Wednesday, June 20, 2012

The BoomRoasted Hot 100* (20-1)

I decided to combine the final 20 into one piece for two reasons. First, this is the 500th blog posted on BoomRoastedSports, so it's only fitting that it be special. Second, it's taken entirely too long to get this Hot 100 finished and, for that, I apologize.

Here are the links to help you play catch-up:

100-91
90-81
80-71
70-61
60-51
50-41
40-31
30-21

Now, for the grand finale. The 20 hottest women on the planet, according to BoomRoastedSports

20. Estella Warren ("Planet of the Apes", "Blue Seduction") How does a woman who hasn't made a major contribution to the film industry since "Kangaroo Jack" make it this high on the list? Well, it helps if she's physically close to flawless. Estella Warren hasn't completely gone out to pasture, as she has stayed busy with films like "Blue Seduction" and "Beauty and the Beast", but she hasn't been as visible as when she followed up being named Maxim's Hottest Woman on the Planet in 2000 with the movie "Driven" in 2001. Yeah, she has a bit of a moon face but she makes up for it by having, arguably, the most perfect body in Hollywood. Sure, you can make the case for more relevant woman that are behind Warren on this list but Warren's beauty beats them out. She has some movies in the works so she'll still be around somewhere. As will her spot on this list.



19. Jennifer Lawrence ("The Hunger Games", "Winter's Bone") At the risk of sounding disrespectful, there's something about Jennifer Lawrence's face that keeps her from being higher on this list. She's cute and her smile is pretty, but at times, her cheeks look swollen and she looks like after Dorian transforms in "The Mask". That slight defect is cancelled out by just how smoking hot Lawrence was as Katniss in "The Hunger Games". That action-packed two hours of my life is what cemented her place on this list. No, I didn't watch "Winter's Bone", the movie she was nominated for an Oscar for(though Gabe said she's pretty hot in that, too). I definitely didn't watch her on "The Bill Engvall Show". "Hunger Games" and its inevitable sequels is all I need. The popularity from those movies and the critical acclaim from "Winter's Bone" will keep the 22-year old Lawrence in our sights for years to come. Hopefully, going forward, I'll care less about her doughy face and more about her sexy eyes, her excellent body and the fact that she can impale a bird with a bow and arrow from 100 feet away.



18. Malin Akerman ("Watchmen", "Rock of Ages") It's almost impossible for a living being to say they've never seen a movie or TV show without Malin Akerman in it. She's everywhere. Her role as Silk Spectre has her forever entrenched in the Gabe Rodriguez wheelhouse. For me, Malin Akerman makes the list because she's almost a combination of different women's best features. She has Cameron Diaz's wide, pretty smile. She has Stacy Keibler's long legs(OK, not quite Stacy Kiebler's long legs but you get the point) and her body is like a combination of Katrina Bowden and Mila Kunis. You may know her from "27 Dresses" or "Couples Retreat" or her brief stint on "Entourage"(arguably, her hottest role, as Sloan's best friend Tori), You definitely don't know her from "The Heartbreak Kid", one of the many Ben Stiller movies nobody watched. Soon, you'll get to know her in the 80's music opus, "Rock of Ages". For now, you know her as #18 on this list.



17. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley ("Transformers 3") It's new and improved Megan Fox, everybody! That was the biggest selling point for the third Transformers movie, swapping out Fox for model Rosie Huntington-Whitely. Her big role in last year's summer blockbuster is what helped R.H.W. nab #1 on both Maxim and FHM's Hot 100. I find myself wondering what all the fuss is about. While Whitely is unquestionably hot with an incredible body, the bone structure in her face is a little....weird. Think Jennifer Garner. At times, she looks like one of the machines from "I, Robot". I know what you're saying "But Dave, she was a Victoria's Secret model at 18!" Yeah, and Kate Upton took the world by storm before she was old enough to vote. Don't get me wrong. I'm not hating on Rosie whatsoever. She's got the goods and she deserves props for increasing the heat on the "Transformers" set after Megan Fox set it ablaze for two films. However, people who make these lists are too quick to crown the new "hot chick of the moment" and I know that might seem like hypocrisy as we near the top of this list but whatever. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley is hot, but she's a model, so isn't that expected? Isn't that like saying: LeBron James, he's a good athlete? Who's judging these lists? Jon Gruden? I need more from Rosie before I put her on top of the list. Unless she did to "Transformers 3" what Halle Berry did to "Monster's Ball", I'm going to resist following the trend of anointing Rosie.

16. and 15. Olivia Wilde and Olivia Munn. I grouped both Olivias because, really, I could say the same thing about either one of them. Both are insanely hot in their own way. Wilde has the breathtakingly beautiful face and long, lean body. Munn has more curves, a quicker wit and her love of video games and sports makes her a natural hit with men. Wilde is known for her role in "Tron: Legacy" and her nude scene in "Alpha Dog". Munn is one of the first in a long line of beauties to host G4's "Attack of the Show", before going on to the short-lived "Perfect Couples" and a role in this summer's "Magic Mike". Both are exotic beauties.....who somehow manage to be way too high on these lists.






Munn was 8th in the 2010 Maxim Hot 100 and then moved up to #2 the year after. Now, I love Olivia Munn and she her personality would be the first I'd choose when assembling the perfect woman but the 2nd hottest woman on the planet? Nah. As for Wilde, she was #1 in 2009 according to Maxim before dropping to 15th last year. This year? Wilde is 5th and Munn is 2nd again. I respectfully disagree. Since Maxim lists and all other carbon copies couldn't find a way to completely separate the two Olivias, I joined them together. Munn gets the edge for having the better body and being more of a guy's gal. Wilde has the prettier face. You can debate which one you like more but I have a hard time agreeing with either in the top 10.





14. Adrianne Palicki ("Friday Night Lights", "Supernatural") A small confession: Until I started doing research on this list, I never even heard of Adrianne Palicki. Now, I'm glad that I have. For five years, Palicki was on the little show that could, "Friday Night Lights". As much as I loved the movie, I never saw two seconds of the TV show. I know...I'm a bad person. Sue me. During her stint on FNL, she was also on "Supernatural", a show that I'm sure I'll be granted a bit more forgiveness for not catching a glimpse of. Palicki was also in a movie called "Women In Trouble", a flick with wall-to-wall hot women from Carla Gugino to Emanuelle Chiriqui. Swinging and missing on all of them didn't stop me from doing my homework and rushing Adrianne to the upper echelon of this list. With "Friday Night Lights" over, Palicki goes from high school sweetheart to full-on babe. Her upcoming films? The remake of "Red Dawn" and the sequel to the first G.I. Joe movie. Chances are, I'll end up catching one of those. As will you, which only further make Palicki's case to be in the Top 20.

13. Anne Hathaway ("Dark Knight Rises", "Love And Other Drugs") Anne Hathaway's standing on this list has lead to numerous debates, not so much whether she deserves to be on it(because she does) but so much where she deserves to be on it. Originally, Hathaway was in the Top 10. This was based off her making the wretched movie "Havoc" watchable by being naked in numerous parts(which made up for the fact that she played a white girl dying to be black), her nude scene in "Brokeback Mountain"(the only reason I watched the movie) and her sexing up "Rachel Getting Married" and "Love and Other Drugs". My wife and some of my friends, upon hearing about this, objected loudly. It turned into votes that pit Hathaway against some of Hollywood's elite. Inevitably, the majority gave Anne the L on every last one of them and here she is. However, I feel like I'm a month away from vindication. Next month, Hathaway will play Catwoman in the highly-anticipated finale in the Batman trilogy "Dark Knight Rises". Anne Hathaway in a tight leather suit for two hours? Prepare to eat your words, haters! Despite the sentiments of the rest of the panel that believe otherwise, Hathaway has a ridiculous body which complements her pretty face well. Sure, she's not a knockout and maybe she doesn't turn heads like, say, Kate Winslet does but you're going to tell me you didn't enjoy Anne's assets in every one of those aforementioned nude scenes? Didn't think so. She's come a long way since "The Princess Diaries" and has grown into a woman who is as talented as she is beautiful. Unless "Dark Knight Rises" bombs(which is highly unlikely), Hathaway will be around for a while and, every year, I will campaign harder to push her up the list.



12. Mila Kunis ("Ted", "Forgetting Sarah Marshall") The first of many to defeat Anne Hathaway and move up this list. Everyone on the panel is infatuated with Mila Kunis and for good reason. The exotic eyes, the pretty smile, the sick body......she's almost the total package. She's equal parts cute and sexy. She's like a hotter Emma Stone with black hair. So, why isn't she higher, you ask? Well, because I'm shallow. If Mila's boobs were a cup size bigger, she'd probably be #1. Sorry, I'm a breast man. Did I also deduct a couple points for her contributions to "Family Guy", a show I absolutely detest? Yeah, kinda. Look, Mila Kunis has lit up every movie she's been in. "Max Payne"? Hot. "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" Hot, much hotter than Kristen Bell. "Book of Eli"? Hot. That ridiculous "No Strings Attached" rip-off, "Friends With Benefits"? Hot. "Black Swan"? Super-hot. There's nothing wrong with being the 12th hottest woman on the planet. It was just hard to justify putting her over the rest of the ladies on this list. You may disagree but that's part of the purpose of these lists. Someone will have to tell me if Kunis makes "Ted" watchable because Seth McFarlane's one-trick pony impressions certainly doesn't. For now, Mila Kunis is a hot chick who has beat every opponent put against her......except the 11 ladies we already put ahead of her.

11. Brooklyn Decker (SI Swimsuit Model, "Just Go With It") I love everything about Brooklyn Decker. Her cool first name, the fact that she made Jennifer Aniston bring her A-game in "Just Go With It" which made that movie slightly entertaining, her love for animals, her sense of humor on Twiter and, of course, her big boobs. The long lineage of Sports Illustrated swimsuit models is like the Pittsburgh Steelers linebackers of hot women: it's like a tradition of greatness. From Elle McPherson to Tyra Banks to Marisa Miller to Decker and now Kate Upton, it's become like a sorority of hotness and we are thankful for it. Unlike most of her bikini-clad sisters, Decker's raised the bar. She's significantly hotter than most of her predecessors and managed to keep herself relevant beyond the swimsuit world with her high-profile marriage to tennis star Andy Roddick and her dabbling into film. Decker may not have been the second coming of Meryl Streep in "Just Go With It" but she wasn't horrible either. That role lead to roles in "Battleship" and "What To Expect When You're Expecting". Neither look like future Oscar winners but it's better than Tyra Bank's role in "Higher Learning". Decker has everything you want in a woman, but two things kept her from the top. One, it was tough making a supermodel #1. It's unfair. It's like holding a dunk contest among fans in the audience but then picking Vince Carter. Second, while Decker's film work keeps her from fading away like, say, Cindy Crawford has, she's been usurped as the hottest chick to wear a two-piece by rising star Kate Upton. It's hard giving the crown to a woman who isn't even the hottest in her profession. Still, to use a tired old phrase, if I could be anywhere in the world, I'd love to be in Brooklyn.

10. Kate Winslet ("Titanic", "Revolutionary Road") Chances are, when "Titanic" first came out in 1997, you spent the entire three hours astounded by all the scenery, mortified of the horror as the ship sank and then cried like a wimpy deer as the three hours of dramatic romance between Jack and Rose came to a close with Jack being left for dead in the middle of the ocean. Chances are, you were probably also a 15-year old girl. If you were like me, the one thing you took from James Cameron's opus was Leo drawing Kate Winslet's amazing naked body about midway through the film. For me, the movie was downhill from there but it made me a Winslet fan for life. It also made a Winslet fan out of my wife, who campaigned harder than anyone to get Winslet high on this list. The good with Winslet is pretty obvious. Since her breakout role 15 years ago, she has become almost a walking, talking, real life version of Rose Dekater: a gorgeous, statuesque figure who possesses the grace, beauty and rarity of a porcellin doll. Winslet set the gold standard for girls with a fuller figure, before Christina Hendricks blew that mold out of proportion. The bad is also kind of obvious. In '97, Winslet was a breathtaking 22-year old with an outstanding body and beautiful face. Remember, white girls didn't have big asses in the 90's. Winslet was one of the first Caucasians with some back. In 2012, while still a beauty, she's been, well, forgotten. At 37, Winslet is facing the same struggles to stay relevant that women her age faced when Winslet broke onto the scene. Yes, Kate's still an A-level actress capable of stringing together Oscar-worthy performances. So why is she doing movies like "Contagion"? The sad answer is because the once-meaty roles now go to the Anne Hathaways and Natalie Portmans of the world. Sure, Kate's hotter than both of them and possibly a better actress and, yes, Kate has proven she can show she's still got it by with a performance like last year's "Mildred Pierce". However, the fact remains that people have moved on. Having seen Winslet naked all these years, her impressive body doesn't wow us anymore. Having been so used to her amazing performances, we aren't surprised anymore. Quite frankly, she's stopped giving us reasons to talk about her because she's so consistently good. She's like Peyton Manning. She needs to fall off a little to get people excited about her again. Look, the fact that Winslet is still one of the 10 hottest women on the planet in what has become a young girl's game is amazing, and we won't get tired of seeing Winslet bare all until gravity takes its course. That being said, nothing Winslet does going forward will top '97 and it's hard to justify putting someone too high off a 15 year old memory.

9. Katherine Heigl ("Grey's Anatomy", "Knocked Up") I can see the hate mail now. "What? You have Katherine Heigl ahead of Kate Winslet? Are you crazy? Katherine's only three years younger!". Duly noted. Here's the difference. Other than Jennifer Love Hewitt, no actress has managed to stay relevant for so long using only subpar acting skills and large breasts other than Kathrine Heigl. Even Pamela Anderson faded out of the spotlight eventually. Heigl's still doing movies where her cleavage is the second co-star. Also, unlike Winslet, we're still waiting on the much-anticipated Katherine Heigl nude scene. We know what Kate Winslet looks like in the buff. It's amazing. Heigl? The suspense is still there. We came close in last year's "One for the Money" and, Lord knows, there's been enough low-cut cleavage shots to fill a billboard but, like J-Love, we wait patiently for the inevitable reveal. With her run on Grey's Anatomy and movies like "Knocked Up",  Heigl manages to keep staying in the public eye and her name stays in men's conversations....even if those conversations are "Katherine Heigl is a shitty actress but she's hot as hell!". She's had our attention since she walked around the pool in a G-string in 1994's "My Father, The Hero". Since then, her boobs have been everywhere and they've been delightful. "100 Girls", "Valentine", "27 Dresses", "Killers", "The Ugly Truth".....what do they have in common? They all suck....except for the scenes Heigl heats up. Sure, she'll never win an Academy Award and her movies will never be worth the price of admission but she'll remain a DVD princess until she bares all and allows men to check off a name on their mental bucket list.



8. Sara Jean Underwood ("Attack of the Show", Esquire's 2012 Hottest Woman on the Planet) How do I justify putting a woman who was voted the Hottest Woman on the Planet as recently as this past March 8th on the list? How do I make the case for 7 women above a former Playmate of the Year? It's tough. Real tough. And, truth be told, Sara Underwood is the total package and her accolades are as impressive as her assets. Her ass has been named one of the 10 best in Hollywood, which is impressive on a list with girls like Beyonce and Kim Kardashian. There was just something about Sara that dropped her below the others. My wife complains her voice is so annoying, she can't even watch Underwood's 60-second spot, "The Feed" on G4, without hitting mute. I don't share those same sentiments. A couple factors that kept Underwood from being higher. First, when choosing between an amazing tush and amazing breasts, I'm going to go boobs every time. Underwood's chest is perfect for her frame, but it doesn't stack up to the rest of this list. In fact, only Underwood's youth gave her an advantage over the previous two selections because I'll take Heigl and Winslet's boobs over Underwood's can any day. Second, only geeks like me watch "Attack of the Show", thus, you're going to get a resounding "Who?" when you say the name Sara Underwood around people outside of the gaming world. Did you catch Underwood's cameo in "Miss March"? Of course not. That movie sucked out loud. How about "The House Bunny"? Negative. So, how can I campaign for someone even as decorated as Underwood if nobody has really ever heard of her? Look, Underwood beat out 63 other women, bracket-style, to become Esquire's #1 stunner. She's part of a sacred group of ladies known as the Playboy Playmates of the Year. That's impressive stuff but it's just not enough to top the remaining seven.

7. Scarlett Johansson ("The Avengers", "He's Just Not That Into You") I don't want to call my long-tenured love for Scar-Jo an "obsession", but my adoration for her beauty has resulted in me watching "Match Point", "The Island" and "He's Just Not That Into You".....more than once. If Katherine Heigl is the DVD princess, Johansson's the queen. With the exception of her run as the Black Widow in "Iron Man 2" and "The Avengers", her movies are hardly compelling enough for me to dole out $12.50 to see in theaters. However, she can fill a Netflix queue like Kobe Bryant can fill a stat sheet. Johansson's ridiculous body, raspy voice, pouty lips and sex appeal bolster any movie and she's not that bad of an actress either. She's respectable enough as a thespian to get roles that aren't the walking around half-naked spots usually reserved for chicks like Diora Baird. That being said, I wish Scar-Jo took more roles that have her walking around half-naked like Diora Baird. Before Underwood was Esquire's top chick, Scar-Jo was once the mag's "Sexiest Woman Alive". Her breasts were voted the best in Hollywood, her butt was in the Top 5 and her movies were named "Most Likely To Fill Up A Wal-Mart Dump Bin". As much as Woody Allen and film critics love Scarlett, audiences don't unless she's showing off the goods. Her outstanding breasts made movies like "Match Point" and "The Island" watchable to pervs like me but weren't exactly appointment television. In fact, the woman who was once my unquestioned #1 has somehow managed to come down a few notches even as she started to make more enjoyable movies. Truth be told, I wanted Johansson higher but the backlash from the other voters forced her to this spot and, surprisingly, I didn't try to fight with them. Scarlett Johannson is a modern-day version of what Kate Winslet was in 1997, except sultrier and with a lot less nude scenes. She has an aura about her that draws people's attention and that's what will keep her high on these lists for a long time. However, as time passes, Scar-Jo's grip on the top has slipped and the door was left open for others to sit in her throne.



6. Katy Perry (Singer) The title of Hollywood's "best breasts" has traveled from Demi Moore to Kate Winslet to Jennifer Love Hewitt to Scarlett Johansson to this lady before being given to someone higher on the list. Her smoking hot body is what made her #1 on Maxim Hot 100 in 2010. Her music videos for "I Kissed A Girl" and "California Girls", among others, have managed to capture audiences' attention for years and her music is frustratingly catchy. I dropped Katy on this list for a couple reasons: One, the obvious reason of I liked the other five more. Two, her crazy hair color changes which make her look more like a cartoon character than a sex symbol. Most importantly, #3, the fact that she played herself by going overseas and covering Jay-Z and Kanye's "Niggas In Paris". Perry's version wasn't the worst rendition I've heard but it was bad enough, almost like a goth version of one of my favorite songs. Enough suburban white kids make ass out of themselves by trying to be Eminem. When people who have actual talents try to go outside the box and fail? I gotta deduct some points. That being said, Katy is a cutie with a great body and she showed some comedic chops when she hosted "Saturday Night Live". Being hot and having a sense of humor will score you some points. Going across the pond sounding like a cross between Everlast and Fiona Apple...well, that's just going to make me shake my head.



5. Jenna Fischer ("The Office") For those of you thinking this is too high for Jenna Fischer, I suggest you hit up Google images and look for pics of Fischer outside of her "Office" garb. While her role as Pam Beesley(or Pam Beesley-Halpert now) made her famous, the brains behind "The Office" did themselves a disservice by leaving Fischer's character as this cute, innocent secretary who grows within the company. See what "Law & Order: SVU" did once they realized they one of the hottest women on the planet in Mariska Hargitay? They showed some skin, made her sexier. It's the route "The Office" should've taken with Fischer. Anyone who's ever worked in an actual office knows that the hottest chick in the building doesn't come to work  in cute button-up sweaters and cardigans every day for seven years. Lucky for us, Fischer's movie career has given us more of a taste of what she's working with. Roles in "Walk Hard", "Hall Pass", and "Blades of Glory" showed a hotter side of Fischer beyond the beautiful smile and the adorable nature she displays on NBC. It was like when Tiffani Amber-Thiessen finally left "Saved By The Bell" and we finally got to see Kelly Kapowski as a sexy woman and not just a cutesy cheerleader. "The Office" mutes Fischer's overall hotness. Her body is killer. She has a pretty face and she doesn't overdo it with crazy hairstyles like Katy Perry does. You may think 5 is too high. I think Fischer's vastly underrated. With "The Office" on its last legs, maybe we'll see Fischer come out of her shell more often and help justify her spot in the Top 5.



4. Jennifer Love Hewitt ("The Client List"). The long delay between the last Hot 100 post and the final reveal of the Top 20 did Jennifer Love Hewitt no favors. You'll find out why later. Oddly enough, this was the original spot for J-Love but all the fanfare from her comeback role on "The Client List" pushed her up a couple spots. We've known since "Party of Five" that Hewitt was a force to be reckoned with. Her weird smile was off-set by an amazing rack that dominated for the better part of two decades. The "I Know What You Did Last Summer" movies were known not only for being among the most popular scary movies of the 90's but introduced the world to Hollywood's new breakout star: Jennifer Love Hewitt's cleavage. J-Love's low-cut tops on those movies and "Can't Hardly Wait" became such a platform for Hewitt's boobs to shine that Lacey Cherbet(a hot woman I continue to feel sorry for not having on this list) made a parody of it in "Not Another Teen Movie". J-Love's cleavage had its biggest starring role in "Heartbreakers", a terrible movie about a mother-daughter team of gold diggers that's only watchable for the scene where Hewitt tries to seduce Ray Liotta. After that, it was back to television. "The Ghost Whisperer" was "Touched By An Angel" mixed with "Cold Case". Translation: It was horrible. Surprisingly, it last five seasons but many thought that the next ghost J-Love would be whispering to would be her own career. Then, trailers for "The Client List" came out and....WOW. The show is about....well, who cares what it's about, it's Jennifer Love Hewitt in her underwear every episode. How's that NOT Must See TV? The overwhelming amount of publicity for Hewitt's new show re-established her as Hollywood's "It" girl. Suddenly, it was 1998 again. Does it matter that Hewitt isn't a great actress? Of course not. She revitalized her career with 9 episodes of her giving massages half-naked. That's impressive. Who knows how long "The Client List" will last but every episode that airs will keep J-Love at the top of the list and eventually cement her and her boobs its own place in hot chick infamy.

3. Jenn Sterger ("The Daily"). I struggled with this one. Not so much whether Ms. Sterger deserved to be on this list because she damn sure does and Maxim is ridiculous for never having her on theirs. It was more "Is #3 too low for J-Sterg and would I be considered biased if I put her #1?". Those that know me know that I, as well as my wife, consider Sterger a friend. Few people were as angry to see her career derailed by the Brett Favre dick pic scandal as we were and you won't find many who have been rooting harder for her inevitable comeback. Sterger has kept busy with some shorts for "The Daily" and some other Internet spots here and there and we wait patiently for her return to television after Versus failed to utilize her correctly on "The Daily Line". Some consider "The Daily Line" a failure but I found a silver lining. If not for the show, there may not have been a webcast, which may not have lead to us developing a friendship, which may not have lead to me name-dropping her every six months. She doesn't have the illustrious career of the others on this list. Who cares? She's a young woman who was discovered in the stands of an FSU game, rose to glory and now, like everyone else in America, fights and scratches to make ends meet. She's a testament to the American dream. That all it takes is one opportunity. I personally don't believe in role models but she's my inspiration as a guy who just wants one shot to show the world what he's got. Another important note about Jenn Sterger? She's extraordinarily gorgeous. I've followed her career since Brent Musberger nearly sprayed his shorts during that infamous ABC telecast and I've yet to find a flaw physically. Even with the breast implants gone, she's simply striking. Even better, Jenn Sterger the person is even more beautiful. A kind-hearted soul with a razor-sharp wit and sense of humor. Her trademark snark is what makes her a must-follow on Twitter. She's a talent and a beauty who continues to get back up as life knocks her down. Most importantly, she's a friend. She's #3 on the list but she's #1 to me(Well, 1A, my wife does read this, too, you know.)



2. Kate Upton (SI Swimsuit Model). Kate Upton has fluctuated up and down this list for the better part of a month. She was the unquestioned #1 for weeks until I was talked out of it. Then she was #2 until the emergence of "The Client List" led me to swap her with Jennifer Love Hewitt. Luckily, some infamous procrastination on my part allowed her to swap once again with J-Love. In the little more of a week I was on hiatus from doing this list, Kate Upton managed to sneak in the photo shoot that would turn the tide on Ms. Hewitt. Have you SEEN the recently-released photos from Upton's GQ cover shoot? MY GOD! Heating up the pages of GQ is the latest in what has been a glorious two-year run for Ms. Upton. She was SI's Swimsuit Rookie of the Year at just 18 two years ago, then graced the cover a year later. In between that, there's been numerous videos of Kate doing every stupid snap-and-pop dance known to man while also doing videos like this for Skullcandy. During this two-year stretch, Upton's been in more magazine than perfume samples. Her Sobe commercials helped propel her to stardom and compelled me to put her in BoomRoasted Hall of Fame before she was even 20. Kate Upton is EVERYWHERE. Her amazing breasts have become such a thing of legend that Twitter pages have been dedicated to her cleavage. She's dabbled in movies, with cameos in "Tower Heist" and "Three Stooges". She just turned 20 and she's become one of the hottest names in any business: modeling, sports, pop culture, etc. So what keeps her from #1? Well, you've probably gathered by now that I am infamous for my picking of nits. Her smile? Pretty, but kind of weird. At times, she looks like Lola Bunny from "Space Jam". Also, I've never been a fan of moles(really, who has) and hers is the most prominent since Cindy Crawford. These are all slight chinks in her gorgeous armor but I wasn't going to put her at the top and then watch others pick her apart. So, instead, I put her at #2 and picked her apart myself. At the rate she's going, her spot on top is as destined as LeBron's ring. I didn't think SI could top Brooklyn Decker but Upton's blown her out the water. If there's anything that could stand in Upton's way, it's overexposure. I, personally, can't get enough of her but we've learned over the years that people tend to get tired of even the hottest of hot chicks if their face is everywhere you turn.

Of course, we all know that, to me, my wife is my #1 but the 40 people that tune in to this list didn't come here to see me boob it up with lovey-dovey quips about my better half. This list was voted on by the people for the people and, while I had the ultimate final say, I wasn't going to throw a biased curveball by leading you down this primrose path that ultimately leads to my beautiful spouse.

So, without further ado, here's your #1 stunner, your top dog, your Queen of Queens....

1. Sarah Shahi ("Fairly Legal", "The L Word"). Not what you were expecting, eh? Look, men's mags cut the corners and give top spots to supermodels and, while I wanted Kate Upton atop the list, some reasoning and my frustration with mags giving models the crown helped Sarah Shahi take top honors. Most of you know her as Kate Reed on the USA show "Fairly Legal". Those with a little better memory remember her as Carmen, the hottest chick in the history of the Showtime lesbian lovefest "The L Word". What made Shahi the cherry on top of the sundae for me was her brief cameo in final season of "The Sopranos" when she played an escort for Tony Soprano. Go ahead and search for that clip of Shahi getting her ride on and tell me that hip movement wasn't some hot shit. Much like Jenn Sterger, I can't find a physical flaw in Sarah Shahi either. Her smile is addictive. Her body is insane and she flies enough under the radar to not be overexposed. She was a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader once, but we'll try to not hold that against her. She's the hottest in a long stable of hot women on the USA network that includes Piper Perabo, Callie Thorne, the WWE Divas, Gabrielle Anwar and, of course, the large smattering of Mariska Hargitay during their weekly SVU marathons. That's a hell of a list of ladies to be above, as is the 100 women that are beneath her on this famous. She's beautiful, sexy, and just relevant enough to not make this too much of a stretch.

Ladies and gentlemen, your 100* hottest women on the planet! You're welcome!

(*Technically, it's 101, since we split Alex Morgan and Hope Solo at the bottom of the list for #100)

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