Friday, December 31, 2010

Order of Protection

Perhaps Brett Favre should have enlisted Roger Goodell and his Keystone Cops to be his offensive line this season instead of guys like Bryant McKinnie and Steve Hutchinson because, clearly, NOBODY has done a better job of watching Ol' Number Four's back than the league office.


Perhaps Goodell was worried he may have to fine himself if he unleashed a devastating hit on one of the NFL's last remaining living legends. The $50,000 fine Goodell took nearly two months to impose on Favre isn't even a slap on the wrist. It's more like a pinkie jab across the cheek. $50K for a man making nearly $700K a week? That's like giving The Donald a ticket for jaywalking outside the Trump Marina. Steelers LB James Harrison was fined $75,000 for being a little too aggressive in doing the job he's paid to do. Patriots safety Brandon Meriweather and Falcons cornerback were fined $50K for doing the same thing. Only after sparks started to fly over the weak nature of Favre's penalty did the league decide they may have gotten a little carried away and opted to lessen the fines of the Harrison, Robinson and Meriweather. What about Jets conditioning coach Sal Alosi? He got docked double what Favre got for tripping Dolphins defensive back Nolan Carroll. So, helmet-to-helmet hits and pulling the rug out from a player....really bad. Sexually harassing a female team employee....meh, slightly frowned upon.




My thoughts on the Favre-Jenn Sterger drama have been published in this very spot, and quite frankly, the story has become so old hat that it doesn't bear repeating again. People have their opinions of Favre and people have their opinions of Sterger. Nothing said here will change that, so I won't even bother. This has more to do with the image of Commissioner Goodell and how his latest laying of the hammer seems to contradict his formerly-tough stance on lowering the boom on those that besmirch the shield. Beyond the fines mentioned earlier, there was Goodell making a name for himself early on by coming down hard on Mike Vick and his dogfighting, as well as the off-the-field hijinx of guys like Plaxico Burress, Donte Stallworth and Pac-Man Jones. Hell, even Big Ben got a four-game ban for ALLEGEDLY sexually assaulting a woman(or two) because having a 2-time Super Bowl winner being accused of rape makes the league look bad. Brandon Marshall got suspended for putting his own arm through his entertainment center. Favre couldn't get at least a one-game ban for dragging the league through the mud these last few months?

Goodell can say that the reasoning beyond his fine was because Favre failed to cooperate with the investigation. The real reason to anyone with common sense: Fear. This "investigation" started in late October. Sterger testified in early November. It shouldn't have taken the league this long to come to the conclusion that Favre was never going to speak to them and that, without his testimony, they didn't have much of a case. Where I'm from, if you are accused of a crime, and you don't go out of your way to plead your innocence, you probably did something wrong. It's evident to me that Goodell spared Favre a suspension because he didn't want to see Favre's vaunted consecutive games streak end on a league-imposed note. Once the streak ended a cold Monday night in Detroit, Goodell had ample time to strike Favre down. He didn't. With the Vikings season over from the get-go, Goodell stalled and stalled and dragged his feet worse than Bushwick Bill in making a decision on Favre even while a suspension clearly wouldn't derailed an already lost season for the Vikes. He sat back and watched Favre oversell injury after injury like Vince Carter in the Conference Finals and try to play through the pain like some cowboy with one bullet left in a gun that keeps jamming on him. Favre tried to muster the hero act to try to erase the filth that lies on his image from this latest sordid ordeal. It didn't work for most of America. It worked on Goodell. Forced to choose between preserving a fading legend's legacy and maintaining his usual hard stance on upholding the sanctity of the league's perception, Goodell chose the former. The man who made rule changes in the middle of the season because defensive ball hawks were doing their job a little too well suddenly got squeamish on the idea of being "that guy who punctuated Favre's career with a suspension". Let's not kid ourselves. Regardless of what you thought about Favre before or after this sexting scandal, the man is going to the Hall of Fame. The man is going to end his career as one of three best guys to ever play his position. Brett Favre is still a legend. To quote Kenny Powers, his face cashes checks. That being said, his ASS should have been suspended for showing his DICK to someone who is not his wife, but the league had no BALLS. If this whole drawn-out affair was about justice, then Favre should have at least had to sit for a. making a mockery of the league by getting himself caught up in this mess(whether he sent the pics or not, and his actions thus far would suggest he did, he still had no business looking for love outside his marriage. In this day and age, a public figure like Favre had to be smart enough to know nothing behind-the-scenes will remain in the dark for long), b. the pain and embarrassment caused to Sterger(not to mention, the embarrassment and pain he caused his wife, albeit not a league matter) and c. ducking the league office like one of the baby daddies on Maury Povich dodging child support.



The irony of Goodell's ruling is that, in trying to find closure on a messy situation, he opened up a can of worms. How can Goodell expect to be taken seriously after spending his first few years in office as Judge Dredd and then spending the last few months as Barney Fife? And what message can he possibly send to other female employees who may run into awkward situations like this? "If you get courted by an athlete, make sure he's not real famous, because otherwise, you're on your own, ladies"? Whether Sterger sues Favre like so many are reporting she will, remains to be seen. Frankly, this drama dragged on far longer than it should have and the ending was far more disappointing than "No Country For Old Men".


A woman(or women, if you count the violated massage therapists) was wronged by a man who failed to fess up to his crimes because he was scared what an admission would do to his sparkling image. Lucky for Brett Favre, the league was just as scared of tarnishing it as he was.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Week 16 Picks cont...

Christmas obligations kept us from giving our takes on the epic Arizona-Dallas clash, but it should have already been assumed that we both went with Dallas(and inevitably lost, thanks to Dave Buehler going shank-a-potamus on the PAT of the go-ahead TD).



The holidays will more than likely keep us from elaborating on the rest of this week's slate of games, but here's our picks anyway. (Side note: Because Gabe failed to make a pick for last night's Monday nighter, he takes the L for Vikings-Bears. That means we finish Week 15 with matching 6-10 records and Gabe is up a decent-but-not-insurmountable 11 games with two weeks to play.)





Last Week



Dave: 6-10

Gabe: 6-10



Season



Dave: 89-111-6

Gabe: 100-100-6



This Week(including Arizona-Dallas)



Dave: 1-1

Gabe: 1-1



Chargers (-7.5) at Bengals



Dave: Chargers



Gabe: Chargers



Seahawks (+6) at Bucs



Dave: Bucs



Gabe: Seahawks



Titans (+4.5) at Chiefs



Dave: Chiefs



Gabe: Chiefs



Colts (-2.5) at Raiders



Dave: Colts



Gabe: Colts



Jets (+2) at Bears



Dave: Jets



Gabe: Bears



Texans (-3) at Broncos



Dave: Texans



Gabe: Texans



49ers (+2) at Rams



Dave: 49ers



Gabe: Rams



Giants (+3) at Packers



Dave: Packers



Gabe: Giants



Ravens (-3) at Browns



Dave: Ravens



Gabe: Ravens



Vikings (+14) at Eagles



Dave: Eagles



Gabe: Eagles



Lions (+3.5) at Dolphins



Dave: Lions



Gabe: Dolphins



Redskins (+6.5) at Jaguars



Dave: Redskins



Gabe: Jaguars



Patriots (+8) at Bills



Dave: Patriots



Gabe: Patriots



Saints (+2) at Falcons



Dave: Falcons



Gabe: Saints

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Week 16 Picks

You have to wonder if the NFL has a personall vendetta against its own network with the series of turds it has scheduled for these Thursday night games. Nicolas Cage hasn't been responsible for as many boring three hour bombs as the NFL has the last couple of weeks on the NFL Network. Tonight will be no different. In one corner, you have the Pittsburgh Steelers, who are angling for the top spot in the AFC North and a potential 2 seed in the playoffs. On the other side, you have the Carolina Panthers, who are just a couple more mailed-in performances away from the top spot in the NFL Draft.



This should be a lay-up for Mr. Thursday Night and Capt. Dos Equis.
Panthers (+14) at Steelers



Dave: Steelers - If there's any incentive for the Panthers to play better than the walking cadavers they've been all season, it's solely based on Jimmy Clausen trying to do whatever he can to keep Andrew Luck from taking his job this spring. That's it. The Steelers D is a bit more suspect with Troy Polamalu and Aaron Smith out, so it's not inconceivable to think Carolina can at least keep it close with some garbage time touchdowns from a motivated Clausen(who may be turn into this generation's Drew Brees). I still like Pitt to unleash the sound and fury on the toothless Panthers. Steelers by 24.



Gabe: Steelers - (Editor's note: Gabe decided to chime in at the 11th hour from a busy night of eating dinner, jamming out to Kings of Leon and discussing why Alec Baldwin is the next John Travolta to follow suit with my Steelers pick.)

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

A Man's World

I'll be the first to admit I am ignorant to women's college basketball. Hell, I'll admit to being ignorant to women's sports in general. That's not to say I don't have an appreciation for female athletes, but the athletic accomplishments of the fairer sex haven't exactly caused more than the occasional raising of the eyebrow by yours truly. You can call me a chauvinist. You can call me a pig. You can call me every name in the book. The fact of the matter is, if the male-dominated world of the NHL can't grab my attention, then it's hard to fathom a world inwhich I am sitting on my couch, eating pizza and keeping my eyes glued to a riveting tennis match between the Williams' sisters or watching Anika Sorenson tee off on the 18th hole.


So, while I'll gladly tip my cap to your UConn Lady Huskies, Geno Auriemma, you'll have to excuse me for not running down the streets like Jim Valvano and jumping for joy. The 89-game win streak by Auriemma's Lady Huskies deserves its just due and should be given the proper respect for being what it is: 89 straight wins in women's basketball. You see, the dirty little secret that your "experts" and professional scribes won't dare utter on television or in a syndicated column is that women's sports will never be considered on the same level as its male counterparts. I'm sorry, ladies, but it's true. Auriemma can pound on the podium and scream for equality all he wants at press conferences, but he's going to have to settle for being the leader of the greatest dynasty in WOMEN'S college basketball(P.S. People HATE dynasties...at least until their over. Why? Because dominance is boring. It's why the people despise the Yankees and their greed. It's why the Lakers have become the John Dillingers of the NBA. Dynasties are great to reflect on, but are tiring to talk about while their going on.). He's not John Wooden. He's not Dean Smith. He's no Bobby Knight and he's damn sure no Coach K(and that's coming from someone who, like most red-blooded Americans, can't stand the Duke Blue Devils).

Now, "Why?" is the most popular question that would be asked in Auriemma's defense. Why does UConn's streak not register as much hoopla(no pun intended) as, say, Wooden's run with UCLA in the 60's or even Coach K's dominance over the last few decades at Duke?(Another side note: If Coach K won 89 straight games at Duke, it would be just as great of an achievement as Auriemma's current run, but you'd be a fool to say the streak would put Coach K ahead of Red Auerbach or Phil Jackson and be even more foolish to say the Blue Devils are a better dynasty than, say, the Lakers or Celtics.)Well, for starters, a winning streak is only as great as the teams you mowed over to get there. Again, I'm no scholar when it comes to women's college basketball, but other than Pat Summit's Tennessee Lady Vols, I can't think of another team that UConn may have ran over that would make this streak more impressive. UConn winning 89 straight games in women's basketball is the equivalent of Bill Belichick winning 89 straight games in the UFL. That's not a shot at the Huskies or women's basketball, but every great team/player/coach/entity needs an equal rival. Bird needed Magic. Ali needed Fraizer. Crosby needs Ovechkin. There isn't another recognizable collegiate powerhouse(except, again, for Summit's Vols) that Auriemma and his girls can hang their hats on. Women's college basketball doesn't have the parity of its male counterparts. The list of competitive teams isn't as deep. So, it's hard to go too ballistic over a winning streak as impressive as UConn's when the general public couldn't name another dominant team that fell victim to this collegiate powerhouse. Hell, the general public couldn't name 10 great women's college basketball players right now. There's a reason the WNBA will inevitably fold: It doesn't have the star power to catch anyone's eye. The most recognizable player in women's pro basketball never dribbled a ball for Auriemma and the Huskies(that would be Candace Parker, who played for Summit at Tennessee). As great as Maya Moore(the biggest star of this current batch of Lady Huskies) may be, there won't be a large crowd buying her jersey when she goes pro.


The only solution, and this is something "analysts" won't say on television because of the backlash but I will because, well, fuck it, it's my opinion and only 10% of our readers are women anyway, is for Auriemma to have his girls take the court against the men. You want respect from the male population, Geno? Go out there and run Coach K's boys off the floor. Because sports is dominated by men, the narrow-minded male population(which I guess I am a part of, though I try to keep an open mind even if this blog will suggest otherwise) aren't going to take women's place in the annals of sports seriously until they show up the boys. Billie Jean King was a great tennis player, but she didn't get the respect she deserved until she unleashed a can of whoop ass on Bobby Riggs. Anika Sorenson flew under the radar as the best of a decent crop of lady golfers, until she decided to take on the men(and failed, but whatever). Danica Patrick gained her notoriety by being brave enough to go up against dudes(Being relatively attractive didn't hurt her chances in the limelight either). Men don't care about women beating other women. We want to see them take on the boys. That's why women's boxing failed miserably, and that was with its biggest star being the daughter of the greatest fighter of all time(Laila Ali, daughter of Muhammed Ali, incase you're slow, or have been living under a rock for the last half century). If Laila Ali were to knock out, say, Floyd Mayweather Jr., think of what it would do for both Ali AND women's boxing. Nobody cares about her beating the shit out of Christy Martin!




The 89-game(and counting) win streak deserves it's just due as an impressive feat because Lord knows when we will see another team(women's or men's) as dominant as these Lady Huskies but the streak needs to be only taken at face value. It's 89 straight wins against teams that are unknown to the general public. No matter how hard ESPN and other major networks will try to jam this feat down our throats over the next few weeks, it will take something completely drastic to change the minds of a male-dominated sports society(myself included). It may not be fair. It may not be right, but it's the way of the world. If Auriemma wants his girls to gain the respect and recognition of the men, he's going to have to actually compete with the men. This is Auriemma's opportunity to really make his mark. If he's serious about putting women's sports on par with the men, he'll campaign hard for some sort of "Battle of the Sexes"(much like King did against Riggs, and Margaret Court did before her). ESPN spends countless airtime running poker games, spelling bees, and basketball games filmed in high school gymnasiums on its network, so I know it can spare a few hours to air a showdown between Auriemma's Lady Huskies and whomever wins the NCAA Tournament out of the men(though, I'd much rather just see UConn vs. Duke since it will allow Auriemma to go up against his coaching equivalent in the men's game). 89 wins against the best women's college basketball had to offer may be impressive water cooler fodder for the next few months, but it will be nothing compared to just ONE win against the boys.




The ball's in YOUR court, ladies and gentlemen. Go shake up the world.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Week 15 Picks Continued....

Dave continues to be the King of Thursday night, but the boys both got a W to start this week.


Week 14 was one to forget at the Boom Roasted Sports offices. Mr. Sausage & Peppers has gone over 100 losses for the season, while Gabe is probably well on his way to doing the same. Dave had to get out early this morning to make his legal money, so we just have his picks for now. His explanations will come later.


Last Week:
Dave: 6-8-2
Gabe: 5-9-2


This Week, so far:
Dave: 1-0
Gabe: 1-0


Season Series:
Dave: 83-101-6
Gabe: 94-90-6


Atlanta (-6) at Seattle


Gabe: Atlanta - I still think Seattle is terrible and Atlanta needs to win this game to prove they are for real. Atlanta by 10.


Dave: Atlanta - As tough as it is to go on the road, into Qwest Field and get a W, the Falcons have homefield advantage in their sights and the Seahawks aren't good enough to stop Atlanta from taking their kill shot on the NFC.


Green Bay (+14) at New England


Gabe: New England - Green Bay is starting Matt Flynn at quarterback, on the road. New England is playing out of their mind right now. Lock it up. New England by three touchdowns.

Dave: New England - I'm so depressed about what's about to happen to my Packers, I may break my 28-year sobriety tonight. Green Bay's scant hopes of staying alive in the NFC North relies on subpar backup Matt Flynn going into New England and pulling off a Yao Ming-sized upset. Mind you, this is the same Matt Flynn that couldn't lead a touchdown-scoring drive in one half of play against lowly Detroit last week. Ugh....I'm getting sick just thinking about this. Pats by 17.


Denver (+7.5) at Oakland


Gabe: Oakland - I'd be willing to bet Tim Tebow throws more pick sixes than touchdowns. Oakland wins big.

Dave: Broncos - When I initially emailed(or Facebook messaged, whatever) Gabe this pick, I completely forgot Denver got trounced by Oakland the last time they played....and that was IN Denver. I think Tim Tebow, making his debut, does enough with his arm and legs to at least make it close. Raiders by a touchdown.


New Orleans (+2.5) at Baltimore


Gabe: New Orleans - The Saints are playing well right now. Baltimore is prone to having bad games, especially against good teams. I think the Saints have too many weapons on offense. New Orleans, in a mild upset, wins by a touchdown.

Dave: Ravens - The Saints have gotten back into Super Bowl champion form, but they are a finesse team going into Baltimore against a Ravens defense that likes to smack you in the mouth. The Ravens offense is finally good enough to go blow for blow with their opponents and I think this becomes a shootout with Baltimore's D getting the last laugh.


Detroit (+4.5) at Tampa Bay


Gabe: Detroit - Tampa Bay always finds ways to win, and I think they do today as well, but it will be close. I think Tampa wins, but by only a field goal.

Dave: Bucs - If Tampa Bay is to be taken seriously, they have to take care of business against a feisty but still mediocre Lions team. The Bucs specialize in beating up on punchless, bottom-of-the-barrell teams, and this should be no different. Bucs by a touchdown.


Washington (+7) at Dallas


Gabe: Dallas - So now the Redskins have the best back-up quarterback in the league, although I hear McNabb is probably going to be the no. 3 quarterback on the depth chart. Dallas is not as bad as their record and is playing well right now. I think DeMarcus Ware harasses Grossman into a few picks. Dallas by double digits.

Dave: Cowboys - As I wrote in my McNabb piece yesterday, this is Mike Shanahan's only shot at vindication. If he succeeds in sweeping the Cowboys with Rex Grossman at QB, then he looks a lot brighter by benching "The $78 Million Man" Donovan McNabb. If the 'Skins get embarressed, which has been their calling card this season, then he deserves every piece of the backlash he'll get from this day forward. Either way, I think they did McNabb dirty in Washington and I hope next season McNabb finally gets his payback. As for today, Cowboys roll here.


Philadelphia (+3) at N.Y. Giants


Gabe: N.Y. Giants - Ok, I usually try to pick games with my head, not my heart, but I have believe the Giants win this game. It is my fan's duty to believe in my team this week. The formula for this win is to pressure Michael Vick and use Brandon Jacobs and Ahmad Bradshaw to keep the game short and the ball away from Philly's offense. Can they do that? Sure. Are they just as likely to watch Michael Vick go for 400 total yards and 5 TD's? Yes. I have to believe. Giants by a touchdown.

Dave: Philadelphia - The Giants' defensive line is the only defense, probably in the NFL, that is fast enough to keep up with Mike Vick. Problem is, Big Blue's secondary can't keep up with DeSean Jackson and Jeremy Maclin. If Vick can get enough seperation from this Giants' pass rush, he'll feast on New York's secondary. He'll also get help from Eli Manning, who enjoys turning the ball over every now and then. Eagles break out the brooms....win by a field goal.


Arizona (+2.5) at Carolina


Gabe: Carolina - Wow, this the "Big Game" of the "I Wouldn't Watch This Game if it Were Played in My Driveway" series. Umm...I'll take Carolina because they are at home.

Dave: Cardinals - I really hate rolling the dice on John Skelton, so I can only imagine how the Cardinals' coaching staff must feel. Both of these teams suck, but if you listen close enough, you'll hear children in dark corners of Asian sweat shops sewing together "Andrew Luck" on the back of Panthers jerseys and "Ryan Mallett" on the back of Cardinals shirts. Cards by a field goal, since I have to pick a winner.


Buffalo (+5) at Miami


Gabe: Miami - Buffalo is terrible. Miami wins at home. That's all I got.

Dave: Miami - I have my reluctance to take Miami here, since they seem to do all their winning outside of South Beach. Buffalo really has no reason to win this game. If they tank the season, they can hope Carolina plays its way out of the Andrew Luck Sweepstakes. I think Miami has one more left hook to throw before calling it a season, and I say it lands on the Bills' chin today. 'Phins by 6.


Kansas City (+3) at St. Louis


Gabe: St. Louis - The Rams are good, but young. They are at home. And oh yea, the Chiefs are starting Brodie Croyle at quarterback who has never won a game as a starter. Rams by a touchdown.

Dave: Chiefs - Chiefs need this one because San Diego is still on their heels and the Raiders are breathing down their neck as well. Obviously, their fate lies in whether Matt Cassel heals quick from his appendectomy. Rams are decent at home, and a win here helps their chances in the NFC West, but I think the Chiefs have too much on offense for St. Louis. Chiefs by 9.

Jacksonville (+5) at Indianapolis


Gabe: Jacksonville - Indy is reeling. Peyton Manning needs to get out of his funk. I think this game hinges on Maurice Jones-Drew. I don't think the Colts have an answer for Mojo. The Jags get the straight up win in my....wait for it...UPSET SPECIAL!!

Dave: Jags - If the Jags are legit and have any desire of stealing the AFC South, they need to knock out Indy while they have the Colts on the ropes. Peyton Manning bounced back a bit last week against Tennessee and he's not going to hand over the South to Jacksonville easily, but I say this one is close and the Colts only win by 3.


Cleveland (+1) at Cincinnati


Gabe: Cleveland - Peyton Hillis left. Peyton Hillis right. Peyton Hillis up the middle. Cincy sucks. Cleveland wins outright.

Dave: Browns - Again, if you're Cincy, why win this game? Marvin Lewis is a goner. So is T.O. So is Carson Palmer. You have a top 3 pick locked up. You've sucked ALL year. Why overachieve now? Browns by 7.


N.Y. Jets (+5) at Pittsburgh


Gabe: Pittsburgh - Mark Sanchez is playing like he did at USC. Pittsburgh's defense is going to crush this offense. Pittsburgh wins by at least a touchdown.

Dave: Jets - No Troy Polamalu hurts a Steelers defense that is already suspect without Aaron Smith. The Jets are desperate after losing two straight and having their face of the franchise look awfully pedestrian lately. I think the Jets man up, run the ball down the Steelers' throats and Mark Sanchez takes some chances with Polamalu out of action. Jets by 9.


Houston (+1) at Tennessee


Gabe: Tennessee - I think Matt Schaub is finally off of suicide watch. There is now way Houston gets over that loss last week. Tennessee rolls.

Dave: Houston - Two teams that always find ways to lose games, so I'll take the points. Texans by 3.
Chicago (-8) at Minnesota
Gabe:
Dave: Minnesota - Rough field conditions in Minnesota will make it tough for either team to pull away here. Obviously, with Joe Webb starting for the Vikings, it's hard not to like the Bears to win but I think we're looking at a 10-3 snoozefest dominated by the run game on both sides. Bears by 7.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Along Came Shanny

This was supposed to be the retribution season for Donovan McNabb. He was supposed to make the Eagles pay for closing the book on him too soon. He was supposed to make us all believers.


Instead, the book on Donovon McNabb will state that he now has been unceremoniously tossed from TWO NFL franchises. There has to be something, behind the scenes, about Donovan McNabb that we don't know about. Perhaps behind that big, 250 lb. exterior, that Carl Winslow mustache, and that hearty laugh, there is something more unsavory. How else can you explain McNabb transforming into the Jennifer Aniston of NFL quarterbacks: a man who seems so charming and likable to the general public but is known more for his inability to find a suitor who wants to commit. The breakup between McNabb and the Eagles on Easter Sunday was almost Aniston-Brad Pitt-esque, with many sympathetic over the way McNabb was treated after the franchise he brought to five NFC Championships dumped him for someone younger and sexier(Yes, in a weird way, Mike Vick is the Angelina Jolie in this equation. Read into that what you will.).


That was supposed to be motivation for McNabb to prove the doubters in Philly's front office wrong. Instead, the Eagles look like geniuses. Not only do they get two draft picks for a former flame who couldn't make it one season with his new team, but the absence of McNabb allowed the rebirth of Vick who, in any other year, would probably be the league's MVP. This latest kick to McNabb's balls is a bit perplexing. Granted, McNabb hasn't been the second coming of John Elway in his first year in the nation's capital. He's completed 58.3% of his passes, his lowest completion percentage since 2006. He'll finish the season with more INTs(15) than TDs(14)(His 3,377 yards, however, does rank 7th in the NFL) for the first time in his career and the team is 5-8 with him at the helm.






That being said, the downfall of the Redskins this season can not be solely placed on McNabb's shoulders. The defense ranks near the bottom in almost every category. Was it McNabb's fault that Vick came into FedEx Field and put up Madden numbers on Monday Night Football a month ago? Was McNabb supposed to hold the snap this past Sunday instead of Hunter Smith so the 'Skins wouldn't botch what would have been a game-tying extra point against Tampa Bay? As subpar of a season as McNabb has had or is having, the Redskins still felt compelled to give the man a $78 million extension prior to the Eagles game. Instead, McNabb will collect a paycheck next season elsewhere(if I absolutely had to make a guess, Minnesota seems like the obvious choice, given the spot that will be vacated by Brett Favre and Tarvaris Jackson and McNabb's reluctance to go to Oakland this past spring.).






As bad as being benched in favor of former Chicago Bear punchline Rex Grossman(and to a greater extent, being dropped behind former Dolphins bust John Beck) is for McNabb, the extension makes the Redskins look like more of a laughingstock and the fact that Mike Shanahan has now managed to ruffle feathers with yet another high profile, high-priced member of the Redskins puts a little tarnish on that storied legacy of his. You can say what you will about Albert Haynesworth and how he went about his business this season in Washington, but the man felt like he was lied to and, rather than allow him to take his talents elsewhere, Shanahan chose to instead make an example of him. When he got tired of stringing Haynesworth out, he strung out McNabb. It's hard to tell if Shanahan is trying to make his mark on his new team, fan reaction be damned, or if he is intentionally trying to get himself canned so he can pursue endeavors elsewhere(Dallas, maybe?). Again, McNabb hasn't been stellar this season, but Shanahan hasn't exactly turned heads either. The vaunted running scheme of his that once made 1,000 yard rushers out of nobodies like Mike Anderson and Olandis Gary, couldn't resurrect the career of former pupil Clinton Portis, former nemesis Larry Johnson or make guys like Keiland Williams and Ryan Torain any more than stopgap journeymen. The Redskins are 26th in rushing and 10th in passing so, naturally, the team's demise is the quarterback's fault.....huh?






The next three weeks will tell the story of 2010 for all the parties involved. If the Redskins manage to succeed under Grossman(or even Beck), then Shanahan is vindicated for pulling the plug on McNabb and taking a look at next season's quarterback a year early. If the Redskins continue to be the bumbling bunch of amateurs that they have been under Shanny this season, however, then Shanahan will have played his last card in his effort to put blame elsewhere on a turd of a season his first year in D.C. has been. He won't have Haynesworth to blame for being a distraction. He won't have McNabb to throw under the bus. Instead, Shanahan will have to point the finger at the man that has been as responsible for this mess as anyone this season: Himself.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Week 15 Picks

Yet another Thursday night showdown between a MVP candidate and a QB who will be throwing lobs in the UFL next year. Phillip Rivers! Alex Smith! It's FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN-TASTIC. (Zzzzzzzz....).


49ers (+9.5) at Chargers


Dave: Chargers - Both teams are in desperation mode, as a loss pretty much ends their scant hopes at taking their respective divisions. I hate taking San Diego with a spread larger than seven because they always seem to disappoint(with the exception of last week, but that was against a Matt Cassel-less Chiefs team at home). I think Phillip Rivers has a better chance of having a field day on this Niner secondary than Alex Smith does of repeating his performance from last week's shocker against Seattle. So, begrudgingly, Mr. Thursday Night(5-2 this season on Thursday games, and winner of two straight), will take the Chargers here by 10.


Gabe: Chargers - The Niners stink. I still think San Diego is for real. The Chargers win big.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Back To The Drawing Board

With 2010 NFL regular season coming to a close, we have a bit more clarity than we did a few weeks ago in terms of figuring out who is at the top and has a real legit shot at the Lombardi Trophy (New England and Atlanta seem to be the front-runners)and who is just a pretender. However, the bigger story are the teams that disappointed us a little. 2010 didn't really offer up many surprises beyond the Rams and Seahawks contending for the NFC West title(almost by default though, since San Fran and Arizona have done everything they can to NOT win it) and the Chiefs standing atop the AFC West(unless, of course, you co-signed what I predicted in August).

So, since we'll have the next month or so to dissect the contenders and who and what to watch for come playoff time, let's use this time to take a look at the teams that were a bit underwhelming this season and what needs to be done next year to be more Chiefs-esque.

*Dallas Cowboys(currently 4-9)

Expectations: With their acquisition of first-round pick Dez Bryant to go along with an offense that already had Pro Bowl QB Tony Romo and last year's breakout star, WR Miles Austin(as well as a stable of legit running backs) to complement an athletic defense, Dallas was seen as a chic Super Bowl contender. This, however, was despite the fact this year's Super Bowl was to be held in the new home of the Cowboys and no team has ever made it to the Super Bowl when it's set to take place in their backyard. This was also despite the fact the Cowboys were still being coached by underachieving head coach Wade Phillips.

What Happened: To put it plainly, this team quit on Phillips at the first sign of danger. After losing to Washington and Chicago to start the season 0-2, the Cowboys got a nice win over Houston and then proceeded to go through the motions for the next six weeks. During that span, Romo would get sidelined with a broken clavicle after fullback Chris Gronkowski whiffed like Adam Dunn on a curveball in a blitz pickup of Giants linebacker Michael Boley. Beyond the loss of Romo, the team found out the hard way that once-punishing running back Marion Barber is now a few deep breaths above a cadaver and that Felix Jones is no more than a taller Darren Sproles. On top of that, the pass defense is every bit as bad as I hinted at in August, as they now stand 27th in the NFL against the pass. Needless to say, after a public trouncing on Sunday night by the Packers, Phillips was canned and replaced by one-time heir apparent Jason Garrett. The team, suspiciously has played better under Garrett, winning 3 of their last 5, but their season is done, regardless if Romo comes back or not.

Plan of Action: Cowboys owner Jerry Jones is going to want to make a splash in appointing his new coach. To the surprise of no one, he'll start first by dipping into the quartet of Jon Gruden/Mike Holmgren/Tony Dungy/Bill Cowher.....and he'll end up being disappointed. Gruden couldn't handle working for Al Davis in Oakland, so I can't see him jumping at working for an egomaniac like Jones. The same goes for Cowher, who spent years under the well-respected Rooney family in Pittsburgh and might not be so eager to deal with the polar opposite in Dallas. I really think Dungy is done with coaching and Holmgren isn't going to give up complete control in Cleveland to butt heads with Jones in Dallas. Another name that will surface may be former Florida coach Urban Meyer. Meyer is off doing the family man gig and has given no signs of wanting to return to coaching or join the pros for that matter, but he's a big enough fish for Jones to take a shot at. Inevitably, he'll find he's better off with Garrett. The team knows his playbook and clearly have responded better with him as the head coach than the offensive coordinator. What Garrett will need, however, is a good coordinator for the defense. A team with this much talent on the defensive side of the ball should not be as bad as they've been this season. Perhaps a guy like Mike Nolan could do wonders for this defense.

Once the coaching staff is straight, Jones needs to do a better job of acquiring talent through the draft. Sure, Bryant was a nice steal before breaking his ankle, but there hasn't been much to show from the last few draft classes. If he can't lock down a top of the line corner like Nebraska's Prince Akanamura or LSU's Patrick Paterson, Jones needs to shore up the offensive line. Doug Free isn't getting it done as Flozell Adams' replacement and, if the team wants to avoid seeing Romo in street clothes again, they are going to need to keep him out of harm's way. A trade for Ravens' left tackle Jared Gaither would be a low-cost risk, as he is coming off an injury-marred 2010, but given the lack of elite tackles in this year's draft, he may be worth it.

*Minnesota Vikings(currently 5-8)

Expectations: After coming an interception short of having their storybook season end with a Super Bowl appearance, the Vikings conned QB Brett Favre into giving it one last go under the assumption that they could repeat last year's performance and send "The Riverboat Gambler" out on top(Although my friend Andre warned people to not get too excited).

What Happened: They couldn't. Favre never played like a man motivated to make one last run, either because he was still hurting from offseason ankle surgery or the pressure from the Jenn Sterger sexting scandal was weighing on his mind. On top of that, the team grew more and more impatient with incumbent head coach Brad Childress. After butting heads for weeks with Favre, Childress was eventually canned and replaced with promising head coaching candidate, defensive coordinator Leslie Frazier. Still, even with the Vikes winning two of three under Frazier, it was too little, too late. Favre became a turnover machine more so than he's been in perhaps his entire career, as the offense clearly missed Sidney Rice(who missed the first two months after hip surgery). Minnesota tried to motivate Favre and instill some life into the passing game by trading a 3rd round pick for Randy Moss but, after three weeks, Moss was waived and the offense continued to sputter. The defense mirrored the offense in its underachievement. Jared Allen started off slow after being an all-season terror last year and frustration finally settled in this past Monday when players were irate after getting trounced by the Giants on Monday night.

Plan of Action: Cam Newton. That's the simple answer. Favre's finished, as you may or may not have heard about his 297-start streak ended the other night, and Tarvaris Jackson isn't the answer. There really isn't a veteran QB out there that would pick up where Minnesota left off last year, unless something drastic happens with Donovan McNabb in Washington(and even he isn't an upgrade) or if they can pilfer Mike Vick or Kevin Kolb from Philly. Newton, the 2010 Heisman winner, is the Draft's biggest enigma. He's big(6'6, 250lbs), with a solid arm and runs like a Mack truck. With him, Adrian Peterson and a left side of the offensive line led by Bryant McKinnie and Steve Hutchinson, they easily become the scariest power running team in football. A switch to an unproved QB who won't try to win the games on his own will allow Minnesota to go back to winning the way the knew how to pre-Favre: By handing the ball off to #28. No Favre means more emphasis on the best back in the country and with the mobility and power of a guy like Newton, teams will be a little more apprehensive of stacking the box against the Vikings. Newton could be a poor man's Big Ben or Josh Freeman and he's enough of a quandary to slide down to Minnesota in the first round.

On defense, whether DT Pat Williams retires or not, the team needs some fresh legs to replace him. They also need another DE to complement Jared Allen as Ray Edwards disappointed in what was supposed to be a breakout year following his solid postseason last year. The team can also use a corner or two to be eventually take over for Antione Winfield as well as bolster a unit damaged by injuries. As for Frazier, he's a bright enough star to deserve a full season. Again, unless Minnesota can lure a Cowher/Gruden-type to the Twin Cities, there isn't another coordinator out there that would be a better candidate than who they already have running the show.

*Washington Redskins(currently 5-8)

Expectations: The return of head coach Mike Shanahan to the sidelines and the acquisition of Pro Bowl QB Donovan McNabb gave people in the nation's capital hope that this would be the year they get off the snide after years of suffering under the Jim Zorn/Jason Campbell combo.

What Happened: Shanahan was aggressive in leaving his mark on his new team. He just may have went about it the wrong way. For starters, he butted heads almost immediately with overpaid, overweight DT Albert Haynesworth, but never was able to find a way to get rid of him from the roster, so the toxic nature of their tension spread throughout the locker room. In addition to that, Shanahan may have damaged the ego of McNabb by benching him during a crucial two-minute drill for Rex Grossman because Shanny was unimpressed with McNabb's "conditioning" and ability to run a two-minute offense.

If the lack of confidence from Shanahan wasn't hurting McNabb enough, the lack of a run game certainly didn't help matters. Clinton Portis stayed true to form and got hurt early in the season. Shanahan stayed true to form as well in his typical roulette with who was going to shoulder the load in Portis' absence. First,it was Larry Johnson. Then, it was Ryan Torain. Then, it was Keiland Willams. None were too productive, but Torain and Williams did a decent job filling in. The same can't be said for McNabb's receivers. Santana Moss was good for a few big plays here and there but he's clearly playing like a man whose best days are behind him. The same can definitely be said about Joey Galloway, who was washed up long before Washington tabbed him as their #2 receiver. Anthony Armstrong emerged as a nice target, but he's a #3 or #4, at best. Defensively, the team was abysmal. Beyond Brian Orakpo, the team had no other pass rush, which led to a highly overrated secondary getting burnt to a crisp routinely. The lack of motivation by Haynesworth to man the middle in the new 3-4 also killed the team against the run. Going into Week 15, the 'Skins are 29th against the pass and 28th against the run.

Plan of Action: Washington needs to make decisions on the futures of Haynesworth and McNabb. Haynesworth is obviously not coming back next year, but there's no excuse for why this team couldn't have tried harder to move him sooner than this offseason, when he had some value. As for McNabb, he got a new extension but the Redskins made it a point to publicly mention the out clauses in Donovan's new deal. He could very well be the first QB to sign an extension midseason and be gone before the next year. The problem with that is, who's better than McNabb? Grossman isn't worth cutting ties with Donovan. Perhaps Washington could make a run at Kyle Orton or try to revive Carson Palmer, but neither of those guys seem like definite upgrades. Shanahan needs to come out in Year 2 and hit some homers in the offseason. The offensive line is still horrible and now the team needs a real running back instead of trying to stay afloat with once-great veterans. They also need someone on the other side of Orakpo to put some pressure on opposing quarterbacks, as well as finding a nose tackle who actually wants to play in the 3-4. The fortunate side of all that is that Shanahan has Dan Snyder's big checkbook to go grocery shopping with. While the 'Skins got their props for not being big spenders this offseason, there's too many holes on this team to incorporate that logic again this year. Shanahan has to be flawless this offseason. Otherwise, given Snyder's quick trigger, Haynesworth might have some company flying out of D.C.

*San Francisco 49ers(currently 5-8)

Expectations: They were the sexy pick to win the NFC West, mainly because everyone else seemed a year or two away. They made some moderate improvements to the offensive line and, given the breakout years of Vernon Davis and Alex Smith a year ago, combined with a full season of Michael Crabtree and the presence of Frank Gore, this offense seemed poised for fireworks. Defensively, they one of the league's best last year and the addition of hard-hitting safety Taylor Mays was only going to stand to make them better.

What Happened: It's hard to say, really. I guess we should have expected Alex Smith to not be the goods with the spotlight on him, but you would have thought San Fran would at least be serviceable the first two months of the season. They weren't. The Niners entered November 2-6 and, by then, already made the switch to another Smith at QB: Former Heisman winner Troy Smith. Troy wasn't terrible under center, but eventually, his shortcomings(no pun intended) were exposed and the team went back to Alex this past week in their 40-21 win over Seattle. To show how putrid the NFC West is, the Niners are only a game out of first, despite starting the season 0-5. Any run at the postseason, however, will have to be done without Frank Gore, who is done for the season.

Plan of Action: Again, it's hard to say, because this team could very well back into the playoffs still. They are in must-win mode and their final three games aren't exactly backbreakers. They travel to San Diego to face a Chargers team that has been up and down all season. Then, they finish with two division games: on the road against the Rams and then at home for now John Skelton-led Cardinals. It's not incomprehensible to think San Francisco can run the table. Regardless of how these final weeks shake out though, their mission this offseason is clear: Upgrade at quarterback. The first name that pops up is Kevin Kolb. Given the way Mike Vick is playing right now, there's no way he's not the starter in Philly next year unless he prices himself out of the Eagles' range and goes elsewhere. That's got to be a huge setback for a kid who entered the year finally getting his shot at being The Man. In San Fran, Kolb can do what he does best: dink and dunk defenses to death and load up for a few bombs deep. Kolb's accuracy makes him a huge upgrade over either of the Smiths and his couple games of experience makes him a better option than going back to the drawing board and drafting another QB. Even with a class that is set to have Andrew Luck of Stanford, Jake Locker of Washington, Ryan Mallett of Arkansas and the aforementioned Cam Newton, the Niners might win enough to be out of range for those four. The other possibility, if the Niners can't get Kolb(or even Vick, who would be an even better option) would be.....prepare to cringe, Niners fans.......Carson Palmer. Palmer's been dreadful the last couple of years, but that could be attributed to Cincy's poor offensive line(or Palmer could just suck). Regardless, all signs point to Palmer being available and maybe he could return to form by going back to Cali and playing for a better team in a weaker division. Other than a new QB, the Niners aren't missing too much else. Some help at corner would be nice, since Nate Clements is being weighed down by his big contract far too much to return to Pro Bowl form.

*Cincinnati Bengals (currently 2-11)

Expectations: The Bengals went the "Expendables" route and brought in every former NFL miscreant, in the hopes they'd come together in unison and form a talented team of head cases. Some of the names added this offseason: Matt Jones, Pac-Man Jones, Terrell Owens and Antonio Bryant. With all that untapped potential, some thought the half-brain plan might actually work and the team would actually make another return to the playoffs after winning the AFC North last year.

What Happened: Surprisingly (sarcasm alert), a team consisting of T.O., Chad Ochocinco, Cedric Benson, Andre Smith, Tank Johnson, and Pac-Man Jones couldn't hack it together. With all the proposed firepower on offense, Carson Palmer still couldn't revert back to his old Pro Bowl form. Perhaps a mystical curse swapped out Carson for his brother, Jordan, or perhaps the Bengals' Swiss cheese offensive line has morphed Palmer into a chuck-and-duck quarterback or maybe Palmer just sucks. We may never know, but shockingly, T.O. has been the lone bright spot for Cincinnati, reeling in 72 catches for 983 yards and 9 TDs so far this season. Of course, that didn't stop T.O. from resorting to his typical T.O. antics. Beyond Owens, there hasn't been much to like in the 'Natti. Cedric Benson went from being last year's feel good story to the lead rusher on the 30th ranked rushing offense. Ochocinco has disappeared from the face of the Earth, save for a couple commercials, a terrible reality show, and appearances on Versus' T.Ocho Show. Palmer's thrown 18 picks this season, and may have ended his Bengals career with the two pick-6s he threw against Pittsburgh this past week. He'll have company on his way out, as head coach Marvin Lewis(in the final year of his contract) is a sure shot to not be back next year. Defensively, what was once a hard-hitting, physical, and inspired defense now has somehow forgotten how to rush the passer(combined 18 sacks...with Carlos Dunlap leading the way with 4.5) or stop the run.

Plan of Action: Palmer will probably welcome a change of scenery, after being sacked 28 times and having to deal with this merry band of knuckleheads. Of course, cutting ties with Palmer means having to find his replacement and, needless to say, that person is not on the roster. The Bengals will be in better position to snatch one of the top flight QBs than some of the other teams mentioned here, but they have needs elsewhere that need to be addressed. For starters, former top 10 pick LT Andre Smith isn't the goods and either needs to have an inferno lit under his rear end or be sent packing. The offensive line needs huge upgrades, regardless of who the QB is next year. Since there's nobody at the top of the draft that's worth taking on the offensive line, Cincy needs to go defense, where they've had success in the past years in the first round(Keith Rivers, Jonathan Joesph, Leon Hall). The name that has come up a few times in association with the Bengals is Clemson DE Da'Quan Bowers. Bowers is 6'4 275lbs and is coming off a season where he notched 15 sacks and 24 tackles for loss. While Cincinnati has used high picks on the line in bringing in guys like Dunlap and Michael Johnson, Bowers wouldn't be a bad guy to throw in the mix. If not Bowers, Auburn DT Nick Fairley(if he declares, which many think he will) or Alabama's Marcell Dareus(who is an underclassman as well) would fill a huge void in the middle of the line as well.

As for who replaces Lewis, it needs to be someone hard-nosed who is also willing to clean house. A team can get by with a huge loose screws but he can't have a whole team of them. Defensive coordinator Mike Zimmer has been a candidate for head coaching jobs for years but it's hard to promote a guy whose defense has failed as miserably as Zimmer's D has. As much as it pains me to type this, former Packers head coach/current Texas A &M coach Mike Sherman may be deserving of another try after his success in Green Bay and his stature as an offensive line guru. Another offensive-minded guy who could get a look is former Super Bowl-winning head coach Brian Billick, who probably would like a crack at a return to the NFL on top of facing his former team in Baltimore. Regardless, to change the Bengals, there needs to be a change in demeanor. There needs to be less gambling on problem children in the hopes that the friendly confines of Cincinatti will change their ways. It hasn't worked in years past and it certianly won't work going forward. Owens probably wore out his welcome with his latest comments and he was the only one of the troubled bunch to actually produce. It's time to cut ties with all of them and start from scratch. A team with this much talent should be not 2-11. The case can be made for Palmer to stay, but after this season, why would he want to?

*Houston Texans(currently 5-8)

Expectations: Everyone thought this was the year Houston finally takes the next step. With QB Matt Schaub finally stepping up last year into the rung of elite QBs, Andre Johnson as his tag team partner, and a young and athletic defense, the Texans were supposed to take the AFC by storm....and that was before we found out that RB Arian Foster was a certified beast.

What Happened: Like a nerd on prom night, the Texans couldn't close. They set an NFL record this season for coming back from down 14+ points to tie or take the lead and lose(Note: They did that four times......in 13 games. Terrible.). While the Texans didn't blow the doors off the AFC, Foster sure did. He leads the league in rushing with 1,330 yards and 13 touchdowns. Schaub and Andre 3000 have been Pro Bowl calibur as well. Schaub has close to 3,500 yards passing and 20 TDs and Johnson has contributed 1,158 yards and 7 TDs of that. Defensively though, the team was as good giving it up through the air as they were slinging it themselves. While stout against the run(6th best run D), the Texans were dead last against the pass. Some of that could be attributed to the loss of former star corner Dunta Robinson(who went to Atlanta), but a team with guys like Mario Williams and Brian Cushing rushing the passer should be better at stopping team through the air. Still, the Texans' Achilles heel this season is the same thing it's been the last couple of years under Gary Kubiak: their tendency to choke like a first-time throater with the game on the line. Case and point: Down 28-7 to Baltimore on Monday Night Football, Houston battles back to force overtime.....only to have Schaub toss the game-winning Pick-6 to Josh Wilson to give the Ravens the win. The Texans' struggles late in games is mind-boggling and it is hard to find one person to place blame on. Is it head coach Gary Kubiak who is getting the late game jitters? Is it Schaub? Or is it just bad luck? Regardless, this team can't continue to hang their hat on what their record is SUPPOSED to be. Fact is, they are a 5-8 team and they've deserved every one of those eight losses.

Plan of Action: The easy solution will be firing Kubiak, because he's the easier goat than Schaub(especially since Schaub has numbers on his side and the fact there's only a select number of signal callers who can sling it like him), but who is out there that release the large lump lodged in this team's throat during crunch time? I mentioned last week that Jon Gruden would be a good fit for this team since he's fiery and has an good offensive mind, but this team's problems aren't on the offensive end. Leslie Frasier is a solid defensive coach, but is he a proven late-game winner? Not yet. The best man for the job is the guy who can rally this team when the pressure is on. That might be Gruden. It could also be Marty Schottenheimer, who is also looking to get back in the NFL. As for the personnel, the secondary could use a veteran or two to shepard young corner Kareem Jackson. Champ Bailey is the big name on the market, but it remains to be seen whether he'd leave Denver. The same can be said for Antonio Cromartie and the Jets. If Gruden gets the gig, maybe he brings former pupil Ronde Barber over from Tampa. However it's done, change needs to happen. The Texans have an insane amount of talent on both sides of the ball, but it needs a proven motivator to take them to the next level. Otherwise, they'll be where they've been every year: on the outside looking in and making excuses.

This Christmas....

Christmas is a week from Saturday and, if you're a gluttonous bastard like me, you care solely about the nice presents your friends and family spent their hard-earned duckets to buy you so that you didn't have to......or maybe you're not. To each their own.


Anyway, in the spirit of Christmas(or more importantly, gift-giving), I'm handing out some presents of my own to people who are not very near to me, but still very dear to me.


To Yankees fans: a bridge.....so you can get the hell over it. Please stop whining about swinging and missing on Cliff Lee. Two years ago, your boys were like a couple of fat kids on "Supermarket Sweep"(dated reference #1 of the night) with their aggressive greed in hauling in guys like Mark Teixeira, C.C. Sabathia, Nick Swisher and A.J. Burnett. So, you missed out on the biggest fish in the pond this year? So what!? You know who the Pirates lured to Pittsburgh this offseason? Me neither. 75% of the teams in the majors would trade their pitching rotation for the starting five of Sabathia, Burnett, Phil Hughes, Andy Pettitte(if he doesn't retire) and Sergio Mitre(OK, so maybe teams aren't salivating over Mitre, but you get the point). You won the World Series two years ago, for Christ's sake!





Try getting sympathy from Kansas City Royals fans, who haven't seen a World Series pennant in ages and are weeks away from watching their ace Zack Grienke get shipped out of town. Yes, those hated Red Sox got better, but at least the Rays got worse, right? You're still a mortal lock for the playoffs and we all know Cashman will feel pressured into either overpaying in a trade for Greinke or stealing some other stud off a small market team. So please, Bronx residents, put down the brown bags and stop with the panic attacks. You avoided handing a 32-year old pitcher who was sent down to the minors by the Indians not too long ago a huge contract that would have had him making a little over $20 million at age 39. Not every prized free agent turns out to be a franchise savior. Just ask Mets fans.

To my old buddy, Brett Favre: a rewind button. Forget about Favre ending his streak of starts last night. That was going to happen in four weeks anyway when he inevitably hung them up(or so he says he will). As I wrote about a month ago, Favre's voyage outside of Wisconsin these past three years was a bit....shall I say....ill-advised. Obviously, it's easy to say now that Favre should have avoided the unretirement in 2008 and avoided the Jenn Sterger fiasco and the drama he got into with Packers fans such as myself by suiting up for the Vikings these past two years. That's now why I'm offering Favre the mulligan. My proposal to Brett: You rewind these last three years to March of 2008 and rather than announce your retirement and allow Green Bay to move on to the Aaron Rodgers Era(which has been great, thank you, albeit uneventful), you tell the world that you will give it one last go. Favre had the Packers one ill-fated interception away from the Super Bowl. Sure, the same can be said about last year with his brainless heave that landed in Tracy Porter's arms in the NFC Championship against New Orleans, but think about if Favre's gets a chance to rethink his decision three years ago.




Naturally, he avoids all the turmoil and headlines he's endured the last few months in particular. That goes without saying. More importantly, it allows Favre to retire a Green Bay Packer with his image and reputation in tact. He doesn't get to be hated by women worldwide and spurned Packers fans. Regardless of how the season turns out, he goes out a Packer and avoids becoming one of the country's most vilified athletes. We all know these last three years weren't worth it for Favre. The question is, would he do it all again?


To Carmelo Anthony: A trade to the Knicks. This is nothing against the city of Denver, the state of Colorado, or Nuggets fans, but you are kidding yourselves if you think 'Melo would turn down a chance to be the center of attention in the Mecca of Basketball, Madison Square Garden, to shoot open jumpers in front of a semi-packed Pepsi Center. While Yankees fans don't deserve Cliff Lee, Knicks fans deserve Carmelo Anthony and, honestly, 'Melo deserves New York. 'Melo played ball at Syracuse. He grew up a couple hours down the highway in Baltimore. Everything about 'Melo's game, swagger, attitude, charisma is made to be put on display at The Garden. For Knicks fans, it's a nice consolation prize after the front office blew their shot at LeBron they hoaxed fans for two years into getting excited about. They get a bonafide star in 'Melo(Side note: This is taking nothing from Amare Stoudemire, who has been a great addition and is also built for the Big Apple, but he doesn't sell sports drinks like 'Melo's thousand-watt smile.) and also gives the Knicks a shot at their own Big Three when David Stern inevitably trades Chris Paul to the Knicks for some Spike Lee movies, a package of Sabrett hot dogs and a case of Italian ices. Granted, dealing 'Melo makes basketball in the Rockies irrelevant again, but why get strung along any further, Nuggets fans? 'Melo wants out. He wants New York. It's been real. Why become the next Cleveland? Get what you can from a clearly salivating Knicks franchise and hope to salvage something from the remains of the 'Melo Era and move on. It's for the best for everyone.




To Urban Meyer: The Denver Broncos head coaching job. I don't know if Josh McDaniels deserved to be fired and, frankly, I don't care. What's done is done. However, if McDaniels' goal this season was to kill all the excitement over Tim Tebow's rookie season, then mission accomplished. Seriously, was there a rookie you were more intrigued to see get on the field than Tebow this season? Instead, what did we get? A couple of garbage time goal-line scores and some hardly-watched preseason snaps? Look, I'm not saying Tim Tebow deserves to be a starter in the NFL, but I want to see what the kid can do instead of watch him get buried on the depth chart behind the clearly starter-worthy Kyle Orton the next few years. You know one guy who would be glad to oblige my request? Tebow's old flame and newly-minted retiree, Urban Meyer.




Urban, I'm not buying the "I want to spend more time with my family" retirement speech. College football coaches are snake oil salesmen. We've seen it with Nick Saban. We've seen it with Bobby Petrino. We've seen it with Lane Kiffin. You may be the only honest one of the bunch, but you'll have to forgive me for being a little skeptical. You know why I think you left Florida? Because you knew Tebow was your golden goose and that John Brantley is not the goods. It's OK to admit you miss Touchdown Timmy, Urban. It's understandable. He was to you what Jay-Z was to Damon Dash. He made you a household name. All of that stuff you did with Alex Smith and Utah a few years ago was great, but it's a distant memory. People associate you with Tebow. You're the Tubbs to his Crockett(Dated reference #2). You're the Gabe Rodriguez to his Dave Leonardis.





You may seriously miss your family and your speech may be 100% genuine but the timing is also 100% sketchy, my man. You quit your job shortly after the team that has your former prized pupil cans its coach? Weird coincidence, don't you think, Urban? Listen, spend the holidays with the family. Get reacquainted with your daughters and your wife and be Daddy Dearest for a few months, but when spring time rolls around and you feel that itch to pick up a clipboard and jot some notes, give a call to the Broncos and see if they'll have you. Hey, I've been to Colorado, it's not a bad place. Don't let the fact that 'Melo wants out scare you. Timmy needs you, Urban. He's a few short months from being replaced by Cam Newton as the new face of power running quarterbacks. You're his only hope. Kick the family man act and come to the pros. Thank you, and God Bless.

To the NHL: Some relevance. I tried, Mr. Bettman, I really did. I tried to get into your sport. I signed up for fantasy hockey. I had New Jersey Devils score alerts sent to my phone. I bought NHL 10 for my XBOX but, after a few short months, I'm out again. For starters, you're not on a major network. Versus? Come on! 60% of their programming is bull riding and old sports flicks...and my cable company doesn't even get them. You really expect me to shell out a few bills for Open Ice in a recession.....during football season? You have Sidney Crosby. You have Alex Ovechkin. You have this Stamkos kid whose keeping my fantasy team out of last place.




Go call up ESPN and ask them if they'll give up a couple hours of having Rachel Nichols camp out on Brett Favre's lawn, spit LeBron's dick out of their mouths, and air a hockey game or two. Your sport is actually exciting to watch....and given the fact ESPN has had guys like Joe Morgan and Jon Gruden commentating their broadcasts, you don't even need a decent announce team to be watchable. No major sport can expect to survive without television. Hell, even pro wrestling has television rights and that stopped being entertaining after Chris Benoit went off the deep end. So please, Gary, get yourself a TV deal. Bring the NHL here so people outside of Europe and Canada can actually give a shit about it(well, Pittsburgh loves hockey, but only because after football season, their other option is the Pirates.....Yeesh!).

To Tom Brady: a personality. Deep down, beneath that stupid hairdo and those GQ good looks, there is probably an inner Tom Brady that is acceptable to people that aren't Beantown residents, young women or metrosexuals, but us real men need to see it. I liked Brady when he first broke out because he had that "kid in a candy shop" kind of vibe to him. He had confidence but he still at times acted like he was surprised by everything that was happening to him(like the famous shot of Brady with his hands on his head in disbelief after knocking off the Rams in 2001 for his first Super Bowl win).




Now, he's gone corporate. He's become Bill Belichick's drone. Tell us a joke, Tommy! Give us a quote or something. We get it! You're a winner! You're not like us. You have a hot model wife. You have impeccable hair, but just once, kill the robot act. Shit, even Peyton Manning drops the "Aw, shucks" shtick every now and then and hosts Saturday Night Live or does a funny commercial or two. You really want to come off as less entertaining than Mr. Laser Rocket Arm? Come on, Tom, the Patriots are the best team in the league and you're on pace to win another MVP, give us something! Although, if I had my way, that award would go to.....


To Michael Vick: The 2010 NFL MVP. I know Brady's having the better year statistically and he's more valuable to the best team in football, but for the story alone, my vote goes to Mike Vick for the MVP. Donte Stallworth, Brett Favre, Tiger Woods, LeBron James, and Plaxico Burress combined didn't take the PR beatdown Vick took during his dogfighting scandal. Unlike Stallworth, Vick did REAL time in a REAL prison. He didn't get to do pull-ups for 30 days and then run free. Vick did nearly two years.....in Leavenworth. Vick had PETA calling for his head on a spit. He wasn't getting skewered on US Weekly like Tiger was. Vick got a real suspension, something the NFL is apparently scared to do to Favre. Vick had to deal with fans picketing everywhere he went once he tried to find work after being released from prison. He wasn't dealing with a few boo birds like King James has dealt with this year.








Look, what Vick did was wrong, but the man paid the freight for his wrong-doings and, while it's understandable for some animal lovers to forever have an axe to grind with him, there's no question he has been the game's most electrifying player through three months this season. Brady's been great. He's also been boring. There's no sizzle in handing another MVP to Tom Brady. You want to salvage a season marred by Favre's chicanery and a potential upcoming, give the league's most prestigious award to the season's best comeback story. Throw Mike Vick a bone........what? Too soon?


To Justin Bieber: a tall glass of bleach to drink. Look, between Twilight, Glee and this bubblegum pop fairy, I'm slowly hoping that the premonitions from the movie 2012 are correct. Every generation has had flash-in-the-pan "entertainers" who couldn't sing worth a lick but managed to become a phenomenon because they catch on with a certain demographic(read: dumb, young white kids), but Bieber takes the cake in terms of being completely impossible to stomach. As much as I hate Tom Brady's haircut, I hate it even more on this pipsqueak AND the fact he tried to start a beef with Brady with some half-assed "freestyle" taking potshots at Tom Terrific. If listening to this little shit try to spit a 16 didn't make 2Pac roll around his grave(yes, folks, 2Pac is dead. Don't believe the hype.), then nothing will. Bryant Gumbel has more street cred than Justin Bieber. Now, the inevitable plight of people like Britney Spears and Debbie Gibson and the Backstreet Boys have proven that, eventually, reality sets in and people start realizing that these guys don't have a lick of talent and they move on to the next fad. And I know Glee and Twilight will hopefully soon become like "Sex and the City" or "Friends" or any of the other "hit" shows that only appeal to women and homosexuals and fade away, but for Bieber.....it needs to end soon and it needs to end fast. For my sake. For the male population's sake....and most importantly, for 2Pac's sake(I also know you don't start a sentence with "And", but I did anyway. Sue me, grammar police!).


(Side note: I refuse to put a Justin Bieber photo on my website. If you really need a picture, Google "K.D. Lang" and think 20 years younger.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Things That Make You Go "Huh?"

Over the last week or so, stories have popped up that have been, at the very least, mind-boggling. I'm not talking about the Washington Nationals handing out $147 million to Jayson Werth, which sets the new standard for overpaying a guy who is, at best, an above average hitter. I'm not even talking about ESPN trying to make a story out of Tashard Choice asking for Michael Vick's autograph after last night's Cowboys-Eagles clash because NOBODY tries to make something out of nothing more than the Worldwide Leader of Overreacting.

Here's what I am talking about:

*It's against my good nature, as a Packers fan, to defend the Minnesota Vikings, but I have to admit they are getting a raw deal by having their "home" game against the Giants tonight moved to Detroit, where the division rival Lions play. Think about it. If you're a Lions fans, you get free tickets to go to your home stadium and make things more hostile for a division rival that is supposed to enjoy a homefield advantage. Instead, the Vikings will face an already tough Giants team with a mixture of Giants and Lions fans throughout Ford Field. Imagine if this were the Patriots having to move from Gillette to, say, the Meadowlands to face the Saints or another upper echelon team. Lucky for Minnesota, their playoff chances are shot, so a win or a loss doesn't really affect them either way, but you have to wonder if this would be a bigger deal if the Vikings were still in contention and had to travel outside the friendly confines of the Twin Cities to play a "home" game on rival soil.

*Some are calling for the head of Jets' strength and conditioning coach Sal Alosi for tripping the Dolphins' Nolan Carroll in yesterday's upset loss to Miami. What Alosi did was pretty bush-league, and pointless, because in the age where cameras are everywhere and things are constantly getting blown out of proportion, there was no way Alosi's trip was going unnoticed. Carroll's running and he mysteriously falls......you don't think replays were going to look into why that is, Sal? Now, I don't think Alosi should be terminated like some writers are suggesting. Alosi already apologized and he'll enjoy his nice little debt to the league office that he'll be made aware of soon in the mail. Still, two questions: Why the hell is the strength coach on the sidelines and what possible good was going to come from tripping an opposing player on a run back? It makes the Jets look classless and inferior, not to mention pisses off a team that's already motivated to pummel a rival. Sal, save your feet for wind sprints and leave taking down opposing ball carriers to the guys in uniform that get paid to do so.

*I didn't really understand The University of Miami's firing of Randy Shannon a month ago and, now that his replacement has been named in former Temple coach Al Golden, I'm really confused. Golden turned around a pathetic Temple football team into a program that's coming off an 8-4 season this year and has won 17 games in the last two years. Impressive, sure, but it's not like Temple was beating Florida State or Virginia Tech like Golden will have to do now as the leader of "The U". Temple's biggest win this season was beating BCS-bound UConn. You know who else beat UConn? Rutgers. They went 4-8. Look, Golden may very well be a good coach and he might make the Hurricanes into contenders again, but someone's going to have to explain to me how the school went from considering Jon Gruden for the job to settling on Golden. A guy who I would have liked to see get the job? Josh McDaniels. Sure, Golden has McDaniels beat in terms of experience coaching in the NCAA(or coaching, in general) but McDaniels deserves a second chance and I'm not sure he'll get it in the NFL anytime soon given the fact that teams looking for a coach will be dipping into the Gruden/Bill Cowher/Mike Holmgren/Tony Dungy pool. McDaniels is young, fiery and has a good offensive mind. He turned Kyle Orton into a Pro Bowl QB. Imagine what he could have done with Jacory Harris. Good luck, Mr. Golden, because you're going to find out you're not in Philadelphia anymore.....really soon.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Week 14 Picks cont....

Solid week for The Sultan of Fist Pumpers. I notched my first double-digit win week last week and gained two games on The Big San Juan in the process. Plus, thanks to a Tennessee garbage time score, my standing as Mr. Thursday Night is in tact and I start Week 14 a game up on Gabe. That's the good news. The bad news is I'm still down 12 games with four weeks to play. Let's get to it.

Last Week: (Dave: 10-6, Gabe: 8-8)

Season: (Dave: 77-93-4, Gabe: 89-81-4)

This Week: (Dave: 1-0, Gabe 0-1)



Bucs (-1) at Redskins



Dave: Bucs - This 'Skins team has given up on Shanahan already. Plus, you have to wonder how much of the locker room sides with recently suspended DT Albert Haynesworth and the raw deal it seems like he's caught under the new regime so far this season. Josh Freeman tears up this weak defense and Tampa wins this one going away. Bucs by 10.



Gabe: Bucs - Josh Freeman and the Bucs know how to do one thing....win. (Thank you Jon Gruden.) The Redskins are a disaster. Dan Snyder needs to stop treating this team like it's a fantasy team and take a page from Bob Craft. Hire great football people to run the team, sign the checks, and sit in your luxury box with your mouth shut. Anyway, the Redskins are done this year. They might not win another game. Bucs by at least a touchdown.



Rams (+9.5) at Saints



Dave: Rams - I still want to see St. Louis stick it to a good team before I give them any traction going towards the playoffs, but I think they are good enough to at least make it a game against a Saints team that should have blown out Cincinnati last week, but ended up hanging on for dear life. New Orleans gets the W here, but I think it's by no more than 4.



Gabe: Rams - I sort of agree with Dave. The Saints are stuck in the middle of a Super Bowl hangover and can't seem to put it together like they did last year. The Rams are on their way up. I think New Orleans is still better, but not ten points better. Saints win, but don't cover.



Packers (-6.5) at Lions



Dave: Packers - Solid opportunity to gain some ground here for my boys. They get a beat up Lions team starting their 3rd string QB, while first place Chicago has to host the best team in football right now in the New England Patriots. There's a chance Green Bay looks ahead to their own matchup with the Pats next week and takes the foot off the gas but the Pack need this one far too much to not throttle a division rival by at least a touchdown. Packers by 13.



Gabe: Packers - I found out this week that Aaron Rodgers really likes Garth Brooks and fancies himself a country musician(Dave: "This saddens me."). I want to make jokes but I just can't think of any right now. How will that affect this week's game? It won't. The Lions are beat up and the Packers need this win to prove they are for real. Packers by at least a touchdown.



Seahawks (+5) at 49ers



Dave: Seahawks - I don't care that they are at home, have we seen ANYTHING from San Fran to justify making them the favorites against anyone other than maybe Carolina, Arizona and Buffalo this season? The Seahawks getting five points against a Frank Gore-less Niners squad that forgot how to score seems like this week's biggest lay-up. 'Hawks by 7.



Gabe: Seahawks - As much as I hate the Seahawks, Dave is right. The Niners are giving the ball to Alex Smith again and they are without Frank Gore. I don't see why they are favored in this game.



Bengals (+9) at Steelers



Dave: Bengals - Tough call here. Steelers are going to win this game, but Cincy has shown the knack to at least go down fighting in their 9 straight losses. Plus, Steelers have the Jets next week and Big Ben is hurting worse than one of his bathroom stall victims. I like the Steelers here, like any sane person would, but only by 6.



Gabe: Steelers - The Steelers, at home, against a division rival, not named the Ravens? Easy pick here. Last week the Steelers and Ravens put on a slugfest. The Bengals have no bite. The Steelers are going to hit them early and often. Steelers win big.



Dolphins (+5.5) at Jets



Dave: Jets - Perfect bounceback game for Gang Green. After getting the shit kicked out of them by New England on national TV Monday night, what better way to get back on track than to go out beat the snot out of a division rival on a downward spiral? I see a big day for the Jets D here, brutalizing Chad Henne and forcing a few turnovers, while Mark Sanchez connects for a few scores and tries to make people in the Big Apple hate him a little less after his no-show on Monday night. Jets by 17.



Gabe: Jets - I feel bad for the Dolphins. The Jets are going to be out to prove something after getting humiliated. Expect big things from the J-E-T-S, especially the defense. Jets win huge.



Giants (-3) at Vikings



Dave: Giants - Shame on any idiot who even remotely bought into another one of Brett Favre's "Will he or won't he play?" injury melodramas. Shame on ESPN for playing this thing up and thanks to Mother Nature for unleashing a blizzard on the Twin Cities and giving Favre an extra day to rest. I want Favre in this game, simply so he can get taken out by this Big Blue pass rush and I can sleep easy knowing Favre's career wasn't ended by former JMU Duke Arthur Moats(yuck!). This is the kind of game the Giants typically blow, but I'm going against the grain and picking Favre to suck a little bit more than Eli will tomorrow night and the Giants edge this one out by 6.



Gabe: Giants - In addition to the travel fiasco, now the Metrodome's roof as collapsed. Who knows where and when or if this game is going to be played. When it finally is played, I too would like to see the Giants finally shelve Brett Favre, although unlike Don Vito Leonardis, I am fine if Arthur Moats (We are the Dukes of JMU!!) ends up being the guy who put the last hit on Favre. Whoever is under center for the Vikes is going to have a long day. The Giants will have some trouble containing AP, but they should be able to nullify the Vikings passing game. So I'll take the Giants, to win by double digits, in a game that will probably end up being played in Zygi Wilf's backyard.



Patriots (-3) at Bears



Dave: Patriots - Almost flirted with picking Chicago and using the reverse jinx to cost the Bears a game I need them to lose. The Bears proved that they aren't completely fraudulent a couple weeks ago by beating Philly, but this Patriots team is a whole different pedigree. Tom Brady is trying to run away with the MVP, Cam Newton-style(side note: Let's quit hating on Cam please and, to the 105 idiots who left him off the Heisman ballot, get off you damn high horses!) and I think Belichick finds a way to neutralize Julius Peppers and the Bears front seven and Brady picks Chicago apart. Also, put me down for two Jay Cutler picks, one taken to the house by Devin McCourtey(Chop Wood!). Pats by 10.



Gabe: Patriots - Chicago is the sexy pick this week that all of the talking haircuts are taking. Well, that shit ain't happening. The Hoodie is in the middle of what might be his best coaching season ever. The Patriots are playing the best football in the NFL. Jay Cutler is going to get the yips and keep the Bears out of striking distance. Pats by 13.



Broncos (-4.5) at Cardinals



Dave: Broncos - Now starting at Quarterback for the Cardinals: John Skelton. Who? Exactly. Broncos by 10.



Gabe: Broncos - The Cardinals would be better of starting Redd Skelton. (Rimshot!) Denver runs away with this one.



Raiders (+4) at Jaguars



Dave: Raiders - Oakland seems to find a way to win the games they should lose and lose the games they should win. This is an example of the latter and my gut feeling says the Raiders aren't going to just go away this season in the AFC West race. I like Oakland here for the upset as I still try to figure out this Jags team.



Gabe: Raiders - I can't figure either of these teams out. I think the possibilities of each team putting up 35 points or forgetting to bring football to play with are equally likely. This game should have Raiders blow-out written all over it, but like Dave said, they usually shit the bed in these situations. I'll take them simply because they are getting points and they are the better team.



Chiefs (+9) at Chargers



Dave: Chiefs - Alot has been made out of Chiefs QB Matt Cassell missing this game after an emergency appendectomy. Remember, when KC upset the Chargers in Week 1, it was with some timely defense, a good night on the ground from Jamaal Charles, and some help from the special teams. Yes, that game was in a monsoon in Arrowhead, but the Chargers aren't as good as their media momentum suggests(as the loss to Oakland last week will attest to). Sure, they owe the Chiefs an ass-whooping, but I have a hard time picking a team that just shit the bed to Oakland that's giving 9 points to a division rival that has a two-game lead in the division and needs this one desperately to clinch. I don't know if the Chiefs sweep, but I think they keep it within a touchdown.



Gabe: Chiefs - Simply put, nine is too many points...way too many. Chiefs all the way.



Eagles (-3) at Cowboys



Dave: Eagles - Eventhough last week should be enough proof to go against my "I'm never picking Dallas again this season" declaration, I'm still not picking the Cowboys here. Jason Garrett clearly did what he could to get Wade Phillips out of the picture and Dallas is obviously responding to the new coach, but Mike Vick is on a warpath as the only legit contender to Brady's claim to the MVP and this Cowboys defense is ripe for the picking. I'll take Philly by 7 in another nationally televised Cowboy embarrassment.



Gabe: Eagles - The Cowboys have no answer for Michael Vick. The Giants did, Justin Tuck, and were still beaten by Philadelphia. Vick continues his dominating play and the Eagles run away with this one. Eagles by 10.



Falcons (-7) at Panthers



Dave: Falcons - Really, oddsmakers? Only 7 points for the best team in the NFC facing the worst team in the NFL? Really? You made San Diego 13 point favorites last week and 9 point favorites this week against division teams that were better than them, record-wise, but Atlanta's not a double digit favorite against a Panthers team that mailed it in months ago? Really? Falcons by 14. I don't think I can like Atlanta more against anyone else this season.



Gabe: Falcons - Yeah, what Dave said.



Browns (+1) at Bills



Dave: Bills- I'm going to go on a limb and say this may be the most entertaining game of the week. Both teams are scrappy. Both teams are playing for nothing but respect. The Bills like to air it out. The Browns like to run it down your throat with the new Mike Alstott, Peyton Hillis. Both defenses are surprisingly decent. I think this will be a back and forth affair and, because the Browns are starting Jake Delhomme, I'll give the edge to the Bills. Bills by 3.


Gabe: Browns - I love the Browns in this game. The Bills will have absolutely no answer for Peyton Hillis. I'll take the Browns for the straight up win.



Ravens (-3) at Texans



Dave: Ravens - We all know Baltimore is winning this one, so here's another fearless prediction: Jon Gruden is going to slurp the Texans like Kate Gosselin in a back room with producers from the Bravo network. Why? Because with Gary Kubiak on the way out and Gruden looking for the right gig(despite what he may say publicly, the man wants to coach. No "great" coach, which Gruden isn't anyway, wants their career to end with a firing), Gruden's going to do all he can to get in the Houston front office's good graces. So expect him to lean heavy on the positives toward Matt Schaub after he throws his third straight pick against an angry Ravens defense. Baltimore by 10.


Gabe: Ravens - They're angry and are going to take it out on Houston. Nuff said. Ravens by at least a touchdown.