Please, Hammer, DO Hurt Them

If LeBron James needs advice on how to handle his upcoming free agency six months from now, he need only look through his phone contacts and dial up a man who sits a couple thousand miles west of Cleveland. He needs to seek out the man he famously traded buckets with on New Year's Day. He needs to call Kobe Bryant.

Bryant's Lakers have become the blueprint for how to build a championship contender. In the last three years, The Lake Show has managed to surround "The Black Mamba" with stars such as Pau Gasol(trade), Lamar Odom(re-signed, after coming over in the Shaq trade), and Ron Artest(signed in the offseason). There was also the drafting of young up-and-coming center Andrew Bynum, who was taken with the 10th overall pick in 2005, after the conclusion of the first post-Shaq season. Now there are rumors that Bynum might be on the move to Toronto in exchange for all-world power forward Chris Bosh. Bosh. Gasol. Artest. Odom. Bryant. I defy you to find me a better starting five.

Conversely, here's what the Cavs have done for "The Akron Hammer" over that span.

* Traded for overpaid center Ben Wallace fresh after wearing out his welcome in Chicago less than two seasons in with the Bulls.

*Traded for the equally overpaid Wally Sczerbiak and gun-toting point guard Delonte West.

*Failed to use the expiring contract of "Wally World" to lure in a marquee sidekick for James like Jason Kidd or Shawn Marion.

*Traded for solid combo guard Mo Williams

*Traded for a far-past-his-prime Shaquille O'Neal.

Three years of potential moves to make and all that surrounds The King's Court is the second coming of Rod Strickland and Shaq's corpse. You know why the Cavs aren't in the hunt for a player like Bosh? Because the Cavs don't possess a single young talent other than James that the Raptors would take back and build a franchise around. Mo Williams is a solid guard, but you wouldn't give up Chris Bosh for him, would you?

That's why the smart move for LeBron is to spend this summer looking at real estate in places outside of Ohio. Even if the Cavs pull the trigger on the rumored Antawn Jamison-for-Big Z deal that's been in the works for months, do you really like a Cavs team of 'Bron, Shaq, Jamison and Williams to overtake Kobe and company in the Finals? I don't. Spare me the regular season jargon. The Cavs were one of the best home teams in the NBA last year and got worked by the Magic in the Conference Finals.

So why should King James confide in Kobe? Because not too long ago, Bryant was openly frustrated with the lack of talent that surrounded him. We all remember the YouTube video where he dressed down Bynum. We all remember the Steven A. Smith radio interview where he demanded to be traded. Kobe demanded help and he got it.....and then some. As for LeBron, that ship has sailed. There is not nearly enough talent on this team to believe that this season won't replicate last season's exit and there is certainly not enough trade chips the Cavs can cash in to get LeBron a new band of brothers. Shaq and LeBron were supposed to mesh much like Shaq did with Kobe and Dwayne Wade in years past. They haven't. Instead, Shaq has looked out of shape and his biggest contribution to the team has been becoming an immovable object in the lane that obstructs The Akron Hammer's ability to get to the hole.

The only thing more immovable than Shaq in the paint is Shaq in a trade. No GM with half his wits is going to take on an aging prima donna like Shaq, who is making damn near $20 million this season. You think Toronto's taking Shaq for Bosh? Nope. You think the T'Wolves would give up Al Jefferson for Shaq? Hell no. Pacers and Danny Granger? Not a chance. The best your getting for Shaq these days is Eddy Curry and Jared Jefferies.

If I know this, you know LeBron knows this. If you're LeBron, are you going to stay in Cleveland and continue to trust a front office that has failed to build a championship team around since you came in the league in 2003? Or are you going to look at these options:

*New Jersey/Brooklyn Nets: Sure, they're terrible now and New Jersey isn't exactly a dream land to make a living unless you're "The Situation", but they have some cap room. They have Brook Lopez. They have Devin Harris and they're guaranteed to be picking somewhere in the Top 3 in a three-person draft this June. Do the Nets have enough dough for James and perhaps another big like Bosh or Amare Stoudemire? Maybe, depending on what maneuvering they do going forward. One thing's for sure, they have Jay-Z, and he has LeBron's ear.

*New York Knicks: Unless they move Curry AND Jefferies, they aren't going to have the cash to bring in LeBron + 1. They also don't have a first rounder in this year's draft. Sure, it's the bright lights of New York City and all the global marketing opportunities that come with The Big Apple, but LeBron can get that with the Nets if or when they make it to Brooklyn. Plus, he gets paired with a better supporting cast. I know LeBron-to-the-Knicks seemed like a mortal lock this time last year, but barring a miracle trade for Curry and Jefferies, the Knicks look like they're S.O.L.

*Los Angeles Clippers - Besides the potential future moves of the Nets, the Clips would offer LeBron his best supporting cast to date. Solid yet overpaid center Chris Kaman. First overall pick Blake Griffin. Underrated forward Al Thorton. Sharpshooting guard Eric Gordon and lazy yet solid point guard Baron Davis. Of course, there's the two main concerns with coming to the Clippers: 1. The obvious Clipper curse that wasted no time claiming the legs of Griffin this preseason and 2. The thought of working for a well-publicised racist cheapskate like owner Donald Sterling. LeBron isn't exactly Jim Brown, but the man is certainly thoughtful enough in regards to the treatment of people of color to think twice about accepting a big payday from a man who once claimed all black people stink.

*Miami Heat: All signs point to Wade staying unless something drastic happens and the only way a LeBron-Wade combination works is if one agrees to be the facilitator to the other. That man will obviously be LeBron, who has been blessed with a Magic-esque ability to dish the rock. Could LeBron sacrifice his own stats and defer to Wade if it meant a few rings on his finger? Sure, but why would you bring in a thoroughbred like LeBron to be a glorified point guard. A man with the freakish talents of LeBron James needs to be unleashed like Achilles in Troy. Unless you're telling me that the Heat will use the draw of South Beach to convince Wade, James and Bosh to take less money in exchange for chance to play together and dominate the NBA, I can't see it happening. Then again, I would have never thought a Kobe-Gasol-Bosh-Artest combo could happen, but it just might.

*Oklahoma City Thunder: Same rules apply here as they do in Miami. Somebody has to agree to pass up being the alpha dog between James and Kevin Durant. The fact that they play the same position doesn't help matters either. As tantalizing as a Durant-Jeff Green-LeBron-Russell Westbrook tandem over the next six years would be, the Thunder didn't draft a superstar like Durant only for him to eventually be dwarfed by the greatness of King James. Plus, as much of a marketing black hole as Cleveland may be, Oklahoma City makes Cleveland look like Washington D.C.

*Washington Wizards: Obvious long shot here, as the Wizards would have to hope the NBA would agree to void Gilbert Arenas' contract and that they can move Jamison and Caron Butler for expirings. That would mean LeBron would enter a situation similar to the one he's in Cleveland, except in a bigger market: LeBron as the one man show, unless the Wiz can move around enough money to make the LeBron-Bosh-Wade triumvirate happen. If that happens, combined with the potential of a high pick for the lowly Wiz, the Nation's capital could have something here, but I would say that is very wishful thinking.

Even with all the counter-arguments that could be made for the aforementioned destinations, the fact of the matter is all of those represent better situations than the one James is currently in. Sure, the Cavs can offer more money, but what good would that do if you're continuing to go to war with J.J. Hickson and Danny Green? That's why 'Bron needs to look at the Lakers. Sure, Kobe inevitably stayed in L.A., but only because the Lakers couldn't find a sweet enough deal to move Bryant.

So, it makes you wonder, if a GM is willing to build a team around a superstar basketball player who spent an entire offseason demanding out and throwing his team under the bus, why wouldn't another GM do the same for a hometown hero who is potentially the greatest basketball player to ever lace them up?

Consider that your first question in your phone call with Kobe, LeBron.