Milk Carton All-Star of the Week

A hectic schedule forced us to cancel last week's MCAS, so this week, we decided to bring the heat. By that, of course, I mean we brought former Miami Heat center Rony Seikaly. Now, Seikaly was actually a rather productive big man in the pros. Drafted 8th overall in 1988 out of Syracuse by the Miami Heat, Seikaly averaged double-double seasons(points and rebounding) in five of his first six years in the NBA. In fact, Seikaly was a pretty proficient scorer throughout his pro career, averaging 14.7 a game in his 11-year career with Miami, Orlando, Golden State and New Jersey.

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So why is Seiks getting an honor normally given to career burnouts and flash in the pans? Well, for one, look at the man. Not only is he hairier than a silverback gorilla, but he looks like the lovechild of Osama Bin Laden and Manolo Ray from "Scarface". If Rony Seikaly's career started AFTER 9/11 instead of before it, team flights would be delayed 20 minutes on prior to every road trip because security would be pulling Rony out of the line for one of their "random searches". In fact, if the Petries would have bothered to bring Seikaly to Sacremento back when they had Vlade Divac, Peja Stojakovic, and Hedo Turkoglu, George W. Bush would have raised the terror alert for every Kings game and the Western Conference Finals between Sacramento and the Lakers would've needed to be ref-ed by Jack Bauer.

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Seikaly's underrated NBA career aside, his greatest accomplishment came off of the court when he manage to slip two-time SI Swimsuit Issue cover girl Elsa Benitez enough roofies to convince the Mexican supermodel to not only marry him but have his baby(Although, inevitably, fate intervened and they divorced in 2005.......probably because of friction burns). Maybe Benitez has a thing for Lebanese men who have more body hair than a woolly mammoth.

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So let's give a round of applause for someone who made being Lebanese cool long before Kim Kardashian(Yes, I know Kim K's Armenian. That's why it's funny)......Rony "The Shoe Bomber" Seikaly!