Milk Carton All-Star of the Week: Johnnie Morton

For centuries, the sports world has seen many great two-sport athletes.....

.....Johnnie Morton was not one of them.

For 11 seasons, Morton moonlighted as a very good #2 wide receiver for the Detroit Lions and Kansas City Chiefs. He never made the Pro Bowl. He never had a memorable season. He finished in the top 10 in receptions just once(1997), and his career-high for touchdowns in a single season was 8(1995). His most notable achievement may have came in 2001 when, during an interview following the Lions first win after 12 straight losses, he told the world that Jay Leno can kiss his ass, after Leno had ripped Detroit for weeks during the 0-12 start. Morton was the quintessential second-fiddle, most recognizably to one of the NFL's all-time ugliest men, Herman Moore. After eight years of floundering in Motown, Morton went to Kansas City where he continued to be both irrelevant and constantly mistaken for one of the members of BlackStreet. After three seasons with the Chiefs, Morton moved on to San Francisco, where he couldn't even make it out of camp and then called it career.

Refusing to realize he had spent his athletic potential, Morton decided to make a mockery of the emerging world of mixed-martial arts by agreeing to fight a man named Bernard Ackah, despite admittedly only training for a couple months. Ackah responded to Morton's lack of preparation by knocking Morton the fuck out in 38 seconds. After the fight, Morton tested positive for anabolic steroids, which further proves Barry Bonds' point that performance-enhancing drugs can only take you so far without actual athletic skill.

With his license in question, Morton will probably finish his fighting career with the same record as Rihanna(0-1). As for his football career, Morton finished with 624 catches for 8,719 yards and 43 TDs in 11 seasons. When doing research on Morton, Football Reference told me to see also Rob Moore(a nobody wideout for the Cardinals) and Terry Glenn(a significantly better wideout, once famously referred to by Bill Parcells as "she").

So, let's give a round of applause for a man with soft hands, a glass chin, and a clamoring for other men to smooch his caboose.......Johnnie Morton, everybody!