Milk Carton All-Star of the Week

We first started out the Milk Carton All-Star of the Week as kind of both an inside joke between myself and Gabe as well as back-handed form of flattery to an otherwise forgettable professional athlete. Inevitably, trotting out journeymen that the general public have never heard of got boring(Mainly because we spent the entire piece explaining why the person getting the honor was funny). That's why we've opted for a more efficient route: Honoring more notable players whose relevance over time has waned more than Stephanie Pratt's appetite.

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Thus, this week, we are honoring former Colorado Rockies slugger Dante Bichette. Now, Bichette isn't exactly a slouch. He's been in the MVP running 4 of his 14 seasons(though his only serious attempt came in 1995, when he finished 2nd to Reds shortstop Barry Larkin). He led the NL in hits, homers and RBIs once(The aforementioned '95 season in which Bichette hit .340 with 40 home runs and 128 RBIs). He even teamed with teammate Ellis Burks to become the first teammates to go 30-30 in the same season(1996). However, much of Bichette's success can be attributed to the thin air of Coors Field. Prior to landing in Colorado, Bichette hit just 38 homers in 4 seasons with the Angels and Brewers, a number he surpassed midway into his second season with Colorado. Bichette would play 7 seasons with the Rockies, becoming part of the famed "Baker Street Bombers" alongside Larry Walker, Andres Galaragga and Vinny Castilla and hitting 201 of his 274 career homers with Colorado. In 1999, he was dealt to Cincinatti for Stan Belinda and Jeff Hammonds and then dealt again a year later to Boston for pitcher Chris Reitsma.

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As prominent of a hitter as Bichette was, he will be best remembered for the catchphrase "Bichette Happens"(a play on the phrase "Shit Happens") that was uttered by unimaginative broadcasters after every significant Bichette highlight. To make a more modern comparison for our younger fans out there, "Bichette Happens" was the 90's version of "Pants On The Ground" : Catchy at first, fun to say for a couple days and then instantaneously annoying thereafter. "Bichette Happens" had about as much originality as a 2010 Jay Leno monologue. By 2001, though, Bichette happened no longer, as Dante's inferno cooled down thanks to recurring knee issues. He finished his 14-year career hitting just under .300(.299) with 274 home runs and 1,141 RBIs(as well as 152 stolen bases) and most importantly, managing to surprisingly dodge "The Mitchell Report".

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So let's give it up for the poor man's Tim Salmon........Dante Bichette, ladies and gents!