Artest claims that the original reason for sharing the story was to show how far he's come as a person. You know, from drunk, psychotic, lunatic to just batshit crazy. He claims the media dissected his story, deciding only to use the juicy tidbits to sell papers. Well, no shit, Sherlock! It's the media! For Christ's Sake, these are the same people who spent two weeks running editorials on a couple of lines about Andre Agassi's meth addiction in Agassi's tell-all. When has the media ever not taken something out of context and ran with it? Shit, we here at BoomRoastedSports have made a feature out of taken dumb quotes out of context and running with it! It's hard to grasp the concept of someone's maturation when he is so easily deceived by the same reporters he's been talking to for the last ten years. What exactly were you expecting from this story, Ron? A Noble Peace Prize? Well, I'm afraid you lucked out. As a consolation, though, we've cut your mic off.
"I really feel sorry for Elin, since me and my wife were at fault for hooking her up with him. We probably thought he was a better guy than he is. I would probably need to apologize to her and hope she uses a driver next time instead of a 3-iron."
The quote comes from the man responsible for setting up Tiger Woods with his soon-to-be-ex-wife, Elin: Swedish douchebag Jesper Parnevik. Now, I understand that Parnevik has a closer relationship with Mrs. Woods, as she is his former nanny. That being said, you don't sandbag another man in public over an alleged affair that you know very little about. For one, Tiger has never fully admitted to an affair, just that there have been "transgressions"(Translation: He's been gettin' it in with women who aren't his wife). Secondly, whether he has or hasn't stepped out on his wife, is NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS. In fact, it's none of our business, either. Also, even if it was meant in jest, you don't encourage the behavior of a woman who may have went Johnny Drama on her husband with a golf club by joking that she should have got a better club. Would you like YOUR wife to chase you with a 3-iron? Of course not....so shut it.
And when did Parnevik become Mr. Perfect? Sure, maybe he does step out on his wife like Woods probably did. Maybe that's because Parnevik is a no-name jerk-off who likes to play golf in hot pink polos and not the world's most famous athlete like Woods is. You "feel sorry" for Mrs. Woods, Jesper? Really? You worry about the well-being of a woman who is probably going to net somewhere near $300 million in a divorce settlement. Oh yes, poor her. She'll be crushed. I just can't fathom watching her wipe her tears with Tiger's benjamins. Oh, those poor kids, how they'll starve! Save it. Look, Tiger fucked up. So did Michael Jordan. So did Brad Pitt. So did A-Rod. You know why? Because their famous athletes who spend a majority of their time around groupie girls with low morals who are dying for a taste of fame. Why do you think this broad saved the voicemails Tiger left her? She was seeing the green better than Tiger did at Augusta the minute he looked twice at her.
You thought he was a "better guy than he is". We all did. Then we realized he's human. That he has moments of weakness. That in a life spent travelling the world all year long, he gets lonely and occasionally yearns for the attention of someone of the opposite sex, even if that person is not his wife. You can only satisfy so many needs from thousands of miles away. Something tells me Mrs. Woods isn't getting real heavy with nasty phone sex while trying to put two kids to sleep. Like I said, Tiger made a mistake and he apologized. If there's one disappointment I personally have over all of this is that Tiger never bothered to drop the armor and reason with us like a human being. In a moment where he proved he's just like one of us and should be treated like such, he still found time to break out the contrived speeches and pre-meditated statements. Sure, Tiger's right, family issues like this shouldn't require press conferences, but perhaps fans and media alike cling to moments like this because we are all searching for a little bit of humanity from our heroes. THAT is what will stick in my craw about Tiger's "transgressions", the fact that he still conjured up the robot act. That he still refused to be real with us.
As for Parnevik, the man better even so much as smile at a busty waitress from Sweden to Hong Kong. He better spend the rest of his life as a perennial candidate for husband of the year, because the minute he finds himself in the same situation Tiger is in, I hope Tiger is standing right behind him at that very second to tee off on Jesper's face like it's Hole 1 of The Masters......and guess what, Jesper?
He won't need the driver.
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