Week 9 Picks

The momentum from my 9-5 performance a couple weeks ago evaporated quicker than the excitement Vikings had for the return of Randy Moss. Week 8 wasn't really all that impressive for either of us, although Gabe was the only one able to keep his head above .500.

This week, it's BoomRoasted Birthday Week, with Pitbull Jr. turning Terrell Davis on Tuesday(that's 30, for you slow folks) and yours truly, The Big Margherita, turning Curtis Martin on Wednesday(28). Perhaps the birthday cheer will wipe some of the stank off our picks for one week.......probably not. Anyway, here's our take on Week 9.

Last Week: (Dave 6-7, Gabe 7-6)

Season: (Dave 43-53-3, Gabe 48-48-3)

Bears (-3) at Bills

Dave: Bills - You have to figure there is going to be a week where Buffalo stops finding ways to lose and notches it's first W and, really, why wouldn't that come at home(albeit in Toronto) against a Bears team that's four months away from trading "Sulking" Jay Cutler to Washington and taking a flier on hometown boy Donovan McNabb? Buffalo has spent the last few weeks giving teams such as the Pats, Ravens and Chiefs(all playoff teams, mind you) everything it could handle. The Bears, meanwhile, have spent the last few weeks getting Lovie Smith's TV career started. I see a sneaky Buffalo pass D stifling Cutler and the Bills pull out the "upset" with a 6 point win, while Andrew Luck starts house-hunting in upstate New York.

Gabe: Bills

Chargers (-2.5) at Texans

Dave: Texans - I maintain that, had Kenny Britt been healthy, the Chargers would have found a way to lose to Tennessee last week and continue to be one of the NFL's biggest letdowns. That didn't happen, of course, as San Diego kept Norv Turner from his rightful spot on the chopping block with a win against the Titans. Still, I don't think the Chargers are very good. They do have the league's best pass D but they really haven't been up against a team that can sling it like Houston does. Yes, Houston is on short rest. Yes, the Chargers need this one more. Yes, Arian Foster hasn't been the manchild many thought he was after his Week 1 breakout. Still, Norv can't hide his mediocrity any longer. Texans roll here by 10.

Gabe: Texans - No. 1 wide receiver Patrick Crayton. Philip Rivers might be a great quarterback, but he'll be throwing to guys who'll be back manning the coat check in two weeks. Texans win big.

Saints (-6.5) at Panthers

Dave: Saints - The Saints have teased people into thinking their fully back after an impressive win against Pittsburgh last week. I'm still in wait-and-see mode with the defending champs. Drew Brees seems a bit more hurt than the team lets on. The defense is suspect and the running game, even with the former Mr. Kim Kardashian coming back, is still dormant. Luckily, the Panthers suck out loud and, if the Saints are really back, they'll flatten Carolina as Bill Cowher starts stroking his chin in anticipation of coming back onto the sidelines and filling in for John Fox next season. Saints by 14.

Gabe: Saints - They need this win. It's a division game against a sorry team. The Saints are supposed to win this and they will, big.

Cardinals (+8) at Vikings

Dave: Cardinals - Oh, Brad Childress, you aren't nearly as smart as you think you are. Waiving Randy Moss to take people's minds off the shit job of coaching you've done so far this year? That may work with the less perceptive crowd, but not on me, Chilly. Look, you went from being a hot coaching prospect to a dud. You begged Favre to come back and it blew up in your face. You tried to bring back Moss to keep Brett motivated and that bombed, too. Your pass rush is non-existant and Favre is too stupid to sit down despite being badly hurt. Yes, the Cardinals aren't very good and going back to Derek Anderson may be a bad choice, but you can't expect me to pick Minnesota giving eight points against anyone not named Carolina right now. Vikes get the W, but Arizona makes them work for it.

Gabe: Cardinals - This seems easy. The Vikings have replaced the Raiders as the most dysfunctional team in the league. Chilly reportedly almost threw hands with Harvin this week. Dave's right, eight points is way too many. I'm not saying the Cards win either, but they definitely beat the spread.

Bucs (+8.5) at Falcons

Dave: Bucs - Another spread I don't quite understand. Atlanta's a good home team in the friendly confines of the Georgia Dome but Josh Freeman and his fourth quarter heroics this season has saw to it that every Tampa Bay game will be a nail biter this season. On top of that, maybe the Bucs just plain aren't terrible? Freeman's legs make up for the lack of a running game and the defense bends but doesn't break. Do I see them beating Atlanta? Not really. Could they make them sweat a little bit and cover a head-scratcher of a spread? Yeah. Falcons underestimate Tampa Bay here, but I like them for a 4 point W.

Gabe: Falcons - This the Bucs show-me game. As in, show me you're for real. Show me you can win a game without luck and the two minute drill. Show me you can go into a division rivals house and win a game that means a lot to your young team. I don't think they have it in them. The Falcons are good and too experienced. They hold off the upstarts and win by 10.

Jets (-4) at Lions

Dave: Jets - Bad timing for the Lions. As impressive as last week's upset(if you'd call it that) of Washington was, they now get a Jets team that just spent a week having to hear it from the NY media about how they shit the bed at home against a beat-up Packers team. Facing an angry and desperate Super Bowl contender with the weight of the world on its shoulders after they got skunked at home? Not a good look for Motown. Revis Island is going to gobble up Megatron, which will make things rough for Matt Stafford and this stifling Jets run D shuts down Jahvid Best. Ndomukong Suh continues his rampage on his way to the ROTY with a couple sacks of Mark Sanchez, but Jets avoid a riot in Manhattan by taking care of Detroit.

Gabe: Jets - The Jets need to win this game to continue to be taken seriously. They take care of business.

Dolphins (+5) at Ravens

Dave: Dolphins - It's easy to overreact to Baltimore getting caught off-guard by Buffalo a couple weeks ago and nearly losing in a shootout and start thinking that the Ravens aren't what many thought they were in the preseason. That would be silly. The Ravens are still one of the three best teams in football, even if Pittsburgh's loss last week takes some of the oomph out of Baltimore beating the Steelers a month ago. So why do I like Miami here? Because it's tough for me to like Baltimore by any more than a field goal against any team with a pulse. You'd like to think they'd come out firing after a bye week and "Anabolic" Ray Lewis will start roid raging all over the 'Phins, but I'm not sold just yet. The Ravens secondary isn't skilled enough, even with Ed Reed back, to completely shut down Brandon Marshall and Davone Bess(this year's Miles Austin) and Miami was able to shake off the "We Got Jobbed by The Refs Against Pittsburgh So We're Going To Throw A Pity Party For Ourselves And Play Sloppy" underperformance in their win over Cincy last week. So I like Baltimore to win here, but by no more than a field goal.

Gabe: Baltimore - All of the talk is about how Miami hasn't lost a road game all year. That ends today. The Ravens' D is not going to let that continue. Baltimore by a touchdown.

Patriots (-4) at Browns

Dave: Patriots - Let's not get too cute here. The Browns have been scrappy all season and they pulled off a nice upset a couple weeks ago with their win against New Orleans, but if the Pats are as good as many power polls and rankings are making them out to be, they'll run the train on Cleveland this week. You want to carry yourselves as the best team in football? You want your fans to claim that old New England magic is back? Let's see you curb-stomp a game but undermanned Browns team on the road. I see Brady spreading the ball around like he did before he fell in love with Randy Moss and I see "Law Firm" (the nickname given by Pats faithful to multi-named RB BenJarvus Green-Ellis) tasting the end zone at least once. This is the week Patriots prove themselves to me. If they can't win this one by two touchdowns, I'm out on New England as the best team in football.

Gabe: Patriots - I hate to say this but Tom Brady might be the MVP of the league again. Belichick is going to coach vindictively this week and show the Browns what they gave up on. Pats win huge.

Giants (-7) at Seahawks

Dave: Giants - I was momentarily scared to take Captian Reggaeton's boys here. After all, Seattle's a tough place to play and we all know Forrest Gump gets rattled in pressure situations(and before Giants fans point out Eli's drive against New England in the Super Bowl, I'll point out that David Tyree's helmet catch saved Eli's ass. To me, this man is not an MVP candidate and, if his last name was Janikowski and he played in Kansas City instead of New York, he wouldn't have nearly the pub he's generated since the Giants '07 Super Bowl upset). All of my momentum to take Seattle though was wiped out by the announcement that Charlie Whitehurst would be making his NFL debut this week. A man who has never started an NFL game playing in one of the loudest stadiums in the game against THIS pass rush? Yikes! I think the Giants take care of business here, the D gets to Whitehurst about five times and Eli throws for 3 TDs and makes guys like Gabe and Peter King let loose with the jizz for another week. Giants by 10.

Gabe: Giants - For my birthday this week the Seahawks are letting the Giants pass rush tee off on Charlie Whitehurst. Done and done. Big Blue by 14.

Chiefs (+1) at Raiders

Dave: Chiefs - THIS is being heralded as the "Game of the Week"? Why? Because experts think this game has some kind of playoff/division implications because it's a showdown between two surprise teams that happen to be a game apart in the AFC West. I'm sorry. I know we live in the Hyperbole Era, but I have a hard time finding any game with significant playoff/division implications in Week 9(Although, try telling that to my wife, who is a Chiefs fan and has been stressed out all week about a potential loss to Oakland). There's just too much season left to get worked up over this game. When you look at both of these two teams, they are both nearly indentical. Both offenses are led by impressive running games(the two-headed monster of Jamaal Charles and Thomas Jones for the Chiefs and the breakout performances of Darren McFadden for Oakland). Both defenses are good but not great with a couple playmakers sprinkled over the top. The difference is, and this is why I took KC, is quarterback play. I like Matt Cassell to outplay Jason Campbell simply based on Cassell having what Campbell doesn't: a proven receiver(in this case, Dwayne Bowe). Chiefs win this one by a field goal and experts spend a week talking about KC as a Super Bowl contender......in early November. Sigh.

Gabe: Kansas City - I still don't believe in the Raiders, but I'm coming around on KC.

Colts (+3) at Eagles

Dave: Colts - Man, I can't like the Colts enough in this one. While not a night game, it's still Peyton Manning in a late game against one of the shakiest secondaries in the league. On top of that, Manning gets Austin Collie back to go along with a healthy Pierre Garcon and a semi-reliable Reggie Wayne(Fearless prediction though: Manning tries to force one into Wayne and ends up connecting with Asante Samuel for a pick-6....you know, for old time's sake). Mike Vick is back at QB for Philly as is DeSean Jackson at wideout after a concussion. Both are going to need time to shake off the rust and, with the way Manning's throwing the ball this season, it might be too late by time both are ready to go. Manning continues his MVP campaign and I continue to scratch my head as to why Philly is even favored here. Colts by 13.

Gabe: Colts - I hate that Dave and I agree this much this week.

Cowboys (+7.5) at Packers

Dave: Cowboys - The week for Dallas to prove that haven't given up on coach Wade Phillips and are eager to save him from his inevitable destination as a Division I-AA head coach was last week when the Cowboys completely gave up against lowly Jacksonville. Now, you would think, "Well, if Dallas couldn't get up for Jacksonville, what makes anyone think they can top a Packers team in Lambeau that just shut out the Jets?". A fair question, but Green Bay has proven in losses to Chicago, Washington and Miami that they are just as capable of shitting the bed. The running game is non-existent. The offensive line, while better than it was at this point last year, is still shaky and the return of Atari Bigsby at safety means the Packers will keep at least two Dallas drives alive with untimely Bigsby unsportsmanlike conduct penalties. Yes, it's asking a lot to expect Jon Kitna to take advantage of any Green Bay mistakes and pull off an upset. It's also asking a lot to pick a Packers offense that has struggled to muster up the kind of big scoring numbers many hoped before they lost Ryan Grant to go out there and throttle a desperate Cowboys team. I like my boys to win this one but not by more than a touchdown.

Gabe: Packers - The Cowboys coaching staff will find a way to give this game away, like they always do. Packers by 10.

Steelers (-4.5) at Bengals

Dave: Steelers - Big potential week for Pittsburgh to reclaim its crown as the best team in the NFL. The Patriots face a tricky Browns team on the road. Baltimore will have a tough test against Miami and Indy could very well choke against Philly(though I'd say that's the least likely of the three scenarios here). That means the Steelers could take the field against a cagey-but-inconsistent division rival and show the world what they are made of. Big Ben isn't fully back yet but his track record playing in his home state of Ohio is impeccable. Plus, Carson Palmer died tragically a few years ago, and his corpse has mysteriously taken snaps behind center as if it were possessed by the same music that propped up Jonathan Silverman's boss in "Weekend at Bernie's II". The Bengals don't have the pass rush to make Roethlisberger sweat and the Steelers are going to batter Cincy's weak middle with a steady dose of Rashard Mendenhall. This game was already going to be ugly for the Bengals, but if any of those afforementioned three slip up Sunday, Pittsburgh is going to come into Cincinatti with a huge chip on its shoulder and a can opener big enough for a huge jug of whoop-ass. Steelers by 13.

Gabe: Steelers - It's 1:04pm and I need to get these done. Good D beats good O. Steelers by 10.