100-91
90-81
80-71
70-61
And the countdown continues....
60. Jessica Pare("Hot Tub Time Machine", "Mad Men") For the last two years, Jessica Pare has started to make her case for creeping onto this list. After spots in movies like "Lost and Delirious" and "Wicker Park", she turned heads in "Hot Tub Time Machine" as Tara, the topless girl in the bathtub with Craig Robinson. From there, she nabbed a role on the wildly popular AMC show, "Mad Men", as Megan Draper. Sure, Jess doesn't have the pretty face of a Rachel McAdams or Charlize Theoron(who are below her on the list), but she makes up for it with an excellent pair of breasts(which can be seen in all their glory in the aforementioned bathtub scene). Those world-class boobs are going to have to be Pare's meal ticket because, if there's a common theme with all of Pare's work, it's that she's not much of an actress. I know it sounds like I'm dogging her but it says something when you make showing emotion in a bathtub sex scene seem difficult. Regardless, she's here and she's hot. Her stint on "Mad Men" could launch her career or she can become another in a long line of busty babes who fall by the waist side and end up doing softcore porn on Cinemax at 3 A.M. (Here's lookin' at you, Amber Smith!).
59. Brittany Snow("John Tucker Must Die", "Hairspray"). Maybe it's that she looks like she has a little bit of "crazy bitch" in her that makes me so wildly attracted to Brittany Snow. I mean, obviously, the pretty face and the nice body is a good enough resume to get her on the list, but did you see her cameo on Law & Order: SVU? That's a girl with some freak in her. That wasn't always the case though. Brittany first grabbed our attention on the short-lived NBC show "American Dreams", where she showed off that cute smile and singing chops(Of course, if you're a soap opera buff, you probably know about Snow's run on "Guiding Light" before she was on "American Dreams". Thankfully, I'm no soap opera buff.). From there, she had a run on "Nip/Tuck", then came the SVU episode I mentioned earlier, then it was back to more singing and dancing in "Hairspray", which featured John Travolta in drag(see, we should have seen the signs earlier with Johnny)! After a couple shots at horror movies, she's back on NBC television looking 20x hotter standing next to Kathy Bates on "Harry's Law". The fact that she sings and acts will keep her around awhile, as will the fact that she's hot. To get higher on this list though, I want to see her get more in tune with her inner crazy bitch and go Black Swan on some people. That's just me though.
58. Kristen Bell ("Veronica Mars", "Forgetting Sarah Marshall"). Not that being in your early 30's is a death sentence, as Gabe can attest, but it kind of shocked me that Kristen Bell is almost 32. You forget that she's been around for years, most notably on "Veronica Mars" for three seasons starting in 2004. That show gave us a glimpse of the kind of hot chick we were dealing with. "Forgetting Sarah Marshall", however, drove that point home. How hot was Bell in that movie, right? When you're in a two-piece bathing suit for a majority of a two hour movie with Mila Kunis, and you're holding your own, you've done something noteworthy. Since "Forgetting Sarah Marshall", Bell's been all over the place. She did some voice work for the Assassin's Creed games. She played the Sarah Marshall role again in "Get Him To The Greek". She made a few more shitty movies like "When In Rome" and "Scream 4", and she did some TV work on shows like "Unsupervised", "Gossip Girl" and "House of Lies". She's in the prime of her career, even if that prime comes at a much older age than I would've initially thought. Regardless, we'll be seeing a lot of Bell in the near future.
57. Paulina Gretzky(Daughter of hockey legend Wayne Gretzky). The latest in the frustratingly annoying trend of women famous for no reason is Paulina Gretzky, the daughter of "The Great One" Wayne Gretzky. Paulina is technically an "actress", having done a couple movies like "Fame" but she's an actress in the sense that Shaq is a rapper. Just because you have the opportunity to do something doesn't mean you're part of that world. I write a blog. That doesn't mean I'm Tony Kornheiser. More realistically, Paulina is a hot chick with famous bloodlines. After she spent her teenage years lashing out at her father by tweeting sexy pics of herself, "The Great One" decided to shut down her Twitter account. Now, she's slutting it up on Instagram. Look, I'm not going to object to a brutally hot woman showing skin on the internet but, as Paulina will learn from Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton, when all you do to market yourself is take pictures with your friends hoe-ing it up at parties, then the general perception of you will be: You're a hoe. We all know the phrase "If you got it, flaunt it" and Paulina takes that as her motto but there is such a thing as oversaturation. We all use to love looking at Kim Kardashian's rump......then it was everywhere, and now we're sick of the bitch. Every girl goes through that rebellious phase where they want to make their fathers cringe by letting random dudes do jello shots off their cleavage. However, with Paulina having not even a speck of the talent her father had, it seems clear her flame will be blown out quickly. There's the inevitable sex tape or leaked nude photos or the eventual Playboy spread but, sooner rather than later, we'll all get sick of looking at Paulina Gretzky. Thankfully, that isn't the case right now.
56. Heather Graham("The Hangover", "Boogie Nights") The good news: She's responsible for some of the most memorable sex scenes and sexiest roles in recent history. Her romps with Joesph Fiennes in "Killing Me Softly"? All-time classics. Her scene with Robert Downey Jr. in "Two Girls And A Guy"? Vastly underrated. Her role as Rollergirl in "Boogie Nights"? Unforgettable. The bad news: those roles were almost two decades ago. We've become so used to seeing Heather Graham naked now that it doesn't even affect us. Her brief topless scene in the first Hangover film? Most people missed it, others just shrugged. Don't get me wrong. Heather Graham is still hot and her naked body is still something to see but it's gotten stale. Much like Angelina Jolie, when you're just randomly naked in every movie, people get tired of seeing it. There was a time where I could watch Heather Graham having sex all day long, but that time has passed. Like a lot of women later down this list, Heather Graham is still an immensely attractive woman who is past her prime. "Killing Me Softly" was 10 years ago. "Boogie Nights" was 15. We've moved on. When girls like Kate Upton are heating up the Internet at 19, there isn't much love left for 42-year old Heather Graham. Look, we're glad she's still hot and if there was a sex scene Hall of Fame, Heather Graham would be a first-ballot entrant but, at this point, being 56th on the Hot 100 when you haven't made a movie of note in years is more of a respect call. Be happy with that.
55. Zoe Saldana("Star Trek" "Columbiana"). She's Jada Pinkett 2.0. An upgraded version of a 90's classic, this time with a little Domincan flavor. Zoe Saldana has made a name for herself by setting screens on fire in a couple big-time movies. She revamped the classic Nichelle Nichols role of Uhura in the "Star Trek" movie. She got her Lara Croft on in the action flick "Columbiana", and she even made CGI look sexy in James Cameron's cash cow "Avatar". In between those roles, she strutted her sexy self in a few less grossing movies such as "The Losers" and "Takers", establishing herself as the siren in the middle of casts that were mostly sausage fests. Saldana has the look, the body, the charm and the chops to be a star and the fact that she played a gun-toting bad ass so superbly in "Columbiana" was definitely a turn on for guys who like their women to be female Rambos. Zoe will be putting more polish on that bad chick resume with her role in the Machete sequel, "Machete Kills", next year. It's a long way from "Set It Off", but it will do.
54. Kellie Pickler("American Idol" runner-up, country music singer). If you know me, you know that I strongly detest country music: the stupid twang, the constant harping about tractors and bad relationships and whiskey and just the overall annoyance of its fan base. You also know that I'm a fan of women with, for lack of a better term, real boobs as opposed to surgically enhanced. With that said, Kellie Pickler's decision to get her frame doctored was the first step on a long road to gaining my respect. Now, I couldn't tell you one of Pickler's songs. Personally, if I wanted to hear about young girls bitch about cheating boyfriends, I'd just log on to Twitter. However, when Pickler re-emerged onto the scene with her two red Solo cups a bit more full, she definitely grabbed my eye. In a country music world where everyone swoons over Carrie Underwood and Taylor Swift like they are the second coming of Pam Anderson and Jenny McCarthy, Pickler has gone overlooked. Shame on you, hayseeds! Pickler has the goods, even if they are store-bought. And who cares if the only time I'd get to glance at her is the 2 seconds in between me channel surfing past CMT? It will be the most entertaining two seconds that channel has ever brought anyone that isn't into Jim Beam and shotgun weddings. Maybe Diddy will sign her and she can re-form Danity Kane. 'Til then, she's just a pretty face on the wrong side of the picket fence.
53. Katrina Bowden("Piranha 3DD", "30 Rock", "Sex Drive"). There are always going to be women who get the "Who?" reaction when you mention their name before it's met with a "Ohhh....." after you elaborate. Katrina Bowden is one of those women. She was in the Piranha sequel that almost nobody saw. She's on "30 Rock" and she had a role in "Sex Drive"(another movie barely seen by the American public because it was yet another tired "Road Trip" knockoff). If you're like me, you went 0-for-3 on those three roles and only noticed Katrina when she blazed Maxim last year. Here's all you really need to know about Katrina Bowden: She's young. She's hot, and she's from Jersey. That's enough for me. With some more acting work, Katrina will rise up this list. She has all the tools. She's like a poor man's Sara Underwood. That's pretty good company to be in.
52. Eva Mendes("Training Day" "We Own The Night") On her tombstone, it will read: Here Lies Eva Mendes.....She Made Shitty Movies Watchable. Case and point? "Stuck On You", easily the worst movie I've ever seen.....except for the few moments an in-her-prime Mendes steals the show. Need more proof? How about "Hitch"? Or "Ghost Rider"? Or "We Own The Night"? Or "The Spirit"? I could, literally, name about ten more films but I think you get the point. Outside of "Training Day", where Eva has a "blink and you miss it" nude scene, Mendes has been in more turds than sweet corn. We still haven't seen her in a decent movie since she was bagging up money for Denzel. Nevertheless, a hot chick in a terrible movie is still a hot chick in a movie and, after a brief rehab stint, Mendes is back in full force. More power to her, because the $5 dump bin at Walmart could use a few more DVDs with her beautiful face on the cover.
51. Kelly Brook(Model/Actress "Piranha"). It's hard to call Kelly Brook an actress when her only notable work was a worthless "Jaws" bite-off that nobody really cared about. It's not hard, however, to call her one of the hottest women on the planet. Truth be told, Brook is more model than actress. Back in her native England, she is what Brooklyn Decker is here. With her spread in Playboy a couple years ago though, America was quick to adopt another sexy import from across the pond. Beyond "Piranha", there isn't much guys can do to see Kelly in action unless they own some old "Smallville" DVDs or feel inclined to spend their day on Google images(I'd prefer the latter over the former). She's one of the planet's rarest beauties and that makes up for the fact that she doesn't have the acting skills of Sandra Bullock. She's gorgeous, her body is ridiculous and she's becoming more relevant in the U.S. What more do you need?
No comments:
Post a Comment