucky bastards.

So, a round of applause of Michael Jordan's background dancers, Will Perdue, Luc Longley and Bill Wennington....they were as great as they were relevant.

Sal the Sports King and ESPN 840

ESPN TV has been running commercials lately that show radio listeners riding in cars with their local sports radio meatballs in the passenger seat. My favorite has a guy driving and "Sal the Sports King" riding next to him saying "C'Mon!" over and over again. The guys asks why Sal keeps saying that and Sal replies, "'Cause I'm Sal the Sports King and that's what I say."

That's how I feel when I listen to afternoons on ESPN 840 in Charlottesville. They broadcast Mike and Mike and The Herd, but their afternoons and evenings feature local "flavor."

I was listening earlier to their show "Open Mic" show earlier this week. The show is hosted by Mike Tingle, who is also the station's General Manager. The hosts were complaining that ESPN was not covering the College World Series enough. The hosts said "They must only care about money." and "They would rather cover off field NFL and NBA stories."

Now, I have a few problems with these statements. First, ESPN airs the CWS games on their TV stations and cover the games during Sportscenter. They also have plenty of coverage on ESPNU. What more would you like them to do?

Second, of course ESPN cares about making money. They are not a charity. ESPN is a business. They cover stories that have a national interest, and sorry C'Ville, but off season NFL stories move the meter more than college baseball. During the Arkansas/UVA game few pepole outside of Charlottesville, Arkansas, and Roseblatt stadium cared the game was occuring.

Third, why are you refering to ESPN as "they?" Your show in on an ESPN radio station. To many people who are listening, you are ESPN radio.

I know the CWS is a huge story in Charlottesville because UVA progressed further this year than they ever have. Instead of complaining about the lack of coverage, cover the game yourself, talk about it until you are sick of the sound of your own voice. Because then, guess what, in the minds of everyone listening to you, ESPN will have covered the CWS.

Dave and I could do better than these jokers. In fact, that's a great idea. We should. Someone get me some radio time and microphone. I'll bring my own headphones.

ESPN 840 your Open Mic show sucks. Boom. Roasted.

The Mets and Pedro Cerrano

This past weekend the Mets were toasted by the Yankees. They were beat 15-0 on Sunday when their ace, Johann Santana, was on the mound. They lost on Friday because of a bone-headed drop by Luis Castillo.

I wrote a few weeks ago that the Mets are the little brother of New York baseball. This weekend's shenanigans only add to that image.

I also said in that piece that sometime rooting for the Mets is like watching the movie Major League. The more I think about it, the more I think the Mets really are like the Indians in Major League.

Specifically, Major League II.

Think about it:

Carlos Delgado as Pedro Cerrano

vs.

This comparison is the most obvious and has been made already by many people. Both guys are sluggers with thick Hispanic accents. They both love cigars (see pics above). I think Delgado may have once said "Stret bol I heet bery wel." (Translation: "Straight ball I hit very well.") I wouldn't be surprised if Delgado has a Jobu in his locker. I think the only difference is that Delgado plays first base and Cerrano played the outfield.

Jose Reyes as Willie Mays Hayes



vs.



They're crazy fast and crazy talented. They both steal lots of bases. They are also both aloof and underachieving. They both seem to have an agenda that is not necessarily that of the team's. I think Reyes just signed on to film a buddy cop comedy with Stone Cold Steve Austin called "White Heat and Brown Out." Again, the only difference is Mays Hayes played OF, Reyes plays SS.

Francisco Rodriguez as Rick "Wild Thing" Vaughn



vs.



This one is pretty easy too. Hot shot, hot head, young, flame-throwing, relievers who might have the occasional control problem. K-Rod may have never taken the head off of a practice dummy, but he did get in the face of an opposing pitcher for wiping his nose during K-Rod's backswing, I think. I might have made that last part up.

David Wright as Rube Baker

vs.

This one might not be obvious at first, but think for a second. They are both down-home aw-shucks guys (Wright is from southern Virginia, Rube is from somewhere that horses out number people) trying to make it in the big city. They both walk around all the time with wide-eyed smiles. They are both really good and show up everyday and just play their game. Sure, Rube was a rookie catcher and Wright is an All-Star thirdbaseman, but the comparison is apt.

Jerry Manuel as Lou Brown



vs.




They're older. They're crotchety. They can be politically incorrect sometimes. They both at times look frustrated at the prospect of having to manage the group of clowns they are in charge of for another day. Jerry Manuel wishes he could grow that sweet 'stache though.


I only wish that I could have found someone who compares to Jack Parkman.

Milk Carton All-Star of the Week....6/15/09

I was all set to annoint this week's Milk Carton All-Star to former Toronto Raptors bust Rafael Arajuo, but in the time since last week's selection of Merton Hanks and now, a new candidate has shot up the board with the same blazing speed that was his trademark during his....um, illustrious, career.

The gentleman you see before you(incase you weren't willing to see his name that's strategically placed by his, uh...bat) is former Padre-turned-Red-turned-Indian second baseman/outfielder Bip Roberts. Roberts' calling card during his 13 year career was speed as he finished his career with 264 stolen bases and legged out 203 doubles and 31 triples. However, in 1992, Bip would flash some wood(as in his bat, not the thing next to his name in this picture), hitting .323 with 4 home runs and 45 RBIs which helped him finished 8th in the NL MVP voting(Why did baseball need PEDs? Because guys hitting 4 homers and 45 RBIs can finish in the top 10 in MVP voting. Albert Pujols had that by May). That same year, Roberts made his only All-Star appearence, relieving a not-that-juiced-up Barry Bonds in left field where he went 2-for-2 with 2 RBIs. Five years later, in 1997, Roberts was starting for the Cleveland Indians in the World Series(which they lost in epic fashion to the Florida Marlins). Not bad for a guy the U.S. Collection Department knows as Leon Joesph Roberts.

So let's give it up for the poor man's Devon White........Bip Roberts, ladies and gentleman, and his....uh, well, you know.

Are....You....Ready!?

With baseball's regular season nearing its halfway point, a fantastic Stanley Cup Game 7 and an NBA Finals that could be done by time I'm finished typing this, it seems only fair that we take this time to talk about......fantasy football. Oh, come on, people, after tonight you'll have the next two months to hear about Zach Grienke's ERA or Manny's return from suspension, but with fantasy football leagues opening up this past week, your good friends here at BoomRoastedSports decided to get the ball rolling early. You can thank us later.

This week, I've concocted a segment I like to call Overrated/Underrated. The concept is so simple, even Sarah Palin could grasp it. Basically, I chose players from each position, one overrated(as in a guy I think won't live up to his high draft spot) and one underrated(as in a guy flying under the radar that represents more value than his draft spot would suggest). If this is too hard for you to understand, don't worry, MySpace is just a click away and you can spend the 45 minutes it would take to read this staring at 14 year olds in their Hannah Montana underwear. Without further ado, here we go:

Quarterback

Overrated: Tony Romo(Dallas Cowboys)- Simple mathmatics here. His aging offensive line is now a year older with no signs of youth waiting in the wings. They cut ties with their # 1 reciever(a guy named Terrell Owens, maybe you've heard of him) and now centered their passing attack around the underachieving Roy Williams. A couple other things to keep in mind is that Romo has the tendency to, how do I say this diplomaticly, have his head up in the bushes...er, clouds. His lack of focus and spotty accuracy combined with the fact that he plays in a tough defensive division makes it hard to not only consider Romo among the Top 5 of fantasy quarterbacks but even in the Top 10. Another hardly discussed theory if the Terrell Owens After Effect. In years past, quarterbacks who were accustomed to slinging it to #81 tend to struggle a bit adjusting to life without T.O. It happened to Jeff Garcia in San Francisco. It happened to Donovan McNabb in Philadelphia. And it will happen to Tony Romo in Dallas. You want a QB with an All-Pro tight end and an overrated top reciever, wait a couple rounds for Phillip Rivers.

Underrated: Kyle Orton(Denver Broncos): Last year, Player A finished with 3,200 yards with 21 touchdowns and 10 interceptions. Player B finished with just under 3,000 yards with 18 touchdowns and 12 picks. Player A was Eli Manning. Player B, incase you're slow, is Kyle Orton. A couple things to think about with this comparison: 1. Orton played one less game than Eli. 2. Manning's had a bevy of top notch recievers including a half season of Plaxico Burress while Orton was throwing to reformed cornerback Devin Hester and rookie RB Matt Forte. Adding to Orton's stock is the fact that he goes from playing behind a swiss-cheese offensive line(Orton was sacked 27 times last year) with a subpar supporting cast to throwing to a Pro Bowl WR in Brandon Marshall and one of last year's top rookies Eddie Royal while under the tutelege of former Pats offensive guru Josh McDaniels. With an improved O-line, a more pass-friendly scheme, a weak division and solid weapons around him, it's not unthinkable to believe Orton could go for 30 TDs and around 3,200 yards. Not too bad for a guy who probably won't get serious consideration until at least the top 10 or 12 QBs are gone.

Running Back

Overrated: Michael Turner(Atlanta Falcons): People who followed Turner during his brief appearences in San Diego weren't too surprised by last season's output of 1,700 yards and 17 touchdowns in his first season as a full-time starter last year and they shouldn't expect much less this year. My issue with Turner isn't whether he'll produce, it's whether he'll produce the numbers you expect from where he's being projected to be taken. Most fantasy mags and websites have Turner as the # 2 pick behing Adrian Peterson this season and at least one magazine has Turner ahead of A.P. as the # 1 overall pick. That's a bit much. Here's some things to consider: 1. Turner's touches in his first full season: 376. The year before that? 71. There's just no telling how his body(while big and thick) will hold up after such a drastic increase in carries. 2. The Falcons aren't sneaking up on anybody this year. With teams no longer doubting 2nd year QB Matt Ryan, defenses are more focused on what the Falcons are going to do(see the Falcons loss to the Cardinals in their Wild Card game). Look, would I take Turner in the first round? Absolutely, definitely Top 6.....but Top 2? No, thanks.

Underrated: Ray Rice(Baltimore Ravens): OK, maybe I'm being a Rutgers homer here, but let's think about this for a second. Rice sits # 2 on Baltimore's depth chart behind the perenially overrated and oft-injured Willis McGahee. Last season, Rice proved he could be effective when given the ball and he proved in college that he can take an enormous amount of carries despite being what many would call "undersized". Rice's thick lower body and and quick feet along with his soft hands make him a poor man's Tiki Barber(or a poor man's Maurice Jones-Drew since, unlike Tiki, I never wanted to punch MoJo in the face). Remember, he plays in a cold weather city on a team that loves to run the ball and is going to get plenty of touches sitting behind McGahee's fragile corpse. My prediction for Ray-Ray? 1,300 yards, 10 TDs and he's starting by Week 5. Yeah, I said it. Lock it up.

Wide Reciever

Overrated: Antonio Bryant(Tampa Bay Bucs): I would have went with Roy Williams, but I didn't want to pile on the Cowboys. At first glance, it's easy to look at last year's numbers(83 catches, 1,300 yards, 7 touchdowns) and expect more of the same given that, like last year, Bryant will be driven by the fact that he's once again in a contract year. On the other hand, you're rolling the dice on a guy who is borderline bat-shit crazy and who will be catching passes from the three-headed monster of Byron Leftwich, Luke McCown and Josh Freeman. Also, the friendly confines of Jon Gruden's offensive mastery are gone and, while new OC Jeff Jagodzonski is no slouch when mustering up offense(He had success as Green Bay's OC a few years back before going to BC and transforming Matt Ryan from bleacher bum to Rookie of the Year), it might be a stretch to expect instant success. Also, factor in the fact that Bryant is wildly inconsistant(with the exception of always being a loose cannon) and he no longer has Joey Galloway lined up on the opposite side and I think it would be safe to say last season might be more abberation than a start of something special.

Underrated: Torry Holt(Jacksonville Jaguars): He's currently listed 32nd on ESPN's WR rankings. 32nd! Behind guys like Kevin Walter and DeSean Jackson. While Holt's getting up there in years, we seem to forget that this is a man whose been to a few Pro Bowls and lost the last 3 seasons of his career playing on a Rams squad that had its offense muffled by bad line play and a carousel at QB. While it remains to be seen whether Big Game's troublesome knee is no longer, well, troublesome, there's no questioning that he's motivated. As the new # 1 WR on a team dying to establish a passing game, he could experience an epiphany catching passes from a very desperate-to-keep-his-job David Garrard. Do I think Holt has # 1 fantasy reciever numbers left in him? No. Will he kill you as your # 2 or, at worst, #3? Definitely not. If Issac Bruce, who is older than the Stonehenge, can go for 800 and 7 scores catching passes from Shane Falco's alter ego Shaun Hill, than Holt could stand to at least match that.

Tight End

Overrated: Antonio Gates(San Diego Chargers): While you could split this honor permanently between Kellen Winslow and Jeremy Shockey, it might be time for some new blood amongst the washed-up ranks. While Gates has never scored less than 8 touchdowns throughout his career(even in last year's banged-up campaign), you have to think the beating his body has taken over the years is bound to take its toll. Last year, Gates nursed injuries to his hip, ankle and foot and as a guy whose game is predicated on his fantastic athletic ability and thirst for contact, you have to think he's bound to throw in the white flag. As the focal point of the Chargers' passing attack, Gates will produce but he's also a legitimate injury risk and might no longer be the Top 3 TE he used to be. So draft with caution, and if Gates slips, snatch him up. But if you're taking Gates in the first few rounds like in years past, you might find your season finishing up early.....much like Gates will.

Underrated: Brandon Pettigrew(Detroit Lions): I could have went a number of ways here but chances are you already know about Tony Scheffler, Zach Miller and Visanthe Shiancoe. Rookie tight ends have a history of being productive because they don't garner the attention of their wide receiver counterparts yet they always get looks around the goalline(which is all you care about anyway). That was the case for rooks John Carlson(Seattle) and Dustin Keller(Jets) and it will certianly be the case for Pettigrew. While not as blazing fast as Keller or most new-school tight ends, Pettigrew is big and athletic and will surely take advantage of teams focusing on All-World WR Calvin Johnson as well as supplemental targets like RB Kevin Smith or free agent signing Bryant Johnson. Pettigrew's value will rise further if and when the Lions opt to start top overall pick Matt Stafford, who will certianly lean on his fellow rook as a safety valve.

Defense

Overrated: Washington Redskins-The addition of top free agent DT Albert Haynesworth is sure to get some people overexcited. Don't be that person. While Haynesworth certianly is a boost in the middle for Washington, keep in mind this team still doesn't have much of a pass rush behind Andre Carter and unproven rookie Brian Orakpo(whom the Redskins might play out of position at linebacker, perhaps dwarfing his talents). The linebacking crew, led by the ageless London Fletcher, is nothing to write home about and the secondary now has a spot commandeered by the always overpaid DeAngelo Hall who, to quote Mack 10, is "so wack that he ain't worth dissin'". They also have the misfortune in playing in very tough division and, while they always prove to be the best team in June, July and August, you should really consider the 'Skins long history of underachieving during the Snyder Era before making them your starting defense. Oh, and if your league groups special teams with team D, it should be noted that Antwaan Randle-El makes Redskins fans beg for Brian Mitchell to unretire.

Underrated: Seattle Seahawks-I don't like jumping on bandwagons, particularly months before the start of the regular season, but I am sipping the Kool-Aid pouring out of Qwest Field(In fact, barring any drastic changes between now and Sept., I fully plan on picking Seattle to represent the NFC in the Super Bowl in my annual NFL predictions blog.....Yes, the same blog that picked the Rams to win the NFC West last year...shut up). Incoherent overreacting aside, it can't be ignored what the 'Hawks did to improve their D in the offseason. They beefed up in the middle by acquiring underrated interior pass rusher Cory Redding from Detroit and then signed the equally underrated(and significantly beefy) Colin Cole from Green Bay to clog the middle. They replaced Julian Peterson(who was sent to Detroit in the Redding trade) with 4th overall pick Aaron Curry, widely considered the best defensive player in the draft if not THE best overall player in the draft. They brought back cornerback and Steve Smith punching bag Ken Lucas to bolster the secondary and they also re-signed franchise LB LeRoy Hill to a long-term deal. The best part, however, is they get 4 games against turnover happy San Francisco and St. Louis, which makes them, at worst, a solid spot start on bye weeks.

So that's it. That's the list. Now, I will leave you so you can spend the next two months swearing by the gospel of Matthew Berry.

---Dave

Where is Titletown, USA?

There has been a lot of talk on the web lately of Pittsburgh dethroning Boston as "Titletown" should the Penguins win the Stanley Cup, which, in case our little blog is your only source for news, they did.

Between the Steelers and Penguins in Pittsburgh, and the Patriots, Red Sox, and Celtics in Boston, those two cities have had very nice runs in the last few years.

I decided to take a scientific (sort of) approach to this idea and answer the question, Where is Titletown, USA?

Here is what I did: I went analyzed the four major professional sports' championships since the year 2000. I gave points to each city for each time they won a title AND for each time they were a runner-up. I did this for each title that was competed following the 2000 through 2009 regular seasons. (This means I started with Super Bowl XXXV, the 99-00 NBA and NHL seasons, and included the NBA and NHL for 2009.)

I also wanted to rankings to be weighted based on the importance of each sport in our national consciousness. The NFL has the most weight, the NHL the least. I weighted the NBA and MLB equally. One might be able to argue for the NBA or MLB to ranked over the other, but on the whole they are about equally popular.

So the scoring goes like this: 4 points for a Super Bowl win, 3 points for an NBA title or a World Series win, 2 points for a Stanley Cup win, 1 point less than each of these number for being a runner-up.

One other important note, I grouped metro areas together. So, Los Angeles and Anaheim are grouped, Boston represents New England, Oakland and San Francisco, New York and the New Jersey teams that play in East Rutherford, etc.

With all that said, and no more ado, here are your top 10 ranked "Titletown, USA's."


10. 6 points. 5-way tie between Charlotte, Chicago, Indianapolis, Miami, and Phoenix. I could just say for you to go and do the research yourself, but I'll be nice and do the breakdown. Charlotte - The Panthers lost a Super Bowl (2003), the Hurricanes have won (2006) and lost (2002) the Stanley Cup; Chicago - The Bears lost a Super Bowl (2006), the White Sox won World Series (2005);
Indianapolis - The Colts won a Super Bowl (2006), the Pacers lost in the NBA Finals (2000);
Miami - The Heat won an NBA title (2006), the Marlins won a World Series (2003);
And Phoenix - The Cardinals lost a Super Bowl (2008), and the Diamondbacks was a World Series (2001).

Basically, one win and one loss in the major sports puts you in the top 10 (except for Charlotte).

7. 8 points. 3-way tie between Philadelphia, St. Louis, and Tampa Bay.

Philly - The Eagles lost a Super Bowl (2004), won a World Series (2008), and lost in the NBA Finals (2001).
St. Louis - Lost a Super Bowl (2001), lost a World Series (2004), and won a World Series (2006).
Tampa Bay - Won a Super Bowl (2002), lost a World Series (2008), and won a Stanley Cup (2004).

It looks like three appearences in title games is enough to get the seventh slot.

6. 9 points. San Antonio

Now the fun starts. From here on in there are no ties. San Antonio is in the six slot simply on the strength of their three NBA titles this decade. In fact, if I had done this list starting with the 1999 season San Antonio would have been in the top five, on the strength of four NBA titles, but rules are rules, even if the rules are arbitrary and made up for my blog.

5. 10 points. Detroit

For a city that languishes in despair because of the economy and the Lions, they have had success in the title games. The Red Wings have been in the Stanley Cup Finals three times (2 wins, 1 loss) and the Pistons have won one and lost one NBA title. Add to all of that the Tigers World Series appearance in 2006 and Detroit rounds out my top five.

4. 11 points. Pittsburgh

So much for being the top dog. Pittsburg couldn't make it into the top 3. But, the did get to number 4 on the strength of two teams, the Steelers and the Penguins. The Steelers have won 2 Super Bowls and Penguins have won and lost one Stanley Cup. But, if I had put a premium on recency then Pittsburgh would have definitely been higher, because the teams have done all of this in the past 3 seasons.

3. 20 points. Los Angeles/Anaheim

L.A. being number 3 is because of the Lakers. They have been in the NBA Finals in six of the ten years I looked at. (Note, I gave L.A. credit for winning this year even though right now they are only up 3-1. It's inevitable.) (edit: Between the time I started writing and the time I published the Lakers sealed the deal.) Of those six finals they have only lost twice. Add to the Lakers the Angels World Series win in 2002 and the Ducks two Stanley Cup appearances (one win, one loss), and L.A. rounds out the top 3. L.A. might be La-la land, but they are definitely a basketball city.

2. 24 points. Boston/New England
Boston's success in the last decade is well known. They are on this list because of the the Patiots' mess of Super Bowl wins (and one loss, to my Giants), the Sox's two World Series wins, and the Celtics one title. I was actually surprised that they were not number one, which begs a question. With Boston and Pittsburgh already up here, who is no. 1? Where is Titletown?

Well.....drum roll please.......

Titletown, USA is.........



1. 25 points. New York/New Jersey
I can hear the homer chants now. I'm counting the Nets and Devils because they play their home games in the same complex as the Giants and Jets, right across the river from NYC. Some might say New York has an unfair advantage because they have at least two teams in each of the major sports (2 in each, except for 3 in the NHL, remember the Islanders?) While that is true, in the time period I looked at they only put both teams from one sport into a championship in baseball, and that was the 2000 subway series. Aside from that they are number one because of the Giants, Yankees, Nets, and Devils. Each of these teams made their respective championships multiple times, and all but the Nets won at least once. No other city can boast putting a team from each of the major sports into the finals in the last ten years. So Boston, tell the Bruins to wake up, and L.A., keep a football team other than USC.

That's it, that's my list.

Let the debate begin.

Milk Carton All-Star of the Week....6/11/09

A bit of a delay on this week's MCAS, but I assure you the time was well worth it. With all the talk of Stephen Strasburg leading up to this past Tuesday's draft, it gave me the idea to evoke the name Ben McDonald in consideration for this week's Milk Carton All-Star. However, I decided to wait on that for another day. Stay tuned.

The man you see here, half having a seizure, is former San Francisco 49ers Pro Bowl safety Merton Hanks. Hanks, unlike some of the others who have accepted this honor, had a pretty presitgious pro career. He went to four Pro Bowls from 1994 to 1997 and was a part of the '94 Niners team that won the Super Bowl. Hanks' most recognizable achievement, however, was his signature "Funky Chicken Dance"( or The Rubberneck, The Elmo Dance, The Waddle, or The Rag Doll.....none of which were official names.) Hanks' dance, which was pretty much Hanks convulsing after every big play, reached such high critical acclaim that it was copied by Lakers center Shaquille O'Neal(who admitted to injuring himself in the process).

So let's hear it for the man with Mark Madsen's rhythm, Pat Ewing's charming good looks and Nino Brown's high top fade......Merton Hanks!

---Dave

NBA Finals Preview

After following up my Lakers-Cavs miss with a bold prediction that the Cavs would come back from 3-1 to topple the Magic, it would be understandable if anyone reading the next few paragraphs will simply write it off as incoherent jargon. That being said, I got the Magic in 7 as Game 1 tips off in a matter of hours. I'll get to my reasoning in a minute, but first a quick rant on Kobe Bryant:

Earlier in the week, Gabe and I collaborated on a list of NFL stars you love to hate. To me, the list of NBA stars America loves to hate starts and ends with Kobe Bryant. The reason the marketing behind "Kobe vs. LeBron" worked so well(or would have worked so well, had LeBron held up his end of the bargain) is that it was the perfect example of the old "Black Hat, White Hat" cliche'. Kobe is everything you want in an antagonist. He's cocky, he's defiant, and he doesn't seem to care much about what you think of him. However, of all the adjectives placed upon "The Black Mamba", here's one you don't hear quite as often: Stupid.

For someone who got a solid education at a decent school in upper-class Pennsylvania, Kobe makes a lot of dumb decisions. He's fluent in multiple languages, but inexperienced in the subject of common sense. He's a slick shooter, who can't stop shooting himself in the foot. Kobe emerged on the scene as the Robin to Shaquille O'Neal's Batman, but Kobe's ever-growing ego wouldn't allow him to play second fiddle to The Diesel, thus forcing the death of the greatest inside-outside combo in recent memory and the elimination of the possibility of true Laker dominance. Kobe would then go on to destroy his sparkling, endorsement-friendly image even further by way of a well-publicized rape charge. Now, whether the sex was consentual or not, the fact remains that Kobe made a poor decision by even having another woman in his hotel room to begin with. The snowball effect continued to grow as years past from Kobe demanding a trade or a better supporting cast(ripping his GM and young center rigourously in the process) to his recent statement that it would be "crazy" to think that Shaq could have won his first three championships without him(Side note: As good as Kobe was at the turn of the century, the Lakers were still Shaq's team, so sorry Kobe, it's not unrealistic to think a team of Shaq, Glen Rice, a young Derek Fisher and an underrated Eddie Jones could have won those titles. Unlikely? Sure, but not impossible).

All the negative pub leads to where we are today, with many outside of L.A. actively rooting against Kobe to win his first ring without Shaq. Part of the reason the NBA and fans worldwide clamored for LeBron to make the Finals against the Lakers was because, at least up until his over-dramatized Game 6 walk-out, he was a more universally acceptable player. A great person and great player. We didn't want Kobe to pass the torch to LeBron, we wanted LeBron to take it from him. Now, it's up to "Superman" to conquer "The Black Mamba", which leads me to my reasoning behind my upset special.

1. Superman Returns. Already on his way to being a household name, Dwight Howard(much like Paul Pierce last year) has used the postseason as his coming-out party. On the biggest stage the NBA can provide, he'll do battle with a Lakers frontcourt that's softer than a 12 pack of Charmin. While forward Pau Gasol and center Andrew Bynum have some defensive skill to make Howard work a little, Howard is too big and strong to be contained by both men combined, let alone individually. The Lakers have had their struggles with talented big men throughout these playoffs. The Rockets gave them all they could handle until Yao Ming broke his foot and L.A. was routinely denied inside by the defensive pressure of Chris Anderson, Kenyon Martin and Nene' in the Nuggets series. While Howard is still developing on offense, he's the reigning Defensive Player of the Year and his brute strength and freakish atheletic ability will be able to compensate for his lack of technique.

Howard's presence inside will force Lakers' coach Phil Jackson into two options: Double down on Howard and leave one of Orlando's dangerous shooters open on the perimeter(a strategy that killed the Cavs) or stay at home on the perimeter and let Howard get his inside. While option B would seem to be the safer option, keep in mind that the horrendous officiating in these playoffs have limited banging inside. If Gasol or Bynum get into foul trouble, the Lakers have nothing behind them(The same holds true for the Magic if fouls force Howard to the bench early). With all those factors in mind, defensive stops will be hard to come by and the Magic are not the team you want to get into a shoot-out with.

2. Support System. While the Magic lack a genuine #2 behind Howard(though you could make the case Rashard Lewis is the Pau Gasol to Dwight's Kobe), they do have a stable of good players. Rafer Alston, Lewis, Courtney Lee, and Hedo Turkoglu all came contributed in big spots throughout these players and never more so than in the Eastern Conference Finals. The possible return of star point guard Jameer Nelson poses another problem for the Lakers, especially since their point guards Derek Fisher and Jordan Farmar are human turnstiles on defense.

The Lakers, however, return the same supporting cast from last year's Finals runner-ups with the exception of the emergence of forward Trevor Ariza, the finally healthy(for now) Andrew Bynum and newly acquired guard Shannon Brown. While Ariza's defense and clutch shooting came up big in the Denver series, it remains to be seen whether he can turn it up another notch in this series. Another factor for the Lakers will be enigmatic forward Lamar Odom's production off the bench. While Odom is a versitile player whose size and skill set allow him to play and guard many positions, he has the tendency to disappear quicker than a Big Mac at Jessica Simpson's house. If Odom can be a spark off the bench, the Lakers could finally live up to their billing as the NBA's best team, but if the supporting cast fails Kobe like it did last year, this could very well be a short series.

3. Fate. The last month or so has proven that the Magic are the team you don't want to bet against. They've defied every postseason cliche' known to man by being a average defensive team that relies mainly on getting hot behind the arc and has a coach that tends to clam up in tense situations. Yet here they are. They've survived scares from an underrated Sixers team, a shorthanded but very game defending champion Celtics team and a Cavs team that many forcasted would make mincemeat of them. They're a giant killer led by a giant. Recent history has proven that teams that rally behind the underdog card tend to prevail more often than not.

On the other side of the Magic is a Lakers team that has at times looked dominant and at other times looked shaky. They needed crucial injuries to bail them out against Utah and Houston and needed spotty officiating to close the casket on Denver. While all the talk has been about this being "The Year of Kobe". However, we've been waiting for Kobe to make good on all the hype of him being due since the dismantling of the 2004 Lakers team that choked away the Finals to the Pistons. "The Year of Kobe" has led to more jilted enthuisiasm and false hope than Chinese Democracy. The Lakers have yet to beat the Magic this season, a stat shared by the Cavs prior to the Eastern Conference Finals that went overlooked behind all the Kobe-LeBron propaganda.

The Magic stand four wins away from proving the doubters wrong once again, and this time, I'm not crazy enough to bet against them.....but then again, consider the source.

---Dave

Tweet Tweet

Follow us on Twitter!!!

@BoomRoastSports

http://www.twitter.com/BoomRoastSports

Check it.

Milk Carton Co-All-Stars of the Week......6/2/09

I had such a tough decision deciding on one guy for this week's MCAS of the Week. On the one hand, I wanted to honor the Orlando Magic's return to the NBA Finals by bringing back one of their unsung heroes from their last trip to the Finals. On the other hand, I stumbled upon a picture of one of the unsung heroes from Gabe's New York Mets that just couldn't wait for next week. So, in the interest of fairness, I decided to share the honors amongst both deserving men. Without further ado, here are your Milk Carton Co-All-Stars of the Week. Enjoy!

The man on top(pause) is former Magic sharpshooter Nick Anderson. Unlike Milk Carton All-Stars of the past, Anderson was actually a decent pro(He once dropped 50 on the Nets....before it became fashionable). He played 13 seasons with Magic, Kings and Grizzlies. He scored over 10, 000 points and he finished his career averaging close to 15 points, 5 rebounds and 3 assists a game playing alongside Shaquille O'Neal and Penny Hardaway on a Magic team that made the Finals for the first time in franchise history(Side note: During those playoffs, Anderson hit 41 threes, which is impressive considering the format at the time require less games than today's playoffs) Another fun fact about Anderson was that, after being traded by Orlando to Sacramention for Tariq-Abdul Wahad, he was a throw-in in the Mike Bibby-Jason Williams trade that sent Bibby to the Kings and transformed the Kings into a team that could've been a NBA champion if the NBA scriptwriters hadn't already hitched their wagon to the Shaq-Kobe Lakers.

The second man of the hour(incase you couldn't read the name on the bottom of his card) is journeyman outfielder/Mets legend/Gabe Rodriguez role model Derek Bell. Bell shuffled around the league during his 11 season career, starting initially with Toronto and going to San Diego and Houston before finishing his career with two brief stints in New York and Pittsburgh. Bell's career numbers are nothing to sneeze at: .276 lifetime average, 134 homers and 668 RBIs. In 1995, he finished 14th in the MVP voting(Thanks, baseballreference.com!) behind legendary sluggers like Ron Gant, Reggie Sanders and Eric Karros. His numbers in that banner year? .334 average, 8 homers and 86 RBIs. More impressive than that, however, is his untouchable standing as arguably The Ugliest Man To Ever Step On A Baseball Field.

So let's give it up for 'em, folks.....Nick Anderson and Derek Bell!!!

---Dave

Hey Now, You're a Rock Star, Part 2.

So here is my half of the list. Dave's introduction to his portion of the list pretty much covers how I went about selecting my players too. Guys who are edgy. Guys you love to hate. Guys who you love when they are on your team, but hate when they are on another team, and not just because they are good on the field or in the front office. I've also kept in mind some of the antics that real rock stars get into, and have in some cases picked guys who do the same.

Before I get started though, I need to give some credit to my friend Bryan Sargent. He is the official Cincinnati Reds blogger for sportstalkbuzz.com and this idea was basically his. A few weeks ago he and I were talking with another friend and Bryan said he wanted to come up with the "rock star" for each team in the MLB. We kicked it around and talked about what that means and came up with a few for some MLB teams. Dave and I just applied this idea to the NFL.

So with no further ado, let's get started......

New England Patriots - Randy Moss, WR. Tom Brady had a shot at this by being married to a supermodel and having an actress baby-mama who hates him so much she named their kid so his initials are J-E-T. But this goes to Moss easily. His rock star resume is long. From saying the 1970 Marshall plane crash was "nothing big" (keep in mind, Moss went to Marshall), to bumping a female cop with the front of his SUV, the on field mooning, to leaving the field with time left on the clock. Add all that to the fact that he is all world and runs a fade route that only Iron Man can cover, there is no doubt he is a rock star.

Miami Dolphins - Bill Parcells, Executive VP. Parcells had a very successful coaching career and is probably a better personnel guy than anything. He has had players who were unsung in college become stars and has had players and coaches follow him to each team. But he's surly, yells at the media, and has dropped gems like "1-800-Get-A-Quaterback" and "Jap" plays. His guys love him, others hate him.

Pittsburgh Steelers - Hines Ward, WR. Dave basically covered this in his intro. Steelers fans say he is tenacious and plays tough. Non-fans say he is dirty and takes cheap shots. Just ask Keith Rivers, who probably can't even put a fork near his jaw without flinching.

Cincinnati Bengals - Chad OchoCinco, WR. He changed his name from Johnson to OchoCinco, and it stuck. (Total rock star move, just ask Bono, Sting, Elvis Costello, etc.) He also started the current trend of goofy touchdown celebrations (his Sharpie and cheerleader proposal are still the best of the new crop). Oh yeah, and he's still a top 10 receiver when he wants to be.

Kansas City Chiefs - Brodie Croyle, QB. He's young. He's brash. He's got a loud mouth and an outlaw gun-slinging style. He reminds you of a young Brett Favre (who made Dave's list while not actually being on an NFL roster, so that says something.)

Oakland Raiders - Al Davis, Owner. He signs every NFL pariah he can get his hands on. He made Amy Trask president of the club, easily the highest position a woman has ever held in the NFL. He has feuded with everyone from Marcus Allen to Pete Rozelle and has said he will retire when he either wins two more Super Bowls, or dies. Rock Star.

Jacksonville Jaguars - Jack Del Rio, Head Coach. They have said goodbye to Matt Jones, their unchallenged rock star for years, and the rest of their roster is too vanilla. Del Rio is outspoken and looks like he could still strap on the pads like he did as an NFL linebacker for 11 years. And sometimes he looks like he really wants to do so.

Houston Texans - DeMeco Ryans, LB. Matt Schaub is too nice. Mario Williams is too likable. Ryans came in the year Williams was taken no. 1 overall, (ahead of Reggie Bush, another of Dave's rock stars), took control of the defensive unit, and earned ROY honors.

Detroit Lions - Daunte Culpepper, QB. He is the only Lion with any personality or interest. Besides, is there any celebration more loved by fans and more reviled by everyone else than that stupid fist roll?

Chicago Bears - Jay Cutler, QB. He found out his old team was shopping him and said "Get me out." He has a rocket arm and all the talent in the world, but can't get in front of a mic without saying something that pisses someone off. Oh, and he has diabetes and is still better than about 80% of the QB's in the league.

New York Giants - Rhett Bomar, QB. In previous years this would have been Tiki Barber, Jeremy Shockey, or Plaxico Burress. They are gone and now the roster is full of character guys, except for Bomar. He had the world in his hand at Oklahoma and messed it up by taking thousands of dollars from a booster for "working" at the booster's car dealership.

Philadelphia Eagles - Hank Baskett, WR. Later this month he is marrying former Playboy model and star of The Girls Next Door Kendra Wilkinson. Game. Set. Match.

Seattle Seahawks - Lofa Tatupu, LB. Probably the most bland roster in the NFL. Tatupu came in and grabbed the starting middle linebacker job as a rookie, went to the Pro-Bowl, and lead the Seahawks to the Super Bowl. Then in 2008 he was arrested for DWI. His BAC was almost twice the legal limit.

San Francisco 49ers - Vernon Davis, TE. He's talented. He has rock star hair. He slapped a player on the field and was called "uncoachable" by none other than Hall of Famer Mike Singletary.

Tampa Bay Buccanneers - Brian Griese, QB. This team used to have Warren Sapp and John Gruden, shoe-ins for the rock star designation, but they are gone now. Griese has problems with authority. This extends to coaches and his Hall of Fame father Bob.

Atlanta Falcons - Michael Vick, QB. He's still on the roster. No contest. That's it. That's the list.

Hey Now, You're A Rock Star

Every team has at least one guy who is a bit edgy, a bit of a catalyst for opposing fan's hatred. Every team has a guy that fans get behind because he's on the roster, but if he played for another team, they'd hate his guts. Gabe and I have made it our mission to find at least ONE guy from each team, starting with the NFL, that is unconditionally adored by his team's fans yet routinely draws the ire of fans anywhere else. We designated this select few the "Rock Stars" of their respective teams(mainly because its more catchy than The Sean Avery Awards).



Now, it doesn't exactly have to be the face of the franchise and the reason for the desigination has to be that said "Rock Star" has the type of shadiness that causes opposing fans to want to sling beer bottles at their head. For instance, Steelers fans LOVE Hines Ward because he plays hard, goes from whistle to whistle and his blocking skills are an asset to the run game. Opposing fans, however, find his physical style is a bit dirty and would like to ring his neck. So, we split the 32 teams up between the two of us and I will lead off with my initial 16(Part 2 will come somewhere between tonight and tommorow)



Buffalo Bills: WR Terrell Owens: T.O. might be the David Lee Roth of NFL Rock Stars, in that, even the guys in his own band want to give him the boot. Fans of whatever team T.O. is on tend to tolerate his actions in exchange for his consistant production, but his me-first attitude and his overwhelming need for showmanship driving players(both opposing and otherwise) insane.



New York Jets: LB Bart Scott: The only thing tougher than Scott's bite, is his bark. As arguably the NFL's biggest trash talker, Scott's in-your-face antics helped light a spark for the Ravens defense, while opposing offenses stopped at nothing to shut him up. Now without Ray Lewis and the friendly confines of that Baltimore defense for the first time, Jets fans are hoping plays as good a game as he talks.



Baltimore Ravens: LB Ray Lewis: For one, being an accessory to a double murder during Super Bowl weekend tends to make opposing fans reluctant to cheer for you. Another thing that chaps the asses of people outside of Baltimore is when Lewis jumps in on a gang tackle behind the line of scrimmage and dances like he's on Soul Train. Ravens fans swear by Ray-Ray, but the recent lack of interest this past offseason while Lewis tested the waters gives you the sense that the feeling doesn't extend far past the Beltway.



Cleveland Browns: QB Brady Quinn: OK, so he's not exactly edgy, but Quinn certianly has the LOOK of a Rock Star. With his million dollar smile and Calvin Klein model good looks, Quinn has the ladies of the Dawg Pound in heat. Naturally, the male football population tend to be a bit skeptical(read: envious) of star quarterbacks who looked like they were ripped off the cover of GQ Magazine.



Tennesee Titans: QB Vince Young: Well, Young certianly knows how to party like a rock star...




Indianapolis Colts: QB Peyton Manning: Manning's detractors surface from not what Peyton does on the field, but off of it. A wide array of commercials, TV appearences and various other promotional oppurtunities has led to fans suffering from oversaturation. While certianly everyone would love to have Manning as their QB, some are a bit tired of hearing about his laser rocket arm.


Denver Broncos: WR Brandon Marshall: Broncos fans love Marshall's sure hands and playmaking ability. Me personally? I tend to turn my nose at guys who can't seem to keep their asses out of trouble and try to blame a forearm injury on slipping on a McDonald's wrapper.


San Diego Chargers: LB Shawne Merriman: There's something about convicted steroid abusers who dance like their having a seizure after every tackle that rubs people the wrong way.


Green Bay Packers: S Atari Bigby: He's the Packers' defensive enforcer(or at least was, as recent injuries have possibly made him the odd man out in the secondary). Bigby's huge hits get Packer Nation hyped up, while getting opposing players and fans crying foul.


Minnesota Vikings: QB Brett Favre: I know, I know, Favre's not a Viking.....yet, but does anyone fit the Rock Star prima donna attitude more to a T than The Riverboat Gambler. Despite achieving icon status in Green Bay, Favre remains adamant on selling what's left of his legacy for another 15 minutes of fame. He's like Bret Micheals, doing whatever it takes to stay relevant while looking for love from strangers.


Washington Redskins: Owner Dan Snyder: His fat pockets have brought in more declining veterans than VH1 reality television. 'Skins fans love Snyder because his never ending wallet makes thier team contenders every year(at least on paper). Others find his careless spending, while more detriment than anything, sets a bad example for other teams trying to compete.


Dallas Cowboys: Owner Jerry Jones: His greed will single-handedly kill any chance of their being a salary cap past this season. For that alone, you should hate him.


St. Louis Rams: DE Leonard Little: Sorry, I tend to be a bit sour on guys who are convicted of DUI vehicular manslaughter and then decide to drive drunk 6 months later. Sadly, Little's play has declined to the point where his body count might actually surpass his sack total one day.


Arizona Cardinals: WR Anquan Boldin: His Favre-like indecisiveness during his ongoing contract negotiations have been a source of frustration for both Cardinals fans and fans of teams hoping to see Boldin line up in their team colors. Now that Boldin has changed agents, maybe Boldin will be able to finally fly solo, Ice Cube style, and leave the band and the dramatics behind.


New Orleans Saints: RB Reggie Bush: He was supposed to be Gale Sayers, but he's been more Gayle King. After all the hoopla over being snubbed by Houston, Bush hasn't exactly made the detractors pay by lighting up the scoreboard. In 3 seasons in New Orleans, he has 1,550 yards rushing....or only 300 yards more than what Packers undrafted running back Ryan Grant had all last season. The anti-Bush crowd also tend to be angered by Bush's Hollywood girlfriend(Kim Kardashian) and non-stop commercials that don't seem to be justified given his lack of production.


Carolina Panthers: WR Steve Smith: Look, tempers flare during the hot tempatures of training camp, but when you punch out a teammate not once, but TWICE, it makes it hard to shake that whole bad guy label. As long as Smith keeps making the highlight reel though, Carolina fans will continue to turn the other cheek.


......and now, I'll tag in Gabe for Part 2

Show Me The Money

My friend Sean once joked, shortly after Patrick Swayze was diagnosed with cancer, that the set of Road House was cursed. A couple of years later, we came to the synopsis about The Dark Knight after Heath Ledger died, Christian Bale found himself in legal trouble and Morgan Freeman was nearly killed in a car accident. However, I discovered a movie curse that might trump them both. While this movie isn't cursed in the tragic sense(i.e. nobody's dead or has acquired life-threatening diseases), it has claimed the careers of pretty much all of the major players. That movie, of course, is Jerry Maguire. Before I get into The Curse of Jerry Maguire, a quick side rant:

I watched Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory the other day and it occured to me that Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka should go down in history as one of the few roles in which no other person could play but the person who played it.....like Val Kilmer as Jim Morrison or DeNiro in Raging Bull. The movie industry tried to give us an updated Willy Wonka with Johnny Depp in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory(which was more an adaptation of the book than a re-make of Wilder's 1971 classic). Depp's interpretation of Wonka, in my eyes, was nothing short of horrible. It was dark and creepy, which is to be expected from a weirdo like Depp and an even bigger oddball like director Tim Burton. However, I tried thinking who would play Wonka if they ever remade the original movie and the only two names that popped up Jim Carrey and Steve Carell(Carell has some experience as Wonka, having played a mock version of him in an episode of The Office). While both are solid comic actors(though oversaturation has made both schticks kind of stale), neither could pull off the all-around performance that Wilder did nearly 40 years ago. In an movie era where new films are merely rehashes of the same tried and true formula over and over again, you wonder if there will ever be a role from today's actors that will resonate 40 years from now as a character that NOONE else could play? Now, for the reason we're here:

I restricted the Maguire Curse to mostly the main characters, so just know that before you write me about the amazing comedic career of Aries Spears or the eventual breakout of Lucy Liu. I took the top eight names from the cast off of IMDB and found the results, well.....you'll see(P.S. I put the role they played in parentheses, incase you didn't know):

1. Tom Cruise(Jerry Maguire) : People will be quick to mention that Cruise lit up the box office after Jerry Maguire with Mission Impossible 2 and 3, but I would replay that neither movie was very good(at least, when compared to the first one). There's also Cruise's solid role in Lions For Lambs, which was championed as a union of Hollywood's top greybeards with Cruise aligned next Robert Redford and Meryl Streep. Also, before you mention Collateral, remember that Cruise gets outshined through the entire movie by an up-and-coming Jamie Foxx. All those movies considered, you're still only talking about 4 movies in a 14 year span from the guy who dominated the 80's with movies like Top Gun, Risky Business, Cocktails, and Rain Man and went into the early 90's with Days of Thunder, Few Good Men and the first Mission Impossible. Then, of course, we'd be remissed if we didn't mention the fact that Cruise kicked off the new millenium by establishing a new kind of crazy. After splitting from Nicole Kidman and thus both destroying one of Hollywood's IT couple as well as starting a swarm of gay rumors, Cruise married young actress Katie Holmes and then preceded to fly off the deep end. As one of the more recognizable spokesman for Scientology, Cruise went on a nearly two-year long span and counting of everything from awkward interviews with Matt Lauer to jumping all over Oprah's couch, while dropping box office bombs like War of the Worlds and Valkyrie on us.

2. Cuba Gooding Jr.(Rod Tidwell) : Wow, where do we start? Cuba's star seemed on the rise after winning the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor in his role as flamboyant wide reciever Rod Tidwell, but I get the feeling the guy approving Gooding's scripts might be the same guy who managed MC Hammer's money. Let's read 'em off, shall we? Rat Race, Boat Trip, Snow Dogs, Norbit, Daddy Day Camp, The Fighting Temptations.....and that's just the ones you've heard of. What about Dirty, Shadowboxer, Linewatch, Hero Wanted, and last week's DVD new release The Devil's Tomb? Cuba's post-Maguire DVDs dominate the Wal-Mart $5 movie bin like Dwight Howard in the paint. Sure, he showed signs of life as Nicky Barnes in American Gangster, but he's listed as the 16th lead behind The RZA.....not exactly the what we expected from an Oscar winner. You think Jack Nicholson gets buried behind rappers on movie cast lists? Now, again, like Cruise, there's some good points: Men of Honor, Radio, Pearl Harbor....all solid, but roles that should be Gooding's have ended up in the hands of guys like Tyrese Gibson and Terrence Howard. When Howard priced himself out of Iron Man 2, the producers went straight to Don Cheadle(who, I'll admit, is probably a much better actor than Cuba, but that's just my personal preference). It's not unrealistic to think Cuba can make a Mickey Rourke-esque comeback, but considering he's picking his roles with all the self-respect of a 300 pound band geek with back acne, that seems unlikely.

3. Renee Zellweger(Dorothy Boyd): Like Gooding Jr, Zellweger showed promise following her role as loveable single mom Dorothy Boyd, and like the previous two, Zellweger had her moments. She was excellent in Cold Mountian alongside Jude Law and Nicole Kidman and was brilliant in Chicago opposite Catherine Zeta-Jones(both earned nods from the Academy). The Bridget Jones' movies have developed a cult following, but were nothing to write home about. Then, of course, there's Leatherheads. Now, Zellweger's career might not be as downtrodden as some of the people in this group, but it's just hard to omit the fact that an Academy Award winning-actress managed to attach herself to one of 10 worst movies ever made. Sure, Hilary Swank did Next Karate Kid before becoming one of Hollywood's top actresses and Paul Giamatti was in a slew of bad movies before Sideways(Big Fat Liar, anyone?), but Zellweger's role in Leatherheads is the kind of part you give to some no-talent pretty face like, say, Shannon Elizabeth. Zellweger followed Leatherheads with New In Town and My One And Only, movies you wouldn't even rent out of the Red Box at a grocery store. Although, she was a part of the successful kid flick Monsters and Aliens(5 years after starring in another kid flick, Shark Tale), so maybe she spends the rest of her career as the female version of Gilbert Gottfried.

4/5/6. Kelly Preston(Avery Bishop), Jerry O'Connell(Frank Cushman), Jay Mohr(Bob Sugar):
I grouped these three together because, quite frankly, they were never good enough actors prior or during Jerry Maguire to even be thought of as possible stars in the making following the 1996 sports classic. Preston continued to live up to the label of "Hot Chick In Random Movie" , appearing in everything from Nothing To Lose to Holy Man to For The Love of the Game to Broken Bridges(alongside country "star" Toby Keith, which should tell you everything you need to know). Of course, so long as Preston is attached to John Travolta(he, too, a person who never met a bad script he didn't like), she'll remain in some form of the limelight.....until her boobs sag and Big John leaves her for Scarlett Johanson. Speaking of marginal actors with hot trophy wives, O'Connell finally hit the big time by scoring John Stamos' sloppy seconds, Rebecca Romijn, who much like the rest of the people on this list cooled off around the start of the new millenium. Dating Rebecca Romijn in 2009 is like buying stock in Microsoft in 2009, it's not a bad thing to have but it's not as sexy as it once was. Mohr, on the other hand, has been consistant in maintaining his goal as white people's answer to Arsenio Hall. His TV shows tend to have the life expectancy of alcohol-abused infants from Mohr Sports to Fastlane to current cancellation waiting to happen, Gary Unmarried. On the bright side for Mohr, if Hollywood ever tries to re-create my life in film, he has the David Downey role sewn up.

7. Regina King(Marcee Tidwell): King spent all the momentum following her turn as Cuba Gooding Jr's wife, Marcee, accepting all the roles that Nia Long or Vivica A. Fox would turn down. There was How Stella Got Her Groove Back, the sequels to both Miss Congeniality AND Legally Blonde and, of course, Friday(which is one of my all-time favorite movies, but not because of the 10 minutes King is in it). It hasn't been all bad for King. She was 2004 Ray Charles biopic, Ray, where King held her own before being outshined by Jamie Foxx and Kerry Washington. She's one of the main voices in the TV cult favorite, The Boondocks(easily my favorite show) and now you can find her on NBC's Southland, which is still on the air despite the pressure of being in the slot once manned by peacock powerhouse E.R. All else fails, there's always the seemingly never-ending string of ridiculously horrible Tyler Perry movies.

So that's it, that's the list. If you're wondering why I didn't mention Bonnie Hunt(who played Zellweger's sister, Laurel) or Jonathan Lipnicki(who played Zellweger's adorable son, Ray), it's pretty simple. Hunt, much like Preston and O'Connell and Mohr, was a never was whose post-Maguire career registered even less of a blip than the afformentioned three and now has her own talk show that nobody cares about. Lipnicki, like most cute child actors, stopped being cute as he got older and found it hard to shake being pigeon-holed and, thus, fell off the face of the Earth. Maybe he rebounds like Tom Guiry(who played Smalls in The Sandlot) and resurfaces with a more edgy adult role like Guiry did in Mystic River.

However the next few years play out, there seems to be no contesting The Jerry Maguire Curse, which appears to have claimed more careers than The Swine Flu.

--Dave