About a week ago, we came up with the idea of handing out a "Cut His Mic Off" Award(or her, we're not sexist pigs here) to go along with our ahead-of-its-time concept, The Milk Carton All-Star of the Week(as seen below). The premise is simple. When an athlete(or any celebrity, for that matter) says something stupid or ridiculous, we will salute their ignorance by posting their quote in this very space.....and then ripping said noteworthy individual to shreds. Let's give it a try, shall we?
" There's two weeks left and I'm doing everything I can. I was down here Sunday morning working out. I'm trying to get everything to where I feel 100 percent when I go in. I can't go in any less. When you're 39 years old, it's hard enough. But it's getting there." ---Soon-to-be Vikings quarterback and legendary flip-flopper Brett Favre
It seems like I'm always looking for ways to write up another Favre rip job, but sometimes, he just asks for it. For one, why are we still reporting on this story? Have we really learned anything new since the initial Favre flirtation with "coming back" as a Viking began back in April? Of course not! And what's with the deadline? WE ALL KNOW YOU'RE COMING BACK! Athletes don't have surgery if they're planning on staying retired. The fact is, even if Favre isn't 100% by the end of the month, he's either going to do one of two things: Sign with the Vikings or impose another stupid, meaningless deadline. So what's with the holdup? It's not like he's negotiating with other teams. It's play for Minnesota or go fishing. That's it! Why do we need another two weeks to wait for an announcement we already knew about two months ago? It's like sitting in a diner and the waiter comes by to see if you're ready to order and you keep telling him you need more time......except you've been staring at the same section of the menu every time he comes back.
The constant stringing along is something Favre has been doing for nearly half a decade and my problem isn't the fact that it's a tired act, it's the fact that it's a tired act and we keep talking about it. Einstein defines insanity as "doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result". Last year, during the Favre fiasco, Favre got mentally and physically prepared by showing up at local high school and slinging passes to young hopefuls. In other words, THE EXACT SAME THING HE'S DOING RIGHT NOW! Who in their right mind believes Favre is not signing with Minnesota by the end of the week and that this teetering is both a desperate cry for attention and a contract ploy to try to bluff Minnesota into giving more money. And how desperate is Minnesota, a team that's already the division favorite and a contender without Favre, that they're letting this washed-up drama queen cocktease them like this? Tarvaris Jackson, who is as smart as Favre is young, has already reportedly demanded a trade because even he knows Favre is knocking him down a rung on the depth chart. What exactly is the allure of a 39-year old QB with a bum arm to a team that already has a top 5 defense and the best running back in the game? Is it the "Let's piss off Packer fans" theory? Because, as a Packer fan and someone who has watched Favre for nearly 2 decades(and never more so than last season), I can tell you that Favre is as much a threat to Green Bay as Lara Flynn Boyle is to Kimbo Slice in an arm wrestling contest.
I loved the "When you're 39, it's hard enough" line. Hey, Brett, guess what, you were 38 last year and you led the league in interceptions. Two years before that, you had 18 TDs and 18 picks and you were 36. The year before that, at 35, you threw 29 interceptions to just 20 touchdowns. Noticing a theme here, Brett? You haven't been very good for a while and I have a better chance believing Arturo Gatti's wife's alibi than I do believing the concept that you can be a game manager for a team built for the long ball. And, really, what's the risk of you coming back less than 100%? You couldn't shoot any more holes in your legacy even if you hired Sahel Kazemi and Plaxico Burress.
So enough with the excuses, Brett. Sign the contract. Quit pussing out of training camp and enough with the "Will I or won't I?" bullshit. We know you're playing this season so let's hurry up and get this over with.
Until then..........we're cutting your mic off.
---Dave
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