The Steelers offense sputtered Thursday night after Ben Roethlisberger's ankle bent like Beckham, allowing the Browns to cover and The BoomRoasted boys to start Week 14 0-for-1.
Like Big Ben in the 2nd half or in the bathroom stall with a teeny bopper, we won't be denied! On to the rest of Week 14!
Texans (+3) at Bengals
Dave: Bengals - The Texans are poised to be the first division winner that gets got in the playoffs this season, thanks to being chomped on repeatedly by the injury bug. The team that knocks them out in January may very well be these Bengals. Cincy has struggled a bit the last couple of weeks but I think having to face an Andre Johnson-less/T.J. Yates-led offense will get them back on track. Bengals by 10.
Gabe: Houston – The Texans have the league’s top defense and enough fire power on offense to overcome Cincy’s D. I think it will be close, but the Texans will get the straight up win.
Vikings (+11) at Lions
Dave: Lions - Can't like Detroit enough in this one. They need the W to stay afloat in the Wild Card race and Minnesota will be going on the road without AP and with Christian Ponder hobbled by a hip injury. The Vikings might be able to get some momentum early with the Lions still adjusting without Ndomukong Suh, but I think Matt Stafford goes for 400 here and we start to wave bye-bye to Leslie Frazier. Lions by 16.
Gabe: Detroit– Detroit is reeling but they need to win this game to keep any hope of making the playoffs. Minnesota will be minus Adrian Peterson. Lions by 14.
Saints (-3.5) at Titans
Dave: Saints - New Orleans has shook off some of the inconsistancy that plagued them for most of the year to emerge as the biggest threat to Green Bay's perfect season. Speaking of emergences, Chris Johnson is finally alive and breathing with a few CJ2K-ish weeks in a row. CJ getting back on his grind is too little, too late as the Titans' receiving corps are too banged up to make this offense balanced enough to keep the Saints on their toes. Drew Brees will go for another 3-hundy on a tough Titans D and New Orleans wins by 13.
Gabe: New Orleans – The Saints are the hottest team in the NFL not named the Green Bay Packers. They’ll have no trouble in Tennessee. Chris Johnson may have woken up, but there is nothing Drew Brees likes more than a shoot-out. Saints by 10.
Eagles (+3) at Dolphins
Dave: Eagles - WAIT A MINUTE! THAT'S MIKE VICK'S MUSIC!!!! The Dolphins rise from front-runner in the Andrew Luck sweepstakes to the league's toughest out not led by Tim Tebow has been a fun story for the last month. That story ends today. The Eagles may be a colossal disappointment and hopefully this season teaches teams lessons about building "dream teams" and allows Philly to finally can Andy Reid, but I think they have one last big performance in them before packing it in for the winter. I'm calling for an upset Vick-tory, with Mike going for 3 scores(1 running, two passing....one to Celek, the other to Jackson), while the Eagles' secondary cools off Matt Moore. Eagles by 10.
Gabe: Miami – Mike Vick is supposed to come back, but it doesn’t matter. Andy Reid has lost the team and they have packed it in for this year. Miami is on a roll and will win by a touchdown.
Chiefs (+10.5) at Jets
Dave: Chiefs - 10.5 points is a lot for an anemic offense going up against a defense that has played above and beyond to compensate for its own offensive woes. Teams have barely skated by Kansas City in recent weeks and that trend won't stop here with the shaky Jets. I think Tyler Palko stinks up the joint yet again, but the Jets struggle to get some traction and we're looking at a 13-6 W for Gang Green.
Gabe: New York – Kansas City is awful. The Jets will run all over them. Jets by 14.
Patriots (-9) at Redskins
Dave: Patriots - Next!
Gabe: Washington – I have no logical reason to think the Redskins have any chance to win this game, other than in my lifetime of rooting against the Skins, this is exactly the kind of game they like to fuck around and win. I don’t think they will win, but they will keep it close. Pats by a late field goal.
Colts (+16.5) at Ravens
Dave: Ravens - Next!
Gabe: Baltimore – Indy is done. They put up a fight last week because they hate the Pats. They don’t sniff the endzone and won’t come within 20 of the Ravens.
Falcons (-3) at Panthers
Dave: Falcons - Remember when experts thought going all in for Julio Jones was a good move because it would transform the Falcons into one of the best offenses in the league? How's that prediction working out for you, "experts"? The Falcons have their struggles on O and that might continue here with Mike Turner slowed by injury, but Atlanta can stop the one thing Carolina does well: run the ball. Cam Newton is going to have to make some plays with his arm and Dunta Robinson is going to be on Steve Smith like a glove. I see Carolina giving a valiant effort here but Atlanta eeks by. Falcons by 6.
Gabe: Carolina – Atlanta has been playing decently and they have won a few games recently, which means they are due for a letdown. Why not today on the road against Cam Cam and the Panthers? I’ll take Carolina for a straight up 4 point win.
Bucs (-3) at Jaguars
Dave: Bucs - Man, how bad are the Jags? Blaine Gabbert looks like he's not the answer at QB. MoJo D has fell off the face of the Earth. There isn't a receiver that makes you blink on the roster and the D is average at best. The Bucs should roll here in front of a half-packed house in what will probably feel more like a home game for Tampa than Jacksonville. Josh Freeman is back and I think he opens up a can on the Jags. Jaguars by 14.
Gabe: Tampa Bay - Speaking of teams that have packed it in for the year….Jacksonville. I don’t care how cool the new owners mustache is, the Jags have nothing to play for and Tampa Bay is still thinking playoffs. Bucs by 6.
Bears (+3) at Broncos
Dave: Broncos - I'm not betting against Tebow this close to Christmas when he's playing a team that's starting a bag of feces at QB and a power runner that was washed up two years ago at running back. Touchdown Jesus' Goldberg-like streak is going to continue as he and the Donkeys feast on another crappy team to keep their division hopes alive. Broncos by 6.
Gabe: Denver – Ugh, I hate having to pick Tim Tebow to win again. In this game you have two good defenses and two offenses that are going to struggle to move the ball. This is going to come down to someone making a late push on offense to win the game. Nuff said. Denver by 4.
Raiders (+11.5) at Packers
Dave: Packers - I wanted to go reverse jinx here, but Gabe's creeping up on my lead and I need all the easy W's I can get. The Carson Palmer trade was as much a disaster as expected, as he's now being charged with murdering the Raiders playoff hopes. If Charles Woodson is ready to go after getting knocked out with a concussion late against Gabe's Giants last week, Palmer's chances of keeping it close will be non-existant. The Packers roll here and the world gets introduced to Brandon Saine. Packers by 16.
Gabe: Green Bay – I’m not picking against them, not until they give me a reason to do so.
49ers (-3.5) at Cardinals
Dave: 49ers - Oh, this line should be much higher. I know San Fran isn't much on offense but you're talking about a team that's 10-2 with the best defense in the NFC going up against a team that's putrid on both sides of the ball. Two of Arizona's five wins have come because of Patrick Peterson punt returns. Another came last week when they stunned Dallas with a LeRod Stephens-Howling screen pass in OT. THIS is the team that's supposed to keep it close against the NFC's 2 seed? I think we see Alex Smith let out the big guns here(I know, I laughed a little when I wrote that, too) and San Francisco treats Arizona to a beatdown. Niners by 16.
Gabe: San Francisco – The 49ers may have already wrapped up the division, but they should be looking to try to lock up a playoff bye. The Cardinals suck too. Niners by 7.
Bills (+7) at Chargers
Dave: Bills - It's hard to see the Chargers giving a lot of effort knowing that, win or lose, Norv Turner is getting fired. Now, you might say they'll use that as motivation like Miami did with Tony Sparano but if the Bolts cared that much about playing hard for their beleaguered head coach, they wouldn't be in this situation in the first place. I'm not sure Buffalo has enough to pull off the upset, but could they keep it within a touchdown? I think so. Bolts by 4.
Gabe: San Diego – I never like cold weather teams having to play in the heat. Also, Buffalo has to travel across the country to play this game. Also, they’re the Bills. I have almost no faith in the Chargers either, but they should take care of business here. San Diego by 11.
Giants (+4.5) at Cowboys
Dave: Giants - There's only a couple things that can keep Old Man Gabe up after 8 on a Sunday: a primetime Chelsea soccer game, a Kings of Leon concert and watching his beloved Giants stink up the joint on national television. No matter who wins tonight, we all lose. If Dallas wins, it will be a week of listening to talking heads praise Tony Romo while NY radio massacres Eli Manning. If New York wins, we'll get nothing but "You can't spell elite without Eli" quips and "Should Dallas trade Tony Romo for Peyton Manning?" topics on ESPN. I'm going with New York because I can't stomach Cowboys fans in the playoffs. Look, Cowboys fans, your QB is a dud, your team is overrated and you'll never win another Super Bowl. So quit clogging up my news feed on Facebook with your statuses about how this is "your year"! Giants by 10.
Gabe: New York – This is simple. As my friend Henri, a lifelong Cowboys fan and smartest football fan I know, said….”The Giants are pissed. I’d hate to have a star on my helmet on Sunday.” Agreed. The Giants harass Romo and get a 7 point win.
Rams (+10) at Seahawks
Dave: Seahawks - The NFL tried to get this game moved to a local network instead of primetime on national television, but David Stern blocked the move because a bunch of bitter small-market owners complained about big-market teams getting an unfair edge in TV revenue. Truth be told, I'd rather fix myself a glass sandwich and wash it down with a cup of bleach than watch this damn football game. Jon Gruden and Mike Tirico are unbearable enough, but an NFL game where the best QB on the field is Tarvaris Jackson? Goodbye, MNF. Hello, Monday Night Raw.
Gabe: Seattle – St. Louis is terrible and Seattle is one of the toughest places in the NFL to play. Seattle wins by 13 in yet another Monday night game that I won’t be watching. I got made fun of this week for never having seen the movie Casino. Perhaps I’ll watch that instead.
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