-- Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, about former head coach Bill Parcells in a video originally posted by Deadspin.
I get a lot of flack for being harsh against the Cowboys and many of the people who read this website think I have it out for "America's Team." That may be half-true. After all, I grew up a Packers fan and the Cowboys, during the early to mid-90's, were the Texas-sized wall that Brett Favre and company couldn't seem to barrel their way through. As a child, that tends to piss you off. Comments like this don't help, either. Now, again, maybe I'm blowing this drunken conversation that Jones had with a fellow bar patron out of proportion and a lot of my dislike over what was said may stem from my general dislike of Jones as well as my unconditional respect for Parcells(I mean, we're both Jersey Italians. You have to stick with your paisans, capice?)
Maybe Jones' comments were a mixture of a half-hearted attempt at a joke and a large amount of Jack Daniels. That doesn't take away from the fact that it's a really fucking stupid comment. Forgetting Parcells' pre-Cowboys resume and ignoring what he's done so far with Miami(including today's deal for Broncos WR Brandon Marshall, which I will explain the significance of shortly), Parcells is largely responsible for putting together the perennial playoff contender that Facelift Jerry reaps the benefits from while sitting in the press box of his new billion-dollar cathedral that he needed Parcells to build.
Quarterback Tony Romo, whom Jones called a "miracle" in this interview, came to town in 2003. Who had the instinct to cast his glims on a skinny, no-name kid out of Eastern Illinois and tab him as his QB of the future? Bill Parcells. Who went to the undrafted well once again and found a tall, speedy kid out of Monmouth named Miles Austin, who would eventually become the team's top receiver? Bill Parcells. Who shocked some by taking a pass-rusher out of Troy named DeMarcus Ware over the more heralded Shawne Merriman? Bill Parcells. Who took a chance on a slow-footed tight end out of the University of Tennessee named Jason Witten? Bill Parcells. CB Terrence Newman, WR Patrick Crayton, DE Marcus Spears, C Andre Gurode, LB Jason Witten NT Jay Ratliff, do you know what they have in common? They are current Cowboy lynchpins who were brought in by Bill Parcells.
Look, I don't know what goes on behind close doors in that Cowboys' locker room. Maybe Parcells is a prick of Flozell Adams proportions. Sure, Jones had somewhat of a say in Parcells' gems, but look at Jones post-Tuna moves. There was complete homer moment when he took fellow Razorback alum Felix Jones(who can't seem to stay on the field but is still somehow pegged to start over Marion Barber this upcoming season) over emerging Steelers RB Rashard Mendenhall. "The Cat" was taken by the first rounder the Cowboys pilfered from Cleveland in the previous year's Brady Quinn trade. Facelift Jerry also managed to con the division-rival Eagles to move out of the first round so they could select Anthony Spencer(the Eagles would end up with current QB Kevin Kolb). In theory, that would be considered a sly move except that the recent maneuvers by the Eagles have shown that they've been operating while asleep at the wheel and, while Kolb's sample size is small, it's more promising than that of Spencer's(who has 10.5 sacks in 3 years, 6 of which coming last season while Ware was taking up double teams on the other side).
The move that takes the cake, however, was Jerry's ridiculously stupid trade for current disenfranchised wide receiver Roy Williams. In desperate need for another weapon for his "miracle" quarterback, Jerry got taken to the cleaners by the Lions as Jerry traded a 1st, 3rd and a 5th to Detroit in exchange for Williams and a 7th round pick (Those picks, in case you care, turned out to be TE Brandon Pettigrew, WR Derrick Williams and RB Aaron Brown for Detroit, while Dallas got DT Vance Walker with their 7th rounder from the Lions). Jerry then gave Williams a 6-year, $54 million deal with $26 million of it guaranteed. How did Williams repay Jones? By catching all of 19 passes for 198 yards and a touchdown in 10 games in his first season, then following that up with 38 catches for 596 yards and 7 TDs in his first full season last year. Meanwhile, Austin surpassed Williams on the depth chart and, in between griping about his lack of touches, Williams routinely showed off his hands that were dipped in wet cement. Compare that to Parcells acquiring Marshall(who, while mercurial, has had 100+ catches in three straight seasons) for a 2nd round pick in 2010 and 2011. Can you really say someone isn't worth shit when he's just stole a better receiver for about half of what you paid for a guy who can't catch a cold?
So, sure, Cowboys fans will say I'm being hard on their boys again, but with bullshit like this, what choice do I have? I ignored the comments about Tim Tebow that Jones made because it's not like half of the league aren't doubting Tebow's ability to transition to the pros as well and I'm not sure whether "J needs a yes man" is Jones referring to himself in the third person or not, so I avoided that, too. Jerry Jones deserves to have some choice words for Bill Parcells, but it should be a "thank you", instead of a "fuck you".
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