The Return of the Milk Carton All-Stars!

The Milk Carton All-Star of the Week went on a bit of a hiatus last week, mainly because, when you're writing steadily for two websites, you get a bit worn out. Actually, I was just being a lazy bastard, but I digress. To make up for the Milk Carton's bye week, we decided to double up this week by doing something what everyone's been trying to do for years......Keepin' up with the Joneses:

The man on your left is NBA journeyman forward Jumaine Jones. Jumaine was the 27th pick in the 1999 NBA Draft, where he was selected by the Atlanta Hawks and then quickly traded to the Philadelphia 76ers. He would go to the Finals with the Sixers, playing a vital role off the bench(or at least as vital as one could be with a limited skill set). After his two-year stint in Philly, the "Thrilla From Camilla", as he was known to at least five or six people outside of the Jones family, would rack up some frequent flier miles. He played a couple of years in Cleveland with the Cavaliers, before being dealt to Boston. He was then dealt to the Lakers, along with Chucky Atkins and Chris Mihm for aging point guard Gary Payton and some guy who once married Vanessa Williams and was cast in a couple Tyler Perry films in 2004(It should also be mentioned that the Lakers threw in a 2006 1st rounder in the deal, which later became Rajon Rondo...one of the best point guards in the game....Oops). A year later, the Lakers dealt him to the Charlotte Bobcats for a future 2nd round pick. He then bounced to Phoenix the following year and then, a year after that, signed with the New Jersey Nets(where he lasted a whole three weeks before being waived). All in all, Jumaine traveled everywhere except to the basket. His scoring average over his eight-year career was a pedestrian 7 points per game. The 6'8 forward also threw in 4 rebounds a game, for good measure. Currently, you can find the poor man's Otis Thorpe in Italy, playing for Juvecaserta Basket....at least until one of his teammates reads this and realizes they've made a big mistake.

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The ugly sum-bitch next to him is notorious ladies' man, Popeye Jones. Like Jumaine, Popeye was a journeyman forward with a forgettable career. Although most people will remember him for having a face that makes Stevie Wonder shudder. If you ever wondered what the kid from the TV show "Smart Guy" looked like had he grown a few inches and started wailing on In and Out Burgers, take a long look at Popeye. A stocky fellow at 265 pounds, Popeye's body had almost as much hangtime as his pointy, elfin ears. He was drafted by the Houston Rockets in the 2nd round of the '92 Draft out of NBA pro factory, Murray State, but was dealt to Dallas for center Eric Riley(Yeah, I know, I've never heard of him either). From there he moved everywhere from Toronto to Boston to Denver to Golden State and, most notably, to Washington, where he was the scariest thing to hit D.C. since George W. Bush. In his 11 years in the pros, Popeye average a Jumaine Jones-like 7 points per game, all while forcing female fans to fantasize about Patrick Ewing.

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So let's give it up for NBA Draft green room mainstay Jumaine Jones and the guy so ugly not even Rick Pitino would bend him over a table, Popeye Jones!